NOM

It might be easy to say ALL Mormon ideas are silly but that’s not using your critical thinking abilities. Can we make a list of 100?

Obvious ones first:

1. Eternal progression leads to planet ownership. (Since walked back to become like god)

2. Eternal progression leads to multiple wives to eventually populate your planet. (Not currently emphasized but still canonized in D&C 132)

3. Eternal progression is on hold until temple marriage. (Currently taught to returning missionaries)

4. Temple marriage means husband and wife are clothed in sacred underwear for life. (Current practice and TR requirement)

5. A specific race of human people were not as righteous in the pre-existence. (Walked back and inherent racism now disavowed)

6. ?

6. You must pay 10% of your "income" to get into #4 AND you must pay for those sacred underwear for life.

7. Mentally challenged or disabled kids were so special in the pre-existence, they only had to come to Earth to get a body and to test those families they were born into.

RubinHighlander wrote: ↑

Tue Apr 28, 2020 10:16 am

7. Mentally challenged or disabled kids were so special in the pre-existence, they only had to come to Earth to get a body and to test those families they were born into.

7b. Those in the spirit world even though unfaithful or not valiant, were undoubtedly permitted to take mortal bodies although under penalty of racial or physical or nationalistic limitations.

8. The resurrected 3 Nephites and a hairy guy named Cain still walk the earth and do things that become faith promoting legends.

9. The water is cursed by satan and should not be swam in or boated on while doing the Lord's errand. (See other side of heaven)

9b. (Old school) You probably should keep your foot out of the water with a garment on it while taking a bath for covenental protection.

10. God took a physical object (golden plates) back home (to Kolob) which requires lifting a heavy object out of our atmosphere by...Magic!

lostinmiddlemormonism wrote: ↑

Tue Apr 28, 2020 11:11 am

10. God took a physical object (golden plates) back home (to Kolob) which requires lifting a heavy object out of our atmosphere by...Magic!

I remember on my mission teaching a first discussion and having the investigator ask where the plates are today. I obviously said the same thing and explained the angel Moroni took them. She responded “that’s convenient!” So they don’t exist on earth? Ahhhh.... no you have to have faith. She noped out of further discussions.

Excellent thread ! The ideas you listed are not only silly --- they're crazy, IMO. I think that investigators sometimes get roped into getting baptized without realizing how absolutely off the wall some of these tenets are. JMO -- Wndr.

11a. Jesus drank wine
11b. Jesus turned water into wine for his followers
11c. Jesus told the Mormon prophet who restored the church that they should use wine of their own make for communion
11d. If you drink wine you won't go to Mormon heaven because Jesus said not to drink wine.

12. Women and girls taught that they should resist to the death rather than surrender their "virtue" or virginity in cases of rape. (The church would rather see them dead.)

13. Joseph Smith teaching that where there is no accuser there is no sin. (Even if one indeed did commit a sin.)

14. Joseph Smith teaching regarding resurrection of children who will always remain as children for their parents. (Or something approximating that)

15. Joseph Smith teaching that there were people inhabiting the moon who dressed like Quakers.

16. Joseph Fielding Smith teaching that man would never make it to the moon.

17. Brigham Young's Adam-god teaching.

18. Book of Mormon teaching (via Joseph Smith) that buried treasures are capable of slipping further and further beneath the earth no matter how fast you dig.

19a. Homosexual feelings are inherently evil. What kind of loving Father would give them to His children?
19b. Homosexual feelings are not evil, but acting on them is evil.
19c. We need to oppose same-sex marriage and any arrangement giving similar legal rights.
19d. Civil unions are fine, but marriage for same-sex couples must be opposed.
19e. We claim the right to tell others what legal arrangements are acceptable, but when we lose in the courts, both legal and public opinion, no one can criticize us because religious freedom.
19f. We ask the same standards for LGBT members as for straight members.
19g. Except gay members should not hold hands . . . or kiss of course . . . or really be alone together.

I need to stop. Everything about the church's position regarding LGBT+ persons is incoherent.

20. A pile of bones found in a mound in Southern Illinois was really a book of mormon guy named Zelph the white Lamanite, military general. But the BOM took place in South America.

21. A guy named Ammon was a missionary in ancient america and was attacked for gathering the kings sheep and he defended himself by chopping off a lot of arms with his sword (obsidian lashed to a stick?). He then was found working on the kings chariot (that had wheels?) And tending the horses (tapirs?).

Red Ryder wrote: ↑

Tue Apr 28, 2020 12:10 pm

lostinmiddlemormonism wrote: ↑

Tue Apr 28, 2020 11:11 am

10. God took a physical object (golden plates) back home (to Kolob) which requires lifting a heavy object out of our atmosphere by...Magic!

I remember on my mission teaching a first discussion and having the investigator ask where the plates are today. I obviously said the same thing and explained the angel Moroni took them. She responded “that’s convenient!” So they don’t exist on earth? Ahhhh.... no you have to have faith. She noped out of further discussions.

I wish my @&@@ing ancestors were that smart. Nope, they were easily convinced by magic and witchcraft...

22. God placed Adam and Eve in a beautiful garden full of lambs and lions which just so happened to conveniently be in Jackson County Missouri where Joseph Smith and the Mormons were living at the time.

23. Dead Grandma and Grandpa can see you pleasuring yourself from the spirit world, how embarassing!

24. When you see a ghost, give them "The Test."

• 24a. A "resurrected" ghost will shake your hand.
• 24b. A non"-resurrected" ghost won't shake your hand, and they'll tell you why they won't shake your hand.
• 24c. An "evil" ghost will try to shake your hand, but you "won't feel it." (Apparently, these sneeky "evil" ghosts can't read either.)
• 24d. Peter, James and John don't have to live by these rules in the Polygamy Palace™ movie.

Hmmm. I wonder: Have ghosts been instructed in the art of the elbow bump?

25. When something tragic happens to the faithful, you are being tested. When the same incident happens to the unfaithful, you are being punished.

26. Book of Abraham

A Translation of some ancient Records that have fallen into our hands from the catacombs of Egypt. The writings of Abraham while he was in Egypt, called the Book of Abraham, written by his own hand, upon papyrus.

a. We don't have the actual record by his own hand; either that is still missing or JS was just "inspired" by some common Egyptian funerary texts OR an angel took the originals back to heaven because...faith!

b.

12 And it came to pass that the priests laid violence upon me, that they might slay me also, as they did those virgins upon this altar; and that you may have a knowledge of this altar, I will refer you to the representation at the commencement of this record.

- Was Abraham a virgin?

c.

13 And he said unto me: This is Shinehah, which is the sun. And he said unto me: Kokob, which is star. And he said unto me: Olea, which is the moon. And he said unto me: Kokaubeam, which signifies stars, or all the great lights, which were in the firmament of heaven.

Silly Astronomy 101

27. Adam: "What is that apron you are wearing?" Satan: "It is an emblem of my power and priesthoods."

You must be sealed to your spouse, children and parents to live together with them in eternity. BUT they are also sealed to THEIR spouses, children and parents, as are their spouses... and you should spend as much time as possible making sure everyone who is dead is also sealed into the same vast network. Ultimately everybody is sealed to everybody and it is impossible to have anything resembling a celestial family. All and none become the same thing.