Did you know that out in the real world ...

This is for encouragement, ideas, and support for people going through a faith transition no matter where you hope to end up. This is also the place to laugh, cry, and love together.
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foolmeonce
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Did you know that out in the real world ...

Post by foolmeonce » Fri Feb 03, 2017 5:28 pm

Like a lot of Mormons, one of our HUGE fears about distancing ourselves form the church was that life away from Mormontopia would be bleak, scary, and REALLY bad for kids. Obviously, since this is heavily promoted by the church from leadership on down, we are far from the only ones who have experienced this fear. As we've lived fully outside the church for the past year, completely separated from most anyone who identifies us as Mormons in a town where the Mormon demographic is less than 1% , we've been able to experience life "in the real world." Spoiler Alert, it's actually not nearly as scary as we thought. With that said, it HAS been a learning experience. To a certain extent, I've felt like an immigrant to my own homeland particularly as it relates to how quickly our kids have adapted compared to our turtle pace. All and all, the experience has been surreal. I know that others on this board have experienced this as well, so I'd like to create a running thread on the topic.

The intent of this thread is to share experiences and learnings, not to try to convince folks living in the "Middle Way" that they need to move on and take the same path we have. I am SO over trying to convince people to adopt my chosen philosophy.
Neo: What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets?
Morpheus: No, Neo. I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't have to.

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foolmeonce
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Re: Did you know that out in the real world ...

Post by foolmeonce » Fri Feb 03, 2017 5:39 pm

Did you know that out in the real world, the Boy Scouts Program is WAAAY better, and you can choose to participate and be a leader of your boys dens and troops without waiting for someone to get inspired to ask you to do it??

No really, you can get that coveted two for one by spending time with your kids AND giving back to the community, and you won't have a stitch of guilt for it! Oh, and a well run non-Mormon Pack or Troop is so far ahead of Mormon troops it's embarrassing. Really, the difference between compulsory participation/service and chosen participation/service is YUGE!! The boys really like it, the parents spend all sorts of time on it without complaining, and folks genuinely enjoy spending time with each other. Did I mention that it's guilt free?

I've spent far more time on my chosen "calling" then I did in most of my Mormon callings and it hasn't created problems in my marriage, I've enjoyed myself, and my boys think I'm cool for doing stuff that THEY are interested in. As a contrast, they NEVER thought I was cool for following up on and data entering home teaching results.

Weird huh? This week we visited a scout troop as my son will "bridge" from cubs to scouts at the start of the next school year. I was floored by how well run this thing was. Oh, and did I mention that we can choose which troop we want to join and "interviewing" troops to find a good fit is an encouraged practice?

Being a grown up is so cool!!
Neo: What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets?
Morpheus: No, Neo. I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't have to.

well wandered
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Re: Did you know that out in the real world ...

Post by well wandered » Sat Feb 04, 2017 8:30 am

I love the idea of getting to choose your calling.

No rules or beauracracy, as much or as little as you like each week.

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foolmeonce
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Re: Did you know that out in the real world ...

Post by foolmeonce » Sat Feb 04, 2017 8:49 am

well wandered wrote:
Sat Feb 04, 2017 8:30 am
I love the idea of getting to choose your calling.

No rules or beauracracy, as much or as little as you like each week.
It's as cool as it sounds. As it turns out, I'm actually better at "receiving revelation" on how I can serve the community than some dude on a power trip in an office who's knowledge of me comes some a few brief conversations in the chapel. The other neat benefit is that I can serve in a capacity for literally as long as I want, so I can build it up, get good at it, and improve on it over time. I don't have to worry about building something up only have to hand it off and see my progress deteriorate while the new guy who isn't invested in making it great is forced to take it over. So many benefits
Neo: What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets?
Morpheus: No, Neo. I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't have to.

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No Tof
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Re: Did you know that out in the real world ...

Post by No Tof » Sat Feb 04, 2017 9:51 am

Yup Babylon is just normal folks wondering what all the Mormon fuss is all about.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I'll meet you there.
Rumi

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alas
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Re: Did you know that out in the real world ...

Post by alas » Sat Feb 04, 2017 10:49 am

We were a military family for 20 years and so we had to interact with the real world a lot. It was interesting to pass as "normal" and find out what people thought of Mormons. They would share with us because Mormons have a reputation of sticking to their own kind, so when we were off socializing with military people, they assumed we were not Mormon because here we were out socializing. The church tries to make Mormons think that we are respected as a church because we are good upstanding people and have high morals and WoW and Donny and Marie. But what we found was that Mormons are seen as members of a cult, and Utah is the Fraud capital of the world and so Mormons are the ones both falling for fraud, and committing that fraud. So, gullible and dishonest. They were more shocked/horrified that Mormons did not drink coffee and tea than they were impressed that we didn't drink alcohol or smoke. They saw WoW as strange but not in a good way, sort of like how we look on the Amish refusing to use modern technology, only without the respect. WoW was just strange and stupid and unnecessary.

One cute story was that I worked for Catholic Family Services. Well, when DH got orders for Utah and I told my clients, who of course had just assumed I was Catholic, where we were moving to....well Utah is not a respected state among Catholics. I got reactions like, "Oh, no, do you know what it is like?" And "That's horrible. How much do you know about Mormons?" And a very consoling, "Well, At least the Air Force Base will have a priest and you won't have to travel half way across the state." And of course some of them had to tell me horror stories they had heard about liquor laws, and Mormon's standoffishness around nonmembers. I just love Texans, they know how to gossip.

And I so agree on the scouting program. We put our son into a nonMormon troop there in Utah because he was so unhappy in the ward's lack luster troop. He really loved it. That was years ago though. Too bad that because it was sponsored by the Air ForceBase they ended it when the Boy Scouts continued to discriminate against gays and I last I heard, it had not started back up when BSA changed their policy. But then, my kids are old enough that I no longer keep track of such things.

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foolmeonce
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Re: Did you know that out in the real world ...

Post by foolmeonce » Sat Feb 04, 2017 11:39 am

Did you know that out in the real world, if you don't want to serve in a "calling" you don't have to and no one really cares? Sure community service is widely respected, and those who have their crap together enough to serve get a lot of it get street cred; but when people meet me their first question is never, "so what is your current assigned community service responsibility?" Instead they find out what sports you like, who your favorite team is (no one ever, Ever, EVER talks about BYU vs. UTAH, what your hobbies and interest are, what your profession is. Etc.

The real interesting thing is that serving because you see a need you can do a good job fulfilling is WAY more fulfilling and effective than compulsory service.
Neo: What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets?
Morpheus: No, Neo. I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't have to.

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Jinx
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Re: Did you know that out in the real world ...

Post by Jinx » Sun Feb 05, 2017 1:35 pm

Did you know that out in the real world you can "tithe" to any charity you want? I think that's been the best part about leaving the church. Now our 10% goes to the homeless shelter, Habitat for Humanity, places that will actually do good with it. We have a family meeting once a year to talk about where (and if) the kids want to donate, and they have some really good ideas. (And yes, they are free to keep their money if they want, and sometimes they do - I don't believe in compelling righteousness.)
“This is the best part of the week!” – Homer Simpson
“It’s the longest possible time before more church!” – Lisa Simpson

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document
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Re: Did you know that out in the real world ...

Post by document » Sun Feb 05, 2017 2:55 pm

Did you know that out in the real world people drop off meals when a child is born or people are sick?

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foolmeonce
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Re: Did you know that out in the real world ...

Post by foolmeonce » Sun Feb 05, 2017 9:01 pm

Jinx wrote:
Sun Feb 05, 2017 1:35 pm
Did you know that out in the real world you can "tithe" to any charity you want? I think that's been the best part about leaving the church. Now our 10% goes to the homeless shelter, Habitat for Humanity, places that will actually do good with it. We have a family meeting once a year to talk about where (and if) the kids want to donate, and they have some really good ideas. (And yes, they are free to keep their money if they want, and sometimes they do - I don't believe in compelling righteousness.)
Not only that, but it's a generally accepted good practice to take care of your family's basic needs BEFORE you start worrying about other's needs.
Neo: What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets?
Morpheus: No, Neo. I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't have to.

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foolmeonce
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Re: Did you know that out in the real world ...

Post by foolmeonce » Sun Feb 05, 2017 9:09 pm

document wrote:
Sun Feb 05, 2017 2:55 pm
Did you know that out in the real world people drop off meals when a child is born or people are sick?
This is one that we worried about when we were stepping into the unknown. Do other communities take care of each other like the Mormon's do? For us, we've noticed that the answer is often yes. There are all sorts of faith community charities that are more limited with their funds, but are more financially transparent and individuals can be more personally involved, and can be just as effective over the long haul.
Neo: What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets?
Morpheus: No, Neo. I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't have to.

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