I may have influenced a BYU essay resulting in admittance.

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Red Ryder
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I may have influenced a BYU essay resulting in admittance.

Post by Red Ryder » Mon Dec 27, 2021 7:57 pm

This happened last year but a conversation over the holidays sparked the memory.

My niece applied for entrance to BYU in Provo.

She’s middle of the road in regards to grades, extra curricular activities, etc. Nothing extraordinary other than she was chosen to come to earth in these latter days. Was valiant in the war in heaven. Probable a noble one. Who knows for sure, we were all taught that, right?

She applied for BYU last year.

I offered to proof read her entrance essays and provide professional feedback.

They were mediocre at best. Routine at worst.

Beehive secretary.

Mia Maid 2nd counselor.

Laurel 1st counselor. (or whatever the new label is for the 16 -18 year old girls.) I don’t fein interest in this age group like Brother Joseph did.

Extra curricular activities: debate

GPA: 3.6


I know that God lives and wants me to attend BYU where I can further my education and hopefully meet a righteous Latter Day Saint member of the church to take to the temple so that I can fulfill my eternal role as a mother.

RR: hmmmm…. If I was working in the admissions office I would be bored reading this. How many other essays say the exact same thing? What makes you stand out to the admissions office?

Niece: what do you mean?

RR: well, how many young women exactly like you wrote the same thing?

Niece: what should I write then?

RR: why don’t you explain why you’re different and deserve to go to BYU?

Niece: OK

New Essay: I’ve always wanted to attend BYU. I think I can be an example to my older brother. He has chosen to not go on a mission because he stopped believing in God. I can attend BYU and be an example to him and show him that God exists in our lives. He strengthens us in our time of need and knows that we can be an example to those who have been led astray. I know that this is God’s true church and an education is 2nd to eternal marriage. I’d like to attend BYU because I know that I can find my eternal companion at BYU and be an example to my family!!!!!!!!

RR: yes, this is really good.


Niece 2 months later: I’m engaged!!!!
“I switched baristas” —Lady Gaga

Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

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Re: I may have influenced a BYU essay resulting in admittance.

Post by moksha » Tue Dec 28, 2021 12:07 am

Red Ryder, you've enabled your niece to receive the coveted BYU Mrs. degree. Way to go.
BTW, all those exclamation points helped because it showed she was eager for the gospel!!!!!!!!
Good faith does not require evidence, but it also does not turn a blind eye to that evidence. Otherwise, it becomes misplaced faith.
-- Moksha

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Re: I may have influenced a BYU essay resulting in admittance.

Post by 2bizE » Fri Dec 31, 2021 3:01 pm

RR, you have put things in motion that cannot be stopped, much like my fellow hobbit Pippin touched the Palantir (crystal ball)….your niece will now get married young…have babies, drop out of school to support her husband…miss out on essential education….which happens to be the traditional way of Mormon women….hopefully, she can break the chains of Mormon tradition.

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