Calling Extended

This is for encouragement, ideas, and support for people going through a faith transition no matter where you hope to end up. This is also the place to laugh, cry, and love together.
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Linked
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Calling Extended

Post by Linked » Mon Jun 21, 2021 1:31 pm

I was having a friendly chat with my bishopric neighbor after attending sacrament with DW and my kids on one of my 2 sacraments per month. We often chat, but after I excused myself to head home he asked if I had a moment for one more thing, then he offered me a calling. Activity Days leader for the older primary boys including my son.

I told him that I would consider it and get back to him. It is on the same night as my son's scouts, so it doesn't fit with my family's schedule. Nor would I do it anyway. I think it is time to tell them I don't plan to accept any callings.
"I would write about life. Every person would be exactly as important as any other. All facts would also be given equal weightiness. Nothing would be left out. Let others bring order to chaos. I would bring chaos to order" - Kurt Vonnegut

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2bizE
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Re: Calling Extended

Post by 2bizE » Mon Jun 21, 2021 2:21 pm

What is activity days? Can you make it like Boy Scouts and teach them knot tying and camping and fishing and completely leave out church?
~2bizE

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wtfluff
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Re: Calling Extended

Post by wtfluff » Mon Jun 21, 2021 2:43 pm

Since I don't attend at all any more, I give it a 99.999% chance of Loud Laughter™ if my neighbor just happened to "extend" me a calling.

Or if I did attend occasionally, I'd steal someone else's statement and say: "I already have a calling: To attend sacrament for an hour every once in a while and hold my wife's hand." And wrangle kids, if I still had young kids. And attempt to not grind all the enamel off of my teeth. And... (Golly, I have LOTS of callings!)
Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. -Frater Ravus

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Dr. Licious
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Re: Calling Extended

Post by Dr. Licious » Mon Jun 21, 2021 2:49 pm

Linked,
I feel the same way, and am really struggling with how to turn down my next calling. I'm currently the activity days leader for my sons age group, and it's a fine calling since we just do fun games with the boys.
However, it causes me much stress and anxiety as I have never turned down a calling before, and it would break the DW's heart if she knew I did. It would be the nail in the coffin for her, as she still holds to a lot of hope for me. I also have a lot of familial pressure. It drives me insane, but with much of my extended family, the topic of 'What's your current calling?" often comes up with the first 2 minutes in family gatherings.
Anyone know of a good strategy to gently help a spouse know that you just can't accept a calling?

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Red Ryder
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Re: Calling Extended

Post by Red Ryder » Mon Jun 21, 2021 3:56 pm

I currently don’t have a calling.

I love it.

No is a complete sentence and perfectly good answer.

Although I like Fluffy’s “wife hand holding” calling. I’ll use that next time.
“It always devolves to Pantaloons. Always.” ~ Fluffy

“I switched baristas” ~ Lady Gaga

“Those who do not move do not notice their chains.” ~Rosa Luxemburg

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Red Ryder
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Re: Calling Extended

Post by Red Ryder » Mon Jun 21, 2021 4:15 pm

Dr. Licious wrote:
Mon Jun 21, 2021 2:49 pm
Anyone know of a good strategy to gently help a spouse know that you just can't accept a calling?
“Honey, I can’t accept a calling anymore. Let’s go get ice cream!”

“Honey, I’m too stressed out on Sundays from my calling. Will you rub my back for 3 hours? No, well maybe I can go on church unemployment for a bit...”
“It always devolves to Pantaloons. Always.” ~ Fluffy

“I switched baristas” ~ Lady Gaga

“Those who do not move do not notice their chains.” ~Rosa Luxemburg

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Ghost
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Re: Calling Extended

Post by Ghost » Mon Jun 21, 2021 5:56 pm

I turned down a calling for the first time ever not too long ago. It's not an easy step to take.

This past weekend I got blindsided with a home teaching route when I happened to run into my assigned companion. I was vaguely aware that I'd been assigned a route a few months ago when I got a phone message that I never returned, but I hadn't thought about it since. I am not yet sure what to do about it.

I will probably end up attending church for the first (and probably only) time this year this summer when a young relative gets baptized.

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Re: Calling Extended

Post by IT_Veteran » Mon Jun 21, 2021 7:57 pm

I spent nine long months as the EQP after coming out to the bishop as being an unbeliever and it was the worst nine months I’d ever spent at church. Once I shared the depth of my unbelief with a SP councilor I was released after just a couple more weeks. A week after I was released the bishop called me in for a chat and a calling for “emergency preparedness chairperson.”

I considered it, but settled on “I really don’t think it fits my schedule right now” and turned it down - even after much “but Bro. IT_Veteran, it really doesn’t require very much time and I really think…” argumentation from the BP.

Three weeks later I emailed him to let him know I’d decided to leave the church.

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Red Ryder
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Re: Calling Extended

Post by Red Ryder » Mon Jun 21, 2021 8:54 pm

Hasn’t the church given a few conference talks about the lord only requiring a certain amount of stuff we can handle?

It seems lots of people turn down callings and it’s no longer the status quo to accept all.

At least I’ve heard a few people say this in a sacrament meeting talk. But it’s always cased in a tender mercy faith promoting story that solidifies their testimony.

Jesus asked me to be the Gospel doctrine Sunday school teacher but I was too busy in my life posting to Instagram in between yoga classes, Facebook updates, and Botox treatments that I had to tell the bishop No. then suddenly my life was blessed with the spirit and I had more time to read the Book of Mormon which I know is true therefore I was inspired to turn down the GD calling so that my testimony could grow!
“It always devolves to Pantaloons. Always.” ~ Fluffy

“I switched baristas” ~ Lady Gaga

“Those who do not move do not notice their chains.” ~Rosa Luxemburg

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wtfluff
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Re: Calling Extended

Post by wtfluff » Mon Jun 21, 2021 10:46 pm

Red Ryder wrote:
Mon Jun 21, 2021 3:56 pm
Although I like Fluffy’s “wife hand holding” calling. I’ll use that next time.
I'm quite sure I blatantly stole that from Hagoth.
Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. -Frater Ravus

IDKSAF -RubinHighlander

You can surrender without a prayer...

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moksha
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Re: Calling Extended

Post by moksha » Tue Jun 22, 2021 12:50 am

Red Ryder wrote:
Mon Jun 21, 2021 3:56 pm
I currently don’t have a calling.
You have a very important calling in helping to run a message board involving the Church.
Good faith does not require evidence, but it also does not turn a blind eye to that evidence. Otherwise, it becomes misplaced faith.
-- Moksha

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Red Ryder
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Re: Calling Extended

Post by Red Ryder » Tue Jun 22, 2021 1:09 pm

moksha wrote:
Tue Jun 22, 2021 12:50 am
Red Ryder wrote:
Mon Jun 21, 2021 3:56 pm
I currently don’t have a calling.
You have a very important calling in helping to run a message board involving the Church.
I’m not sure who is more persistent? The Russian spambots or the LDS missionaries?
“It always devolves to Pantaloons. Always.” ~ Fluffy

“I switched baristas” ~ Lady Gaga

“Those who do not move do not notice their chains.” ~Rosa Luxemburg

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Linked
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Re: Calling Extended

Post by Linked » Tue Jun 22, 2021 1:18 pm

I ended up sending him a text the next day saying "Hey [Neighbor], I'm not going to be able to be an activity days leader." and left it there. He said thanks for letting him know, and it's all good. Fortunately DW knows where I am at and isn't pushing me one way or the other.
2bizE wrote:
Mon Jun 21, 2021 2:21 pm
What is activity days? Can you make it like Boy Scouts and teach them knot tying and camping and fishing and completely leave out church?
Activity days is the church's replacement for cub scouts. It would likely be a lot like what you suggest. But my kids are in an actual cub scout pack that meets the same night, so this doesn't work for me schedule-wise.
wtfluff wrote:
Mon Jun 21, 2021 2:43 pm
Since I don't attend at all any more, I give it a 99.999% chance of Loud Laughter™ if my neighbor just happened to "extend" me a calling.

Or if I did attend occasionally, I'd steal someone else's statement and say: "I already have a calling: To attend sacrament for an hour every once in a while and hold my wife's hand." And wrangle kids, if I still had young kids. And attempt to not grind all the enamel off of my teeth. And... (Golly, I have LOTS of callings!)
Hahaha, isn't that the truth! It takes enough of my sanity to attend sacrament meeting. I consider this guy a friend, so I wouldn't laugh at him about it, though I am a little miffed that he would cheapen our friendship as an excuse to extend a calling. And I wonder if there was any scheming done where they decided he should be the one to offer the calling because we are friends. That stuff grinds my gears.
Dr. Licious wrote:
Mon Jun 21, 2021 2:49 pm
Linked,
I feel the same way, and am really struggling with how to turn down my next calling. I'm currently the activity days leader for my sons age group, and it's a fine calling since we just do fun games with the boys.
However, it causes me much stress and anxiety as I have never turned down a calling before, and it would break the DW's heart if she knew I did. It would be the nail in the coffin for her, as she still holds to a lot of hope for me. I also have a lot of familial pressure. It drives me insane, but with much of my extended family, the topic of 'What's your current calling?" often comes up with the first 2 minutes in family gatherings.
Anyone know of a good strategy to gently help a spouse know that you just can't accept a calling?
Of all the callings, this would be the one I would choose if I had to. Spending time with my son and no preaching is a pretty good gig.

Regarding talking with your wife about not accepting a calling, there is no easy way. If you don't mention it to her at the time then she may feel betrayed and lied to. If you do tell her it's like dropping a grenade on your relationship. Red Ryder's suggestion of just mentioning it in passing like no big deal is a good one. Even though it is clearly a huge deal to her, and because of that a big deal to you, there is not a whole lot to say in that moment if you guys aren't already communicating openly about each other's feelings about the church. (And if you were already communicating openly then you wouldn't have to ask this question. I very much understand.)

It may lead to some silent treatment or tears or a fight, but it can take you closer to open communication.

As for what to say to extended family, you could tell them you don't have a calling and it's great.
IT_Veteran wrote:
Mon Jun 21, 2021 7:57 pm
I spent nine long months as the EQP after coming out to the bishop as being an unbeliever and it was the worst nine months I’d ever spent at church. Once I shared the depth of my unbelief with a SP councilor I was released after just a couple more weeks. A week after I was released the bishop called me in for a chat and a calling for “emergency preparedness chairperson.”

I considered it, but settled on “I really don’t think it fits my schedule right now” and turned it down - even after much “but Bro. IT_Veteran, it really doesn’t require very much time and I really think…” argumentation from the BP.

Three weeks later I emailed him to let him know I’d decided to leave the church.
That would have been brutal. I was the SSP for a while as an unbeliever and ward council was so so so terrible. I imagine it was much worse as an EQP because you have to be more involved in the day to day workings of the ward.
Red Ryder wrote:
Mon Jun 21, 2021 8:54 pm
Hasn’t the church given a few conference talks about the lord only requiring a certain amount of stuff we can handle?

It seems lots of people turn down callings and it’s no longer the status quo to accept all.

At least I’ve heard a few people say this in a sacrament meeting talk. But it’s always cased in a tender mercy faith promoting story that solidifies their testimony.

Jesus asked me to be the Gospel doctrine Sunday school teacher but I was too busy in my life posting to Instagram in between yoga classes, Facebook updates, and Botox treatments that I had to tell the bishop No. then suddenly my life was blessed with the spirit and I had more time to read the Book of Mormon which I know is true therefore I was inspired to turn down the GD calling so that my testimony could grow!
I'm wondering about this too. It's got to be putting a larger and larger strain on those who are still accepting callings.
"I would write about life. Every person would be exactly as important as any other. All facts would also be given equal weightiness. Nothing would be left out. Let others bring order to chaos. I would bring chaos to order" - Kurt Vonnegut

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1smartdodog
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Re: Calling Extended

Post by 1smartdodog » Tue Jun 22, 2021 5:41 pm

10 years ago I called up the HP group leader. Back then we were high priests. I said no more teaching i was the instructor, no more home teaching, no more callings.

I faded away after that and only attend occasionally. Its been the best 10 years of my life.

It took awhile but my spouse came along for the most part. She still likes the community but thinks its all a crock.

Everyone should be strong enough to say no to callings they don’t want. Having a calling you hate is Mormon Hell.


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“Five percent of the people think; ten percent of the people think they think; and the other eighty-five percent would rather die than think.”
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nibbler
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Re: Calling Extended

Post by nibbler » Wed Jun 23, 2021 6:30 am

Red Ryder wrote:
Mon Jun 21, 2021 8:54 pm
Jesus asked me to be the Gospel doctrine Sunday school teacher but I was too busy in my life posting to Instagram in between yoga classes, Facebook updates, and Botox treatments that I had to tell the bishop No. then suddenly my life was blessed with the spirit and I had more time to read the Book of Mormon which I know is true therefore I was inspired to turn down the GD calling so that my testimony could grow!
Recently I've turned down a few GD callings. :)
We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.
– Anais Nin

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Just This Guy
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Re: Calling Extended

Post by Just This Guy » Wed Jun 23, 2021 4:30 pm

2bizE wrote:
Mon Jun 21, 2021 2:21 pm
What is activity days? Can you make it like Boy Scouts and teach them knot tying and camping and fishing and completely leave out church?

I was called as an Activity Day's leader somewhere in the '08-'10 time frame. This was before the LDSInc divorce with BSA. At the time, it was supposed to be a spiritual compliment to cub scouts to the kids who haven't yet started full scouting.

The manual I was given was terrible. It may have worked for an 8 year old, but it was far too simplistic for 11 year olds. What made it worse, I was pared up with a retired guy who insisted on following the manual word-for-word. Those nights were VERY painful to endure. The kids hated it, but he was clueless. On the rare occasion when my partner didn't show, I tried to come up with something more at their level, but still struggled. In the end, it was basically babysitting kids with primary lessons while their older sibling did much more interesting stuff down the hall in scouting.

That calling is probably the straw that finally broke me. I went inactive after about 4 months of that calling (and 5 others).
"The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." -- Douglas Adams

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IT_Veteran
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Re: Calling Extended

Post by IT_Veteran » Thu Jun 24, 2021 9:04 pm

Linked wrote:
Tue Jun 22, 2021 1:18 pm
That would have been brutal. I was the SSP for a while as an unbeliever and ward council was so so so terrible. I imagine it was much worse as an EQP because you have to be more involved in the day to day workings of the ward.
It was really tough. I told the BP I wouldn’t teach, preach, or testify but that I would handle the administrative stuff until he had a replacement. That was my first mistake. They did a spiritual thought every WC and twice a year it was my turn, so I’d send a counselor in my place. We had an instructor that would sometimes just not show up, so I’d ask one of them (the counselors) to lead the discussion if he was missing. Most Sundays I’d kick off the EQ meeting and then disappear after it started.

I still remember one Sunday the RSP pulled me out of SM to ask if I could give one of the ladies a blessing, so I went and found *two* other guys so I wouldn’t have to.

On top of that, I was pretty convinced I was broken. I didn’t want to harm someone else’s testimony, so I did whatever I could (even when I left) to keep my lack of belief from everybody else.

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