Why will you stay or comeback ?

This is for encouragement, ideas, and support for people going through a faith transition no matter where you hope to end up. This is also the place to laugh, cry, and love together.
Mackman
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Why will you stay or comeback ?

Post by Mackman » Tue Jul 14, 2020 9:00 am

I having been an apostate for two years (had my name removed etc etc) recently came back to church i.e. rebaptized etc . I came back to keep my marriage together , although I only believe in very basic Christianity . I would like to hear why others stay or have come back and do you ever think you will be able to completely sever ties with the Church .

dogbite
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Location: SLC

Re: Why will you stay or comeback ?

Post by dogbite » Tue Jul 14, 2020 9:56 am

I am done.

When my dad dies I'll remove my name.

Faith in the religious sense never worked for me. I don't see that changing.

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Red Ryder
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Re: Why will you stay or comeback ?

Post by Red Ryder » Tue Jul 14, 2020 10:43 am

dogbite wrote:
Tue Jul 14, 2020 9:56 am
Faith in the religious sense never worked for me. I don't see that changing.
Count me on this side too.

Religion just seems to induce anxiety. The less I care the better I feel.

Of course I’m always going to be chained to Mormonism as long as my parents, wife, and others are in.

Mentally I’m done though.

The pandemic has given me the gift of physical freedom from church. I think I’ll continue to stay away at all costs. It’s reduced my church anxiety to 0.5%.
Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

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Red Ryder
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Re: Why will you stay or comeback ?

Post by Red Ryder » Tue Jul 14, 2020 10:44 am

Mackman wrote:
Tue Jul 14, 2020 9:00 am
I having been an apostate for two years (had my name removed etc etc) recently came back to church i.e. rebaptized etc . I came back to keep my marriage together , although I only believe in very basic Christianity . I would like to hear why others stay or have come back and do you ever think you will be able to completely sever ties with the Church .
Was it worth getting re-baptized? Or do you feel like your relationship with your wife is still second seat to the church?
Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

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jfro18
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Re: Why will you stay or comeback ?

Post by jfro18 » Tue Jul 14, 2020 10:59 am

I really wonder how this plays out. I tend to think the number of people that just don't go back following the pandemic will be smaller than most would think.

The weirdest thing about the church that I've gotten to see a lot more since I started talking to more people about it is how strong community is to keeping us all in something we know isn't right.

It's the reason why when people "come out" about the church there's always a few people who will privately reply to say they agree, but publicly everyone kind of keeps each other grinding in the church.

If it isn't family that keeps you from thinking about leaving (and I think that's the case for a ton of people), then community gets you. No one wants to upset that balance, and people who have one foot out have a really hard time getting the other foot out when those around them and applying the pressure to stay active and involved.

We'll see I suppose, but I have to think most will go back after the pandemic even if it takes a while for everyone to feel safe enough to go again.

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wtfluff
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Re: Why will you stay or comeback ?

Post by wtfluff » Tue Jul 14, 2020 11:35 am

I didn't stay, and don't plan on going back because: The church is not true.

Of course what happens in the future depends a lot on the believing spouse, but I don't foresee any type of return. The "community" brought me next-to-nothing, and the built-in hypocrisy drove me a bit nuts.

Name removal and all that also depends on the believing members of the immediate family too, so only time will tell.
Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. -Frater Ravus

Keep the company of those who seek the truth - run from those who have found it -Václav Havel

The Beauty of Gray

Mackman
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Re: Why will you stay or comeback ?

Post by Mackman » Tue Jul 14, 2020 1:41 pm

For me the reset on my marriage was worth it !!! I know of all the issues with the church but I put up with it for her . I believe very little of it maybe 10% on a good day.

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glass shelf
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Re: Why will you stay or comeback ?

Post by glass shelf » Tue Jul 14, 2020 4:39 pm

I've been gone for years, and I will never go back. It's okay. I don't believe in a deity or worry about what may or may not happen when I die, and I'm completely at peace with it. I work with geriatric patients, mainly, and it's a really good reminder to me on a daily basis of what matters in life.

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Hagoth
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Re: Why will you stay or comeback ?

Post by Hagoth » Tue Jul 14, 2020 5:28 pm

Mackman wrote:
Tue Jul 14, 2020 1:41 pm
For me the reset on my marriage was worth it !!! I know of all the issues with the church but I put up with it for her . I believe very little of it maybe 10% on a good day.
If it works for you, regardless of what anybody else says or thinks, more power to you. There are probably a million less-believing people out there staying involved in the church for the benefit of their marriage. It is really too bad they can't be open about their beliefs and keep their marriage, but the church has carefully engineered it to be that way. Good luck!
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

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alas
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Re: Why will you stay or comeback ?

Post by alas » Tue Jul 14, 2020 7:58 pm

I asked my husband how he felt about me resigning and he basically asked me not to because he feels it would dissolve the eternal nature of our marriage. So, for him, I stay “in” but emotionally I am out. I am happily inactive, but remain on the roles. He understands that attending the Mormon church puts me in an emotional situation that I find abusive, so he supports my being inactive, and even tells the “reactivators” to leave me alone. We are good with this arrangement.

Thoughtful
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Re: Why will you stay or comeback ?

Post by Thoughtful » Wed Jul 15, 2020 9:04 pm

I can't go back, its too toxic. Child abuse, racism, homophobia.

But I so badly miss a community. I miss choir. I wanted to start taking my 9yo to a Lutheran church and then Covid.

My family is far away and Spouseman's are delusional. So we sort of stagnate.

I think he's ready to resign soon. Kids and I already have.

I've been seeing lots of postmo and mixed faith couples divorce lately. I'm ambivalent about that. I can see why it doesn't work to have a new mindset and a relationship grown out of an old one. But seeing it happen over and over makes me sad. Spouseman's grief over the clustercluck that is his family is warranted and also hard to take.

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moksha
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Re: Why will you stay or comeback ?

Post by moksha » Thu Jul 16, 2020 5:46 am

I'm off to cataract surgery in a few minutes. Can't stay, but I hope I come back.
Good faith does not require evidence, but it also does not turn a blind eye to that evidence. Otherwise, it becomes misplaced faith.
-- Moksha

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Hagoth
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Re: Why will you stay or comeback ?

Post by Hagoth » Thu Jul 16, 2020 7:04 am

moksha wrote:
Thu Jul 16, 2020 5:46 am
I'm off to cataract surgery in a few minutes. Can't stay, but I hope I come back.
Good luck, Moksha! Mrs. Hagoth just had it done and it was a pretty slick in-and-out affair. SEE you soon!
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

Mackman
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Re: Why will you stay or comeback ?

Post by Mackman » Thu Jul 16, 2020 8:19 am

Had cataract surgery 2 years ago was a breeze !!!

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græy
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Re: Why will you stay or comeback ?

Post by græy » Thu Jul 16, 2020 9:57 am

moksha wrote:
Thu Jul 16, 2020 5:46 am
I'm off to cataract surgery in a few minutes. Can't stay, but I hope I come back.
We hope you come back too! Good luck! Does this mean you'll start seeing visions?
I'm better than dirt... well most dirt. Not that fancy store bought stuff, I can't compete with that... full of nutrients and everything. -Moe Sizlack

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Corsair
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Re: Why will you stay or comeback ?

Post by Corsair » Thu Jul 16, 2020 10:18 am

moksha wrote:
Thu Jul 16, 2020 5:46 am
I'm off to cataract surgery in a few minutes. Can't stay, but I hope I come back.
Under the likely scenario that Moksha's vision improves after surgery, I can only imagine the wacky, LDS-themed hilarity that will ensue.

Mackman
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Re: Why will you stay or comeback ?

Post by Mackman » Thu Jul 16, 2020 10:32 am

I'm sure he will become a visionary!!

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RubinHighlander
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Re: Why will you stay or comeback ?

Post by RubinHighlander » Thu Jul 16, 2020 11:41 am

I give thanks nearly every day to the cosmos that I reached escaped velocity. I sincerely enjoy my life now more than I could ever imagine. But I am one of those fortunate ones that was able to eventually help my whole family exit, otherwise, for the sake of my marriage, I'd still be tolerating LDS corp. If you can't escape it physically, at least find ways to escape it mentally; find that zero Fs part of your brain and cultivate it. There are plant based supplements that can really help.
“Sir,' I said to the universe, 'I exist.' 'That,' said the universe, 'creates no sense of obligation in me whatsoever.”
--Douglas Adams

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzmYP3PbfXE

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Hagoth
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Re: Why will you stay or comeback ?

Post by Hagoth » Thu Jul 16, 2020 1:48 pm

RubinHighlander wrote:
Thu Jul 16, 2020 11:41 am
I give thanks nearly every day to the cosmos that I reached escaped velocity. I sincerely enjoy my life now more than I could ever imagine. But I am one of those fortunate ones that was able to eventually help my whole family exit, otherwise, for the sake of my marriage, I'd still be tolerating LDS corp. If you can't escape it physically, at least find ways to escape it mentally; find that zero Fs part of your brain and cultivate it. There are plant based supplements that can really help.
I can't even imagining you standing at the podium in a white shirt and tie holding back tears as you express your deep love and admiration for Joseph Smith and Russell M. Nelson. A robe and pointed cap covered with stars and planets maybe. "We will now prepare for the passing of the (wink) "sacrament" by opening our hymnals to the mysterious symbols that hover between the pages and singing random Beck lyrics to the music of the spheres." Love you, man!
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

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moksha
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Re: Why will you stay or comeback ?

Post by moksha » Fri Jul 17, 2020 11:09 am

Not sure the surgery took as well for my left eye as my right eye did last year. Things still seem kinda blurry, but I hope that improves with time. Things are certainly brighter and less yellowish though.
Good faith does not require evidence, but it also does not turn a blind eye to that evidence. Otherwise, it becomes misplaced faith.
-- Moksha

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