Moderation in All Things

[felixfabulous]

This has probably been covered a ton in the past, but I wanted to get some ideas from people on here about alcohol. I first started experimenting with drinking last year during the holiday season and it was love at first sip. I loved the taste, the feeling, everything about it. I am a regular coffee drinker, but have been slow to try alcohol. I have some alcoholics in the family tree and have seen lots of ruined lives and bad decisions that have resulted from alcohol. My wife has been very reluctant to be OK with me drinking and was not happy when she heard I tried a few Christmas drinks. In March I went to a work event and ordered a rum and coke and it really helped me relax and be social. My wife was more OK with that. Since then I've dipped my toe in the water more and probably been having one or two drinks a week. Most of this has been kept from my wife, but has been very enjoyable and helped me relax.

If I'm honest, it's more than I wanted to drink (wanted to be an occasional or special occasion drinker) and also didn't like being secretive from my wife. I used Sober October as a chance to take a month off and reassess. I would like to have another conversation with my wife about it and wanted to see how other people have navigated it and if they have any advice for being reasonable and moderate.

[moksha]

I've read that those people consuming one glass of red wine with dinner live longer.

[Red Ryder]

There’s a lot of fear baked into the Mormon psyche.

I think education, moderation, and responsibility are the key. For me, the wife and I have had a few conversations (and a few drinks) and it’s come out that she’s not a fan of alcohol and doesn’t see the point in forcing herself to like it. That’s ok with me if that’s what she prefers. So in order to alleviate the fears we’ve set some general ground rules in no particular order.

1. Never drink and drive. 1 drink max and 2 hours time minimum before driving is a general safe rule to follow pending height and weight etc.
2. Never drink alone
3. Never be in a position where alcohol may impair your judgement enough to compromise morality based obligations to our marriage. Think law of chastity etc.
4. If alcohol makes you angry and abusive, then maybe you shouldn’t drink.
5. Experiment together. It enhances sexy time.
6. Be honest and don’t hide it.
7. We both reserve the right to make our own choices.
8. Be respectful of each other’s choice
9. Go slow, be responsible, educate yourself on health, risks, and don’t be drunk at family dinners
10. Don’t be obnoxious. (More so a warning to me).

Alcohol doesn’t have to be a bad thing but has the potential to be a bad thing. Open conversation with the spouse is important.

[felixfabulous]

I really like those rules and the insights.

[Hagoth]

When I took a brief, temporary vacation from the church in my late 20s I drank quite a bit, probably more out of rebellion than anything.

Now that I give myself permission as a senior-ish citizen to do whatever I want regarding the WoW, I find that I don't really care much for alcohol. I will drink a beer or cider every now and then, but I really don't like the feeling of being drunk. I'm with you on rum and Coke, though. If I am going to have a mixed drink, that's the magic tonic for me. It's certainly not a hill to die on with a spouse.

Absolutely, moderation in all things. Drinking less is the best way to make certain you don't get in trouble with the back-monkey, the law, or the wife.