I can't do this anymore

This is for encouragement, ideas, and support for people going through a faith transition no matter where you hope to end up. This is also the place to laugh, cry, and love together.
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Mackman
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I can't do this anymore

Post by Mackman » Tue Mar 29, 2022 12:34 pm

Well once again I spoke at church mainly for my granddaughter preparing to go on a mission. I am not a good speaker, I stumble over my words can't get my thoughts out the way I want to, my face gets red at times , I'm done speaking !!! The ones who can speak well have all the power. I am the Moses of the branch !! I'm also retiring in Oct I can't continue working in a state prison beyond 62 due to my health , my wife will have to live with it !! She says I have to keep working , I will if she leaves the church Lol !! Comments :: I could use some support I'm really tired of it all. Thanks for listening . Mackman

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Red Ryder
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Re: I can't do this anymore

Post by Red Ryder » Tue Mar 29, 2022 12:52 pm

Sounds like your Exhaustipated. Too tired to give a crap!

Learning to say No to church people should be the number one skill people learn upon a faith transition.

I haven’t spoke in over 10 years. If asked I simply say “No thanks, it’s not my thing.”

As for retirement, congrats and good luck. Retirement can be a whole different life transition. Having to be home together or alone while the other spouse continues to work can be challenging. I’m sure you’ll find plenty to do.
“It always devolves to Pantaloons. Always.” ~ Fluffy

“I switched baristas” ~ Lady Gaga

“Those who do not move do not notice their chains.” ~Rosa Luxemburg

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Linked
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Re: I can't do this anymore

Post by Linked » Tue Mar 29, 2022 1:49 pm

Speaking in church can be really difficult even as a TBM, but after a faith transition it adds a bunch more stress. That was nice of you to support your granddaughter, and I'm sure there are other ways you can and do support her. Hang in there Mackman!
"I would write about life. Every person would be exactly as important as any other. All facts would also be given equal weightiness. Nothing would be left out. Let others bring order to chaos. I would bring chaos to order" - Kurt Vonnegut

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moksha
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Re: I can't do this anymore

Post by moksha » Tue Mar 29, 2022 3:53 pm

I haven't spoken at Church since I was a young teen. They always wanted a youth speaker back then and I got drafted most of the time because I was too much of a pleaser. No one has ever asked since I rejoined the Church, which suits me fine. I can just imagine speaking on a subject and saying something to which ultra-orthodox Mormons might disagree thereby betraying my connection with the arts, sciences, and philosophies of Mankind.
Good faith does not require evidence, but it also does not turn a blind eye to that evidence. Otherwise, it becomes misplaced faith.
-- Moksha

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jfro18
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Re: I can't do this anymore

Post by jfro18 » Tue Mar 29, 2022 7:38 pm

I actually love speaking in public, but I totally get the flipside of just hating it especially when it's about something you're not thrilled with.

I'm a huge fan of the band Pearl Jam and in their documentary they have a section about the "power of no," which is to say that you have to learn to say no and be OK doing so if you want to survive sometimes. It took me a long time to get to that point with church (and well before the Pearl Jam documentary haha) but once I was able to finally say 'no' it was easier even if there was fallout.

But that's easier said than done and you have to figure out which battles are worth saying 'no' to and which ones are not... and that really is the balance that seems to never get easier. :)

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hallew
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Re: I can't do this anymore

Post by hallew » Wed Mar 30, 2022 5:42 am

I feel for you Mackman. Sometimes life sucks; especially, when it’s related to church.

Setting boundaries is hard. I’m getting better at this.

However, if for whatever reason you can’t say no to speaking next time you are asked, then request for a talk from GC and just read it. Maybe you won’t be asked to speak again or will become the back-up on the fly speaker who only reads conference talks. :lol:

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1smartdodog
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Re: I can't do this anymore

Post by 1smartdodog » Wed Mar 30, 2022 5:56 am

The best way i found to not get the call is just become semi inactive. Or totally. It gets you the stigma of an apostate. Who wants an apostate speaking.


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“Five percent of the people think; ten percent of the people think they think; and the other eighty-five percent would rather die than think.”
― Thomas A. Edison

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stealthbishop
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Re: I can't do this anymore

Post by stealthbishop » Wed Mar 30, 2022 8:56 am

Hey Mackman,

Thanks for checking in. Yes, the speaking issue in the LDS tradition is kind of unique in religious traditions. And yes, some people are better at it than others and that's okay. We all bring strengths to the table and you have yours and it is important to celebrate and amplify those strengths that you have! You're also going through some serious transitions in terms of faith and work it sounds like. That is huge in and of itself and should not be underestimated in terms of the emotional and mental (and even physical) toll it takes on a human being. Full support and solidarity with you Mackman. I hope your wife can gain some more understanding of what you're going through. In the mean time, I'm glad you're getting support on NOM. We're with you!! Hang in there!!!
"Take second best
Put me to the test
Things on your chest
You need to confess"

-Depeche Mode

Mackman
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Re: I can't do this anymore

Post by Mackman » Wed Mar 30, 2022 1:51 pm

I appreciate the support, I plan on never speaking again ever !!! Yes I am going through a lot of changes right now that are very challenging to say the least. I love all my fellow Nomies !! Only you guys can possibly understand , thank you. P.s. doing better today.

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Just This Guy
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Re: I can't do this anymore

Post by Just This Guy » Wed Mar 30, 2022 3:00 pm

hallew wrote:
Wed Mar 30, 2022 5:42 am
However, if for whatever reason you can’t say no to speaking next time you are asked, then request for a talk from GC and just read it. Maybe you won’t be asked to speak again or will become the back-up on the fly speaker who only reads conference talks. :lol:

Read the original GC talk given by Elder Ronald Poelman's in the November 1984 conference. OR a BY talk about how Adam-God is absolute doctrine and you cannot be saved if you do not believe it. End the talk by saying you next talk will be to read the 1948 statement from the FP on the state of black people in the church.

Just do the most controversial CG talks possible until they black list you.
"The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." -- Douglas Adams

Wonderment
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Re: I can't do this anymore

Post by Wonderment » Thu Mar 31, 2022 4:20 pm

Read the original GC talk given by Elder Ronald Poelman's in the November 1984 conference. OR a BY talk about how Adam-God is absolute doctrine and you cannot be saved if you do not believe it. End the talk by saying you next talk will be to read the 1948 statement from the FP on the state of black people in the church.

Just do the most controversial CG talks possible until they black list you.
:lol: :lol: :lol:
That'll do the trick for sure ! No more speaking requests.
I think it's wonderful that you support your granddaughter, and I'm sure there are many other ways to show emotional support for her.

If you're asked to speak again, you could say something casual like, "Thanks for thinking of me, but I've been asked to speak in church for so many years, and I'd like that assignment to go to other people now."
I think the pressure of being asked to speak in church meeting, or the fear that we are going to be asked to speak and somehow are required to share a testimony, is one of many issues which drives people away.
I wish you the very best in retirement; and if you find you are bored around the house, there are a huge number of part-time jobs available right now, as so many people are hiring.
Thanks for your well-written message, as I find it very timely and relevant. -- Wndr.

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