Page 1 of 1

Wife dropped a bomb on me

Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2020 12:08 pm
by fetchface
Out of the blue last night, she says to me that she is done with the church. Like wants to resign and everything, and wants the kids names removed as well.

I had to say that we need to slow down just a bit and talk this out with the kids (4 teens). While none of them is super enthusiastic about church, I've avoided overt encouragement of them leaving, so I don't know how they'd take it. I know at least two would welcome it. The other two just don't talk about how they feel about church much at all.

I honestly never thought this day would come. I thought I'd be over the moon but honestly it doesn't feel like much since I already had a good relationship with the wife when she was all in. Mostly it has just left me a bit pensive and feeling bad for how many relationships the church has ruined, and also feeling a bit of "survivor's guilt." My heart goes out to all of you who don't have a spouse who accepts you for who you are, or whose relationship didn't survive loss of belief.

I think the covid lockdown allowed her a lot of time to think, and I'm not sure this would have happened if she had kept herself as busy as the church would like, or maybe it would have. It will be interesting to see how much thinner the pews are when everything gets back to normal.

I mean, you guys will have to tell me about it because I'm not going to be going back to sacrament meeting to support my wife anymore. 8-)

Re: Wife dropped a bomb on me

Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2020 5:37 pm
by Hagoth
:shock: :D

I can't wait to hear what comes next.

Re: Wife dropped a bomb on me

Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2020 6:33 pm
by wtfluff
Image

Good luck navigating the future with the kidlets... Honestly, that's probably going to be the easy part. 8-)

Re: Wife dropped a bomb on me

Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2020 7:04 pm
by 2bizE
fetchface wrote:
Wed Dec 30, 2020 12:08 pm
Out of the blue last night, she says to me that she is done with the church. Like wants to resign and everything, and wants the kids names removed as well.

I had to say that we need to slow down just a bit and talk this out with the kids (4 teens). While none of them is super enthusiastic about church, I've avoided overt encouragement of them leaving, so I don't know how they'd take it. I know at least two would welcome it. The other two just don't talk about how they feel about church much at all.

I honestly never thought this day would come. I thought I'd be over the moon but honestly it doesn't feel like much since I already had a good relationship with the wife when she was all in. Mostly it has just left me a bit pensive and feeling bad for how many relationships the church has ruined, and also feeling a bit of "survivor's guilt." My heart goes out to all of you who don't have a spouse who accepts you for who you are, or whose relationship didn't survive loss of belief.

I think the covid lockdown allowed her a lot of time to think, and I'm not sure this would have happened if she had kept herself as busy as the church would like, or maybe it would have. It will be interesting to see how much thinner the pews are when everything gets back to normal.

I mean, you guys will have to tell me about it because I'm not going to be going back to sacrament meeting to support my wife anymore. 8-)
Wow. This is amazing. I hope you will share your secret sauce with us hoping for this bomb to drop with our spouses someday?

Re: Wife dropped a bomb on me

Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2020 9:07 pm
by Just This Guy
Image

Re: Wife dropped a bomb on me

Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2020 7:03 am
by hmb
That's pretty amazing. A good start to the new year. I hope she's not going to force the kids out. That could be as problematic as forcing them to stay in. If they aren't super gung-ho about church, they'll probably make the decision to walk. This can be hard on friendships though. Adults can be pretty mean, even if well intentioned about lost souls, kids can be as bad to peers. It's an adjustment. You are wise to take it slow. And congrats.

Re: Wife dropped a bomb on me

Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2020 10:13 am
by Red Ryder
Time to step up your role as lover, provider, husband, father, and lawn mower!

She no longer wears the celestial marriage handcuffs! This means you’ll have to be a caveman in bed to fulfill her inner desires that were inhibited by her Mormon underwear and immodesty induced guilt imprinted in her mind.

Losing the celestial handcuffs means her heart might wander and her soul long for a life never lived but impersonated on season 17 of The Bachelor.

It means you’ll have to toss out the food storage, the jello recipes, and the 47 boxes of coloring crayons she kept for her primary lessons. She’ll soon learn to drop F bombs here, and there, and everywhere.

She’ll learn to drink mai tai’s at the bowling alley, Long Island ice tea on vacation, and red wine at dinner.

She’ll learn to think on her own, often having differing opinions than yours, hopefully soon forgetting the names of 15 men she once held in high regard, even so taking their picture off the walls of your home.

She’ll have to take down the picture of Jesus on the nightstand, give up her scriptures, and learn to live an authentic life of her own.

I’m sure it will be an adjustment. You’ll both survive and thrive. A whole new life. A whole new world. A whole new set of problems unknown. As that is what life is about. A test, to see if you will be obedient and return to... uh wrong testimony. Sorry it’s engrained.

I hope the survivors guilt will remain. So you’ll remember us at NOM who care, and whose spouses still dawn the funny underwear!

Congrats Fetch!

Re: Wife dropped a bomb on me

Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2021 9:34 am
by slk
Wow, let us know if they (wife & kids) just rip the bandaid off or what happens. Honestly now would be the easiest time to pull the plug with the pandemic. Resigning still hasn't crossed my mind and probably never would unless it became a mutual decision with the wife.

Re: Wife dropped a bomb on me

Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2021 10:23 am
by fetchface
Thanks for the kind words, everyone. I'm thinking it would be nice to have the conversation sooner rather than later with the kids. Maybe tomorrow.

Re: Wife dropped a bomb on me

Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2021 5:38 pm
by græy
That's awesome, fetchface! :D Congratulations!

Wise choice recommending that she take it slow.

I have to admit to a significant amount of jealousy. I keep hearing people say how COVID gave them a break and space to reflect on what church wasn't actually doing for them. But for my DW, it has been the exact opposite. She has continued to dress up for home church every week, and forces the kids to dress up and sit through each and every online church meeting. In fact, with all the various zoom classes, our Sundays have been even more church filled than pre-covid. And she now looks forward to doing it all in person again soon.

Re: Wife dropped a bomb on me

Posted: Tue Jan 05, 2021 4:43 pm
by fetchface
Well, the conversation with the kids went well. None of them seem at all bothered that we are all resigning. I think they'll miss activities with the others but other social groups can be found...

Is quitmormon too much of a bother these days? Should we just send the resignation letters straight to HQ (like I did before quitmormon existed)?
græy wrote:
Sat Jan 02, 2021 5:38 pm
I have to admit to a significant amount of jealousy. I keep hearing people say how COVID gave them a break and space to reflect on what church wasn't actually doing for them. But for my DW, it has been the exact opposite. She has continued to dress up for home church every week, and forces the kids to dress up and sit through each and every online church meeting. In fact, with all the various zoom classes, our Sundays have been even more church filled than pre-covid. And she now looks forward to doing it all in person again soon.
Sorry to hear that. That sounds totally miserable. I wish I had some advice, but all I can say is that Mormonism makes some people crazy.

Re: Wife dropped a bomb on me

Posted: Wed Jan 06, 2021 9:29 am
by Red Ryder
Quit Mormon requires a notary to validate your ID now. I’d just send it in to headquarters on your own. That should still work.

Congrats.

Re: Wife dropped a bomb on me

Posted: Fri Jan 08, 2021 9:43 am
by RubinHighlander
Awesomeness! I remember vividly the day my dw told me she wanted out; I was so freakn excited and happy. It was about a year later we had the names taken off via quitmormon. We had the chat with our one 17 year old kid at home, told her we supported her in any level of participation she wanted to have with church, but she was so elated to be done with it. Since that event a few years ago, our relationship has thrived as has our happiness and a huge reduction in stress, guilt and fear.

Re: Wife dropped a bomb on me

Posted: Fri Jan 08, 2021 10:59 am
by jfro18
Congrats!

As græy said I was hoping that my wife would realize during COVID that she didn't need the church, but it had the opposite effect which I suppose in hindsight should've been expected.

One day I hope to join you, but I don't see it happening so I'll just live vicariously through those of you who experience that moment. :)

Re: Wife dropped a bomb on me

Posted: Fri Jan 08, 2021 3:43 pm
by Ghost
That's much better than many of the things your subject line could have been referring to. Good luck with this transition.

Re: Wife dropped a bomb on me

Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2021 3:03 pm
by fetchface
Thanks, guys!

Right now she seems pretty motivated to make this official. She just sent in the family resignation letter!

It's going to be really kind of weird to not have the church hanging over my life in any real way. My only exposure will be when I visit my parents, I guess?

It really seems like it is too good to be true, like it's not real or something. Covid was giving us a break and I was getting used to it, but never did I dream it would be permanent.

Re: Wife dropped a bomb on me

Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2021 11:06 pm
by moksha
fetchface wrote:
Wed Dec 30, 2020 12:08 pm
Out of the blue last night, she says to me that she is done with the church. Like wants to resign and everything, and wants the kids names removed as well.
Sometimes the desire for a Diet Coke becomes unquenchable.

Re: Wife dropped a bomb on me

Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2021 12:51 pm
by fetchface
moksha wrote:
Mon Jan 11, 2021 11:06 pm
Sometimes the desire for a Diet Coke becomes unquenchable.
Indeed, but my wife gets exceptionally talkative when she drinks caffeine for some reason so heaven help me!

Re: Wife dropped a bomb on me

Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2021 2:19 pm
by Linked
fetchface wrote:
Mon Jan 11, 2021 3:03 pm
It's going to be really kind of weird to not have the church hanging over my life in any real way. My only exposure will be when I visit my parents, I guess?

It really seems like it is too good to be true, like it's not real or something. Covid was giving us a break and I was getting used to it, but never did I dream it would be permanent.
Living the dream!!! That sounds so wonderful, I'm very happy for you.

I'm getting the opposite, my wife is now attending SM more, taking the kids along, and having the kids get on their primary zoom calls. They were singing "Follow the Prophet" last Sunday and I realized how much of my recent lowered anxiety levels were due to not having to deal with church.

Keep us posted on how great the dream is!

Re: Wife dropped a bomb on me

Posted: Thu Jan 14, 2021 1:28 pm
by slavereeno
Nice!! Congrats