Would you do it all over?

This is for encouragement, ideas, and support for people going through a faith transition no matter where you hope to end up. This is also the place to laugh, cry, and love together.
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2bizE
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Would you do it all over?

Post by 2bizE » Tue Apr 02, 2024 8:03 pm

I was thinking today about if I were not Mormon and knew what I know about Mormonism, would I ever join the church?
The answer was undoubtedly No. I would never join Mormonism knowing all the church history, messed up racist and sexist doctrines, protection of sexual predators, and deceptive and dishonest financial practices. Not a chance.
But, Mormonism is my tribe. It is hard to leave your tribe and move on.
At times I feel like I am in an abusive relationship unable to leave. I haven’t been active since shortly into the Covid pandemic and have been a NOM for many years before that…
I sometimes wish I could just pick up and move to a far away country and leave everything behind…..
Anyone relate?
~2bizE

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Angel
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Re: Would you do it all over?

Post by Angel » Wed Apr 03, 2024 4:38 am

I would change soooo many things if I could start life over again knowing what I know now.

I've never quite understood those who say they wouldn't change a thing... really? You wouldn't avoid that car crash? You wouldn't change which job you accepted? You wouldn't reach out and help that kid who was struggling? It is some kind of "It's all God's will" mentality that doesn't allow people to fix issues and figure out /hope for something different.

Yes, I would change my past if I could.
Yes, I look for places to change my present, and future too.

Change, adapt, fix, learn - it's the Purpose of life, capital P Purpose to learn, grow, change, hope for better tomorrow.

May we all do something to better our lives today - excercise, eat healthy, reach out to that kid, go do some good :)
“You have learned something...That always feels at first as if you have lost something.” George Bernard Shaw
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Ghost
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Re: Would you do it all over?

Post by Ghost » Wed Apr 03, 2024 2:42 pm

Would I have hesitated to be baptized as an eight year old if someone explained to me some of the problems of theism, Christianity and Mormonism? I'm not sure. At that point it would probably have depended on who was doing the explaining.

But starting life over knowing what I know now would be a lot of fun, I think, independent of anything to do with religion.

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Hagoth
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Re: Would you do it all over?

Post by Hagoth » Wed Apr 03, 2024 6:55 pm

Had I known what I knew now I would have dropped out of Primary.

BUT since I didn't have the benefits of time travel or perfect foresight, I would not change my life. Much of it has been very bumpy, but it is the journey that has made me who I am. My experiences in Mormonism and working my way out of it have given me perspective that I never could have gained any other way. If I could somehow poke into the timeline and change anything it would be the brainwashing that I submitted to on my mission. I wish that I had been able just to enjoy people and help them in the ways they needed, rather than being hell-bent to force all shapes of pegs into the same round hole because I thought that was what they needed.
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

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Just This Guy
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Re: Would you do it all over?

Post by Just This Guy » Thu Apr 04, 2024 6:27 am

This is a difficult question for me.

Growing up, I was very introverted. I wasn't good at talking to strangers or even talking with girls. For the girls, Church was a large contributing factor. You are constantly told how you have to be careful around them and they can cause you to do bad stuff. For me, that got the point where you are afraid of even touching them in case something bad happens. So part of my social awkwardness is due to the church. it is a bit of a chicken-and-the-egg thing. With out the church, would I have been as introverted? I don't know.

My mission forced me to break out of my comfort zone and learn how to talk to people. This is something that really did change my life. Being able to meet and talk with strangers is something I do regularly. I would not be where I am today in my career if I was the same socially awkward person I was in high school.

Some other things I got out of my mission:
Patience when dealing with language barrier issues.
Emphasizing with people you are working with and being able to understand their perspective.

On the other hand, a Mission drastically affects you life as well. It is basically a 3 year delay to life (due to having to miss a additional year of college to schedule around a mission) with nothing to show for it as far as the world sees life. It is a delay in school and it isn't something that looks good on a resume like a tour with the Piece Corp would. Even 3 years in the military would not only pay you, but also teach various life and career skills, plus other long term benefits. However as a RM, you basically just have a hole in your life that doesn't help you move forward. So you loose out on earning power, and career opportunities.

I most likely would never have met my wife without the church. We were in such different worlds, I don't think we would ever have encounter each other except for meeting in institute.

A lot goes back to that chicken-and-the-egg thing. The church was both the source of and solution to a number of my issues in life. I can't really say how I would be different in life with that history. All I can really say is that it would have been so very difficult that I can't really even begin to say how it would be.
"The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." -- Douglas Adams

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wtfluff
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Re: Would you do it all over?

Post by wtfluff » Thu Apr 04, 2024 11:04 am

This is a tough one.

There are definitely things in my life related to MORmONism that I would like to "Go Away!"

But... Would I want to give up all of the good in my life for a "Do-Over?"

In a way, this is a dilemma I'm glad I don't have to deal with. :ugeek:
Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. -Frater Ravus

IDKSAF -RubinHighlander

You can surrender without a prayer...

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Hermey
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Re: Would you do it all over?

Post by Hermey » Sat Apr 06, 2024 1:43 pm

Hagoth wrote:
Wed Apr 03, 2024 6:55 pm
Had I known what I knew now I would have dropped out of Primary.

BUT since I didn't have the benefits of time travel or perfect foresight, I would not change my life. Much of it has been very bumpy, but it is the journey that has made me who I am. My experiences in Mormonism and working my way out of it have given me perspective that I never could have gained any other way. If I could somehow poke into the timeline and change anything it would be the brainwashing that I submitted to on my mission. I wish that I had been able just to enjoy people and help them in the ways they needed, rather than being hell-bent to force all shapes of pegs into the same round hole because I thought that was what they needed.
This, 100%. I share the same perspective.

I had the opportunity a couple of months ago to sit and visit with a friend. I asked her two questions. Not about Mormonism, but just life in general. The first was, “if you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would it be, and why?” She didn’t skip a beat and instantly responded with “Alaska. I’ve always wanted to go there. I love the outdoors and the wilderness, and I never had the chance. My second choice is Maine.” It was a simple answer, and very fitting her.

This second question was, “if you could have a ‘do over’, what would you do differently in your life?” Again, her response was immediate. “I wouldn’t change anything. What I’ve experienced has made me who I am, and I have learned so much.” What makes this answer so interesting to me is that I know she hasn’t had an easy life—a life full of struggles, sadness and profound loss. It was the kind of loss that no parent should ever have to experience, especially twice.

This friend was one of the good ones. She was humble, honest, direct, and just called it like it was. You always knew where you stood with her. She always used to say, “People are more important than things.”

The visit was different than those in the past, and it would be our final one. You see, she had taken herself off of dialysis earlier that week and her body was shutting down. Eighteen years on it was enough. So to me, her answers were fascinating as she stared at her own mortality and accepted what was coming.

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Hagoth
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Re: Would you do it all over?

Post by Hagoth » Mon Apr 08, 2024 8:00 pm

Hermey wrote:
Sat Apr 06, 2024 1:43 pm
The visit was different than those in the past, and it would be our final one. You see, she had taken herself off of dialysis earlier that week and her body was shutting down. Eighteen years on it was enough. So to me, her answers were fascinating as she stared at her own mortality and accepted what was coming.
Whoa. Thanks for sharing that.
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

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Hagoth
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Re: Would you do it all over?

Post by Hagoth » Mon Apr 08, 2024 8:01 pm

Just This Guy wrote:
Thu Apr 04, 2024 6:27 am
So part of my social awkwardness is due to the church.
Surely the second head and third arm had something to do with it!
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

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moksha
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Re: Would you do it all over?

Post by moksha » Mon Apr 08, 2024 11:15 pm

I remember a wise response in the Salt Lake Tribune from many years ago: "It may be a fairy story, but it is our fairy story". If we, as the poet said, "are a part of all that we have met" then this story will stay with us, even as a gentle reminder that some beliefs can be folly.
Good faith does not require evidence, but it also does not turn a blind eye to that evidence. Otherwise, it becomes misplaced faith.
-- Moksha

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