LDS Church and Courtship.

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deacon blues
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LDS Church and Courtship.

Post by deacon blues » Mon Oct 03, 2022 8:22 am

How did the LDS Church affect your dating life? I'll go first.
Briefly, in high school I dated very little. My freshman year at Ricks College I dated some, but it was limited partly by the fact that almost all girls were only interested in Returned Missionaries.
My sophomore year at Ricks I was a Returned Missionary, and I soon realized that dating was going to be easy, because of my RM status. Anybody I asked out said yes, and my confidence zoomed up and became over confidence. Honestly, I was able to date girls who were classier than me, simply because I was an RM. Pres. Kimball came to campus in February (Valentine's Month) and gave a talk saying prolonged dating was not wise, and I and hundreds of other students got engaged in the next few months. By August I was married.
I think I, and my ex-wife would have benefitted if I hadn't been encouraged to get married to soon, although my three daughters and their families all seem fine.
God is Love. God is Truth. The greatest problem with organized religion is that the organization becomes god, rather than a means of serving God.

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Red Ryder
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Re: LDS Church and Courtship.

Post by Red Ryder » Mon Oct 03, 2022 10:15 am

Did you remarry another member? What was dating like after the divorce?

To answer the question my experience was similar. Went to Ricks before the mission. Had a few first dates but not anything serious. After the mission, I skipped out on going back to Ricks because my first year experience wasn’t great and I knew I wanted to avoid a church school. I ended up at UVCC/UV whatever it was named back then. Ended up meeting the wife at an institute dance and we were married almost a year later. So I didn’t really get to put the RM status to use in regards to dating numerous ladies. I dated 2 or 3 before the mission and 2-3 after before getting married.

PS… it was great to meet you a few weeks ago at Harmons.
“It always devolves to Pantaloons. Always.” ~ Fluffy

“I switched baristas” ~ Lady Gaga

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wtfluff
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Re: LDS Church and Courtship.

Post by wtfluff » Mon Oct 03, 2022 1:53 pm

Red Ryder wrote:
Mon Oct 03, 2022 10:15 am
...
PS… it was great to meet you a few weeks ago at Harmons.
What The Fluff???

You visit apostate "church" in the belly of the beast and don't warn the rest of us locals so we can become active for that week??? ;)



(Sorry... End Thread-Jack.)
Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. -Frater Ravus

IDKSAF -RubinHighlander

You can surrender without a prayer...

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Red Ryder
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Re: LDS Church and Courtship.

Post by Red Ryder » Mon Oct 03, 2022 2:11 pm

wtfluff wrote:
Mon Oct 03, 2022 1:53 pm
Red Ryder wrote:
Mon Oct 03, 2022 10:15 am
...
PS… it was great to meet you a few weeks ago at Harmons.
What The Fluff???

You visit apostate "church" in the belly of the beast and don't warn the rest of us locals so we can become active for that week??? ;)

(Sorry... End Thread-Jack.)
It was a last minute trip up to the mothership. Your traffic is horrible by the way. 😅 I might be up there again in the next few weeks and will let my NOM teachers/ministers know I’ll be at apostate church.
“It always devolves to Pantaloons. Always.” ~ Fluffy

“I switched baristas” ~ Lady Gaga

“Those who do not move do not notice their chains.” ~Rosa Luxemburg

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Linked
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Re: LDS Church and Courtship.

Post by Linked » Mon Oct 03, 2022 2:49 pm

The issue for me was that the church laid out a step by step plan and I didn't think to question if the steps were right for me. I wish I could have considered if marriage was right for me. I think I would have embraced marriage eventually, but I wasn't ready for serious courtship right after my mission and I could have used more thinking about it instead of taking it as a given.

It made for some terrible experiences for me and the young women I dated. And a tough break in period for my marriage.
"I would write about life. Every person would be exactly as important as any other. All facts would also be given equal weightiness. Nothing would be left out. Let others bring order to chaos. I would bring chaos to order" - Kurt Vonnegut

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alas
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Re: LDS Church and Courtship.

Post by alas » Mon Oct 03, 2022 4:20 pm

Well, the first way that the church affected my courtship, was that I graduated primary with the vow that I would never never go to MIA, Mutual, or whatever it was called back then. Then I had my first crush on a guy. He was active Peter Priesthood type. And I wondered if he would like me if he found out I didn’t go. I was taking seminary, but not attending my ward at all. So, I went to church. I dated my crush until he moved away a year later and by then was active and mature enough to ignore the stuck up girls in my ward.

So, maybe if I had not been afraid that first boy friend would judge me badly, I would have stayed inactive. And probably not have married my husband because, yup, he was in my ward. And the most marriageable returned missionary in the ward like me better than the stuck up snobs in my ward.

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SincereInquirer
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Re: LDS Church and Courtship.

Post by SincereInquirer » Mon Oct 03, 2022 11:13 pm

I felt a lot of shame due to various failures to strictly obey the "law of chastity" before and after my mission. I was relieved to be married so I could hopefully feel worthy, but even after marriage I still didn't feel totally comfortable that I was really totally "worthy" due to failures to completely confess every little detail of my past transgressions to my bishop. My shame still continued.

What a mind f*%#
"I don't need the Mormon church to be true, I just need it to not be verifiably false." - something I read somewhere...(help me give proper citation credit if you know where this came from)

Cnsl1
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Re: LDS Church and Courtship.

Post by Cnsl1 » Wed Oct 05, 2022 4:17 am

The church probably affected my dating life more than I realized.

I dated a lot in high school, and felt encouraged to date a lot of girls. This was the early 80s. I went to the Esp for Youth camps at BYU and bought in on the creative dating ideas, met lots of girls there, and corresponded with them for several months-- some up to a year. Had maybe a couple of more serious gfs in high school--relationships that lasted a few months--but broke up because I felt things were getting too close and intimate. Again, following my interpretation of church guidelines, but also pretty much what I wanted to do anyway.

Near the beginning of my first year of college I got really sick and missed over a month of school. Lost weight and lost confidence. Dated less. Went on mission after that first year, mostly because I wanted to be an RM more than I wanted to serve. Like many, somewhere along the way I figured out that the service was the important thing, not the status.

After mission, I returned to the same college and resumed dating a lot, including some girls I'd dated before. When I say a lot, I mean probably about 10 girls in the course of about 6 months until I met my wife. Again, following what I thought was the right thing to do. I felt no pressure to marry soon. My mission president had given me a soft mandate to get married by the time I was 40. I also had no desire to marry soon and was enjoying dating lots of girls, but that sorta changed after I met someone I couldn't stay away from, and we had a relatively short courtship as we were engaged after about 7 months and married 3 months after that. We stayed at that same college for an additional semester then moved out of state where I continued my education elsewhere.

I feel like I was fortunate in my choice of mate, as well as how the church influence probably worked well for me during the dating and courtship years. Sure, I experienced the guilt of "going too far" or getting too intimate, which in hindsight was silly. I never had sex before marriage, but still felt the church induced guilt, as well as the pressure to confess transgressions a couple of times, which were really just a part of my normal sexual development. Still, I emerged largely unscathed emotionally, having done what I'd probably still recommend. Date a lot of different people and don't get too close until you figure out the kind of person you like and want to be with. I feel like the church helped with that and it worked for me.

stuck
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Re: LDS Church and Courtship.

Post by stuck » Wed Oct 05, 2022 2:56 pm

Being raised in an orthodox home and attending BYU I believe made me very picky. I dated a lot of girls but usually found a flaw that caused me to stop. And those who I thought were great weren't very interested in me. Finally when I was in my forties attending a mid singles ward I decided that I didn't want to be single after 45 and made a more intentional effort. I got married to a good and rather orthodox Mormon girl and we have been fortunate to have two wonderful kids.

Ironically, it was in our first year of marriage that I began to question the church. Since then it's been a bit of a trek. However, I am grateful that she is a good person and that we can raise our 2 kids. I have been sort of going along to get along, however, there will probably come a point like when it comes time to baptize my son and the bishop tells me I can't because of my beliefs. Then I may have to "come out" to more of mine and my wife's family for an explanation and then hopefully I can more openly be authentic to my beliefs.

It is curious to think back though and wonder how my life might have been different had I married someone who I rejected due to a "petty flaw". And also interesting to think what may have happened had I had my faith crisis when I was single.

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