marital innuendo humor

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Korihor
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marital innuendo humor

Post by Korihor » Thu Jan 05, 2017 8:42 am

Alright, I suppose I'm turning to the internet for help with my marriage love life.

Last night, Korihor stepped up to the plate, saw an easy soft ball coming, took a giant swing ..and... whiff! The basics of this or this story involve a banana and me making a mild innuendo joke about organic banana's. You can easily do the math.
Of course writing this down makes it sound silly and lame, but most jokes are silly and lame in the moment. Mrs Korihor was not amused in the slightest, in fact she said "that's disgusting" and "it does nothing for me, in fact just the opposite".
OK, so instead of taking a big swing and a miss, the ball bounced off the catcher and hit me in the face.

Here's my rub,
1) I'm fairly confident under other circumstances, especially if someone else said it, should would laugh at something like that. It's not funny because it's me.
2) She never jokes, or makes suggestive statements, or anything like this. I feel like a huge part of connection with her is missing because we just take everything too seriously
3) Without getting into further detail at this point, intimacy is a really really really big issue in our relationship and has been basically from day 1.
4) What the hell?

I know she's not the type of person that would enjoy most stand-up comedians. They are simply more crude than her tastes. Maybe it's due to a lifetime of LDS conditioning, maybe not.

So here I am asking, how do I introduce a little bit of humor into an intimate topic? I am a regular guy. If I see a Victoria's Secret ad or someone makes an innocent comment or even talking about a banana, I can mentally spin it in a certain direction. But women don't work that way. Apparently, the laundry and dishes need to be done before she can let her mind wander.

I don't know what I'm asking. At this point I just feel silly for even writing any of this. Men and women have different triggers, I just wish I could make a little comment occasionally that she felt was humorous and/or provocative without having to load the dishwasher first.
Reading can severely damage your ignorance.

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Corsair
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Re: marital innuendo humor

Post by Corsair » Thu Jan 05, 2017 10:00 am

You have one thing working against you and one thing working for you. Welcome to this week's episode of "Dangerous and Presumptuous Advice from Corsair."

First, your concern sounds like the guy who goes to his doctor and says, "Doc, it hurts when I do this." The doctor replies, "Well, stop doing that." I really am sympathetic to your challenges. While I don't know what will work for your wife, it's clear that this level of humor is not going to do it. I don't know the correct answer, but at least you know what the answer isn't. My wife also has a fairly low tolerance for that level of humor, so I tend to reserve those types of jokes for NOM lunches.

Luckily, most wives are often somewhat governed by the old Janet Jackson song "What Have You Done for Me Lately". Before the right minded and civil people of NOM respond in outrage, let me explain. The idea is that just because your approach to marital happiness failed to achieve liftoff with this one tactic, you are not eternally bound by this one failure or even a string of failures. While I don't know the correct answer, your long term strategy is going to be based around being the best man you can be and continuing to work on the emtional intimacy of your marriage. The only downside in this optimistic view is that you similarly can't entirely rely on one success to set the tone for future interactions with your wife.

We are living in an era of Marriage 2.0 where continuing to court your marriage partner is distinctly needed. Our 19th century ancestors had serious social, economic, and often physical survival as bedrock for even a mediocre marriage. Since World War II, western civilization has had couples getting married largely for love, and not because either partner was socially or economically hampered by remaining single. Certainly the conservative churches have attempted to cling to older types of relationships. But in the long now of your personal mortality, developing a personal resilience with adaptation is your better strategy.

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No Tof
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Re: marital innuendo humor

Post by No Tof » Thu Jan 05, 2017 12:19 pm

Dangerous and presumptuous advice indeed...... :shock: ;)

Ya this is a tough one to comment on. The only thing I can think of is that with time all things improve. Or perhaps you just get forgetful and think things have improved. That's where I am getting to at any rate.

Best of luck to you mr. Korihor. I have never liked bananas much since childhood, and organic ones are as bad as the non for me. Maybe Mrs. Kor just needs a different fruit to consider. Zucchini comes to mind.
Last edited by No Tof on Thu Jan 05, 2017 12:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I'll meet you there.
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Lithium Sunset
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Re: marital innuendo humor

Post by Lithium Sunset » Thu Jan 05, 2017 12:25 pm

Corsair wrote: We are living in an era of Marriage 2.0 where continuing to court your marriage partner is distinctly needed. Our 19th century ancestors had serious social, economic, and often physical survival as bedrock for even a mediocre marriage. Since World War II, western civilization has had couples getting married largely for love, and not because either partner was socially or economically hampered by remaining single. Certainly the conservative churches have attempted to cling to older types of relationships. But in the long now of your personal mortality, developing a personal resilience with adaptation is your better strategy.
This might come out wrong but I ponder how it seems to me humans just need some kind of conflict in their lives and when we don't have to worry about the "survival" part we come up with anything and everything to complain or worry about. It sounds very silly but I wish I could create safe struggles to help my children grow.

Anyway, back to Korihor's post. I have been a little hit or miss on the site lately but isn't your wife newishly on board with your family becoming inactive? How awesome is that?! You need to give her time, a lot of time. I was the biggest prude when I was still in mentally. She will relax in time but right now she might feel guilt, stress, and confusion(I am presuming of course) and that puts intimacy on the far back burner because she has so much on her mind.
I remember in a marriage class how everyone laughed when the teacher showed two pictures to the group, one of a control pad with a ton of buttons and the second one with a solitary button. You can guess that the one button represents the man. One button pushed and he's turned on haha...
As far as the dishes, If her love language is service then you better believe you doing the dishes or helping around the house is h.o.t hot! to her. Maybe you could do it naked haha?
But again, I say go easy on her and give it time and I'll add one more thing. Now this is speaking from personal experience so other women will have to chime in and say they feel the same or not but I am turned on a lot quicker when I feel confident with my body. It's almost like I turn myself on first and then seek him out to flaunt myself. I don't expect him to be fit, I just feel sexy and in the mood when I am happy with my body.
Complement her in sincere ways and give her time on the comedy. I would have never listened to the comedians I listen to now and there are some that I will never enjoy listening to(I don't know how anyone would find it funny that a comedian says he wipes... uh...stuff... on the curtains in hotel rooms... I left that Netflix show as fast as I could)
I am not sure how I would feel about the banana but I do remember a story of a guy using the words banana and peach in place of other names and thought it was the most ridiculous, funny(and non sexy) thing ever and it has stuck with me for over 23 years.

Sorry for the jumbled post, no more time to edit it. Sincerely best wishes to you both!
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." -Laura Ingalls Wilder

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Enoch Witty
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Re: marital innuendo humor

Post by Enoch Witty » Thu Jan 05, 2017 12:34 pm

Agreed, it's difficult to offer advice in this area, but I offer my Internet Moral Support from afar.

Do you ever read dating/sex advice columns? I enjoy Ask Dr. Nerdlove over at Kotaku. Yes, it's a videogame site, but Dr. Nerdlove isn't focused on games, but... nerds with love issues. I don't know if you would self-identify as a nerd, Korihor, but as Mormons, I think we all suffer a bit from the social awkwardness that many self-identifying nerds also face.

A really, really common theme in the Dr. Nerdlove columns is mismatched sex drives, why that's something important and not petty to be worried about, and how a couple can take steps to fix it. Since many (if not most) intimacy issues stem from this issue, you might find some of these columns interesting. Another major theme is communication issues, which may help to improve your ability as a couple to have humorous moments. You also might find yourself appreciating your relationship more when compared to the types of issues that people would write to a dating advice column for... some of these stories really help put things into perspective (speaking to my own experience here; not trying to minimize your concerns).

http://kotaku.com/tag/ask-dr-nerdlove

Hardly a catchall solution, and maybe you won't like it, but I find reading these types of things therapeutic, even when I'm feeling perfectly content in my marriage. Even if Dr. Nerdlove doesn't work for you, maybe there's another advice columnist who will speak a little more to your emotions and situation?

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Red Ryder
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Re: marital innuendo humor

Post by Red Ryder » Thu Jan 05, 2017 3:05 pm

She doesn't feel safe.

Her life foundations are shifting. Her marriage foundations are shifting. Her beliefs are shifting. She needs time to heal and shore up her foundations with new thought processes and support in order to heal. Faith transitions are like flesh wounds. You never want to let them fester to the point if gangrene or you could lose a limb.

A guy like you needs to hold her tight and reassure her that everything is going to be alright. Then when the time is right, you can slip that celestial cialis, grab some bananas and whip cream, and reminisce over your banana split from the church. :D

When Nommies suggest taking it slow, it's for good reason.

As to bananas and crude humor, let's just leave that alone before Zadok comes in with his hammock jokes and shuts NOM 2.0 down. :lol:
Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

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trophywife26.2
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Re: marital innuendo humor

Post by trophywife26.2 » Thu Jan 05, 2017 10:04 pm

I found sexual innuendo offensive for a long time. If you want her to enjoy a good sex joke you could introduce a neutral source of humor other than you that you can laugh at together. The Office is the first show with sexual jokes that I was able to really laugh at.

Does she laugh at non-sexual jokes you tell?
Even if it's something disappointing, it's still better to know the truth. Because people can deal with disappointment. And once they've done that, they can feel that they have really grown. And that can be such a good feeling. -Fred Rogers

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Zadok
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Re: marital innuendo humor

Post by Zadok » Thu Jan 05, 2017 10:09 pm

Red Ryder wrote:As to bananas and crude humor, let's just leave that alone before Zadok comes in with his hammock jokes and shuts NOM 2.0 down. :lol:
Did someone call? What is wanted?
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2bizE
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Re: marital innuendo humor

Post by 2bizE » Fri Jan 06, 2017 7:28 am

"That's what she said" jokes are subtle and funny.
Her: I like bananas that are firm and not too soft.
Him: that's what she said.

A banana and a peach are sitting next to each other in a bar. The peach says, "what's with the yellow face?" The banana replies, "Do you want to see what's under my peel?"

Some women get and are turned on by sexual innuendo, but I think most in my circle of friends are not. Especially if other people are around. Some women wouldn't want their friends to know they enjoy sex or sex humor. Sex is an interesting topic. We are taught in Mormonism to keep any sexual desire locked up like Fort Knox until marriage. Then somehow unlock it just at certain times. My neighbor lady with 8 kids certainty would not want anyone to know she has sex and enjoys it. That is just something that should be repressed. This type of imprinting leads to Mormon women, in particular, not wanting to talk much about sexuality.
One thing that may spice up your marriage or take down some barriers is to read stories with your wife from marriageheat.com. This could lead to a little more innuendo tolerance.

My wife does like the only dirty joke I know:
What is long, hard, and full of seamen? A submarine.
~2bizE

hmb
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Re: marital innuendo humor

Post by hmb » Fri Jan 06, 2017 11:26 am

One problem is, while there are those who do not like naughty talk, women are not supposed to like it; men are. I talk much naughtier than my husband. I alway make sex or poo jokes. Maybe it's the middle school teacher in me, but it makes me laugh and so far has not made me a trampy, porn crazy, poop-corn-counting, or foul mouthed female type. It's okay for people to dislike it or like it. The stereotypical nonsense is the problem. Add in religious expectations and now it's not only crude, but it's evil and will lead you to the depths of hell. At least in hell I can laugh at corny jokes.

There's no magic fix here.

Korihor
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Re: marital innuendo humor

Post by Korihor » Fri Jan 06, 2017 11:56 am

Thanks all,

I didn't really expect an answer, just venting. I feel like the part that hurts is the only reason it isn't funny is because it's me. Maybe I'm just over sensitive.

I appreciate all the comments, as always. This place is great just to voice a thought/concern instead of going crazy by the echo of one's mind.

Our marriage is currently lacking a sense of "play". Not necessarily sexual play, just play in general. For me, a little sense of humor, innuendo or not, would go a long way.

We talked for about an hour last night about another matter. My changing views of patriarchy and feminism - or more accurately my recognizing my incorrect view regarding patriarchy and feminism. I'm not "cured", just becoming self-aware. Mrs Kori seemed to really appreciate that. Additionally this was the first time in a very very very long time we had a deep discussion that resulted in us not being upset with each other. It has been really hard to talk since we had conflicting thoughts so often and we ended up upset and hurt after simply talking.
Reading can severely damage your ignorance.

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alas
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Re: marital innuendo humor

Post by alas » Fri Jan 06, 2017 12:33 pm

Well I was writing, you posted and it sounds like thing are doing better. The talk sounds like it was productive.

As others have said, women tend not to be as amused by crude humor as what men are. This is a generality of course, with some women objecting to it more than others and even some at the "male" end of the spectrum. But even if you look at kids of any culture, the boys between 4-99 ....well, OK at about 8-10 boy go through a stage of very crude humor that girls just do not. The girls are giggling over *silly* while the boys are guffawing over poop jokes and fart jokes. This is one reason at that age that boy are girls think the other gender is icky. Boy think the things girls giggle over are stupid and girls think that boy laugh at things that are gross.

So, first of all, respect this gender difference. It sounds like your wife is on the stereotypical feminine end of this spectrum. This probably will not change and has nothing to do with the religion she was raised in or how much she believes.

Then you have the Mormon attitude of sexual repression. If a woman is raised in a sexually repressive and/or "refined humor" family, then the "disgust" reaction is kind of set. I know I married into a Mormon but crude joking family, coming from a family than was extreme into refined, highbrow, dignified kind of humor. I still have disgust reactions to the crude humor after 50 years of knowing my in laws. You are not going to change this about your wife either. The disgust reaction is set. (To give an example of my in laws humor, we had a funeral yesterday and all the talks by family had fart jokes or other very crude humor. If they hadn't had, I would have known Aliens pod people had replaced them with body doubles.)

So, I recommend a discussion with your wife about her reaction and what kind of humor she was raised with and what she does find funny. Then once you understand your wife, then it is up to you to adjust your humor to things she finds funny or just adjust your expectations so that you know she will react with more disgust than amusement. Now, remember than the line between disgust and humor is different for different people and it is the disgust that kind of makes it funny. Someone stepping in dog poop---funny. You stepping in dog poop on the way to a job interview--disgusting.

Now as to expecting her to find sexual interest from dirty or crude jokes, most women are less turned on by such things than men. Think of men's reaction to porn compared to women's. Once again, many women find it more disgusting than sexy.

What do women, in general find sexy? Think about the romantic kind of trash many women read. This is women's porn. Some like it more refined than Harlequin Romance novels, but the underlying attraction is the same. It isn't bluntly sexual, but romance and seduction and setting the mood, wooing.

One of my therapists (and if you think your wife has sexual hang ups, imaging being married to a child sex abuse survivor.) emphasized to my husband the old fashioned concept of wooing. Just because a couple are married, doesn't mean the wife doesn't need wooing. Especially during the years when there are small children at home and the wife gets exhausted by doing for others. Remember, she may need time away from motherhood/dishes/housework/feeling like you are another child she needs to care for, order to feel sexy. (And secret---women often get to feeling like their husband is another child they have to care for)

So, as well as the talk about what she finds funny, have a talk with her about what she finds sexy. And I am going to add after reading your last post, talk to her about adding more play into your marriage. This is really hard when times are tough and you don't know what the other will find fun or funny and what will trigger another misunderstanding or more hurt. I would recommend something like taking a class together for some new hobby, photography or scuba or stained glass or something. Mostly just something new you can do together. It is so helpful at renewing a marriage. But it really helps to have some built in structure to the new activity. My hubby and I have taken adult education classes together for some of our "marriage therapy".

Korihor
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Re: marital innuendo humor

Post by Korihor » Fri Jan 06, 2017 3:19 pm

Well I was writing, you posted and it sounds like thing are doing better. - More like I've chilled down, but still a concern The talk sounds like it was productive.

As others have said, women tend not to be as amused by crude humor as what men are. This is a generality of course, with some women objecting to it more than others and even some at the "male" end of the spectrum. But even if you look at kids of any culture, the boys between 4-99 ....well, OK at about 8-10 boy go through a stage of very crude humor that girls just do not. The girls are giggling over *silly* while the boys are guffawing over poop jokes and fart jokes. This is one reason at that age that boy are girls think the other gender is icky. Boy think the things girls giggle over are stupid and girls think that boy laugh at things that are gross.

So, first of all, respect this gender difference. It sounds like your wife is on the stereotypical feminine end of this spectrum. This probably will not change and has nothing to do with the religion she was raised in or how much she believes. I get this, I make efforts to move to her end of the spectrum, but it's like she rejects my side. This probably isn't true. She probably makes all kinds of efforts on my behalf, it;s just really hard to see sometimes.

Then you have the Mormon attitude of sexual repression. If a woman is raised in a sexually repressive and/or "refined humor" family, then the "disgust" reaction is kind of set. I know I married into a Mormon but crude joking family, coming from a family than was extreme into refined, highbrow, dignified kind of humor. I still have disgust reactions to the crude humor after 50 years of knowing my in laws. You are not going to change this about your wife either. The disgust reaction is set. (To give an example of my in laws humor, we had a funeral yesterday and all the talks by family had fart jokes or other very crude humor. If they hadn't had, I would have known Aliens pod people had replaced them with body doubles.) This is where I find the real rub. She's says shes a sexual person, but I don't see it. I feel like she's repressed but doesn't recognize. and if I say anything.....
Also, I know I was repressed and misguided. Maybe I'm lashing back to hard to years of incorrect indoctrination.


So, I recommend a discussion with your wife about her reaction and what kind of humor she was raised with and what she does find funny. Then once you understand your wife, that will be the day that I die then it is up to you to adjust your humor to things she finds funny or just adjust your expectations so that you know she will react with more disgust than amusement. Now, remember than the line between disgust and humor is different for different people and it is the disgust that kind of makes it funny. Someone stepping in dog poop---funny. You stepping in dog poop on the way to a job interview--disgusting.

Now as to expecting her to find sexual interest from dirty or crude jokes, most women are less turned on by such things than men. Think of men's reaction to porn compared to women's. Once again, many women find it more disgusting than sexy. Opposites much attract?

What do women, in general find sexy? Think about the romantic kind of trash many women read. This is women's porn. I know, right? The problem with that stuff is it take too long and too expensive ;) Or am I letting my preconceived notions get in the way?. Some like it more refined than Harlequin Romance novels, but the underlying attraction is the same. It isn't bluntly sexual, but romance and seduction and setting the mood, wooing.

One of my therapists (and if you think your wife has sexual hang ups, imaging being married to a child sex abuse survivor.) emphasized to my husband the old fashioned concept of wooing. Just because a couple are married, doesn't mean the wife doesn't need wooing. Especially during the years when there are small children at home and the wife gets exhausted by doing for others. Remember, she may need time away from motherhood/dishes/housework/feeling like you are another child she needs to care for, order to feel sexy. (And secret---women often get to feeling like their husband is another child they have to care for) This is the trick, how to find romance in the everyday monotony. Piled on top with kids, work, and everything else. Maybe if I just pray harder and go to church better...

So, as well as the talk about what she finds funny, have a talk with her about what she finds sexy. And I am going to add after reading your last post, talk to her about adding more play into your marriage. This is really hard when times are tough and you don't know what the other will find fun or funny and what will trigger another misunderstanding or more hurt. I would recommend something like taking a class together for some new hobby, photography or scuba or stained glass or something. Mostly just something new you can do together. It is so helpful at renewing a marriage. But it really helps to have some built in structure to the new activity. My hubby and I have taken adult education classes together for some of our "marriage therapy"., I agree, finding something we can better experience together would be amazing. Sadly much easier said than done.
.

I appreciate everything you've said. Really, it's nothing new, it's just not what I'm doing. If church has taught me anything, sometimes we need to hear the same thing over and over and over and over.
Reading can severely damage your ignorance.

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Silver Girl
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Re: marital innuendo humor

Post by Silver Girl » Sat Jan 07, 2017 2:01 pm

Well, I don't have much to offer (at least not anything that the Site Police would tolerate), but I couldn't resist posting this link from Amazon. If you haven't read the comments about this item (which has its own cult following), they might give you the touch of humor you need. If you've already read it, read it again - I laugh every time.

https://www.amazon.com/Hutzler-571-Bana ... ana+slicer

Seriously, I hope you find a way to put that type of joy in your marriage. I think the church messes people up in more ways than we know.
.
.
Silver Girl is sailing into the future. She is no longer scared.

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alas
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Re: marital innuendo humor

Post by alas » Sat Jan 07, 2017 3:54 pm

Korihor wrote:Well I was writing, you posted and it sounds like thing are doing better. - More like I've chilled down, but still a concern The talk sounds like it was productive.

As others have said, women tend not to be as amused by crude humor as what men are. This is a generality of course, with some women objecting to it more than others and even some at the "male" end of the spectrum. But even if you look at kids of any culture, the boys between 4-99 ....well, OK at about 8-10 boy go through a stage of very crude humor that girls just do not. The girls are giggling over *silly* while the boys are guffawing over poop jokes and fart jokes. This is one reason at that age that boy are girls think the other gender is icky. Boy think the things girls giggle over are stupid and girls think that boy laugh at things that are gross.

So, first of all, respect this gender difference. It sounds like your wife is on the stereotypical feminine end of this spectrum. This probably will not change and has nothing to do with the religion she was raised in or how much she believes. I get this, I make efforts to move to her end of the spectrum, but it's like she rejects my side. This probably isn't true. She probably makes all kinds of efforts on my behalf, it;s just really hard to see sometimes.

Then you have the Mormon attitude of sexual repression. If a woman is raised in a sexually repressive and/or "refined humor" family, then the "disgust" reaction is kind of set. I know I married into a Mormon but crude joking family, coming from a family than was extreme into refined, highbrow, dignified kind of humor. I still have disgust reactions to the crude humor after 50 years of knowing my in laws. You are not going to change this about your wife either. The disgust reaction is set. (To give an example of my in laws humor, we had a funeral yesterday and all the talks by family had fart jokes or other very crude humor. If they hadn't had, I would have known Aliens pod people had replaced them with body doubles.) This is where I find the real rub. She's says shes a sexual person, but I don't see it. I feel like she's repressed but doesn't recognize. and if I say anything.....
Also, I know I was repressed and misguided. Maybe I'm lashing back to hard to years of incorrect indoctrination.


So, I recommend a discussion with your wife about her reaction and what kind of humor she was raised with and what she does find funny. Then once you understand your wife, that will be the day that I die then it is up to you to adjust your humor to things she finds funny or just adjust your expectations so that you know she will react with more disgust than amusement. Now, remember than the line between disgust and humor is different for different people and it is the disgust that kind of makes it funny. Someone stepping in dog poop---funny. You stepping in dog poop on the way to a job interview--disgusting.

Now as to expecting her to find sexual interest from dirty or crude jokes, most women are less turned on by such things than men. Think of men's reaction to porn compared to women's. Once again, many women find it more disgusting than sexy. Opposites much attract?

What do women, in general find sexy? Think about the romantic kind of trash many women read. This is women's porn. I know, right? The problem with that stuff is it take too long and too expensive ;) Or am I letting my preconceived notions get in the way?. Some like it more refined than Harlequin Romance novels, but the underlying attraction is the same. It isn't bluntly sexual, but romance and seduction and setting the mood, wooing.

One of my therapists (and if you think your wife has sexual hang ups, imaging being married to a child sex abuse survivor.) emphasized to my husband the old fashioned concept of wooing. Just because a couple are married, doesn't mean the wife doesn't need wooing. Especially during the years when there are small children at home and the wife gets exhausted by doing for others. Remember, she may need time away from motherhood/dishes/housework/feeling like you are another child she needs to care for, order to feel sexy. (And secret---women often get to feeling like their husband is another child they have to care for) This is the trick, how to find romance in the everyday monotony. Piled on top with kids, work, and everything else. Maybe if I just pray harder and go to church better...

So, as well as the talk about what she finds funny, have a talk with her about what she finds sexy. And I am going to add after reading your last post, talk to her about adding more play into your marriage. This is really hard when times are tough and you don't know what the other will find fun or funny and what will trigger another misunderstanding or more hurt. I would recommend something like taking a class together for some new hobby, photography or scuba or stained glass or something. Mostly just something new you can do together. It is so helpful at renewing a marriage. But it really helps to have some built in structure to the new activity. My hubby and I have taken adult education classes together for some of our "marriage therapy"., I agree, finding something we can better experience together would be amazing. Sadly much easier said than done.
.

I appreciate everything you've said. Really, it's nothing new, it's just not what I'm doing. If church has taught me anything, sometimes we need to hear the same thing over and over and over and over.
I knew you have heard it all before, but I know that I need reminding. Otherwise, I forget that farts are an Olimpics event and need to be rated to see who wins.

You are probably correct that your DW is sexually repressed. She won't think she is because what she is is all she has ever known. But you telling her she is sexually repressed is probably the worst thing you could do. right, make her not only repressed but feeling inadequate sexually too and self conscious about it which just makes her even more repressed.

Have you ever heard about love languages? Basically it is the theory that different people like to have love shown to them in different ways. There are two different versions and after reading both, I still came up with some other ways that people recognize loving behavior. With many men, I would say it is physical touch, but there are secondary languages too. Some women like gifts and flowers, some like to be told, some like spending time together. With men there are some who like gifts, or being cooked for, or being told, or physical affection. The point is, that if the woman wants time together and the dude keeps bringing her flowers to try to show her he loves her, but is hardly ever home, there is a mismatch. Or if the woman wants gifts, and the guy tells her everyday that he loves her, but never gives her gifts, then she is going to feel neglected, no matter how much he tells her or how much he earns or how much time he spends with her. So, you (everybody, not specific to any "you") have to know your partner's love language and show love to them in their language. Get one of the several books out on the subject.

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AzCommando
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Re: marital innuendo humor

Post by AzCommando » Sat Jan 07, 2017 7:19 pm

Silver Girl wrote:Well, I don't have much to offer (at least not anything that the Site Police would tolerate), but I couldn't resist posting this link from Amazon. If you haven't read the comments about this item (which has its own cult following), they might give you the touch of humor you need. If you've already read it, read it again - I laugh every time.

https://www.amazon.com/Hutzler-571-Bana ... ana+slicer

Seriously, I hope you find a way to put that type of joy in your marriage. I think the church messes people up in more ways than we know.

Thanks Silver Girl, best laugh ever! :lol:

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LaMachina
Posts: 292
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2016 9:27 am

Re: marital innuendo humor

Post by LaMachina » Sat Jan 07, 2017 7:37 pm

Your wife doesn't like banana dick jokes? That's weird...oh wait..no it isn't!!
;)

But seriously, I can relate to what you're feeling. I don't know all your circumstances but your wife is at least tepidly on board with your views of the church, right? Maybe not, and that can be an intimacy killer right there, but if she's open to trying some adult beverages that might help? We've never gotten drunk but we've been enjoying alcohol moderately for a couple years now. It has been exactly the social lubricant we needed. Good luck!

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Lithium Sunset
Posts: 194
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 8:11 pm

Re: marital innuendo humor

Post by Lithium Sunset » Sun Jan 08, 2017 6:53 am

Silver Girl wrote:Well, I don't have much to offer (at least not anything that the Site Police would tolerate), but I couldn't resist posting this link from Amazon. If you haven't read the comments about this item (which has its own cult following), they might give you the touch of humor you need. If you've already read it, read it again - I laugh every time.

https://www.amazon.com/Hutzler-571-Bana ... ana+slicer
What an awesome, hidden gem. So funny! Thanks for sharing :D
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." -Laura Ingalls Wilder

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shadow
Posts: 154
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 4:07 pm

Re: marital innuendo humor

Post by shadow » Tue Jan 10, 2017 2:30 pm

Silver Girl wrote:Well, I don't have much to offer (at least not anything that the Site Police would tolerate), but I couldn't resist posting this link from Amazon. If you haven't read the comments about this item (which has its own cult following), they might give you the touch of humor you need. If you've already read it, read it again - I laugh every time.

https://www.amazon.com/Hutzler-571-Bana ... ana+slicer

Seriously, I hope you find a way to put that type of joy in your marriage. I think the church messes people up in more ways than we know.
Similar item, but perhaps even more suggestive. I may or may not have taken one of these to a white elephant party consisting entirely of mormons.
Banana Bunker
"Healing is impossible in loneliness; it is the opposite of loneliness. Conviviality is healing. To be healed we must come with all the other creates to the feast of Creation." --Wendell Berry

Korihor
Posts: 1236
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 10:37 am

Re: marital innuendo humor

Post by Korihor » Tue Jan 10, 2017 2:44 pm

LaMachina wrote:Your wife doesn't like banana dick jokes? That's weird...oh wait..no it isn't!!
;)

But seriously, I can relate to what you're feeling. I don't know all your circumstances but your wife is at least tepidly on board with your views of the church, right? Maybe not, and that can be an intimacy killer right there, but if she's open to trying some adult beverages that might help? We've never gotten drunk but we've been enjoying alcohol moderately for a couple years now. It has been exactly the social lubricant we needed. Good luck!
You just unknowingly poured salt in an open wound. Mrs Kori knows of church views, and agrees with most of them. She is struggling terribly on deciding whether or not to continue attending.
She's knows I've tried a few adult beverages and even tried one or two herself a few months ago. However, that has come to screeching halt. We had a talk/tiff the other night and she put her foot down on no alcohol in her house. I can have something on my own time but she doesn't want anything to do with it. She doesn't care what the church says about it, it her own moral decision. So any hope in the foreseeable future of getting tipsy together have been royally kiboshed.
Reading can severely damage your ignorance.

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