Slowly fading away? The future of NOM?

[Emower]

I have picked up some new reading material that I intend to make my way through slowly by Joseph Campbell. Curiously Campbell studied at Dartmouth College joining impressive alum's such as Hyrum Smith! I have started to read his "Myths to live by" book. It has been thought provoking so far.

My thought is this. And frankly the reason I don't engage real often on the board anymore. It seems like all these discussions boil down to one paradox.

Should I stay or should I go now?

My first piece of advice to people is to say "whatever makes you happy." Not as an appeal to hedonism, but more "if church makes you a better person, go to church. If it makes you worse, stop going." But the inevitable rejoinder is "is it good to perpetuate a myth that we know might be false and enable bad acting?" Campbell's perspective is that one is "without nerve" if the envelopes of "truth" and "myth" are not pushed. I am not sure I agree.

This place is more of a place to figure out how to live with decisions I think. And there are many different decisions that have been made by folks here and on the other board. I still believe this board can be a great resource for actual answers and discussion instead of snappy often sarcastic and hyperbolic answers in other places. Maybe some SEO is in order for those looking for such a place. Perhaps the Corporation might be willing to help us out in exchange for diverting folks from more vitriolic resources.

[deacon blues]

NOM was a lifesaver for me when I first found it around 2012. When it disappeared for awhile I missed it, Other forums didn't fit as well. They were too contentious, or too shallow. I was really glad when it was brought back. I sense that the average age of contributors is 40 or above. I could be wrong. For whatever reason younger people seem to post elsewhere. I'm 68. But I do enjoy hearing from younger people.

[Just This Guy]

I think a good portion of the decline is a reflection of the internet in general. Message boards like this just are not as popular as they used to be. A lot of people shifted to sites like Redit & Quora, but even those have seen declines in the number of posts of that last few years. I am a member of several message boards across several topics and all have been slowing down in recent years to one degree or another.

Today, it seams like video forums like Youtube and TikTok are the go to for people. Does that mean that we are old geezers in the internet? Or at lease middle aged?

[alas]

I think a good portion of the decline is a reflection of the internet in general. Message boards like this just are not as popular as they used to be. A lot of people shifted to sites like Redit & Quora, but even those have seen declines in the number of posts of that last few years. I am a member of several message boards across several topics and all have been slowing down in recent years to one degree or another.

Today, it seams like video forums like Youtube and TikTok are the go to for people. Does that mean that we are old geezers in the internet? Or at lease middle aged?

I have noticed the same thing. Many of the discussions I used to follow have died, as well as many blogs. They just faded, or something triggered a death and nobody cared enough to keep them going. Several of the feminist blogs seemed to have received a fatal blow at Kate Kelly’s excommunication. Some discussions got hacked, like NOM.1 did and nobody cared enough to fix them or to start a new group. At least NOM was important enough that people cared to start a new one after that fatal hacking. Remember, Thayne didn’t just quit on us. He couldn’t repair NOM and was smart enough to know that new blood was needed to manage things. I wish he handled it a bit differently, but appreciate those who felt NOM was worth resurrecting.

People seem to want something that takes less thinking, so they gravitate to videos and short tweets. Discussions where you have to read whole pages and think and answer intelligently are just beyond today’s short attention span. Which might explain why we have lots of lurkers who read but never participate.

[moksha]

Today, it seams like video forums like Youtube and TikTok are the go to for people. Does that mean that we are old geezers in the internet? Or at lease middle aged?

If I was spry enough to communicate in a 30-second penguin dance, TikTok would be the place for me.

[Tangent]

Hey everyone,

Guilty as charged. I've been on NOM for probably 12 years and 99.9% of the time I lurk. I really love this place and it feels safe and homey and I (perhaps weirdly) feel like I actually know some of you frequent posters. There are a few reasons why I don't post often:

* I'm naturally an introvert and observer
* It takes me a long time to organize my thoughts, and I tend to edit and re-edit before I post which takes me forever
* I don't always feel I have a lot more to add that y'all haven't already said
* my DW is fully in and is not thrilled about my NOM/ex-mo web viewing habits. So when I start posting on these sites I feel like I'm doing something I should be hiding, and that's not healthy. It's something I'm working on though -- trying not to be ashamed for who I am and what I think despite the disapproval of others. long road though...

Thanks again to all you frequent posters! I have felt validated and supported even though I'm mainly just reading!

[Linked]

I haven't been posting as much lately, but I still lurk and appreciate the posts and read through most of them. Posting has slowed some recently and we haven't had many new converts, but this is still the place to find thoughtful posts and discussions.

I post less because I'm in a better place so I need less online therapy .

[Emower]

I haven't been posting as much lately, but I still lurk and appreciate the posts and read through most of them. Posting has slowed some recently and we haven't had many new converts, but this is still the place to find thoughtful posts and discussions.

I post less because I'm in a better place so I need less online therapy .

I am so glad to hear that Linked! This place might have slowed, but I think in many cases that's a darn good thing.

[Angel]

Not posting much. Is it part of trauma response? When your community silences you, when you aren't allowed to talk in real life? Everyone learn to bow their head and stay silent?

It's not healthy. Silence.

I think online communication can prepare us for real life communication. I feel like I have to speak up to protect my kids.

For those without kids, there are others within earshot who might need you to speak. There are others not within earshot - who need their parents to hear it.

https://youtu.be/NyDDyT1lDhA
Asch conformity experiments - it just takes one other person in the group- just one other person.

[HappierNow]

I’ve been a lurker here for nearly 10 years and created this account just to express my appreciation for the insightful comments here, and for those who make this site possible with financial and/or technical contributions.

I’ve moved past thinking about Mormonism much and am now married to a never-Mo, but when other things in life get hard, I find comfort reading the posts here. Thank you.

[Mormorrisey]

Been pretty busy with a lot of things, (a story for another day) and I've read many of these responses, and just to add my two cents.

I still love this place. I owe all of you so much for your wisdom and advice in helping me navigate a marriage after my faith crisis, all the while my lovely spouse is still fully all in the church and digging deeper, and as I move farther and farther away. I honestly don't know if I still would be married to this wonderful woman who will never leave Mormonism, without the collective sage counsel that I found here, and that you were all so willing to offer. Honestly, that's true. I'm grateful for all of you.

My life circumstances have made it difficult to participate, but I still read posts faithfully. Not only am I working way more than I want to, I have a confession to make. In all honesty, I find myself positively BORED with Mormonism in general. I don't read exmormon reddit anymore, only listen to Mormon Stories for jfro's interesting content, and that's about it. I've simply left Mormonism behind, and I don't really have the time or the inclination to discuss it on an intellectual level. I'm very interested in how it affects NOM members' lives, and I certainly hope to be less busy in the future so I will have the ability to repay others what this place has given me in terms of counsel. But to discuss history, doctrines or anything else? Not really. I've figured out that Mormonism is largely nonsense, so I don't want to give it much of my time or brain energy. It's been wonderful that our marriage has been through the fire of a faith crisis on one side and retrenchment on the other and have not only come out the other side, but with our marriage stronger than ever. I'm not sure that would have happened without NOM.

But I certainly understand Red's concern about what this place is, and our place in the bloggernacle. So my last two cents:

So far the cost for hosting has been NOMinal and has been absorbed by a few aNOMymous apostates whom may or may not be offsetting their tithes and offerings to the LDS church.

And this is what matters to me. With NOM 1.0, none of us owed Thayne a thing - when he pulled the plug, it was sad that I don't have a digital diary of my initial faith crisis, and I was eternally grateful to Captain Salty et al for resurrecting this place. But, honestly, if any of you who run the board find yourselves in my position, where you all are just too busy, too bored or not wanting to spend the necessary funds, you don't owe us a thing. I hope with all I've got that NOM survives past me, but absolutely not at the cost of anybody's possessions, soul or sanity. It's simply not worth it. So I very much appreciate bringing this as a topic worthy of discussion, and if I need to be more of a ministering NOM brother and participant, maybe I need to own it a little more and give back more than I have over the last year or so. Even if it's just a few of us, and Captain Salty and staff are still willing to keep the lights on, my own personal perspective is that this place is a potential life saver, literally, for those of us who remain here.

Not to be too sappy, but I sure love all of you internet strangers!

[dogbite]

I've been trying to disengage from discussion of Mormonism pro or con. I try to avoid the forums. I'm in a relapse at the moment. But hopefully you'll see less and less of me as I succeed in disengaging.

[Flaming Meaux]

Well hello there, old friends.

I was more active on NOM 1.0--it was an invaluable resource when I was deconstructing my worldview and didn't have anyone to really talk to in real life. That was back in around 2007-2008ish. I found it helpful when I was attending as an active nonbeliever, then not attending but in a mixed-faith marriage, but... as has been noted, once I got comfortable with a new path in life and no longer had to find some way to cope with Mormonism on a day-to-day basis, I've faded away. (Since NOM 2.0 resurfaced I think I've averaged something like 3-4 posts a year, and that's about the frequency with which I check the site as well.)

I don't live in the Mormon Corridor, my wife now no longer attends (and no longer believes in the traditional sense of that word, though there are some aspects of Mormonism she would still find useful, albeit those useful bits being outweighed by non-useful bits), we don't raise our son in it (he was not blessed in the church, has not been baptized in it), and my ultra active father came to grips with the fact that 5 of his 6 kids were out of the faith and by current signs not returning and he's chosen to build a relationship with us where the church isn't the center of it (my mom never did really come to deal with the realities of her children's faith choices, but she passed a few years ago so no longer is concerned with it, I gather). Mormonism just doesn't feature as a big part of my world anymore. Mormonism is a curiosity that I grew up with and know a lot about, but it doesn't really feature as part of my core identity anymore. I never resigned (doubt I ever will) but on the odd occasions that I get looked up by someone sifting through inactives, I simply say, "Oh, I don't go to your church because I don't believe in it" and that seems to stick for 5 or so years until the bishopric/stake presidency changes over.

I still like discussing religion and politics, and still comment to some degree on the Mormon flavor of both of those things, but tend to do that now on another forum devoted to a completely different hobby that just happens to have one forum dedicated to discussing religion and politics (and sex, though that rarely comes up) for the sole reason of keeping the rest of the site free of religion and politics discussions. Still don't even comment there too frequently (mostly on matters related to the law or on the rare occasion that Mormonism comes up, I can speak to that since a lot of participants don't really know a lot about it and I wouldn't want what little they do hear to just be whatever sales pitch a TBM might give them), but that's mostly because I just rarely take the time to comment on message boards anymore. But frankly, I like that Mormonism is no longer a significant preoccupation of mine--there's so much of the world to experience and Mormonism is, in the grand scheme of things, not a very big part of it (though admittedly it has an outsized influence on those who have to be connected with it for some reason), so I like that know I devote my free time learning languages, planning travel to places that might utilize those languages, and reading world history instead of sifting through the upteenth apologetic argument as to how maybe, just maybe, Joseph Smith had it right when it came to ancient Egyptian.

I hope that those on the journey where a place like this still continues to remain useful still have access to the tool, and while perhaps there are some nuggets that some old vet of earlier iterations of the place might be able to pass on to a new generation, I think there are probably enough people still here for whom Mormonism still features much more prominently in their day-to-day lives that could give much more useful advice that my contributions aren't strictly needed anymore. I mean, I couldn't even tell you what the major controversies coming out of general conference have been for the past decade.

[Mayan_Elephant]

I have very fond memories of this forum. My activity here goes way way back back. I have met Ann, Dathon, Froggie, Thayne and many others who built and maintained the forum. One of my most fond memories was creating Faces East which was a very specific support group. My respect for this group is rooted in personal friendships and the rally of a group in specific crises. We dispatched local professional help to members, including one of my mission companions.

I have met many people in real life after making connections here. I have performed a wedding for a friend I met here. I have travelled with and hosted dozens of friends who I met for the first time on this forum. I have even done professional work with people from this group and entered into business partnerships with some.

If I were to suggest anything for the forum and members it would be to find ways to extend the relationships that are available when people have a profound commonality. Use the forum to share ideas, practice writing and express ideas but invest in the people more than the arguments. Find reasons to meet and communicate and know one or more members of the group beyond the avatars, politics and LDS topics.

[Hagoth]

I have very fond memories of this forum. My activity here goes way way back back. I have met Ann, Dathon, Froggie, Thayne and many others who built and maintained the forum. One of my most fond memories was creating Faces East which was a very specific support group. My respect for this group is rooted in personal friendships and the rally of a group in specific crises. We dispatched local professional help to members, including one of my mission companions.

I have met many people in real life after making connections here. I have performed a wedding for a friend I met here. I have travelled with and hosted dozens of friends who I met for the first time on this forum. I have even done professional work with people from this group and entered into business partnerships with some.

If I were to suggest anything for the forum and members it would be to find ways to extend the relationships that are available when people have a profound commonality. Use the forum to share ideas, practice writing and express ideas but invest in the people more than the arguments. Find reasons to meet and communicate and know one or more members of the group beyond the avatars, politics and LDS topics.

Weird. I was thinking about you yesterday for some reason. Weird. Great to hear from you, ME!

[Hagoth]

I’ve been a lurker here for nearly 10 years and created this account just to express my appreciation for the insightful comments here, and for those who make this site possible with financial and/or technical contributions.

I’ve moved past thinking about Mormonism much and am now married to a never-Mo, but when other things in life get hard, I find comfort reading the posts here. Thank you.

Thank you for finally surfacing!

[Mayan_Elephant]

I have very fond memories of this forum. My activity here goes way way back back. I have met Ann, Dathon, Froggie, Thayne and many others who built and maintained the forum. One of my most fond memories was creating Faces East which was a very specific support group. My respect for this group is rooted in personal friendships and the rally of a group in specific crises. We dispatched local professional help to members, including one of my mission companions.

I have met many people in real life after making connections here. I have performed a wedding for a friend I met here. I have travelled with and hosted dozens of friends who I met for the first time on this forum. I have even done professional work with people from this group and entered into business partnerships with some.

If I were to suggest anything for the forum and members it would be to find ways to extend the relationships that are available when people have a profound commonality. Use the forum to share ideas, practice writing and express ideas but invest in the people more than the arguments. Find reasons to meet and communicate and know one or more members of the group beyond the avatars, politics and LDS topics.

Weird. I was thinking about you yesterday for some reason. Weird. Great to hear from you, ME!

Hope you are well, my friend.

[moksha]

I have very fond memories of this forum. My activity here goes way way back back. I have met Ann, Dathon, Froggie, Thayne and many others who built and maintained the forum. One of my most fond memories was creating Faces East which was a very specific support group. My respect for this group is rooted in personal friendships and the rally of a group in specific crises. We dispatched local professional help to members, including one of my mission companions.

Wow, you have obviously evolved now that you are Cultellus and Binger at Discuss Mormonism.

[Mayan_Elephant]

I have very fond memories of this forum. My activity here goes way way back back. I have met Ann, Dathon, Froggie, Thayne and many others who built and maintained the forum. One of my most fond memories was creating Faces East which was a very specific support group. My respect for this group is rooted in personal friendships and the rally of a group in specific crises. We dispatched local professional help to members, including one of my mission companions.

Wow, you have obviously evolved now that you are Cultellus and Binger at Discuss Mormonism.

You want to start that game here too, Moksha? I am willing to do so, but usually people behave with a bit more manners here.

[moksha]

You want to start that game here too, Moksha? I am willing to do so, but usually people behave with a bit more manners here.

I don't want any games of any sort, but I have to say I like a less vexatious version of Mayan Elephant better than the Cultellus/Binger that is forever sending me zingers at the other board telling me I make no sense.