Three Good Things

This is for encouragement, ideas, and support for people going through a faith transition no matter where you hope to end up. This is also the place to laugh, cry, and love together.
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Linked
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Three Good Things

Post by Linked » Mon Aug 31, 2020 2:42 pm

There is a daily mental exercise called Three Good Things that is supposed to help people be happier and reduce depression symptoms. Here is a paper published in American Psychologist in 2005 on Positive Psychology which includes details on the study; hit Ctrl+f and type "three good" to get straight to the parts about Three Good Things. (Disclaimer on my perspective: I am not a big fan of some positive psychology stuff because sometimes the claims are a bit over the top, but I like being happier, so I thought I'd give it a go.)

I've started doing this daily with my family and it is pretty cool to take a minute to reflect on the good stuff in life. Honestly, it's a lot like prayer can be. One thing that is kind of annoying is that I cannot express my deep gratitude for my faith transition church related freedoms in that forum because it would hurt DW. So I am going to do it here.

- Not going to church for the past few months has been epic. No stress about being found out or confronted or judged. No cringy talks or testimonies. More time to rest up and recharge from a week of work. Just fantastic.

- Caffeine is awesome. It's like magic that makes everything a little bit better. Time at work is more enjoyable and productive; I have a longer fuse when I spend time with my kids, workouts go better. I was concerned about addiction and optimizing intake so I don't cause myself any problems, but it turns out I don't drink enough to be an issue (<200 mg/day). Caffeine addiction is not actually recognized as a pathology because the symptoms are minor.
"I would write about life. Every person would be exactly as important as any other. All facts would also be given equal weightiness. Nothing would be left out. Let others bring order to chaos. I would bring chaos to order" - Kurt Vonnegut

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Red Ryder
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Re: Three Good Things

Post by Red Ryder » Mon Aug 31, 2020 4:03 pm

So what’s #3?

You can’t leave us hanging with 2!

1. Food - everyone should find something that comforts them and learn how to make it with your kids.

2. Family -as annoying as they can be, they still make me laugh and love.

3. Friends - god knows we need them when we leave the church. Thanks guys.

Thanks Link, I feel better.
Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

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moksha
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Re: Three Good Things

Post by moksha » Tue Sep 01, 2020 2:08 am

Red Ryder wrote:
Mon Aug 31, 2020 4:03 pm
3. Friends - god knows we need them when we leave the church. Thanks, guys.
If someone was anticipating such a change, how can they best cultivate supportive friends? Would these be current friends in the Church or would they be friends without a strong religious affiliation? Sorry if I might be overstepping this observation.
Good faith does not require evidence, but it also does not turn a blind eye to that evidence. Otherwise, it becomes misplaced faith.
-- Moksha

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alas
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Re: Three Good Things

Post by alas » Tue Sep 01, 2020 6:37 am

moksha wrote:
Tue Sep 01, 2020 2:08 am
Red Ryder wrote:
Mon Aug 31, 2020 4:03 pm
3. Friends - god knows we need them when we leave the church. Thanks, guys.
If someone was anticipating such a change, how can they best cultivate supportive friends? Would these be current friends in the Church or would they be friends without a strong religious affiliation? Sorry if I might be overstepping this observation.
I think it is a valid question, even if a bit of a thread jack.

But first my three things.

1. The beauty of nature. There are low clouds over Bear lake, and all is grey and pink just as the sun comes up over the lake.

2. god’s creatures. Our neighborhood peregrine Falcons raise two chicks this year. The two young ones visit our deck on a regular basis. The adult pair seem more nervous of humans.

3. My husband, still snoring in bed right now.

I think the transition goes better if you cultivate friendships outside of church, especially independent from church attendance. As you pull back from church, your church friends feel personally insulted/threatened. Church friends don’t like you to change in that area of life. So, best to find a group of friends somewhere else. You need real life friends as well as on line friends, as well as some non religious, never were religious friends to give you a different perspective on what life is like without church. It helps to have some who are in the process of leaving, but occasionally these can get unstable as one leaves faster than the other.

I still have a few friends left from when I was active, but I feel awkward around them, because although we genuinely love each other, things have changed, and I don’t really feel that they understand or can accept me for who I am now. So, it is as much me as them.

But mostly you need people you have more in common with that church, something that will hold you together after church is out of the picture.

So, find a group that shares your favorite hobby, and if you don’t have a hobby that can be shared in a group, find one and join their group as a newbie and have someone teach you.

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Linked
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Re: Three Good Things

Post by Linked » Tue Sep 01, 2020 9:11 am

Red Ryder wrote:
Mon Aug 31, 2020 4:03 pm
So what’s #3?
Haha, I ran out of time!

#3 is NOM. I am grateful to have a place where everybody knows your pseudonym. Where our church troubles are all the same.
moksha wrote:
Tue Sep 01, 2020 2:08 am
Red Ryder wrote:
Mon Aug 31, 2020 4:03 pm
3. Friends - god knows we need them when we leave the church. Thanks, guys.
If someone was anticipating such a change, how can they best cultivate supportive friends? Would these be current friends in the Church or would they be friends without a strong religious affiliation? Sorry if I might be overstepping this observation.
I think Alas nailed it, but I want to respond too. There are a few places I have found friendship through this, though none are as complete as what I had when my friends and family thought we all believed the same thing.

- NOM, and other online communities
- Close high school friends, but only the non-TBMs. The TBMs have all distanced themselves.
- Work friends, both mormon and not; we just talk about the other stuff

NOM is where I go to find people with a similar experience. The other groups are mainly about finding similar interests that have nothing to do with the mormon church.
"I would write about life. Every person would be exactly as important as any other. All facts would also be given equal weightiness. Nothing would be left out. Let others bring order to chaos. I would bring chaos to order" - Kurt Vonnegut

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RubinHighlander
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Re: Three Good Things

Post by RubinHighlander » Tue Sep 01, 2020 10:44 am

alas wrote:
Tue Sep 01, 2020 6:37 am

1. The beauty of nature. There are low clouds over Bear lake, and all is grey and pink just as the sun comes up over the lake.

2. god’s creatures. Our neighborhood peregrine Falcons raise two chicks this year. The two young ones visit our deck on a regular basis. The adult pair seem more nervous of humans.
Bear Lake is a magic place! Even with lots of people there, our favorite beach is the north end. Getting out on that turquoise water on the kayaks, toking some flower, the afternoon clouds and breeze, put on some good tunes...wow, so great! Many of the reservoirs and lakes close to home are so beautiful and fun to spend time at. Don't even get me started on the pink water up at the Spiral Jetty on the GSL, I've been several times this year and the conditions for floating are perfect right now!

Birds and dragons!
Being at home more in the backyard, I've had so many grand experiences watching and interacting with the pets, birds, dragon flies and other critters. I've enjoyed watching how the morning and evening light moves across the valley and across the trees in my yard. For the first time I saw dragon flies do forward flips in the air, not just once or twice but several times or more, just after they catch a meal. Not sure what that is about but it's amazing! Here's some footage if you are interested:
https://www.instagram.com/wasatchmaximus/ - It's about nine posts back, sorry IG is requiring a login now, damn FB!

3. Having the extra two hours back and much reduced stress of not driving to SLC every weekday. Today my employer announced we should plan to work from home at least through June 2021 and they gave us $300 to get more things for our home offices. I feel so lucky! I don't know how long my run of good fortune will last. First two months were rough because we lost one of our dogs, but starting in March things have been pretty damn great. I'm just riding each day like it's one of my last and hoping I get another one, not knowing when the good run might end.

What's helped me the most this year is not watching or listening to the news. I just decided to focus on my own little tribe, my home, some close friends; really those are the only things I can influence. I've greatly reduced my social media, time on the PC and maximized time outside. Trips to Wendover keep our family supplied with top quality stress reducing herbal supplements. We eat most meals on the back patio, really enjoying the fresh fruits and veggies from the local farms; getting ready to can salsa and peaches soon. We try to get out on the kayaks 2-3 times per week on some reservoir or lake; that is really good stress relief. DW has a stressful job, but I can usually work it out of her with these activities and back rubs, time in the spa. I have time now to keep up on the house stuff, further reducing stress on DW. This is a life style I really enjoy and do not take for granted! Hope it lasts, but realize it might not.
“Sir,' I said to the universe, 'I exist.' 'That,' said the universe, 'creates no sense of obligation in me whatsoever.”
--Douglas Adams

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzmYP3PbfXE

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jfro18
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Re: Three Good Things

Post by jfro18 » Wed Sep 02, 2020 7:32 am

I'll chip in... these of course change by the day/week/whatever, but...

1. Music: I listen to music a lot during the day when working and it's always been a big part of my life

2. Dogs: We have two dogs and they drive me nuts sometimes (one is a 7 month old puppy), but I can't imagine a world without dogs

3. Family: This answer seems like a no-brainer, but even with the difficulties that occur due to the church, it wouldn't be any fun without them.

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blazerb
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Re: Three Good Things

Post by blazerb » Thu Sep 03, 2020 3:52 am

For me, lately:
1. Long walks on Sunday mornings. The extra 2 hours has given me a chance to explore the trails nearby.
2. My good friends that I can call when things are rough.
3. Watching cheesy TV, along with the occasional BBC drama, with my daughter.

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