Page 1 of 2
Jesus would like to know about your recent underwear purchase!
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 8:40 am
by Red Ryder
Another strange event in the life of Mormonism. Sister RR received this email from the CRD, the investigative survey division probably also tasked with finding new church logos.
Looks like they track your underwear purchases so that Jesus will know you wear them while mowing the lawn. Then you can provide feedback about how awesome they are!
#NotaCult
We recently sent you an invitation to participate in a survey. If you have already completed the survey, thank you. If you have not yet completed it, please refer to a copy of the letter and instructions below:
Thank you for your recent clothing purchase from Distribution Services. Our records indicate that you purchased Women's Stretch Cotton Average Bust Chemise on 3/19/20. We’d like to know what you think about it. Your responses to this brief survey will assist us in providing for the needs of Church members worldwide.
At the request of Distribution Services, the Research Division is conducting this study under the direction of the Correlation Executive Committee, of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Your participation in this brief survey is important but voluntary. Your responses will be combined, in aggregate, with those received from other participants, and they will be used only to identify broad statistical trends and not any individual information.
This survey should take about 10 minutes to complete. If possible, please complete this survey within the next few days. To begin, click on the internet link below:
Take the Survey
Or copy and paste the URL below into your internet browser:
(Link removed as it’s tied to email address and not anonymous)
If you have any questions, please contact David Arrington at
dtarrington@churchofjesuschrist.org.
Thank you,
David Arrington
Church Headquarters
Correlation Research Division
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
For more information about research studies in the Church, see Handbook 2: Administering the Church. If you have questions regarding the legitimacy of this request, please refer to Handbook 2 21.1.35.
Re: Jesus would like to know about your recent underwear purchase!
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 9:09 am
by RubinHighlander
Do they really need to be that specific?
"Women's Stretch Cotton Average Bust Chemise"
That's seems a bit personal and creepy!
But I guess "creepy" is a corner stone of that religion's founder.
Can you imagine your DWs next interview with her bishop: "Do you wear your Women's Stretch Cotton Average Bust Chemise both night and day?"
Re: Jesus would like to know about your recent underwear purchase!
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 9:27 am
by glass shelf
Yeah, that's completely normal behavior. Super normal. Like most normal behavior in the history of ever.
Mormons gonna Morm, and they're not going to realize how weird it is until they're no longer Morming.
Re: Jesus would like to know about your recent underwear purchase!
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 9:52 am
by StarbucksMom
PLEASE post screenshots of the survey. I haven’t bought that horrendous underwear in over 8 years, but I never got an email like that!
Re: Jesus would like to know about your recent underwear purchase!
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 9:57 am
by alas
Well, if they come out with a new fabric or style, I can see this survey being specifically if the new style/fabric are as objectionable as the old styles/fabrics. After all, they need to know if their new and improved is really improved, especially with women’s garments as the styles and fit are so often a problem. So, ignoring the whole creepy issue that a church should not market and sell underwear, I can see a real need for this survey. But really a church is real creepy and cult like to be marketing and selling, let alone policing underwear.
Re: Jesus would like to know about your recent underwear purchase!
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 10:16 am
by Red Ryder
StarbucksMom wrote: ↑Fri Apr 10, 2020 9:52 am
PLEASE post screenshots of the survey. I haven’t bought that horrendous underwear in over 8 years, but I never got an email like that!
Great idea!
I don’t think she’s actually done the survey. I’m VERY tempted to do it on her behalf but fear I can’t control my inner garment rage against the Mormon underwear machine! Then she would get a personal call from the Prophet himself wondering why she’s experiencing intangible religious trauma and refer her to lunch with Wendy who can console her spirit.
Re: Jesus would like to know about your recent underwear purchase!
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 10:19 am
by Mormorrisey
I don't know how many SS classes I've been in where somebody has said that prophets, seers and revelators go right to God for answers, they don't rely on surveys or polls to figure it out. Guess they were wrong!
Re: Jesus would like to know about your recent underwear purchase!
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 10:26 am
by Red Ryder
Question 1:
Re: Jesus would like to know about your recent underwear purchase!
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 10:28 am
by StarbucksMom
thank you RR! Please take the survey and send a private investigator to record her lunch w/ Wendy.
Re: Jesus would like to know about your recent underwear purchase!
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 10:30 am
by Red Ryder
Question 2:
Re: Jesus would like to know about your recent underwear purchase!
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 10:34 am
by Red Ryder
Question 3:
This one asks for fit in the arms, the chest, the shoulders. All options are the same for each area.
Re: Jesus would like to know about your recent underwear purchase!
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 10:37 am
by Red Ryder
Question 4:
Re: Jesus would like to know about your recent underwear purchase!
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 10:39 am
by Red Ryder
Question 5:
This question goes through the known problem issues and allows you to rate each problem.
Here’s the choices to respond to each section above:
The last question is just an open comment box asking for any other comments.
Re: Jesus would like to know about your recent underwear purchase!
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 11:08 am
by græy
Under "Have you noticed any of the following problems..." Why do they not have an option for, "Soul crushingly oppressive. It irritates my skin and I feel like it is trying to choke my spirit to death. I want to cry every time I am forced to put it on in order to maintain relationships with family, friends, and co-workers."?
Re: Jesus would like to know about your recent underwear purchase!
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 12:58 pm
by Palerider
Mormorrisey wrote: ↑Fri Apr 10, 2020 10:19 am
I don't know how many SS classes I've been in where somebody has said that prophets, seers and revelators go right to God for answers, they don't rely on surveys or polls to figure it out. Guess they were wrong!
What!?!
You never saw those surveys that Peter, James and John ran in Jerusalem after the Savior's ascension?
1. Does it bother you to eat pork now?
a. No, I'm very satisfied.
b. Only if I'm being watched by a Jewish non-member.
c. Not if gentile members are at the table.
d. I'm good as long as it's thoroughly cooked.
(Answer only if you are a male)
2. How are you feeling about circumcision lately?
a. I'm glad I don't remember mine.
b. I think everyone should be uniform in that respect, including gentiles. Unity in the Spirit is most important.
c. Don't even think about it.....I'm not going under the knife.
d. Is this policy or doctrine????
Re: Jesus would like to know about your recent underwear purchase!
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 1:27 pm
by wtfluff
græy wrote: ↑Fri Apr 10, 2020 11:08 am
Under "Have you noticed any of the following problems..." Why do they not have an option for, "Soul crushingly oppressive. It irritates my skin and I feel like it is trying to choke my spirit to death. I want to cry every time I am forced to put it on in order to maintain relationships with family, friends, and co-workers."?
Or: Drives away romantic partners. (Causes dry-heaves could also be an option.)
Re: Jesus would like to know about your recent underwear purchase!
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 1:58 pm
by Reuben
græy wrote: ↑Fri Apr 10, 2020 11:08 am
Under "Have you noticed any of the following problems..." Why do they not have an option for, "Soul crushingly oppressive. It irritates my skin and I feel like it is trying to choke my spirit to death. I want to cry every time I am forced to put it on in order to maintain relationships with family, friends, and co-workers."?
They also left out "Requires selling your soul to the church."
Re: Jesus would like to know about your recent underwear purchase!
Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2020 6:18 pm
by nibbler
They're not really after whether people like to wear garments, or how people might like the design to change, they just want to see what people think about the fabric choice. Probably so they'll know how many to manufacture.
And I thought it was odd that they'd ask questions about discoloration, open seams, durability, etc. Aren't the garments they shipped supposed to be brand new? What, are they going to turn yellow after one wash?
Re: Jesus would like to know about your recent underwear purchase!
Posted: Sat Apr 11, 2020 5:58 am
by hmb
Seams noticeable under clothing? Isn't that what they want? You know those garment lines get checked out. Even I check. Hmmm, I wonder if so and so is wearing them? I don't think garms work under that shirt/shorts. I can't help it. I check. I know some of you do too. You know TBMs are checking. The church has turned us into underwear police.
Re: Jesus would like to know about your recent underwear purchase!
Posted: Sat Apr 11, 2020 6:28 am
by Just This Guy
Is there any questions on this survey asking about the price point? Do whey want to know if people fine them a good value for the cost or are they confident in their monopoly and will not attempt o improve what members get for their money?