How do you stay sane and grounded?

This is for encouragement, ideas, and support for people going through a faith transition no matter where you hope to end up. This is also the place to laugh, cry, and love together.
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stuck
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How do you stay sane and grounded?

Post by stuck » Tue Sep 06, 2022 12:48 pm

I don't know about you guys but sometimes I wonder if I'm on the verge of a mental health crisis. It is challenging living in a mixed faith marriage right, but also being perhaps one of the few like us who are in the neighborhood or at church.

Anyhow, I am just wondering what you guys do to stay sane or grounded in this situation. I like comedy myself sometimes and will listen to laugh USA on Sirius xm which is mostly clean. I have heard that therapy helps and I have done a little of that, and perhaps it's time to do a bit more.

Any other ideas?

Thanks

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jfro18
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Re: How do you stay sane and grounded?

Post by jfro18 » Tue Sep 06, 2022 1:59 pm

Early on what helped me keep sane was Mormon Expressions and Infants on Thrones podcasts... Mormon Expressions was long done when I started diving in, but both podcasts made me laugh about this stuff in a way that was helpful.

The only other thing was finding people like this group that you could vent to in order to get it out of my system and not talking about this stuff with my wife.

But I feel it a lot lately between religion and politics... it's hard sometimes when you hear things that you know are demonstrably false but if you say anything it just leads down a bad road. To quote Zoolander, I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

dogbite
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Re: How do you stay sane and grounded?

Post by dogbite » Tue Sep 06, 2022 2:29 pm

Detaching from Mormonism.

The saying 'not my Circus not my monkeys' is the idea here. You don't have to own the problems of Mormonism, they're not yours.

You don't have to fix them.

Indeed you don't want to fix them. They belong to somebody else.

If they ask you for your opinion then you can offer something. They'll probably say 'but the church doesn't allow that' or 'that's not doctrinal'. Probably so but that's not your problem.

The person who owns the problem is the person whose needs aren't being met. As you don't need the church, it's not a solution to anything in your life.

The church's problems aren't your problems. So let them go. There's no shortage of things for you to do yourself.

How to get through meetings. Maybe prism glasses so you can look like you're looking straight ahead at the speaker but really reading what's in your lap on your phone. Better on your neck too. Stick an ereader in a scripture case. Bluetooth in-ear buds for podcasts.

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Ghost
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Re: How do you stay sane and grounded?

Post by Ghost » Tue Sep 06, 2022 4:46 pm

Someone on NOM many years ago said something I found insightful. It was along the lines of learning to see Mormon culture as an anthropologist observing from the outside might. That's not always possible when being directly confronted by family or something like that, but maybe it is in some cases. When attending a meeting, it might help to see it as you would some other faith that you happen to be visiting. You'd have no stake in the validity of what anyone is saying, and it might even be interesting to hear what other people believe.

Back when I was attending at all I rarely went to meetings because my calling allowed me to perform other duties during church hours. When I did happen to attend a meeting, I found it interesting to see how things became more and more foreign to me. Before I knew it, I no longer had to pretend in my mind to be an "outsider." But at the same time I made an effort to skirt the line of maintaining some connection with the community and maintaining relationships with family and friends who I still wanted to associate with.

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Red Ryder
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Re: How do you stay sane and grounded?

Post by Red Ryder » Tue Sep 06, 2022 11:59 pm

Ghost wrote:
Tue Sep 06, 2022 4:46 pm
Someone on NOM many years ago said something I found insightful. It was along the lines of learning to see Mormon culture as an anthropologist observing from the outside might. That's not always possible when being directly confronted by family or something like that, but maybe it is in some cases. When attending a meeting, it might help to see it as you would some other faith that you happen to be visiting. You'd have no stake in the validity of what anyone is saying, and it might even be interesting to hear what other people believe.

Back when I was attending at all I rarely went to meetings because my calling allowed me to perform other duties during church hours. When I did happen to attend a meeting, I found it interesting to see how things became more and more foreign to me. Before I knew it, I no longer had to pretend in my mind to be an "outsider." But at the same time I made an effort to skirt the line of maintaining some connection with the community and maintaining relationships with family and friends who I still wanted to associate with.
Sounds like something Corsair always use to say.

We were chatting today on a group text with Kish, Corsair, Beetbox and a few others. I likened the church to watching reruns of Gilligans Island. You loved the show and had great memories but now watching them you just sort of laugh and realize the stupidity of the show.

The church is sort of like that now. Did I really believe that? How can people still believe this stuff?

I think you have to assess your mental health and take a few breaks from the church. From the chapel side of your still going. From the internet Mormonism side of your still consumed by all the content out there.

I’ll also throw out taking up new hobbies. Go fishing. Go kayaking. Go hiking. Do some thing outdoors and take in the big beautiful world. If you can do those things with your wife, kids, friends, whomever….

You’ll find more peace in life and start to distance yourself from the church. That’s where healing begins.
“I switched baristas” —Lady Gaga

Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

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Red Ryder
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Re: How do you stay sane and grounded?

Post by Red Ryder » Wed Sep 07, 2022 12:00 am

dogbite wrote:
Tue Sep 06, 2022 2:29 pm
Detaching from Mormonism.

The saying 'not my Circus not my monkeys' is the idea here. You don't have to own the problems of Mormonism, they're not yours.

You don't have to fix them.

Indeed you don't want to fix them. They belong to somebody else.

If they ask you for your opinion then you can offer something. They'll probably say 'but the church doesn't allow that' or 'that's not doctrinal'. Probably so but that's not your problem.

The person who owns the problem is the person whose needs aren't being met. As you don't need the church, it's not a solution to anything in your life.

The church's problems aren't your problems. So let them go. There's no shortage of things for you to do yourself.
Excellent post!
“I switched baristas” —Lady Gaga

Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

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stealthbishop
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Re: How do you stay sane and grounded?

Post by stealthbishop » Wed Sep 07, 2022 9:01 am

I think it's very normal to feel crazy when you have been raised in a high demand religion such as Mormonism. Especially when you see and experience the very high potential for religious trauma syndrome in those systems.

Boundary work is very important. It's hard work and why we come to NOM because we have spouses and other family members who may be very orthodox and don't see or experience the toxicity. So we have to find ways and degrees of protecting ourselves.

My strategy with my older parent is to have a very superficial relationship with them because they are all in on the church. They are in their mid-80's and me rocking the boat and being "authentic" with them would do absolutely no good for our relationship. And I still want to have a relationship with them. So I avoid and distract from the church or try to find common values to talk about.

I think throwing myself into new hobbies and interests has been essential since leaving the church has created a hole in my life. So finding a cause to support has been really helpful. Something to give my time, talents and energy and money to that I believe in. LGBTQ+ issues are very important to me since I became aware of how much damage the church has done to individuals, families and society with regards to that. So supporting those causes has been helpful for me (and others).

Recreation. Being able to tell myself that I can have recreation on Sundays and finding new ways to take advantage of that day has been healing for me. Being out in nature helps.

Anyways, you're not alone.
Last edited by stealthbishop on Wed Sep 07, 2022 10:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Put me to the test
Things on your chest
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moksha
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Re: How do you stay sane and grounded?

Post by moksha » Wed Sep 07, 2022 9:14 am

Red Ryder wrote:
Tue Sep 06, 2022 11:59 pm
I likened the church to watching reruns of Gilligans Island.
I would have gone with Hogan's Heroes. Many Church Authorities could have played the role of Colonel Klink. The prisoner-of-war camp setting also seems apropos.
Good faith does not require evidence, but it also does not turn a blind eye to that evidence. Otherwise, it becomes misplaced faith.
-- Moksha

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Linked
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Re: How do you stay sane and grounded?

Post by Linked » Wed Sep 07, 2022 11:06 am

It's hard when you don't feel close to the people closest to you.

I listen to a lot of podcasts, play the guitar, binge-read thoughtful web comics, and browse NOM to stay sane.
"I would write about life. Every person would be exactly as important as any other. All facts would also be given equal weightiness. Nothing would be left out. Let others bring order to chaos. I would bring chaos to order" - Kurt Vonnegut

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sparky
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Re: How do you stay sane and grounded?

Post by sparky » Wed Sep 07, 2022 5:32 pm

In general, I find that whenever I start feeling off in life, with mounting anxiety and loss of perspective, returning to the Stoics is a pretty reliable way to reground myself. Seneca, Epictetus, and Marcus Aurelius had a lot of shit figured out nearly 2000 years ago.

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w2mz
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Re: How do you stay sane and grounded?

Post by w2mz » Sun Sep 18, 2022 11:27 am

Linked wrote:
Wed Sep 07, 2022 11:06 am
It's hard when you don't feel close to the people closest to you.
This is the hardest thing for me. I just sat through two talks where the speakers used examples of people leaving the church to show how families and people are doomed for life failure and despair.

I personally don’t give a crap what they think or believe, but talks like that tear at the fragile relationship I have with my wife. It sucks.
The church has engineered your eternal family into a commodity that can be purchased with an annual fee. The fact that full tithing payment is a requirement for saving ordinances is the biggest red flag imaginable. Hagoth

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Linked
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Re: How do you stay sane and grounded?

Post by Linked » Thu Sep 22, 2022 1:12 pm

w2mz wrote:
Sun Sep 18, 2022 11:27 am
This is the hardest thing for me. I just sat through two talks where the speakers used examples of people leaving the church to show how families and people are doomed for life failure and despair.

I personally don’t give a crap what they think or believe, but talks like that tear at the fragile relationship I have with my wife. It sucks.
Oof, that's brutal. And you know your wife is hurting, but you kind of hope that somewhere in the pain she knows that those people are wrong, and then you feel bad for hoping to benefit from her pain.
"I would write about life. Every person would be exactly as important as any other. All facts would also be given equal weightiness. Nothing would be left out. Let others bring order to chaos. I would bring chaos to order" - Kurt Vonnegut

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Hagoth
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Re: How do you stay sane and grounded?

Post by Hagoth » Thu Sep 22, 2022 6:23 pm

w2mz wrote:
Sun Sep 18, 2022 11:27 am
I personally don’t give a crap what they think or believe, but talks like that tear at the fragile relationship I have with my wife. It sucks.
I'm so sorry, w2mz. This is the worst thing about the church (well, apart from the sexual predation and bigotry, I guess). They could emphasize love, acceptance, and putting the needs of individuals first, but they never have and I'm not optimistic that they ever will. The result is that families are destroyed and good people are left feeling so hopeless that see no option but to take their lives. In the church's formula that is an acceptable price to pay to maintain control. That may sound harsh, but the church doesn't agree with me they can show it by changing their formula to put more emphasis lives and families than on devotion, adoration, and obedience.

ETA: sorry, my comment didn't do much to help with the problem of staying grounded. My advice: mushrooms and meditation.
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

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