Mormonism Outta Context

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Red Ryder
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Mormonism Outta Context

Post by Red Ryder » Tue Feb 23, 2021 11:11 am

Mormonism outta Context (MOC) Is a situational description of an acceptable normal Mormon event that comes across as odd, irrational, and completely inappropriate outside of Mormon context. A few examples:

Hi Mr. Smith,
This is Tim calling from Popular Mechanics Magazine. We noticed your neighbor Steve has moved and didn’t provide a forwarding address. We know how important our magazine is to him. Would you have his new address? If not we will call his mother, father, brothers, sisters, aunts, and uncles, to track down his new address so that we can update our records.

Hi Mrs Petersen,
This is Principal Smither’s administrative assistant Becky. The principal would like to meet with your 8 year old child behind closed doors by himself and ask him some questions about his personal hygiene, sexuality, and goals for 3rd grade. No, the school nurse can’t attend. No, parents usually wait in the hall.

What other examples can you think of?
Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

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Linked
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Re: Mormonism Outta Context

Post by Linked » Tue Feb 23, 2021 11:24 am

Hi Mr. Jorgensen,
We've posted time slots to come down to The Road Home homeless shelter and declare that you have paid your donations for the year. We just need you to confirm that you've given us 10% of your gross income for the year. If not, we can work out a back payment schedule, no worries!

ETA clarification on what The Road Home is
Last edited by Linked on Tue Feb 23, 2021 1:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"I would write about life. Every person would be exactly as important as any other. All facts would also be given equal weightiness. Nothing would be left out. Let others bring order to chaos. I would bring chaos to order" - Kurt Vonnegut

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LSOF
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Re: Mormonism Outta Context

Post by LSOF » Tue Feb 23, 2021 11:53 am

Dear Mr Kaden Kimball:

In light of your experience as a Professor of Ancient Chinese History at Stanford University, the State of California has appointed you as a turner at the Department of Transportation, Manufacture Division. There is no pay, room, or board provided; you will have to secure that yourself. Report no later than 30 days after the date of this letter to:

Mfg. Div., California D.O.T.
Suite #666
33 Gates Street
San Francisco, CA 90225

Failure to do so may incur civil and criminal penalties.
"I appreciate your flesh needs to martyr me." Parture

"There is no contradiction between faith and science --- true science." Dr Zaius

Pastor, Lunar Society of Friends; CEO, Faithful Origins and Ontology League

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blazerb
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Re: Mormonism Outta Context

Post by blazerb » Tue Feb 23, 2021 1:40 pm

TO: All Employees
FROM: Weyland-Yutani Management
RE: First Fridays

Please come prepared on the first Friday of each month for a meeting with all employees in your division. Employees will have the opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings about the Weyland-Yutani corporation. We ask that your comments be brief and concentrated on the benefits that The Company brings to the world through its extensive networks. Please avoid sharing unverified travel stories or rumors of unusual events. This is an opportunity to grow in our collective confidence of the goodness of The Company and its leadership.

Each division head will be prepared to turn off the microphone if anyone talks about places where no one can hear you scream.

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Red Ryder
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Re: Mormonism Outta Context

Post by Red Ryder » Tue Feb 23, 2021 1:52 pm

Mrs Miller,

This is Steve your next door neighbor calling on behalf of your dentist. He’s wondering if you had 30 minutes to meet and renew your membership to the golf club.

Later that night...

Thanks for coming into my office Mrs Miller. I’ve enjoyed your patronage at my dentist practice all these years. I’m just wondering if you wear your underwear day and night? What about while mowing the lawn? Are you honest in all your dealings with your fellow men? Yes? Oh great! Enjoy your golf club membership for another 2 years and we will see you next week for your teeth cleaning! Thanks for coming in.
Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

Reuben
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Re: Mormonism Outta Context

Post by Reuben » Tue Feb 23, 2021 2:02 pm

Marc, did you check whether Jennifer was wearing the underwear she got at the Renaissance Faire a couple of years ago? Don't be thick, I don't mean you should have looked. You could have put your hand on her thigh and felt for it. Dude, the most important thing you can do is marry the right person in the right place at the right time. The right place is the Renaissance Faire, and the right person is an acolyte of the goddess Brigid.
Learn to doubt the stories you tell about yourselves and your adversaries.

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alas
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Re: Mormonism Outta Context

Post by alas » Wed Feb 24, 2021 9:14 am

Reuben wrote:
Tue Feb 23, 2021 2:02 pm
Marc, did you check whether Jennifer was wearing the underwear she got at the Renaissance Faire a couple of years ago? Don't be thick, I don't mean you should have looked. You could have put your hand on her thigh and felt for it. Dude, the most important thing you can do is marry the right person in the right place at the right time. The right place is the Renaissance Faire, and the right person is an acolyte of the goddess Brigid.
Hmmmmm, somehow with how deeply my children got into Society for Creative Acronyms, this one seems more “normal” than the Mormon version. Only the proper underwear was the laced up corset of the 1400s. My daughter made them and yes sold them at Ren Faire. So, rather than feeling her thigh, it would be to check if she can inhale. The women wore those corsets really tight, like the scene in gone with the wind where they lace up the corset so thought that Scarlet can’t breathe. And they are worse about marrying someone who isn’t SCA than Mormons are about nonmembers. My daughter finally dropped back and purposely married a non SCA guy after she had 4 exes all in the same SCA group. Two of the guys she didn’t marry, only lived with.

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Just This Guy
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Re: Mormonism Outta Context

Post by Just This Guy » Wed Feb 24, 2021 10:29 am

Hello Mr and Mrs. Miller. This is Jane Doe from the Outer Lakes Country Club calling to remind you that you were assigned Tuesday at 4:15 am to come in and clean the restrooms here in the club house. Also, remember to check you e-mails for the list of cleaning supplies that you will need to provide when you come. Please read it carefully since we have updated the list of approved brands and scents that you will need to bring with you. Since the vacuums are not fixed yet, you will need to bring your own.

Additionally, since we retired the grounds keeper last summer, you will also need to mow the golf course. You will need to supply your own mower and gasoline. Remember that we only allow John Deere equipment to be used here.

Finally, don't forget to pay your club dues by the end of the month. Based on your tax return, the dues amount is going up to $625 due this month.

Thanks for everything. Have a blessed day!
"The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." -- Douglas Adams

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RubinHighlander
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Re: Mormonism Outta Context

Post by RubinHighlander » Wed Feb 24, 2021 1:41 pm

Successful multi-billion dollar non-profit corporation is giving you the opportunity to earn the admiration of your peers and avoid social scrutiny in your Utah community. This is a two year volunteer marketing position somewhere in the world. Although you don't get to choose your location, we'll pay your airfare and provide lodging and supervision at a reasonable price. Products may include hard to sell items like visions of angels and events that can never be proven as fact. You'll learn how to make the emotional sale and gain valuable life-long skills, becoming a clean-cut go getter, sure to catch the attention of potential paying mormon employers when you return. So be an important part of the tribe and prove your warrior value today!
“Sir,' I said to the universe, 'I exist.' 'That,' said the universe, 'creates no sense of obligation in me whatsoever.”
--Douglas Adams

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzmYP3PbfXE

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Corsair
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Re: Mormonism Outta Context

Post by Corsair » Wed Feb 24, 2021 6:09 pm

"Well of course there is a costume change at the company training today. It's not mandatory per se but you can plainly see that all leaders and workers in good standing have been blessed by this endowment of training. Some devoted employees attend training every week.

"And yes, you will need to purchase underpants from us after this."

Thoughtful
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Re: Mormonism Outta Context

Post by Thoughtful » Wed Feb 24, 2021 6:45 pm

Dear 12 year old girl,

Our youth service club is having a bridal shower!

In honor of you and all other future brides!

Bring a gift of $5 value.

Something old
Something new
Something borrowed
Something blue

(This invite literally posted today online by a mom going, "wtf?" And everyone told her it's normal.)

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2bizE
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Re: Mormonism Outta Context

Post by 2bizE » Wed Feb 24, 2021 6:52 pm

Dear Mr. Johnson,
We at KPMG would like to be the first to congratulate you on your retirement. We understand you managed your own accounting practice for more than 45 years. Although, we at KPMG have annual revenues of more than $15 Billion, we couldn’t do it without our volunteer accounting program. Please place any plans you may have for vacation or to spend with children and grandchildren on hold as you are hereby called to serve as Chief volunteer accountant for the next 18 months to 3 years (however long we at KPMG determine is in our interest). As an unpaid volunteer, you will not receive money, but will be rewarded with many wonderful experiences overseeing all of the salaried and volunteer accountants at our Chicago headquarters. We have arranged a nice downtown apartment for you and your wife, Helen, at a modest cost to you of $6599/month. Of course all other expenses will also be yours to incur, but the satisfaction of managing such a great team of 600 will be worth the personal expense. Due to security and confidentiality, you will be unable to visit family or friends during this time. You may write a weekly paper letter to send to family if you choose. You also may not visit any tourist areas, nor take vacations. Obviously, any events involving water are expressly forbidden. May this experience be a tremendous blessing to you and your family.
~2bizE

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2bizE
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Re: Mormonism Outta Context

Post by 2bizE » Thu Feb 25, 2021 12:55 pm

Corsair wrote:
Wed Feb 24, 2021 6:09 pm
"Well of course there is a costume change at the company training today. It's not mandatory per se but you can plainly see that all leaders and workers in good standing have been blessed by this endowment of training. Some devoted employees attend training every week.

"And yes, you will need to purchase underpants from us after this."
:lol: :lol: :lol: The underwear purchases are for life and are the same color (white only) and from the same company.
~2bizE

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