What kind of list am I on?

[Hagoth]

HIPS's excellent thread about NOMing up his prayer got me thinking about this.

After I turned down a couple of prayer assignments, a PEC invitation and a couple of callings they stopped bugging me, even though there has been a complete leadership turnover since then. I did get a stake calling extended to me but with the caveat that "you won't be required to bear a testimony or anything." I have also noticed that, although people are still very cordial, I am no longer treated like a peer by some people who I have served with.

It is apparent that I have an unspoken status within the ward that everyone in leadership is aware of. For a while I could tell I was being discussed in committee meetings because people were coming up to me to let me know they were concerned about me or that they "missed" me, but now I am basically ignored (which I accept gratefully).

I'm just wondering if there's a note attached to my church record or if I'm on a list of untouchables in the ward roster or something. Any ideas about how this works?

[Meilingkie]

Hagoth, my dear Tapirrider.

How it works I don´t know, but it does indeed exist. At least in some heads.
You can be a really great organiser, a planner etc. Like I am for example by profession.
But since I have had 2 talks with my SP I am not considered for anything.
I am left alone, only gving an occasional talk, blesing sacrament. That´s about it.

So I sit on the backpew, eat my popcorn, and shake my head at the policies and things leadership does here nowadays.
Their loss, not mine.

[alas]

I turned down a calling once because there was just too much stress in my life. I had been primary president, counselor in RS, and RS president before then and the new offered calling was primary presidency. Always before then, both hubby and I were in callings within a month of moving into a ward. About the same time I turned down the calling, my hubby asked to be released as scout master because we had three small children that he hardly ever saw and they refused to give him any kind of assistant and he had 27 boys in the scouting program and was running it all by himself.

Suddenly we seemed to be on some kind of black list. We would move and it would be six months before hubby got a calling and we would move again before I got one. I went 10 years in 5 different wards before even being offered a calling. I actually went to the bishop and ASKED for a calling and he didn't say anything or give any reason why I was not given a calling. My friends who had positions as primary or RS presidents actually told me they submitted my name, and still I was not given a calling. ???????

Now, admittedly there are more callings men can be given and so the wards are usually desperate for men to accept callings. But my husband was a HP because he was in a bishopric back before we got blacklisted, and still never in the 35 years since the blacklisting, he has never been given a bigger calling than a secretary in HPG.

So, we went suddenly from the group of "20 people who do everything" to being stuck in the "slackers who turn down callings" group.

So, my conclusion? For sure the church has some kind of mark or something that goes on your record about what kind of member you are. The change in how we were treated upon moving into a ward was just too drastic.

[Deepthinker]

I would imagine you were put on the list of people or families that needed help in ward council.

In our ward council meetings, we discuss those in the ward that we think are "struggling" and might need more help. I try to focus on the ones that have lost a loved one, or have health issues, but there are those "inactives" that get on that list too.

Perhaps knowing you turned down a stake calling put you on the list, I don't know the timeline of events for you though.

[Hagoth]

It must be really confusing to have a member who doesn't believe, yet doesn't seem to be struggling in any way, who attends SM meetings regularly but won't go to HPG, who won't accept a calling but is happy to scrub the toilets, and (thanks to a very understanding former BP/now SP) is still a recommend holder.

I think I'm headed for the Schmelestial kingdom (as in Celestial, Telestial, Schmelestial...whatever)

[Batman]

I am no longer asked to pray in sacrament meeting after turning down the offer several times. I have not been asked to speak once since I turned down a bishopric calling quite some time ago. I think it is confusing to the ward leadership because I come pretty much every week and hold a calling.

[achilles]

Duhhhh Hagoth.They wrote us in the Mean Girls Burn Book, CHI Edition

burn_book_mean_girls.jpg (236.12 KiB) Viewed 10341 times

Like, whatever.

[trophywife26.2]

I thought that was the point of being NOM? Making it to the list? JK I know some of you guys want to fly under the radar. I paid my dues under the radar too.

I'm on that list now though.

[Hagoth]

Don't get me wrong, I'm overjoyed to be on the list. If they kept harassing me to do the stuff I can no longer do I would just disengage completely. I'm hoping some wise leader, probably the SP I mentioned earlier, believes me when I say I'm only there to support my wife and they don't want to lose her.

[achilles]

I have also noticed that, although people are still very cordial, I am no longer treated like a peer by some people who I have served with.

It is apparent that I have an unspoken status within the ward that everyone in leadership is aware of.

This is a great description of what it is like to be a single adult in the Church.

[Korihor]

I've been trying to figure out what list I'm on.

I've told them I don't believe, I even wrote them an email about it. Mrs Korihor got a TR a while ago, when asked about tithing she said I don't believe/don't pay. I don't have a calling, they never ask me to participate in SM prayers, etc. I asked for a calling to teach EQ, they never responded yay or nay.

My EQP contacts me semi-frequently. We have a real friendship based on the church but starting to grow real roots. No one else in the ward leadership contacts me.

The missionaries stopped by at random this week. I really don't think they were sent, but just no one else to visit.

I think the reason I'm stuck in the middle is I told them my position but I'm still mostly active. I guess I'm not complaining, I'm just bored. I want someone to love bomb or offend me just so I have something to do.

[Obadiah_Dogberry]

There is no official "list" in the MLS system for people like us, and records don't get annotated for unbelief. There isn't even a "do not contact list" that people often refer to.

BUT you will be on the WTF is going on with Hagoth list. The ward council won't understand where you are at because they don't mentally allow for genuine unbelief. There is ALWAYS going to be an alternative explanation as to why you don't want to engage with the church on their terms. In my experience it will take 3-5 time denying a request before it sinks in.

I see many people in NOM circles who simply try and evade without being direct, and this just makes leadership try even harder to include you. I recognize that evasion instead of directly telling them you aren't interested and will never be interested is a valid and necessary path, but unless you are direct with the Bishop mormons will keep on morming.

[wtfluff]

I think I'm on the: "His wife told us to LEAVE HIM ALONE" list. "He's a complete social reject, and there's no telling what will come spewing forth from his pie-hole if we love-bomb them, and it will be REALLY embarrassing for his wife."

I live in a growing area, in the belly of the mor-cor. "My" ward has been divided / reorganized twice since I gave up on weekly attendance. I doubt there are many folks on the ward council who know much of anything about me, and those that do have kept their distance. It's sad, and a bit funny watching my neighbors avoid contact with me while walking down the street, though that's gotten a bit better as time goes on. Maybe they've figured out that the apostate leprosy isn't contagious via polite "hello's" in the street...