stuck wrote: ↑
Fri May 21, 2021 11:03 am
Thanks for your response Advocate! I think like you that one of the most important considerations is what it would do to my kids. Some would argue that leaving them in the church might screw them up. But I think if a couple can maintain a civil marriage where it would provide a stable environment for kids that would be best right?
Like you also, I don't like to be told what I can and cannot read or listen to, so that is a bother. But maybe this is one of those things where I can make a compromise with her like perhaps I can strike a balance such as one day listen to something that is not antagonistic to the church or Christianity.
Also I think it might be difficult for me to give up drinking coffee and not wearing my garment top at work (it gets so hot with it on).
But like we tell our kids we can't always have what we want. So maybe I'll have to give up something to save the marriage.
There are lots of people in the church that are stable and great. There are lots of people out of the church that are stable and great. There are lots of people in the church that are unstable and unhealthy. There are lots of people out of the church that are unstable and unhealthy. I don't think the church has much to do with screwing people up majorly, and a parent that helps kids to think for themselves can avoid a lot of the minor damage that the church inflicts. It seems to me that divorce can lead to trust/commitment issues in kids throughout their lives, and short term bad decisions due to the upheaval and need for attention. Best to avoid that unless the relationship is so unhealthy that the effects of that unhealthiness would be worse.
To be clear, my wife doesn't listen to any of my podcasts (religious or otherwise) as she isn't interested. A compromise here isn't a bad idea.
Never been a coffee drinker, so I can't help you there. I love a cold diet coke every morning. Maybe you could switch?
We live in the Southeast United States, so I know all about hot and sticky summers. I'm lucky that I have an office job. It sounds like your work is more hands-on and outside. Maybe you could wear the garment top to and from work, only taking it off when you are outside as a compromise due to the hot weather. Or you could draw a line in the sand and tell her that it is your body and sweating to death in a garment top is unhealthy, and you aren't going to treat your body that way. If you decide to draw that line in the sand, be sure to show her extra love and attention on the days you don't wear your garment top. A lot of people in the church have the idea that if someone doesn't want to wear garments it could only be because they are looking to fornicate.
As I reflect more on what you've said, it sounds like you need to figure out by yourself what you're willing to do and not. If you tell your wife that you refuse to wear a garment top at work because you get dehydrated, overheated, and it is unhealthy, then she should accept it because it is your body you are affecting, not hers. If that is your line in the sand, then the choice of divorce is up to her. Is she willing to force a divorce because you refuse to wear a garment top when working outside? Is that the hill she is going to die on?
I hope you stay around on this forum. I've found lots of wisdom here when I am struggling, and it is a great place to vent and think things through.
Good luck! There is light at the end of your tunnel! We're all pulling for you!