Should I stop attending?

[20/20hind]

In 2011 I stopped attending and in 2012 I resigned. My tbm spouse still attended through all of this with our kids. My youngest would want to stay home on Sunday with me and this was causing some serious marriage problems for us. So in an effort to help the relationship I decided to start attending sm with the family since the later part of 2014. This has helped a lot and my wife has been very appreciative of this effort on my part. My kids know I'm a total unbeliever. Most of the time I don't mind going because it serves as a reminder almost every Sunday that I'm so glad to be free and out. However I'm really struggling with the concept of, if I keep attending am I showing support for an organization that I believe is corrupt and morally wrong? Especially with the November policy. I'm really torn on making my wife and kids happy at the expense of my integrity. I'm just at a crossroads on which way I'm going to go.

[Enoch Witty]

I've stopped attending recently, but I could see many scenarios where I compromise to attend on some level. Compromise is a part of all relationships, and a crucial part of long-term relationships with people we love. Sitting in a pew inwardly scoffing at ridiculous statements is not showing support; if it is, it pales in comparison with financial or personnel support that comes from tithing or callings. If this is bringing peace to your home and it isn't actively harming your psyche to attend, I see no reason why you should make a change.

[Stig]

I've tried attending for the last 6 years and finally stopped (at least for now) a few weeks ago. I found that I came home very depressed every Sunday; it wasn't healthy...at all.

[TheRunningmom]

For now, it sounds like it's helping your relationship with your wife. Would it help to think of it in terms of supporting her rather than supporting the organization?

But if it becomes increasingly difficult for you to be there, I'd talk to her about switching off every week. You'll still be there with her twice a month but you'll also have some weeks that your mind can rest.

[MoPag]

Enoch is right. Sitting in a pew isn't supporting COB, it's supporting your wife. And she is way more important.

That being said, if you need a break, just tell DW you are going to skip for a few weeks. But give her an exact date on when you are going to start going again.

[Red Ryder]

First of all, let's shift your thinking here.

You're not attending, you're visiting!

Only church members attend and are marked down on the attendance rolls. Since you're no longer a member, you no longer attend. This means you're visiting! Next time you visit, take notice of the sign on the outside wall under the name of the church. It says "Visitors Welcome". As long as you feel genuinely welcome (and you are by your spouse and family) then continue to visit.

Second, maybe it's time for your visitation generosity to be reciprocated in the form of a family weekend get away. Take time to pull the family together outside of church to demonstrate that the world still turns on a Sunday afternoon outside of the chapel. Use some of that money formally known as tithing for these occasions. You're family will become stronger, closer, and find happiness outside of the church. These getaways will become memories for the kids and show that it's ok to miss church.

[wtfluff]

Mark my vote down for: Do what is best for you, your wife, and your family.

I'm also like the comments about "trading off" so you can do something good for the family, UNRELATED to attending LDS Corporation meetings.

[20/20hind]

Great advice everyone thanks for taking the time. The "ward" I visit has some great people who remain our friends (we do things regularly as couples) so it's not bad at all in that regard. I see the need to support my wife but maybe I will take 1 or 2 sundays off for a mental break. I could probably use it. I may throw some mild barley drink in the mix to relax.

[Enoch Witty]

I may throw some mild barley drink in the mix to relax.

Choose the right (which is this).

[Corsair]

I'm with Enoch Witty on this. I attend for family stability and marital peace. I think of it in terms of how I would want to attend church if I were just a Unitarian or basic Christian attending weekly with my family strictly for having a supportive community.

Here's a thought experiment. Suppose the church had two new programs to choose from going forward.

1. More people attend sacrament meeting, but paying less tithing
2. More people to pay tithing, but smaller church attendance

Which program do you think the institutional church would choose? I think we know, because the church has quietly been moving in the the "lower attendance, more tithing" direction for some time. The average ward sizes have been increasing with no discernible increase in actual meeting attendance. Meanwhile, new temples being built requires obedience to the temple rec questions. A full tithe payer will be tolerated as a half attender while the guy who admits being behind on tithing but still attends all meetings will have problems.

Becoming a more conservative church retains the most faithful members who provide a backbone of temporal support. Liberal churches have been consistently on the decline in the last few decades while the more fundamentalists have been holding pretty strong in that time. Yes, they do want you to come and hope that continued exposure to the church will soften your heart. But simply attending church with your wife, but without paying tithing is actually opposite of how the LDS church wants to operate.