Explaining religious past to kids

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glass shelf
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Explaining religious past to kids

Post by glass shelf » Mon Sep 14, 2020 3:26 pm

I'm not sure if anyone will be able to relate or not, but I'm curious what other people do in this situation. I've been out of the church completely for almost 6 years. Done. My husband initially was like "I'm still going" but he went exactly 0 times without me. He was never as Mormon as me, and he'll never be as ex-Mormon as me despite us both being fully raised in the church and him going on a mission. Anyhow...

We have kids that are now 8 to 17. My oldest two apparently remember not that much about the church and my younger ones basically remember nothing. My daughter was asking me about when I started drinking coffee the other day after we went to Starbucks because she wants to know when she can drink coffee. I told her I was 38. lol Anyways, that brought up a lot of questions, and it's hard to explain to her why I once believed something so much that really doesn't fit who I am now or how she knows me. I explained it to my older two when we left in terms that made sense to them, but they had years of primary to help them understand what I was saying . She doesn't have the background. She just kept staring at me like I was an alien and asking more questions. haha

Who's dealt with this? What do you do? We live in a very religious (but not Mormon) place, and we're raising our kids without religion now, so part of it is helping my kids to understand that other people believe different things.

I don't want them to grow up to be Mormons because of extended family, but I also don't want them to have the baggage that I have about Mormonism.

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Just This Guy
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Re: Explaining religious past to kids

Post by Just This Guy » Mon Sep 14, 2020 5:21 pm

My kids are 12,8, and 4. DW and I have been out for longer than #3 has been around, so she has always seen us as Ex-Mo's.

The 8 year old came about while DW and I were both believers, but inactive. She was actually blessed as a baby by her grandfather (DW's side). When she was younger, she was interested in going to church with her other grandparents (my side). After a while, we started doing our own fun family things on Sunday (Brunch! Either we would go out or do it up at home) and she lost interest in church. However, she did tell off her primary teacher once. The lesion was on the WoW and during the part on coffee, she said that it can't be bad because her mom and dad and her doctor all drink coffee and they are healthy. If the doctor thinks its good, then why does the church say it is bad? She didn't get an answer she was happy with. That was one of her last church visits.

My oldest was born while DW and I were both active. He was staring to get bored with church around the time we stopped going. My parents tried talking him with out us, but it seamed to just make him less interested.

As far as my kids, to them, stuff like coffee and alcohol, we don't make a big deal with it and they consider it normal. Oldest isn't interested in coffee. Middle is rather likes lattes, we have let her sip them on occasion. They all like Italian steamers, even though they don't contain coffee. They are somewhat interested in tea and chai lattes.

We also live in a religious (non mormon) area and they then to be as annoyed by religion as we are.

As far as explaining things, The youngest two have not asked. The oldest has asked some and we have explained it to some degree. We haven't gone into details on the Micheal Jensen case, but he knows the basics. Also things like science help to explain things. we can do double duty. talk about things they learned in school and how it shows the church is wrong. also can use it to teach some critical thinking skills.

There is always the good old: "We were raised Mormon, but we got better."
"The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." -- Douglas Adams

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wtfluff
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Re: Explaining religious past to kids

Post by wtfluff » Mon Sep 14, 2020 7:10 pm

Just This Guy wrote:
Mon Sep 14, 2020 5:21 pm
There is always the good old: "We were raised Mormon, but we got better."
My kids are a bit older. The youngest never really liked church, and dodged being baptized while I was in the middle of everything crashing down. The others are either all in and don't dare to ask, or are far enough out that they don't care to ask. There have been a few conversations about COJCOLd$ MORmON doctrine with the "can you believe that?" statement with the middle one that's basically out.

As far as what I would say to a young one who asked, I agree with Just This Guy: I was born into it. The bubble was THICK. So THICK I really didn't know better. When I learned better, I tried to do better. (H/T Maya Angelou.)
Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. -Frater Ravus

Keep the company of those who seek the truth - run from those who have found it -Václav Havel

The Beauty of Gray

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glass shelf
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Re: Explaining religious past to kids

Post by glass shelf » Tue Sep 15, 2020 5:34 am

That's basically what I told her. I said when you are raised and grow up believing something, sometimes it takes a while to figure out it's not true.

One day, she's going to find out about garments, and that will be a whole new conversation. lol

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Red Ryder
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Re: Explaining religious past to kids

Post by Red Ryder » Tue Sep 15, 2020 12:46 pm

glass shelf wrote:
Tue Sep 15, 2020 5:34 am
One day, she's going to find out about garments, and that will be a whole new conversation. lol
...and this is the underwear your great great granny wore, and your great granny, and grandma Betty, and I wore this too after getting married in the temple!

I changed my religious mind honey, so that YOU WON’T EVER have to wear this stupid underwear!

Now how about we go get some ice cream? :lol:
Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

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glass shelf
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Re: Explaining religious past to kids

Post by glass shelf » Tue Sep 15, 2020 2:34 pm

Oh, I explained to her about the priesthood the other day and how 12 (and 11! now) year old boys could have it but not their moms or sisters as well as what that meant for who is allowed to run things. She was in total shock about that. Especially as she is, by far, the most organized and has the most natural leadership skills at our house. haha

But yeah, I think she'll be pretty glad she dodged the bullet on garments. Especially since she's totally fired about about how absurd middle school dress code requirements are.

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Just This Guy
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Re: Explaining religious past to kids

Post by Just This Guy » Tue Sep 15, 2020 2:37 pm

Red Ryder wrote:
Tue Sep 15, 2020 12:46 pm
Now how about we go get some ice cream? :lol:
Coffee flavored ice cream!!!
"The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." -- Douglas Adams

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