What is the key to happiness?

Discussions toward a better understanding of LDS doctrine, history, and culture. Discussion of Christianity, religion, and faith in general is welcome.
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LaMachina
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What is the key to happiness?

Post by LaMachina » Tue Aug 15, 2017 6:27 pm

I've been thinking this over a lot recently. It's obviously something humanity has been mulling over for millenia and apparently we have not found any easy answers yet. Despite it's elusive-ness it would seem we put happiness right at the top of our lists of what we want.

It's right there in the Declaration of Independence. Joseph speaks of man existing so "he might have joy", Mormons have the "great plan of happiness". I was just listening to a Christian radio station (one of my hobbies that annoys the wife and kids!) and the preacher's solution for being happy was...surprise, surprise! obedience to God.

Since becoming an unbeliever and ceasing church attendance I don't think I'm really any happier than I was before. I've heard athletes describe winning championships as not bringing them exhilarating happiness but instead enormous relief. I think leaving religion has done something similar for me as I'm not really happier but there's been a great release of pressure and relief flooded in. It's kind of odd considering Jesus suggests those who come unto him will have life's burdens lifted? But it's quite possible I had been religioning incorrectly.

I've started to think the key to happiness is the Greek (or Egyptian?) aphorism "Know thyself". It is something I'm trying to get my children to ponder and understand as they enter the fraught and emotionally turbulent years of adolescence. I'm quite positive religionists would agree with my key but I think perhaps they attempt to know themselves without gazing at their naked humanity in the harsh light of day. But what do I know?? Next to nothing if I'm honest. And maybe ignorance is truly bliss??

So I'm curious, for those who have rejected the "Great plan of Happiness" what is the key to happiness?

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Red Ryder
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Re: What is the key to happiness?

Post by Red Ryder » Tue Aug 15, 2017 6:48 pm

For and behalf of cwald:

Beer?
“It always devolves to Pantaloons. Always.” ~ Fluffy

“I switched baristas” ~ Lady Gaga

“Those who do not move do not notice their chains.” ~Rosa Luxemburg

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LaMachina
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Re: What is the key to happiness?

Post by LaMachina » Tue Aug 15, 2017 8:12 pm

Beer,
The cause of and solution to all of life's problems.

Homer Simpson

:lol:

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Ghost
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Re: What is the key to happiness?

Post by Ghost » Tue Aug 15, 2017 8:23 pm

I recently read Jonathan Haidt's The Happiness Hypothesis, in which he describes a person's base level of happiness as being genetic.

Maybe trying a certain approach to increase happiness can work simply because we believe it will. Kind of a placebo effect. And if we lose confidence in the efficacy of something, it will no longer work.

Or maybe happiness to too vague a term that can't really be a goal because it's too difficult to define and measure concretely.

I also don't think my level of happiness as I perceive it has increased or decreased as my beliefs have evolved.

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EternityIsNow
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Re: What is the key to happiness?

Post by EternityIsNow » Tue Aug 15, 2017 9:32 pm

Good food, good music, good company, good entertainment, time with family and friends, work we enjoy. We make our happiness by the way we spend our time. We can spend our time thinking about the grass on the other side of the fence, but I think life is happier if we seek happiness in the life we have, rather than imagining a life we may never get to.

Deprogramming the idea that I should focus on the eternities and work for a church with an intangible future reward was very important. I was conditioned to accept eternally delayed gratification. But that was not balanced. After my shelf fell I looked for a replacement long-term ideology. But nothing really worked, until I started focusing on being in the 'Now' (reading Eckhardt Tolle helped, see my forum name, I really internalized this point).

For me the key to happiness has been to accept that the real purpose of my life is simply to experience the mortal human life I have NOW, with the good and the bad. There will be happy and unhappy moments in life, even great victories and also tragedies from time to time, there is often both joy and suffering throughout life. But we can facilitate happy moments. Sometimes happiness happens on its own, sometimes we have to create it with activities we enjoy. I try to keep a balance between the hard parts of life and the happy moments. As a TBM I relied on following the gospel or the church formula for living to keep my life balanced. But that only partly worked. I am happier now, but getting here has taken years, I have had to learn to be responsible for creating happy situations, and keeping my own life balanced.

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2bizE
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Re: What is the key to happiness?

Post by 2bizE » Tue Aug 15, 2017 10:11 pm

I'm not out of the church and I struggle to find happiness.
Spending time with my kids at soccer, camping, and fly fishing brings me happiness. We have been doing to SM only the last few weeks and I have been happier. I am happier when I rest and don't go to church on Sunday.
~2bizE

Anon70
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Re: What is the key to happiness?

Post by Anon70 » Wed Aug 16, 2017 1:46 am

LaMachina wrote:
Tue Aug 15, 2017 6:27 pm
There has been a great release of pressure and relief flooded in.
I am still "active". But once I stopped believing, this is what I felt. Less guilt. Less stress. Less anxiety. Relief has been happiness for me :)

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moksha
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Re: What is the key to happiness?

Post by moksha » Wed Aug 16, 2017 4:24 am

Image
"Don't worry ...
Good faith does not require evidence, but it also does not turn a blind eye to that evidence. Otherwise, it becomes misplaced faith.
-- Moksha

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1smartdodog
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Re: What is the key to happiness?

Post by 1smartdodog » Wed Aug 16, 2017 5:40 am

For me it helped to completely stop trying to figure out what God wants me to do. He knows where I am and can come tell me anytime. I would listen. But never to someone else telling me what God wants. It lets me focus on things I enjoy more.
“Five percent of the people think; ten percent of the people think they think; and the other eighty-five percent would rather die than think.”
― Thomas A. Edison

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RubinHighlander
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Re: What is the key to happiness?

Post by RubinHighlander » Wed Aug 16, 2017 6:40 am

Leaving moromonism was difficult and fraught with stress and cogdis; certainly was a painful process at times. PostMo itself has not brought me more happiness directly, but the extra time I have certainly has! So I think it's what you do with your time really. I don't feel like I'm a different person after leaving, I do feel more freedom; my mind feels more free, like I'm not living a life someone else setup for me. The freedom from the dogma and the slog of all the correlated programs, from the pressure to fix people has lowered my stress. This lower state of stress and guilt provides more room for happiness, but happiness is a state of mind that is what you have to choose to be in. I wonder if folks not happy in the church, then get out and find no more happiness because the things they attribute to being happy or unhappy simply get replaced. Instead of stressing over a new calling, they stress over some situation with a spouse or coworker.

I can also say, that the extra time in the outdoors, being with family, getting buzzed and reducing reality, sleeping in on a Sunday, etc., certainly have brought me more happiness than sitting in mind numbing meetings every Sunday or prepping a lesson to entertain other people's kids or wrangling some old A/V equipment for a webcast or spending two hours looking at unit donations and financials or going home teaching or being interviewed about worthiness or listening to 8+ hours of mostly uninspiring talks that just make me feel bad that I don't measure up or all the cogdis of trying to make all the crazy bat Sh!t history and belief system make sense! Long run-on sentences don't necessary make me happy but pounding all that out on my keyboard made me feel better; sorry bout it.

Because I'm happy!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOWDb2TBYDg
“Sir,' I said to the universe, 'I exist.' 'That,' said the universe, 'creates no sense of obligation in me whatsoever.”
--Douglas Adams

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzmYP3PbfXE

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blazerb
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Re: What is the key to happiness?

Post by blazerb » Wed Aug 16, 2017 7:04 am

Back in my more TBM days, I had a friend from Germany who asked me about the purpose of life as taught by the Mormon church. I quoted the filmstrip I had shown a thousand times on my mission: the purpose of life is to learn to be happy. He smiled and looked at me benevolently. "That is such an American sentiment," he told me. That made me think.

I don't think there is a key to happiness. I will have happy times and angry times and sad times and indifferent times. I have just needed to learn to accept things as they are and make decisions to the best of my ability.
Anon70 wrote:
Wed Aug 16, 2017 1:46 am
LaMachina wrote:
Tue Aug 15, 2017 6:27 pm
There has been a great release of pressure and relief flooded in.
I am still "active". But once I stopped believing, this is what I felt. Less guilt. Less stress. Less anxiety. Relief has been happiness for me :)
Likewise, this has been the greatest benefit to me.

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Linked
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Re: What is the key to happiness?

Post by Linked » Wed Aug 16, 2017 7:56 am

I had an Economics professor who wrote a paper on happiness. His conclusions were that our happiness is relative and comparative. I.e. people are generally happier if they are comparatively better off than those around them. And the comparisons update, so as you move up, and into a better place you compare yourself to them. In the abstract he says:
This updating also results in a volatile level of happiness that continuously reverts to its long-term mean
Also
the agent is concerned not with his absolute level of success, but rather with his success relative to a bench-mark that reflects his own history and social environment.
So, perhaps happiness as a NOM/Postmo is in recognizing that compared to our former TBM selves and our TBM peers we are free. Also, being the person with the biggest house in the neighborhood appears to be better for happiness than being the person with the smallest house, if you consider your neighbors your peers. And driving a nice car. And having the latest toys.
"I would write about life. Every person would be exactly as important as any other. All facts would also be given equal weightiness. Nothing would be left out. Let others bring order to chaos. I would bring chaos to order" - Kurt Vonnegut

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Emower
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Re: What is the key to happiness?

Post by Emower » Wed Aug 16, 2017 8:16 am

Similar to most people here I feel a tangible relief and freedom of mind. This translates into happiness for me. I am happier on the inside. This isnt something I can really show outwardly, so people wouldnt look at me and say, "he's happier!" And I have ups and downs as well. Sometimes I learn something about the church that will get me down for a while. But all in all, I am happier.
LaMachina wrote:
Tue Aug 15, 2017 6:27 pm
I've started to think the key to happiness is the Greek (or Egyptian?) aphorism "Know thyself".
I think this is really insightful. I feel like I have permission finally to know myself, and that makes me happy!

Korihor
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Re: What is the key to happiness?

Post by Korihor » Wed Aug 16, 2017 8:45 am

Getting it on frequently.
Reading can severely damage your ignorance.

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mooseman
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Re: What is the key to happiness?

Post by mooseman » Wed Aug 16, 2017 9:28 am

The key to happiness is to have no expectations ive been told. When you have an expectaction, you have a problem because, no matter how low, you will be disappointed.

If you have no expectations of your boss, your not upset when you don't get a promotion, raise, bonus, paid, ect.

If you have no expectations of the church your not upset about about its history, doctrines, policy, leadership ect.

If you have no expectations about your spouse, your not upset when they cheats, blows the budget, neglects the kids, comes home hours late, forgets your birthday ect

If you have no expectations of yourself your not upset the diet didn't work, you let people treat you like shit, are so depressed your having trouble function...

That's why I'm being told I'm unhappy at least--i have/had expectations and the more I get rid of, the happier ill be (or at least I won't be sad I'm not not, which just as.good right?)
It's frustrating to see the last resort in a discussion of facts be: I disregard those facts because of my faith. Why even talk about facts if the last resort is to put faith above all facts that are contrary to your faith?

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MerrieMiss
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Re: What is the key to happiness?

Post by MerrieMiss » Wed Aug 16, 2017 10:13 am

Anon70 wrote:
Wed Aug 16, 2017 1:46 am
LaMachina wrote:
Tue Aug 15, 2017 6:27 pm
There has been a great release of pressure and relief flooded in.
I am still "active". But once I stopped believing, this is what I felt. Less guilt. Less stress. Less anxiety. Relief has been happiness for me :)
Yes, I'm "active" too and feel this. Although before the relief came, there was a lot of...I don't know, the pressure that built was something terrible. Perhaps that made the release that much better? Life is better now - I wonder now that I ever lived a life so full of guilt and shame.

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Hagoth
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Re: What is the key to happiness?

Post by Hagoth » Wed Aug 16, 2017 3:48 pm

For me:

-a sense of control over my own life
-good relationships, especially in marriage (physical intimacy included) *
-sense of accomplishment and learning
-health
-financial stability- true, money can't buy happiness but being out of debt and knowing where your next meal is coming from goes a long way

Missing from my list: God, obedience, conformity, child-like humility.

*bad relationships just as significant in promoting unhappiness
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

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BriansThoughtMirror
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Re: What is the key to happiness?

Post by BriansThoughtMirror » Wed Aug 16, 2017 4:20 pm

I also recently read The Happiness Hypothesis (great book!). He does make it clear that genetics play a big part in our happiness levels, but he doesn't leave it at that. If I remember correctly, he said that relationships, a sense of mastery/competence/achievement, spirituality of some sort, and several important learned behaviors can positively impact our happiness long term. I highly recommend the book. I think the author would agree with some of Hagoth's list.

I've also been inspired at times by some Buddhist ideas about detaching and having no desires or expectations, but that doesn't resonate with me as much anymore. I feel like detaching is kind of like just not caring. I want to care!
Reflections From Brian's Brain
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Give It Time
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Re: What is the key to happiness?

Post by Give It Time » Wed Aug 16, 2017 5:33 pm

Image


If there is happiness that is an inherent part of our existence (yang), then there is also misery that is an inherent part it our existence (yin). Each contains a little of the other. There will be moments of happiness and moments of misery.

For me, it's letting go and accepting this fact. I find ways to cultivate joy in each moment that I am mindful.
At 70 years-old, my older self would tell my younger self to use the words, "f*ck off" much more frequently. --Helen Mirren

Thoughtful
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Re: What is the key to happiness?

Post by Thoughtful » Wed Aug 16, 2017 11:06 pm

For me, happiness is

- contentment
- routines
- travel
- accepting and being accepted by others
- cleanliness
- health
- nature/ beauty

I don't know if I understand "joy". I want happy to be calm and reflective. Joy sounds exuberant and unsustainable.


Pride is an enjoyable emotion (bigger house than average example above) but it's not restful.

Ive seen studies saying money buys happiness up to 50k or 75k a year and then its static.

I feel my happiness/ contentment/ personal peace increases as wealth and income increase. Even beyond those figures I feel its on the way up. But I also derive some enjoyment from managing money so maybe thats a quirk.

The hedonic treadmill is the idea of homeostasis of mood. Wth clients I may work on shaping an outlook gradually. Sudden "choose your attitude" sentiments won't be sustainable or successful most likely.

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