The Lords Battalion

This is for encouragement, ideas, and support for people going through a faith transition no matter where you hope to end up. This is also the place to laugh, cry, and love together.
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Red Ryder
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Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 5:14 pm

The Lords Battalion

Post by Red Ryder » Mon May 10, 2021 11:54 am

It's 7:00 am Sunday morning when my phone rings waking me from my slumber. It's the Bishop. He needs me to come down to the ward house for another intervention. I jump in the shower, find a pair of clean garments on the couch wondering why the wife didn't get the laundry put away yet. I find my suit hanging in the closet where I left it last week. I grab my keys from the rack, hop in the BMW and drive down to the chapel. I forgot my scriptures but had my phone.

This time it's a 15 year old teacher. A young boy who just moved into the ward. Succumbed by another job prospect; his father moved the family into the ward three weeks ago. He didn't fit in. At least not yet. His graying white shirt was always wrinkled. His pants riding up just past his ankles. His belt was missing again. His clip on tie faded from another accidental trip through the washing machine.

Bishop! What's the matter with Steven? Did he have another slip up? I told his parents to filter their web access. I even taught him how to tie his hands to the bed post. Please don't tell me he had another slip up! No, not that I'm aware of. He's not confessed this week. Well then what is it?

He doesn't want to join The Lord's Battalion and give up social media for 7 days?

Oh, no problem. I'll go grab my correlation manual and see if I can figure out how to use the mind control mechanism again.

Hey Bishop? Why do we spend so much time trying to get the youth to comply? Why don’t we just have fun activities and love them for who they are! You know, like Jesus would do?
“It always devolves to Pantaloons. Always.” ~ Fluffy

“I switched baristas” ~ Lady Gaga

“Those who do not move do not notice their chains.” ~Rosa Luxemburg

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Corsair
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Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 9:58 am
Location: Phoenix

Re: The Lords Battalion

Post by Corsair » Mon May 10, 2021 2:03 pm

I was trying to figure out if this was a real event or another piece of your well-written fiction. The word "garments" in the second sentence clearly indicated the allegorical nature of this story.

I do not know what to tell a youth leader who wants to truly engage the youth. A seven day fast from social media to join the Lord's Battalion just sounds lame a fake.

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2bizE
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Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 9:33 pm

Re: The Lords Battalion

Post by 2bizE » Tue May 11, 2021 8:29 am

I paused at the part where you got out of bed to shower for the bishop on Sunday and then the stopped to laugh at the garments part....
Nonetheless, I think pulling RR in to fix some of the big church problems would provide leaders a new perspective.
One of my biggest pet peeves is how they treat grown men (and women) who look at porn. A friend of my wife would her things like “I made my husband go talk with the SP again because he is looking at porn again” or “I’m considering leaving him again because he is looking at porn”.
My wife tells me this and I cringe. If the wife and church would get off this guys back, and stop labeling him as a porn addict, maybe he could have a better life.
~2bizE

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græy
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Location: Central TX

Re: The Lords Battalion

Post by græy » Tue May 11, 2021 10:24 am

2bizE wrote:
Tue May 11, 2021 8:29 am
Nonetheless, I think pulling RR in to fix some of the big church problems would provide leaders a new perspective.
I second the motion to call RR as a bishop!
One of my biggest pet peeves is how they treat grown men (and women) who look at porn. A friend of my wife would her things like “I made my husband go talk with the SP again because he is looking at porn again” or “I’m considering leaving him again because he is looking at porn”.
My wife tells me this and I cringe. If the wife and church would get off this guys back, and stop labeling him as a porn addict, maybe he could have a better life.
June 13, there is a church-wide youth lesson on "Avoiding pornography". True to form the manual doesn't say anything helpful either way, it just quotes scripture about how lust = adultery, and refences old talks that talk about how addictive it is if you take one step in the wrong direction, that your life will be lost and your family will suffer. Very little to nothing redeeming about the lesson material itself.

I am meeting with the rest of the bishopric, YM advisors, and our YW presidencies this coming Sunday to tell them to use this: https://www.danielaburgess.com/blog/202 ... ornography at the very least to supplement their own study of the lesson well before the 13th, or use it to replace the planned lesson material completely.
Well, I'm better than dirt! Ah, well... most kinds of dirt; not that fancy store-bought dirt; that stuff is loaded with nutrients. I can't compete with that stuff. -Moe Sizlack

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græy
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Location: Central TX

Re: The Lords Battalion

Post by græy » Tue May 11, 2021 10:26 am

As for media fasts... how else are we supposed to rehearse our doubts with other doubters? Should we do it in Sunday School instead?
Well, I'm better than dirt! Ah, well... most kinds of dirt; not that fancy store-bought dirt; that stuff is loaded with nutrients. I can't compete with that stuff. -Moe Sizlack

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Red Ryder
Posts: 4144
Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 5:14 pm

Re: The Lords Battalion

Post by Red Ryder » Tue May 11, 2021 12:29 pm

græy wrote:
Tue May 11, 2021 10:24 am
June 13, there is a church-wide youth lesson on "Avoiding pornography". True to form the manual doesn't say anything helpful either way, it just quotes scripture about how lust = adultery, and refences old talks that talk about how addictive it is if you take one step in the wrong direction, that your life will be lost and your family will suffer. Very little to nothing redeeming about the lesson material itself.

I am meeting with the rest of the bishopric, YM advisors, and our YW presidencies this coming Sunday to tell them to use this: https://www.danielaburgess.com/blog/202 ... ornography at the very least to supplement their own study of the lesson well before the 13th, or use it to replace the planned lesson material completely.
That is a great Link! I’ve always wanted to have an open conversation about porn addiction/not an addiction.

Unfortunately you can’t have a real conversation with a TBM about it without them automatically thinking you’re addicted to porn.

“If you don’t think it’s addictive, then you must be addicted to porn!”
“It always devolves to Pantaloons. Always.” ~ Fluffy

“I switched baristas” ~ Lady Gaga

“Those who do not move do not notice their chains.” ~Rosa Luxemburg

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Stig
Posts: 301
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 3:15 pm

Re: The Lords Battalion

Post by Stig » Tue May 11, 2021 9:25 pm

Red Ryder wrote:
Mon May 10, 2021 11:54 am
It's 7:00 am Sunday morning when my phone rings waking me from my slumber. It's the Bishop. He needs me to come down to the ward house for another intervention. I jump in the shower, find a pair of clean garments on the couch wondering why the wife didn't get the laundry put away yet. I find my suit hanging in the closet where I left it last week. I grab my keys from the rack, hop in the BMW...
Image
“Some say he’s wanted by the CIA and that he sleeps upside down like a Bat. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

“Some say that he lives in a tree, and that his sweat can be used to clean precious metals. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

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