A place to love and accept the people who think about and live Mormonism on their own terms.
https://newordermormon.net/
No; back in February we had an argument where I clearly expressed my frustrations and that opened his eyes to what I was going through. He proposed that I give myself space from church and he wouldn’t pressure me to attend. He hadn't realized I was feeling pressured into attending by him. I haven’t really attended since late February and things seem to be going smoothly. However, if this changes and we do start to have conflict over it or boundary issues, then I will suggest seeing a couple’s therapist. My husband attends on Sundays and teaches a primary class, but he is not TBM. He just thinks that religion teaches good values. I think that’s why there hasn’t been a lot of drama. Also, he has seen how much I have suffered over the last few years and wants me to be a happy person again. I have been working on boundaries with my mom and people from church for about a year and a half. It started with little changes at first. Like I refused to teach any lessons in YW I felt uncomfortable with. Then when I was asked to give a talk I told the Bishopric member that there were certain topics I wouldn't speak about. I thought I could still attend if these boundaries were in place, but I realized it wasn't enough since I cried after church almost every Sunday. I knew then that I needed new boundaries and that was space from church in general.
Good advice RR. How did you talk her into going to therapy with you? Also what are the Sans garments?Red Ryder wrote: ↑Fri May 13, 2022 11:21 pmGo to therapy with your wife.
Sister Ryder and I did 15 weeks and came out better able to communicate. We don’t always agree but we’ve learned to communicate and set our boundaries.
At the beginning of this faith transition mess, I was afraid we’d be divorced. Had little kids.
Now I’m afraid we won’t get divorced. Kids are nearly grown up.
You just have to like each other more that the church.
And follow 2 simple rules:
1. Never talk about church or any conflict after 9:00 PM
2. Never talk about church or any conflict while on vacation.
3. (Bonus). after 9:00 PM and while on vacation should be reserved for mending relationships if you know what I mean wink wink. Sans garments is best.
Amen and amen! And don't forget camping. Staring at a campfire for a few hours and then rediscovering the night sky away from city lights is wonderfully therapeutic.Just This Guy wrote: ↑Mon May 16, 2022 9:27 amWhen DW and I left the church, We found the visiting the Cathedral of the Great Blue Dome was a great way to mentally recharge and feel better.
Something about blue sky, grass, and trees helps you to feel better. We would go to a local lake with the kids or a nature walk on a rail-trail, something like that.
Have you thought about surprising her with an activity you think she mighty enjoy, something you guys could strengthen your relationship with by spending time with each other learning the ends and outs of the new activity? Something that has absolutely nothing to do with church, something you and her have never done or thought of doing. A few years back my wife and I started playing golf together and eventually started playing in golf leagues against other teams. No Mormons, mainly Christians and atheist on the course. We were the only ones on the course that were soberstuck wrote: ↑Mon May 23, 2022 3:40 pmGood advice RR. How did you talk her into going to therapy with you? Also what are the Sans garments?Red Ryder wrote: ↑Fri May 13, 2022 11:21 pmGo to therapy with your wife.
Sister Ryder and I did 15 weeks and came out better able to communicate. We don’t always agree but we’ve learned to communicate and set our boundaries.
At the beginning of this faith transition mess, I was afraid we’d be divorced. Had little kids.
Now I’m afraid we won’t get divorced. Kids are nearly grown up.
You just have to like each other more that the church.
And follow 2 simple rules:
1. Never talk about church or any conflict after 9:00 PM
2. Never talk about church or any conflict while on vacation.
3. (Bonus). after 9:00 PM and while on vacation should be reserved for mending relationships if you know what I mean wink wink. Sans garments is best.
. It really strengthened our relationship. For a couple of years we also became really addicted to kayaking, we were obsessed, until a water moccasin slithered into my wife's kayak. That is a great idea AM! It's hard with young kids for now, but we need to just hire a babysitter and go out more for sure.AtlanticMike1 wrote: ↑Tue May 24, 2022 1:14 pmHave you thought about surprising her with an activity you think she mighty enjoy, something you guys could strengthen your relationship with by spending time with each other learning the ends and outs of the new activity? Something that has absolutely nothing to do with church, something you and her have never done or thought of doing. A few years back my wife and I started playing golf together and eventually started playing in golf leagues against other teams. No Mormons, mainly Christians and atheist on the course. We were the only ones on the course that were soberstuck wrote: ↑Mon May 23, 2022 3:40 pmGood advice RR. How did you talk her into going to therapy with you? Also what are the Sans garments?Red Ryder wrote: ↑Fri May 13, 2022 11:21 pmGo to therapy with your wife.
Sister Ryder and I did 15 weeks and came out better able to communicate. We don’t always agree but we’ve learned to communicate and set our boundaries.
At the beginning of this faith transition mess, I was afraid we’d be divorced. Had little kids.
Now I’m afraid we won’t get divorced. Kids are nearly grown up.
You just have to like each other more that the church.
And follow 2 simple rules:
1. Never talk about church or any conflict after 9:00 PM
2. Never talk about church or any conflict while on vacation.
3. (Bonus). after 9:00 PM and while on vacation should be reserved for mending relationships if you know what I mean wink wink. Sans garments is best.
Basically, maybe find an activity you both enjoy, become obsessed about it, make that activity your therapy and while enjoying that time together maybe make a rule that you guys never talk about church or family during that time. If you can find a way to replace the negative time you guys spend together with positive time, doesn't matter what you're doing, the better your relationship will be.
I set boundaries with a few relatives.
Yes to all of the above. I will start a thread in the Coffee Shop, so as not to further distract from this thread.
Thanks for the tips Angel!Angel wrote: ↑Wed May 25, 2022 7:44 pmI set boundaries with a few relatives.
Phone + ear buds - favorite audio book, such as "combating cult mind control" ... skip the earbuds, just casually flip on your own noise when other noisemakers start making noise.
5-HTP plus, Dr. emil.
Cool, I'll check it out!Hagoth wrote: ↑Fri May 27, 2022 5:51 amYes to all of the above. I will start a thread in the Coffee Shop, so as not to further distract from this thread.
