Growing Pains

[FreeFallin]

On another thread Ghost mentioned,

moving through my faith transition (I still wish I had a better term for this).

Growing pains came to my mind as a better term for this. Shelf falling seems to describe destruction, which the transition is in many ways, but growing pains probably better describes what I experienced in the breakdown of my mormon beliefs. These beliefs became constricting and were:

• Holding me back from accepting "the world." I knew so many truly good people who were not mormon and were as good as or even better than many mormons. I grew out of the belief that they needed some stupidass like me to turn them in the right direction or change them.

• Holding me back from finding legitimate answers to legitimate questions because those answers (and sometimes questions) fell outside of the rigid mormon framework.

• Holding me back from developing in ways that were not encouraged or supported by mormonism. This included career choices (as a woman I hadn't taken this very seriously before), intellectual growth (things that come in conflict with mormon teachings), and setting boundaries (SO IMPORTANT!!).

• Holding me back from spiritual growth. I had - about 2 years before my "growing pains" - a spiritual experience which involved feeling unconditional love. It changed my view of God and sin and humanity in ways that weren't supported well by mormonism. I began a search for this kind of a "god." (I use that term in a very, very general way, not having a solid view of what god is.)

I could add so many more items to this list, but I am curious about the growth the rest of you have experienced in shedding the much-too-tight mormon skin. Do you believe it was a growth experience?

[alas]

I found that the church was holding me back from healing from childhood abuse.

It just repeated some of the abuse patterns of girls are not worth as much as boys by things like spending tons more for the boy to have fun that the girls. My home----I get a two buck doll, while my brothers get a fifty dollar railroad set. Church----the YW get 10 each for food and crafts and Every Thing for girls camp once a year, while the boys get $300 each for scout camp, with several campouts a year. ( real situation, I was in the YW presidency.) so, the girls camped at the local state park while the boys went off to Florida.

Another pattern of my abusive childhood was that no matter how much you do, it is never enough and no matter how good you are, it is never enough.

There are also attitudes in the church that feed into sexual predator's sense that they have permission to abuse. Things like an all male priesthood, strong emphasis on traditional gender roles, that sort of lumps all females into the same group, and sees them as sex objects, either pure sex objects of evil sex objects, but not human the same way men are, strong emphasis that going outside the family for sex is destroying your family, but hey, your daughter is family, right?

[didyoumythme]

I can definitely relate to your experience. I like to refer to the process as an 'awakening' sometimes. It is so much easier now to truly love everyone and embrace the diversity of experience and thought in the world. I have heard too many times this idea that people who seem happy outside the church aren't really happy. They must be faking it because only Mormons have the truth that makes them happy! Or maybe they have fleeting happiness, but not JOY which is much deeper and longer lasting.

I feel like I am the same person as before, just more honest now. More honest with myself about what I feel and more intellectually honest about what I know and don't know. The moment I realized that it was OK to not have all the answers was the moment I admitted to myself that I no longer believe. It felt so freeing.

[Emower]

I like this thought process. Growing pains encapsulates what moving beyond Mormonism or orthodoxy is like. Growing pains suck, but you know you are getting something good out of it.

I feel like I am the same person as before, just more honest now. More honest with myself about what I feel and more intellectually honest about what I know and don't know. The moment I realized that it was OK to not have all the answers was the moment I admitted to myself that I no longer believe. It felt so freeing.

This is how I feel as well. This whole experience has been liberating for me. The Renaissance was in large part about embracing the body, which during medieval times had been viewed as a punishment and an impediment toward getting to God. It is fascinating to see how the Renaissance changed that view.

I am glad to have had my own personal Renaissance that has allowed me to trust myself, be honest with myself and just generally put more stock in myself than ever before.

[Newme]

Definitely - coming to see Mormonism in more clarity has been a growing experience for me! And there have been many growing pains, and I don't think it'll ever be completely over. I have so much to learn still!

What has helped free me most is letting go of a long mental list of shame-based obligations - feeling bad for everything because I could never measure up. I also feel like I have a stronger testimony after having researched and prayed about things with more honest desire to know the truth. My belief is not based on a church - and I realized that before, I'd really been worshiping the church, not God. My belief now, is more about truth and love - and spirituality that no church has a monopoly on.

But there's still pain - mostly in trying to figure out how to have relationships with people who are deeply taught to fear and avoid people like me who have come to realize that the church isn't God etc.

[20/20hind]

It's the churches truth crisis that's causing your growing pains. Not your fault at all.