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Dear Mindy,
Oh sweetie! I wish so much that I could get down on my hands and knees and hug you once again. To look into your joyful face and let you lick my nose. But now we are separated by the curtains of death, and I can only look at your pictures and try to remember your voice. To try to remember the good times.
One of the reasons I came to live with you was the knowledge that you had only so many days on this earth, and I didn’t want to miss anything. And I am so glad I made that decision. Oh, Moo-Moo, you filled my life with joy! When I lived in Ohio, life was a burden, and I often wished it would end so that I would no longer have to be alone. With you, every day was a beautiful opportunity to care for you and be loved by you. And I thank God for that blessing!
We had many good times. I loved to feed you breakfast and dinner! You always made it very clear when it was time for food: the thumping of your tail, the slow whines—becoming more and more vocal. The playful bucking and nipping at my nose. And the beautiful, baritone woofs! You had so much joy in such a simple thing.
I loved to watch you move about on your daily routine. How you would carefully sniff around the garden with your white-tipped tail up. How you found sunny places to lie down and soak up the sun. How you lapped up water for what seemed like an eternity, and finally found the best places in the house to cool down—the bathroom floor, the laundry room, and the vent under the kitchen sink.
I know that you missed your sister terribly. When Lexi passed away, you were very withdrawn for months. And you began to cry a lot. You would come into my room crying, and I didn’t know what to do other than give you a big hug and tell you that I loved you. When there were fireworks or thunderstorm, and you held your ears back and began to pace and pant, You always came to me. I’ll never forget our thunder song:
♫Freude, schoener Goetterfunken,
Tochter aus Elysium,
Wir betreten feuertrunken,
Himmlische dein Heiligtum.
Deine Zauber binden wieder,
Was die Mode streng geteilt;
Alle Hunde werden Brueder,
Wo dein sanfter Fluegel weilt.♫
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And I changed “Menschen” to “Hunde”, just for you. I would sing the song and stroke your fur until you calmed down.
You were so very playful! You loved to chase your brother around the house, zipping around until you were exhausted. And we always howled at least once a day. With or without prompting, you would begin to sing, gradually crescendoing to a full howl. I loved to watch your little chin up in the air, howling with a twinkle in your eye.
Last Janauary was very difficult for us. With Dad gone to China, you became very anxious, and wouldn’t go outside to go potty. You were so anxious about peeing in the house. I had to find a solution for us. It was so cold, but we worked on conquering your fear and anxiety, with help from treats!
I loved to lie near you, kissing your little forehead, petting your fur, and just—being. Sometimes you got up and began to lick my face over and over. And I learned to just let you continue. It made me feel special. It was so important for me to feel like I was special to somebody, and I think you knew that. I told you that I loved you every day. You gave me hope. I knew that you will send hand-picked canine friends my way until it is my time to cross the threshold of night, like I knew you would have to sooner or later. I thought we had hundreds more days, but we didn’t.
It was difficult to watch you in your last two weeks. We knew something was wrong, but we didn’t find it until it was too late. I have guilt about that last day. I knew you wanted to be alone in your pain, but I just didn’t want you to have to face it by yourself. I found you out on the porch, and just lied near you, humming our thunder song. Your breathing was labored, and you began to froth at the corners of your mouth. We took you to the vet for the last time an learned your liver was failing. We went home, and tried to get you your liver protectant and pain reliever but you didn’t want to take them. I let you be for a bit. When I looked about the back door, I could see you had found a spot under a tree on the cool green grass. I had to come out to be with you, and I knew it made you happy. I finally left you alone for a bit. When I looked back out the window, you were struggling to come back inside, but I let you continue. It wasn’t until afterward that I knew you had a stroke. Oh Mindy! I wish that I could go back in time and carry you to the finish line! To hold you close until the end. You came in and lied at the bottom of mom’s bed and slept. I went to my room. At some time there, you breathed your final breath. Mom cried out that you were dead. I should have stayed with you to comfort you until the end!
I saw you lying there, dead. Mom said “She’s with her sister now.” It gave me comfort as I kissed your head and petted you for the last time. It was traumatic hauling your poor little body to the car, and taking you to the freezer at the vet. To see you lying in that freezer.
Mindy! Your loss has left a gaping hole in my heart. All of the color and sunshine has gone out of my life. I am trying to find peace with this. It is so hard. If you are still out there, somewhere, I hope very much that we will meet again, to be reunited forever. I asked you to wait for me at the Rainbow Bridge, and you said you would. I hope that when my final curtain falls, and I pass to the other side, that you will see me, perk up your ears, cry out, and gallop across the grass to meet me, showering me with kisses. And I hope never to let you go!
Until then, I hope that I can talk to you from time to time. I won’t ever forget you, Mindy Moo. I love you.
