She seems close to the end sometimes

[Conman52]

Hi gang : Been sometime since I have visited and posted my own thread. I have missed you guys. Recently when all the financial dealings of ensign peak came out in the news I kept dropping hints and at one point came out and asked my TBM wife if she would want to belong to a dishonest organization?? She said no and we had a couple of other discussions about it and I was thinking her shelf was crashing then the next day she wouldn't even talk about it and doubled down. She was almost there !!!! What happens to those that almost turn the corner ?? I just don't get it !! What do you Nomies say ??

[alas]

Sometimes those who almost turn the corner retrench. They fortify the “shelf” because they feel like it is under attack. This is why we NOMmies advise taking it slow yourself and allowing your spouse to find their own way out or to stay TBM and stay in. You just can’t lead them out until they decide on their own that is the direction they want to go.

So, yes, keep talking about your journey out, unless your spouse say it feels uncomfortable or refuses to talk about it. Then back off and reassure them that you love them just the way they are and don’t try to change them. Trying to change your spouse just makes them feel unloved. I mean, you know how you would feel if spouse pressured you to stay in or lectured you about the evils of leaving. So, golden rule, if you wouldn’t like spouse to try to change you, don’t try to change them.

So, it is a fine line between sharing your own spiritual journey, and expecting your spouse to join you in your journey. So, pay close attention to if you push too hard to try to get her to leave. And refusing to talk about it is a pretty good sign you gave her too much to think about and she didn’t like it. In other words, you pushed too much to get her to leave the church.

People just have to change their own minds sometimes and any attempt to get them to change back fires on you.

[Wonderment]

Hi gang : Been sometime since I have visited and posted my own thread. I have missed you guys. Recently when all the financial dealings of ensign peak came out in the news I kept dropping hints and at one point came out and asked my TBM wife if she would want to belong to a dishonest organization?? She said no and we had a couple of other discussions about it and I was thinking her shelf was crashing then the next day she wouldn't even talk about it and doubled down. She was almost there !!!! What happens to those that almost turn the corner ?? I just don't get it !! What do you Nomies say ??

This is what happens psychologically: sometimes when TBM's have too many items "on their shelf", they tend to be emotionally overwhelmed and cannot process all the issues. TBM's believe that God and the church are inseparable. God and the church are one and the same, because the church does the Lord's work on earth. So to doubt the church is to doubt the works of God and to doubt the first commandment to love the Lord thy God.

Right now, your spouse started to turn the corner, then felt that she was turning away from God because she doubted the church. Eventually, as one proceeds through these faith disucssions, one starts to see the church organization as being separate from God and subject to human foibles and human dishonesty. That is disconcerting to them. They feel that they are on shaky ground, so they want to go back to their familiar, comfortable beliefs. It's kind of a two steps forward, one step back kind of a thing. It seems to happen in most religious cults where the leaders are seen as prophets receiving direct revelation from heavenly father.
Thank you for bringing up this important and relevant topic. -- Wndr.

[Angel]

Hi gang : Been sometime since I have visited and posted my own thread. I have missed you guys. Recently when all the financial dealings of ensign peak came out in the news I kept dropping hints and at one point came out and asked my TBM wife if she would want to belong to a dishonest organization?? She said no and we had a couple of other discussions about it and I was thinking her shelf was crashing then the next day she wouldn't even talk about it and doubled down. She was almost there !!!! What happens to those that almost turn the corner ?? I just don't get it !! What do you Nomies say ??

Let's say you are leaving a job, or perhaps graduating from school, going through some transition. A gradual disentanglement from the situation is often best, with time to fully process emotions, and perhaps form bridges within new communities. If it is possible to make an exit as smoothly and respectfully as possible, without anger, responsible - planned- no loose ends - thoughtful.

Patience, piece by piece, perhaps provide links to new structures/ new communities, weave in the new colors

[Palerider]

Good responses all.

[moksha]

What happens to those that almost turn the corner??

Their programming is strong and they are able to emit enough gaslight to reinflate the balloon.

[MoPag]

Patience, piece by piece, perhaps provide links to new structures/ new communities, weave in the new colors

Try to realize that Mormon women have been taught to measure their worth and identity on being married to a worthy, believing priesthood holder. Your faith crisis is her identity crisis.

Like Angel said, bring new things into her life. Nurture a new hobby. Find new friends. Volunteer. Help her find more facets to her identity.