Inability to trust and feeling nostalgic

[Red Ryder]

Since my awakening, I’ve become distrustful of so many things. My brain thinks the mechanic is going to rip me off, the yard guy is cutting corners, the United Way campaign is a fraud, my cholesterol isn’t that bad, and watching the news is all bias. I’m probably right on the surface of some of these things. But I think it goes deeper.

I guess I still struggle from growing up with the “one true church” narrative and then awakening to figure out that it’s more than likely made up. I’ve worked through what that means but am left with a lingering side effect.

I don’t trust anything on the surface anymore and it’s beginning to effect my life and happiness.

I’ve become super negative towards the most trivial things, vocal about lame political commercials, and pessimistic about humanity especially considering Carol Baskin will probably make it through another week on DWTS!

Perhaps this is more of a side effect of the current state of the world we live in today? Who knows? Sometimes I think I’d love to go back to the ignorant bliss of living among the saints. Running long distance on the great plan of happiness treadmill. At least there my only worry was getting the kids to mutual on Wednesday, ironing a white shirt every week, and finding the courage in Sunday school to point out that the Brother of Jared’s real name was Mahonri Moriancumer.

What do you guys do when you start thinking and feeling this way?

[jfro18]

I don’t trust anything on the surface anymore and it’s beginning to effect my life and happiness.

I’ve become super negative towards the most trivial things, vocal about lame political commercials, and pessimistic about humanity especially considering Carol Baskin will probably make it through another week on DWTS!

What do you guys do when you start thinking and feeling this way?

I think I got to this point in 2015, and I know we don't do politics on here but it really happened because of that. I had made a lot of acquaintances through being fairly involved in political stuff since like 2012, and when Trump came up I saw so many people just run to him and a lot of them did it in the most cynical ways ($$$).

So that really opened me up to how fake all of it is. Don't get me wrong -I always knew politics was fake and even as a Romney fan in 2012 (I still am tbh) I knew he must have a ginormous ego to want the presidency so badly.

But anyway, watching so many people run to Trump knowing that they bashed everything Trump stood for a year earlier was so jarring to me, and then I started thinking about my *political* beliefs differently which I think had a LOT to do with softening me up to going through church history just 2.5 years later.

I could go on about that, but I think that to a large extent I still do view all of it very cynically and distrustfully. But I also can compartmentalize it and I find other things that make me laugh and give me an escape as I work like podcasts (if you ever watched the show Scrubs, they have an amazing podcast going on now), music, etc.

There's that cliche that people who "wake up" to a fundamentalist religion kind of miss that blissful ignorance we all had, and I think there's truth to it. Had I not had that metal 'prompting' to just look once and for all, things would be easier in my marriage and I wouldn't be so interested in deconstructing not just Mormonism, but my upbringing before I converted.

Obviously there is no one size fits all approach and I think a lot of people never really shake the cynicism once they realize their previous worldview was not true.

I guess vent away here, try to latch onto things that you can trust, and try to ignore the things that do kind of get you feeling negative about humanity - although I honestly think the next few months are going to be really terrible when it comes to social media, interactions, etc.

What a time to be alive!

[Mackman]

I'm in the same boat RR and jfro !!! I have become very cynical and do not trust anyone or anything . It also does not help that my wife is TBM. I see right through Trump and the church while she has no clue !!!! So far I am using deliberate indifference to my advantage. Most of what comes out of the church leadership really makes me sick hearing how they are taking advantage of so many people. I will be watching for a cure to all the church ailments.

[2bizE]

I really can’t say anymore than has been said. I’m in the same boat....it is sinking... I’ve given up bailing out water...I’m content drowning

[MoPag]

I totally feel this.

I have to remind myself:

• That the happiness I felt on the great plan of happiness treadmill wasn't healthy.
  
  There are good people and groups out in the world. (Like NOM) None of these people/groups are perfect. And that's okay.

[RubinHighlander]

Sorry RR, it is a more challenging place to be, out here in a world where you have to do so much thinking; vs. the old drum beat we used to follow.

I tend to analyze and over analyze the great problems of life and whether it has any purpose. It's like the church left this really agitated part of my brain with a nasty rash I'm always having to scratch.

I have to keep telling myself the conundrum will never be resolved, at least not by any of the little meat bag ape egos on this planet.

Things that have really helped:
- less TV/Internet, especially the news
- less social media (I only use Instagram but have cut that way back)
- more outdoor stuff
- taping into the zero Fs part of my brain using herbal supplements.

Time for another trip to Wendover!

[wtfluff]

"Question Everything."

Isn't that kind of the "motto" of the skeptic? Does that include "Question Everyone?" Or "Don't trust anyone?"

I fancy myself more of a skeptic nowadays than when I was a believing COJCOLd$ MORmON, but for some reason, I don't find myself in the camp other folks have mentioned in this thread of not trusting other folks. I think I actually might trust more people more, now that I don't believe in the Magick. I've tired to set aside COJCOLd$ "Us Vs. Them" mentality, and try to look at us, as JUST US. I want to believe that the vast majority of humans are doing the best they can do to get through life, and I want to believe that the vast majority are trustworthy. (Politicians NOT included. )

Am I completely off my rocker? (I know... Rhetorical question.)


As far as being nostalgic for ye olde "Plan of Happyness:" No mater how hard I MORmON-ed, it never really worked for me. Even though it didn't work, I just kept trying to MORmON even harder, because of course: It was my fault that it didn't work, and I didn't know any better. My COJCOLd$ MORmON bubble was close to impenetrable. I don't miss any of it. It was just a hamster wheel that didn't even give me any physical benefit, and was literally sucking the life out of me. Not that life is anywhere near perfect now, but I don't waste any mental energy wishing I could be who some invisible absentee being near Kolob wants me to be. Now I can just attempt to be me. (Who am I anyway? )


Is it Pandemic Burnout that's getting to everyone? I mean... This entire thing has been such a FusterCluck of stupid human tricks that I can understand not trusting anyone or anything if you look at the world through the current pandemic lens.

[Wonderment]

Excellent topic, RR ! When I start feeling like this, I have a phrase to remember. In my head, I changed the phrase "wickedness was never happiness" to "being deluded and brainwashed was never happiness." It was a saccharine, candy-cane, sugar-encrusted world, which seemed sweet-tasting, but was covered up by the fact that others were thinking for us and issuing instructions on how to obey.

When we wake up from that delusion, we realize that the world is no rose garden, but it is ours to live in as we wish, since we now control our own thoughts and actions.
I know this feeling very well, and I don't like the cynicism that comes along with it, but at least we are free to make our own wary into the world, depend on our own minds, and make our own decisions. -- Wndr.

[deacon blues]

I like that I trust myself more now than when I was "in" the Church and thought I was the only one without a testimony. As far as trusting others, I think I have a better understanding of when to trust people now that I'm "out." Now I trust people most of the time, until they say, "I know the church is true. Trusting politicians is like trusting General Authorities. Once I realized they had an agenda and what it was I take most of what they say with a grain of salt.
Kipling put it well: "If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too."

I feel nostalgia more for my pre-mission life than my mission and post-mission life. It was a time when I was smarter than I thought I was and not dumber than I thought I was. Does that make sense?

[Charlotte]

I like that I trust myself more now than when I was "in" the Church and thought I was the only one without a testimony. As far as trusting others, I think I have a better understanding of when to trust people now that I'm "out."

This is how I feel, except that I had what I called a testimony.

RR, maybe to lift your mood you could remember the moment when the faith crisis tumblers fell into place. Oh, this isn’t true, that isn’t true, .... and maybe this is going to be the most freeing experience of my life.

The nostalgia is sometimes hard to deal with, I agree. Knowing that I can’t just wipe my brain and go back to orthodox belief helps.

[Coop]

Rather than blow my own horn why don't you turn to one of my collogues. His name is Jordan Peterson and he is a Psychologist at the University of Toronto. There are lots of his videos on YouTube. Here is a link to one you might like. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-wWBGo6a2w&t=7927s
It is the first of a series of public lectures he gave on the psychological meaning of the stories in the Bible. You will find more profound truths in five minutes of his lectures that in fifty years of Mormonism.

Jordan argues that life in general is suffering and that only by coming to this realization can an individual makes sense of the world and our place in it. His message, while negative in tone, is both universally positive and individually applicative. He has two books in print. Of the two, 12 Rules For Life An Antidote to Chaos, is the most popular and is easiest read.

All the best,
Bob

[hmb]

I feel much of the same way as has been stated. Feeling nostalgic is a bitter pill for me. I don't like to look at photos from the past or think about what was. Whenever a memory comes up on Facebook, I hide it. I think I'm broken. I don't blame it on the church, though I feel I was cheated out of what may have been. I'm not entirely sure I would be different had I grown up a "heathen." Out of all people/groups, I probably trust science the most, but don't trust those that deliver the messages from science. I don't trust data as the same data can be presented differently and both be right or wrong. I don't completely trust fact checking, because...people. I am watching less "news." I was watching a lot of cable news which is not true news. Yesterday, I watched some dumb, cheesy LMN movie. I was surprised to find myself thinking it was not that much different than what's going on in real life. Sometimes I miss being ignorant of a more rosy life. Sigh.

[alas]

Except for the current political situation, I probably trust people more. But that is common, normal people, not Republiscams. The church tried hard to make me doubt myself, science, and anyone outside of the church. Now that I am away from the church, I trust myself to judge if someone is trustworthy or not, so I don’t second guess my own instincts on issues. Of course growing up in an abusive family also factors into things because my family of origin also tried to teach me not to trust “outsiders” and it was them I should have mistrusted and the church is exactly the same way. It tries to teach you not to trust outsiders, and yet it is LESS trustworthy than lots of those outsiders. So, I officially left the abusive church the same year both my abusive parents died.....odd that. But growing up in such an abusive environment where I was taught to trust no one but the people who were abusing me is a confusing mess and a person has to sort of start from scratch to learn how to trust people.

But anyway, I trust myself more now to be my own judge of if people can be trusted and end up trusting more, because I am not acting out of distrustful confusion. But maybe that won’t make sense to anyone else.

[Reuben]

I get this.

In an apparent contradiction, like alas, I think I actually trust people more. But it's individuals I trust more. What I trust less now is groups of people, especially groups that have a lot of influence over their members' beliefs and behaviors. And that influence tends to get ratcheted up in any group that feels threatened (for example, Mormons, like, always).

In other words, one of my favorite movie quotes of all time has become a lot more salient.

A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals, and you know it.
- Agent K

I get Mormon nostalgia sometimes, too. What I miss is feeling strongly connected to something much larger than me. I think I avoid engaging in activities that would produce that feeling, too, as a byproduct of avoiding groupishness.

The fact that I do this tells me I value independent thought a lot more. Deep belonging to an assumed-powerful group was a potent drug, but it's not worth it.

I feel much of the same way as has been stated. Feeling nostalgic is a bitter pill for me. I don't like to look at photos from the past or think about what was. Whenever a memory comes up on Facebook, I hide it. I think I'm broken.

Our beliefs being inconsistent with our past behavior tends to cause cognitive dissonance. Could that be it?

Avoidance is one way to resolve cogdis. Reframing memories in their proper context ("I was a different person then") is another way to resolve it.

(Worse ways are rewriting memories and IMO in this case, going back to prior beliefs.)