Adult Saturday Night Stake Conference "date"

This is for encouragement, ideas, and support for people going through a faith transition no matter where you hope to end up. This is also the place to laugh, cry, and love together.
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cpy911
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Adult Saturday Night Stake Conference "date"

Post by cpy911 » Sat Aug 13, 2022 7:48 pm

My wife really wanted to pull me into an adult stake conference as part of a date night tonight. She left her leadership meeting early to get me and head to out to dinner. I told her I was reluctant to sit through a 2 hour meeting (My max is 2 hours of church a week and she expects me there at Stake Conference on Sunday too) and we had some arguments. We were zooming off to dinner as she was very intent on getting to the 7pm meeting 15 mins early as requested by stake leadership. We are told to expect miracles and great revelations. I just couldn't buy into it and did my best to have a great dinner, focus on her and enjoy it, but that ended and it was time to head off to adult session. She really wanted me to sit by her and complained I don't do what I said when I married her, like attend temple, attend adult stake conference (hey at least I sit through church every week, even though I disagree with the doctrine and the corporate nature of LDS). So, I dropped her off to a very busy parking lot, came home and put ice on my ear that received a hornet sting yesterday and feeling somber about everything. Hope your dates go better!

Every day is a miracle when I don't sit in church on a nice week day evening!

Peace!

Wonderment
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Re: Adult Saturday Night Stake Conference "date"

Post by Wonderment » Sun Aug 14, 2022 2:59 am

It's so stressful to sit through endless meetings where we have to decide how to receive the speaker's words. Do we pretend to listen, then give ourselves permission to zone out? Does our partner object if we bring a book to read or scroll through our phone? Does our partner hope that by asking us to attend, that we will somehow be re-activated? It's difficult, and sometime TBM's don't realize the stress involved for non-believers, because it can cause us trauma as we re-visit our own faith transition.
I'm sorry you had to go through this, but I think you did exactly the right thing by dropping your wife off to attend by herself. If you already attend two hours of church each week, in order to be supportive of her, I think that she should be very appreciative and not ask for more. JMO --Wndr.

Wonderment
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Re: Adult Saturday Night Stake Conference "date"

Post by Wonderment » Sun Aug 14, 2022 4:24 am

To add: I think this topic brings up an important question: In a mixed-faith relationship, where you do draw the line about attendance at church meetings or church-related social functions? - Wndr.

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Angel
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Re: Adult Saturday Night Stake Conference "date"

Post by Angel » Sun Aug 14, 2022 5:39 am

"I don't do what I said when I married her, like attend temple, attend adult stake conference".

The church is the one who don't do what it said - lied about the temple, lied about history, lied about all of it. It's the church that allows abuse, the church who is disloyal, the church who abandons, shuns, excommunicated, pushes away. I'm not sure if it would go over well, I was pretty blunt with my spouse and pulled them out, would not allow them to insinuate that I was wrong - corrected them at each rebuke on what was at fault. No more twisted lies about worthiness or faith. The church is unworthy. Misplaced faith.
“You have learned something...That always feels at first as if you have lost something.” George Bernard Shaw
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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alas
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Re: Adult Saturday Night Stake Conference "date"

Post by alas » Sun Aug 14, 2022 8:56 am

It is unkind of your wife to use guilt about not doing what was promised at marriage. Marriage should only promise love, be faithful, put their well being at least equal to your own, you know, standard marriage things, not having the institutional church as a full one half of the marriage with just 1/4 left for each of you.

Marriage should recognize that people change and allow them to grow.

The biggest alarm ever to go off in my head was when I got my endowment and one covenant was to give everything, not to spouse, not to God, but to the institutional church. Nope, nope, nope. The institutional church is a human organization and dedicating my life to God is quite different than dedicating my life to a human organization, any human organization. So, in my head, I revised and said only if it REALLY is the church of Jesus Christ, not in name only. Well, it has proven that it is not really associated with Jesus of Nazareth.

Tell her that promises made to *her* are still good, but you have divorced the church for not being faithful to you. So, any promise you made to the institution is null and void.

Or better yet, tell her that you don’t believe in polygamy and refuse to keep the church as your second wife. Or maybe it has been first wife and now you want her to be first wife.

Women who grow up in the church are taught that a husband shows her and her children love by putting the church ahead of her and the children. I think that is backwards. Compare it to a job. A man needs a job to support wife and children. But if he puts the job before wife and children, then he puts in too many hours and neglects family. But in the church, they may say that family comes first, but they really expect you to put church first, not family. Look at tithing. You are supposed to pay that first. Not put the needs of family first and tithing second. Look at callings. A bishop can put on 40 at his paid job and then 40-50 as bishop and there is no time left for family. I know several bishops who had their wife divorce them because there was no time for family. The church really teaches the YW that if the husband doesn’t put church ahead of everything else, then he doesn’t really love her. Look at the teaching about going on a mission. You were told to put the church ahead of your girlfriend. You were told that if she loves you, she won’t try to keep you from going. Because the church comes first. Not family.

So, when the husband pulls away from the church, the wife believes that he no longer loves her either. If he can stop loving the church, then he can stop loving her. The two are equated.

So you job is to prove that wrong. Prove that you love her more than ever now that you don’t love the institution.

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Red Ryder
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Re: Adult Saturday Night Stake Conference "date"

Post by Red Ryder » Sun Aug 14, 2022 10:42 am

I always refused to mix church and “date night”.

Let’s call it what it is. Church is church.

Date night is date night!

Semantics eh?

Two things church should never be a part of.

1. Date night
2. Bedroom activities

Red Ryder’s Rules #56 and #1, respectively.
“It always devolves to Pantaloons. Always.” ~ Fluffy

“I switched baristas” ~ Lady Gaga

“Those who do not move do not notice their chains.” ~Rosa Luxemburg

cpy911
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Re: Adult Saturday Night Stake Conference "date"

Post by cpy911 » Sun Aug 14, 2022 4:48 pm

Two simple rules to follow and remember!
Red Ryder wrote:
Sun Aug 14, 2022 10:42 am
I always refused to mix church and “date night”.

Let’s call it what it is. Church is church.

Date night is date night!

Semantics eh?

Two things church should never be a part of.

1. Date night
2. Bedroom activities

Red Ryder’s Rules #56 and #1, respectively.

cpy911
Posts: 16
Joined: Sun Dec 18, 2016 1:51 pm

Re: Adult Saturday Night Stake Conference "date"

Post by cpy911 » Sun Aug 14, 2022 5:03 pm

Went to the Sunday Stake Conference this AM today. Wife was happy to have me there sitting by her.

The message for the the two hour session...you guessed it, missionary work! We heard from converts, stake presidency and charismatic returned missionary couple, etc. The church is so focused on getting others to join us, it is all we talk about. We don't even talk about the Gospel and its good news of reconciliation with God and how that impacts our lives. I know sharing this good news is important, but it is not the core purpose it seems in LDS dogma. At least they talked about loving the people you are trying to convert. However, that should be for any case or situation.

We talk about getting everyone into our church and that is then the message for new comers. It seems like a MLM organization. It is not about the product, more about getting people into your line. It is crazy twilight zone when you step back and think about it. As for missionary work, in the decades (I was born into this religion) that I have been in church, only seen a handful of converts have actually stayed active...I can see why now...we are an empty shell.

Thanks for the responses...I like the divorce from church concept and we change.

Wonderment
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Re: Adult Saturday Night Stake Conference "date"

Post by Wonderment » Sun Aug 14, 2022 5:42 pm

Excellent analogy. It's like running an MLM company where signing up a downline takes precedence over promoting the product itself. Maybe that's why MLM companies are popular in Utah. From church teachings, many people understand the need (and the sales techniques) for acquiring a network of converts and believers. JMO --- Wndr.

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DPRoberts
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Re: Adult Saturday Night Stake Conference "date"

Post by DPRoberts » Mon Aug 15, 2022 3:23 pm

The two times I've been to the Saturday evening SC sessions were the two most awful church meetings I ever attended. It seems like only the most dedicated attend that session and the visiting GA knows that and plays to that crowd.

The last time I attended one of these, and I do mean last time, one woman from my ward spoke first and totally outclassed all the priesthood on the stand, which included two Seventies. The rest of the meeting suffered by comparison.

Since you mentioned date night, the other time we went to one of these the high councilman in front of us upset my wife by tickling his wife's neck during the meeting. Must have been their date night :twisted:

You did right dropping her off.
When an honest man discovers he is mistaken, he will either cease to be mistaken or cease to be honest. -anon
The belief that there is only one truth, and that oneself is in possession of it, is the root of all evil in the world. -Max Born

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FreeFallin
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Re: Adult Saturday Night Stake Conference "date"

Post by FreeFallin » Mon Aug 15, 2022 6:12 pm

Did you actually, in fact, promise your wife before you got married that you would attend church and go to the temple? Or did you marry her in the temple and the expectations are that you would do those things because you both were believers?

cpy911
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Joined: Sun Dec 18, 2016 1:51 pm

Re: Adult Saturday Night Stake Conference "date"

Post by cpy911 » Wed Aug 17, 2022 8:44 am

FreeFallin wrote:Did you actually, in fact, promise your wife before you got married that you would attend church and go to the temple? Or did you marry her in the temple and the expectations are that you would do those things because you both were believers?
No. I never explicitly promised any of that. At the time I was a TBM priesthood holder and that was the expectation she had/has of me.


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