What is the key to happiness?

[LaMachina]

I've been intrigued to read your opinions. Some of course are not surprising as there does seem to be a general formula that leads to happy lives. I appreciate the suggestions that "happiness" is not ONLY to be found in, perhaps, hedonistic pursuits but in the struggles of life as well. I've never seen yin and yang broken down that way before and I now look at the symbol with new eyes.

As I briefly mentioned in the OP, part of the reason I've been thinking about this is dealing with melancholy teenagers. It's one of the reasons I've grasped onto "Know thyself" as the key to happiness. Without knowing yourself how do you know what brings you joy? It's one of the reasons I think maybe religion in general and Mormonism specifically can be so dangerous. It has many of the factors that seem to bring happiness: Community, Family, Purpose. However it insists IT knows you better than you know yourself. It insists that IT knows what will bring you happiness despite everything your heart and mind may say.

But I want to consider what we seem to know about happiness and what some of you have said and propose a thought experiment:

Let's say you have achieved your exaltation and are now designing your own world,

How would your world differ from ours to achieve maximum happiness or contentment? Would it differ at all?

Would you change how the world interacts with it's inhabitants or would you change how it's inhabitants think or process the world?

Would you remove pain & suffering and if you did would that increase or decrease net happiness and fulfillment?

Would you remove inequality and would that increase or decrease net happiness and fulfillment?

Or propose your own questions...I'm just thinking out loud

[Newme]

1) Gratitude
2) Hope (implying basic needs have been & will be met)/Functional illusions
3) Passionate sense of purpose/goals - sense of self esteem via improving on skills/talents
4) (This one is intertwined with others) - good relationships

[dogbite]

Some parts of psychology seem to indicate that happiness is a tool we use to deal with the misery of life. Humans are very good at minimizing and forgetting the unpleasant bits. One of these things that psychology has shown is that if you put a pleasant finish on something unpleasant that the entire experience becomes more pleasant much more than the small pleasantness should indicate.

One of the settings of this was people holding their hands and very cold water something like 14 degrees Centigrade. Maybe it was colder I don't remember exactly. They had to hold their hands in this water for something short like 2 minutes. One group had very slightly warmer water added for the last 15 seconds or so to raise the temperature one degree. This group recounted the experiences much less unpleasant than the other group and were more willing to repeat the experiment than the other group. This is not to say that they were happy about it but how we perceive our experiences and remember them influences how we deal with daily life. The human system is biased to perceive reality in more positive ways over time so that we are more positive in approaching our daily experience.

As others have said I don't think there is a universal path to happiness or universal meaning to life. Those are things that each individual decide for him or herself. What others have experienced is producing happiness is worth considering helping ourselves to experience happiness but it's not a guarantee that that will trigger happiness in us as we're all variants on a type and not universal.

Certainly enough people find happiness in the same ways that they form groups sthat trigger those happiness experiences. But happiness is brief and fleeting. It takes more of the trigger to trigger happiness the next time. The author of Homo Deus proposes that one of the things that will happen in the future development of mankind is that we will artificially Bliss ourselves chemically or electronically. He made a pretty good argument of how it will be desirable for our society and our development. And scary too. I don't see any of the monotheistic religions endorsing that path and will fight it.

[LaMachina]

The author of Homo Deus proposes that one of the things that will happen in the future development of mankind is that we will artificially Bliss ourselves chemically or electronically. He made a pretty good argument of how it will be desirable for our society and our development. And scary too. I don't see any of the monotheistic religions endorsing that path and will fight it.

I just finished his book Sapiens and he did touch briefly on some of that. It is fascinating and I do find it really scary too. It's one of the reasons I wonder if a divine being would be better served changing what makes our brains happy.

I agree that monotheistic religions would have a big problem with a development like that. I wonder if part of the issue is they find value in suffering. I used to think there was little value in suffering but now I'm not so sure. As your experiment suggests, suffering maybe goes hand in hand with happiness? Or at least how suffering and relief are placed around our experiences?

But I think Homo Deus might be next on my reading list.

[cwald]

For and behalf of cwald:

Beer?

That is correct. Read my signature line.

ETA. Oh, it looks like I'm still in the old NOM mode where my sig line read, "Beer makes you feel the way you aught to feel without beer." - Henry Lawson.

[cwald]

To answer the question though, I think Montainge said it best,

“To philosophize is to learn to die”?

The joy of living, or the key to happiness, is to love life and enjoy it to its climax. Live every day like it's your last, and don't expect an afterlife to make up for lost time because there probably isn't one. Live, love and laugh.

[alas]

If happiness is the escape from constant pain, then I am much happier since leaving the church. If happiness is contentment, then I am happier since leaving. Even my TBM husband doesn't want me to go back to church because he sees me as much happier. So, I think it is fair to say that I am happier out of Mormonism.

But I would say one essential part of happiness is liking yourself. Mormon God prevented that.

Another aspect of happiness is friends and family we can be authentic around. Mormon culture was all about outside appearance and not authenticity.

Another aspect of happiness is getting enough sleep, so it is almost two in the morning and I am going to bed.

[deacon blues]

Lowering my expectations in my relationship with God makes me happier. In the church I would ask myself, "why don't I have a stronger testimony." It feels good to move past that. Now I feel God loves me as I am. Having something to look forward to is important. Whether it's a date night, a vacation, time with family and/or time alone, looking toward the future with hope is good.

[dogbite]

Oops, repeated myself

[StarbucksMom]

Gratitude, for your life the way it is today. Not what you hope it is tomorrow, or in a year. Today. The people in your life. The beauty in nature. A sunrise. Your job. Your home. The food on your table. Your car. Just being alive.

This one thing, learning to be grateful for what I have today, has completely changed my life. It has changed my marriage, for the better. A lot better. I wake up at 4:30-4:45 every weekday morning and do some yoga and then hop on the treadmill. I start my treadmill walking time with prayer. I thank God for all the good things in my life I can think of, then I ask Him to help me spread joy and make a difference to the people around me--my co-workers, the at-risk kids I work with, (I work at a school with low income families-some of the kids are considered homeless) my husband and kids, and people I come in contact with at the store or wherever. I really try to look for ways to spread joy and express gratitude to others daily.

One example-I worked with someone very negative and she was actually bullying me, yelling at me, trying to catch me doing something wrong. When the guy above her got wind of the situation, (saw her in action) he told her she couldn't supervise me anymore. She persisted in hating me though and trying to make me miserable. I wanted to quit, but I decided to just be grateful to have an opportunity to work with the kids I work with, and that I'd do a great job with them, just that day. And each day I repeated that, and found new things to be grateful for at my job. She wound up quitting, and last Friday was her last day. I'm very grateful for that!!!

"Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for."
-Zig Ziglar

[LaMachina]

Perhaps some providence to see this thread pop up again...

Today did not start well...one of those days you feel like the worst parent ever. Kids leaving the house in tears. You see your kids repeating some habits you had in your youth that you hope and pray they can overcome far sooner than you did...if indeed you have ever. So self-critical, so much self-doubt, it's painful to watch.

But thanks for the comments, old and new. Great insights.

[Josephsmith]

Found a religious movement that ends up enduring and becoming a business juggernaut and corporate behemoth with plenty of willing people to do its bidding. It looks good on a CV.

[GoodBoy]

Given: Evolution is real. We evolved over millions of years and the successful genes are those that ensure their future success by survival and reproduction.

So: Happiness is an emotion that you have very little control over. You can't really choose to be happy or unhappy. Happiness, like all emotions, are akin to animal instincts. They are the oldest part of our brains and were developed by evolution to drive us to do things that is good or necessary for our survival and reproduction. When we are doing things that are not good for our survival and reproduction, we feel crappy. When we are doing things that are moving us towards being more successful at survival and reproduction we get happiness rewards from our brains. These things might include:
* a strong supportive community,
* status within that community,
* attractive mates or potential mates that give us signals that we are going to get some action,
* actually getting some action!,
* attractive mates that look like they want to devote their lives to us,
* happy and healthy kids,
* successful kids with resources and status in their communities,
* successful grandchildren,
* eating good food that is high in calories,
* warm houses during crappy weather,
* supportive families,
* financial security,
* raises at work,
* healthy bodies,
* attractive bodies that turn heads,
* etc...

When we are doing things that result in low chances for survival and reproduction we are unhappy. These things might include:
* getting kicked out of your community (because you lost your faith?),
* looks like little chance of having sex in the near future,
* unattractive mates,
* people give us signals that we are not really valued or attractive (maybe due to poor physical condition),
* financial insecurity (worrying about your well-being),
* little hope for a better future,
* signals from your tribe that you are not valued,
* etc...

So how do we be happy? We bust our butts and work hard so that we can get the things that will make us happy: financial security, strong families, good and supportive relationships (you have to purchase these by giving to others), healthy bodies, attractive mates, successful children and grandchildren, etc...

I honestly believe that the secret to happiness is hard work. When you do that, people want to attach themselves to you because they know you are going to be successful and they are going to want a piece of that action. Also, take care of yourself physically. Get a decent haircut, buy nicer clothes, do pushups and situps every once in a while, stop eating when you aren't hungry any more, etc...

[moksha]

A loaf of bread
A jug of wine,
And thou beside me
Singing in the wilderness
Ah, Paradise enow.
-- Elder Omar Khayyám of the Rubáiyát Second Ward

[slavereeno]

So how do we be happy? We bust our butts and work hard so that we can get the things that will make us happy: financial security, strong families, good and supportive relationships (you have to purchase these by giving to others), healthy bodies, attractive mates, successful children and grandchildren, etc...

I honestly believe that the secret to happiness is hard work. When you do that, people want to attach themselves to you because they know you are going to be successful and they are going to want a piece of that action. Also, take care of yourself physically. Get a decent haircut, buy nicer clothes, do pushups and situps every once in a while, stop eating when you aren't hungry any more, etc...

I love this. practical, real

[Mad Jax]

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/73 ... d-yang.jpg


If there is happiness that is an inherent part of our existence (yang), then there is also misery that is an inherent part it our existence (yin). Each contains a little of the other. There will be moments of happiness and moments of misery.

For me, it's letting go and accepting this fact. I find ways to cultivate joy in each moment that I am mindful.

I heard it differently. Yin is the colder masculine thought and energy, yang is the wilder more feminine aspect. All beings have a combined portion of each and within each circle is an infinite regress of both (so you just keep getting closer and closer and still see the same thing). I suppose the teaching of the idea has branched a few times.

[Give It Time]

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/73 ... d-yang.jpg


If there is happiness that is an inherent part of our existence (yang), then there is also misery that is an inherent part it our existence (yin). Each contains a little of the other. There will be moments of happiness and moments of misery.

For me, it's letting go and accepting this fact. I find ways to cultivate joy in each moment that I am mindful.

I heard it differently. Yin is the colder masculine thought and energy, yang is the wilder more feminine aspect. All beings have a combined portion of each and within each circle is an infinite regress of both (so you just keep getting closer and closer and still see the same thing). I suppose the teaching of the idea has branched a few times.

Probably, this is the first time I've come across the ideas you express. For a very long time, I avoided yin/yang, because it puts forth the idea of woman/retreating/dark/weak/submissive. Then I learned that the tiger is symbolic of yang energy and the dragon is symbolic of yin. Well, dragons are anything but weak.

I like the interpretation you provide, as well.

[moksha]

A loaf of bread
A jug of wine,
And thou beside me
Singing in the wilderness
Ah, Paradise enow.
-- Elder Omar Khayyám of the Rubáiyát Second Ward

You know, going out to lunch with Elders Khayyám, Siddhārtha Gautama, and John Belushi would be a wonderful opportunity to discuss happiness, as long as the answer did not involve drinking some sangria to avoid suffering by popping a zit. Get it?

Wonder if I could also raise my eyebrow to that suggestion? I feel a sudden urge to dash off if I have offended any members of Omega Theta Pi or the Deltas with any crude happiness humor.

[Give It Time]

Given: Evolution is real. We evolved over millions of years and the successful genes are those that ensure their future success by survival and reproduction.

So: Happiness is an emotion that you have very little control over. You can't really choose to be happy or unhappy. Happiness, like all emotions, are akin to animal instincts. They are the oldest part of our brains and were developed by evolution to drive us to do things that is good or necessary for our survival and reproduction. When we are doing things that are not good for our survival and reproduction, we feel crappy. When we are doing things that are moving us towards being more successful at survival and reproduction we get happiness rewards from our brains. These things might include:
* a strong supportive community,
* status within that community,
* attractive mates or potential mates that give us signals that we are going to get some action,
* actually getting some action!,
* attractive mates that look like they want to devote their lives to us,
* happy and healthy kids,
* successful kids with resources and status in their communities,
* successful grandchildren,
* eating good food that is high in calories,
* warm houses during crappy weather,
* supportive families,
* financial security,
* raises at work,
* healthy bodies,
* attractive bodies that turn heads,
* etc...

When we are doing things that result in low chances for survival and reproduction we are unhappy. These things might include:
* getting kicked out of your community (because you lost your faith?),
* looks like little chance of having sex in the near future,
* unattractive mates,
* people give us signals that we are not really valued or attractive (maybe due to poor physical condition),
* financial insecurity (worrying about your well-being),
* little hope for a better future,
* signals from your tribe that you are not valued,
* etc...

So how do we be happy? We bust our butts and work hard so that we can get the things that will make us happy: financial security, strong families, good and supportive relationships (you have to purchase these by giving to others), healthy bodies, attractive mates, successful children and grandchildren, etc...

I honestly believe that the secret to happiness is hard work. When you do that, people want to attach themselves to you because they know you are going to be successful and they are going to want a piece of that action. Also, take care of yourself physically. Get a decent haircut, buy nicer clothes, do pushups and situps every once in a while, stop eating when you aren't hungry any more, etc...

Actually, I like this list, but doing these things to win friends and influence people has never worked for me. In fact, relying on others' approval and acceptance of me has brought me nothing but misery. So, I'll do this excellent list for me.

[Corsair]

1) Gratitude
2) Hope (implying basic needs have been & will be met)/Functional illusions
3) Passionate sense of purpose/goals - sense of self esteem via improving on skills/talents
4) (This one is intertwined with others) - good relationships

This is a good list, but it's really hard to make it a compelling doctrine for teenagers like LaMachina is facing right now. I think we can agree the the LDS secrets to happiness often end up quite thin. Gratitude, hope, purpose, and relationships are only side effects of most religious dogma. Pursuing these good things independently of religion is often not appreciated by religious leaders.