Unwritten Articles of Faith

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deacon blues
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Unwritten Articles of Faith

Post by deacon blues » Mon Aug 13, 2018 7:47 am

The Articles of Faith leave out several essentials of the LDS Church. One essential is "Faith in the Prophet Joseph Smith." I can think of more, but just starting with that one, what would the Church be without "Faith in Joseph Smith?" He is the real keystone, or cornerstone, or the capstone of the Church.
God is Love. God is Truth. The greatest problem with organized religion is that the organization becomes god, rather than a means of serving God.

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2bizE
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Re: Unwritten Articles of Faith

Post by 2bizE » Mon Aug 13, 2018 9:35 am

We believe in being subject to 15 old men, that they speak to God, and if you don’t do what they say you are an apostate.
~2bizE

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wtfluff
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Re: Unwritten Articles of Faith

Post by wtfluff » Mon Aug 13, 2018 10:16 am

Belief in 19th century folk magic. Especially belief in magic rocks.

The ability to be completely honest with the leadership of the corporation, while leadership is dishonest with you.
Last edited by wtfluff on Mon Aug 13, 2018 2:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. -Frater Ravus

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foolmeonce
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Re: Unwritten Articles of Faith

Post by foolmeonce » Mon Aug 13, 2018 11:08 am

Polygamy is a requirement for Celestial glory (sorry ladies, you’ll get used to it).

Scientific discoveries can only be true if they support current interpretations of scripture.

Homosexuality is a choice, don’t choose it or you’re going to spirit prison first, then a lower kingdom.

Sins of the children are on their parents.

Sins of the wicked are on the leaders if the leaders don’t call for repentance. (I’m taking this one to judgement day. Thanks former and current ass hat bishops!)

Bishops are judges in Israel and will help Jesus judge us.

The devil controls water.

Alcohol is bad, and Jesus really just drank grape juice.

Polynesians are really Lamenites.

Dark skinned people were cursed with their dark skin because some ancestor screwed up pretty badly.

Sex outside of marriage is almost as bad as murder.

Masterbation is almost as bad as sex outside of marriage.

Nothing is more important than God, and by logical extension, the church. Family comes in second.

Church doctrine never ever changes. Any examples to the contrary are not examples of doctrine, they are just policies given for a specific season.

The members serve the church, the church does not serve the members.

All doctrine is revealed in scripture and universally available to all members. At least it was for a while, all the new stuff gets stuffed into a mysterious blue book that’s only available to high ranking leaders.

You need the church to survive. If you leave, your life will self destruct and your kids will OD on meth.

Missions are the best two years of a members life (18 months for girls) and are always huge blessings for the families that send them out.

(I could keep going, but it’s time to get back to work).
Neo: What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets?
Morpheus: No, Neo. I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't have to.

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slavereeno
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Re: Unwritten Articles of Faith

Post by slavereeno » Mon Aug 13, 2018 11:16 am

2bizE wrote:
Mon Aug 13, 2018 9:35 am
We believe in being subject to 15 old men, that they speak to God, and if you don’t do what they say you are an apostate.
Whenever I talk to progressive Mormons, they always respond to this with incredulity. The first response is something akin to "This is not a doctrine and I never thought of it like that!" As though I was the bad guy for suggesting this is a thing. However, the vast, vast majority of Mormons I know think in the way you have posted above. Now, when you say it the way you have stated above, or try to call them out, then they start back peddling like crazy on how they don't.

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slavereeno
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Re: Unwritten Articles of Faith

Post by slavereeno » Mon Aug 13, 2018 11:22 am

foolmeonce wrote:
Mon Aug 13, 2018 11:08 am
(I could keep going, but it’s time to get back to work)
+1 on this whole list! :lol:

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Re: Unwritten Articles of Faith

Post by Reuben » Mon Aug 13, 2018 12:31 pm

I'll take my cues from the temple recommend interview, which has become a catechism, and the Proclamation on the Family, which has become a creed. I'll leave out things already covered by the official articles.

*****

We believe that the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is a Prophet, Seer, and Revelator, and is the only person on the earth who possesses and is authorized to exercise all priesthood keys. We also believe that the members of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles are prophets, seers, and revelators.

We believe that all prophets, seers and revelators have had experiences too sacred to share, the nature of which are also too sacred to share, that qualify them to testify of Jesus, and to determine when statues of Jesus get the nose wrong.

We believe that following Jesus requires following the Prophet, because he follows so closely behind Jesus that it is impossible to squeeze between them, or really even tell that they are separate people.

We believe that the prophets, seers and revelators of the Church cannot lead the Church astray.

We believe in the sacred ambiguity of the statements of prophets, seers and revelators, especially a certain statement containing the word "astray." We also believe that they may speak as men. We believe in not giving specific examples of when they have spoken as men, if ever.

We believe in the law of chastity, and that sexual sin is second only to murder in severity, which with sacred ambiguity might include masturbation, looking at naked women, and being male.

We believe in the modesty of women, to keep them from putting any more porny thoughts in men's heads, the filthy animals.

We believe that abuse is wrong, but not as wrong as apostasy or making the Church look bad (which is also apostasy).

We believe that apostasy is adultery against the Church, making it second only to murder in severity. We believe that unbelieving Mormons are diseased or broken, and require them to stay married to the Church and perform their sacred duties in misery even though the light in their eyes and the fire in their loins have both gone out.

We believe that children as young as eight are capable of making sacred, eternal covenants. We believe in fulfilling these covenants, by which we mean going to church and doing all the things we are voluntold, yea, even unto the scrubbing of the toilets.

We believe in being honest in our dealings with our fellowmen, unless it would make the Church look bad (which is apostasy).

We believe in paying an honest tithe, but not in getting an honest account of its use, which is far above our pay grade.

We believe in keeping an obsessive bastardization of the Word of Wisdom as a test of faith and a tribal marker, and that non-observance is second only to apostasy.

We believe that not keeping financial obligations to former spouse or children is wrong, but not as wrong as drinking the devil's brew or smoking Satan sticks.

We believe in keeping sacred covenants entered into under conditions of extreme undue influence, on pain of community shame, because that is how God does things. Indeed, we may say that we consistently hold God to a much lower standard than we hold ourselves to, because we have no other choice.

We believe that God honors each of us according to his or her underwear, and might stop a bullet for us or save us from the flames if we are wearing the sacred kind.

We believe in retconning the instructions to wear sacred underwear day and night into existence.

We claim the privilege of retconning every aspect of our sacred history, doctrines and practices, and of gaslighting members who mention previous continuities, because we are That Kind of fandom.

We believe that it is right to require members of Jesus Christ's only true and living Church to submit to a man's judgment to determine whether they are clean enough to enter the House of the Lord, even though Jesus called the unclean his friends and atoned for their sins. We do not believe this is a contradiction, because he is perfected now and is therefore obsessive and judgmental.

We believe in compounding all guilt with shame.

*****

We believe that certain kinds of families are ordained of God and that others are ordained of the Father of Counterfeits.

We believe in punishing children for their parents' sins if their parents' sins include creating a counterfeit family.

We believe that women are too good to have the priesthood, but not men, the filthy animals.

We believe that following God's plan for families is the only way to be happy. We also believe in doing our best to make this true.
Learn to doubt the stories you tell about yourselves and your adversaries.

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slavereeno
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Re: Unwritten Articles of Faith

Post by slavereeno » Mon Aug 13, 2018 1:04 pm

Reuben wrote:
Mon Aug 13, 2018 12:31 pm
I'll take my cues from the temple recommend interview, which has become a catechism, and the Proclamation on the Family, which has become a creed. I'll leave out things already covered by the official articles.
:lol: you all are killing me here, my smile and laugh muscles are hurting...

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Re: Unwritten Articles of Faith

Post by Reuben » Mon Aug 13, 2018 2:20 pm

slavereeno wrote:
Mon Aug 13, 2018 1:04 pm
Reuben wrote:
Mon Aug 13, 2018 12:31 pm
I'll take my cues from the temple recommend interview, which has become a catechism, and the Proclamation on the Family, which has become a creed. I'll leave out things already covered by the official articles.
:lol: you all are killing me here, my smile and laugh muscles are hurting...
:D

I'm seriously considering posing as a neo-apologist to introduce the term "sacred ambiguity." It's applicable to so many things. I'll start with Jesus's parables, Isaiah's prophecies, and "eternal punishment," and then move on to words like "astray," "translate" and "doctrine." I'll present it as a way to avoid ellipses (er, "preserve context") when quoting Brigham Young. Those Adam-God quotes can be just as true now as they used to be. When anything means everything, everything means anything!

Crap, I think I'm feeling the Spirit. I've convinced myself of the truthiness of the gospel again. Back to church with me, I guess!
Learn to doubt the stories you tell about yourselves and your adversaries.

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2bizE
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Re: Unwritten Articles of Faith

Post by 2bizE » Mon Aug 13, 2018 3:52 pm

Thanks for all the laughs. I’m crying now from laughing so hard.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
~2bizE

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Hagoth
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Re: Unwritten Articles of Faith

Post by Hagoth » Mon Aug 13, 2018 5:09 pm

Just as significant is that the Articles of Faith that are the foundation of our religion include things that we no longer believe in:

7 We believe in the gift of tongues, prophecy, revelation, visions, healing, interpretation of tongues, and so forth. (This article is talking about glossolalia, NOT the MTC)

10 We believe in the literal gathering of Israel and in the restoration of the Ten Tribes... (No, we don't)

11 We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may. (Not really. We have a more aggressive missionary program than any other religion and we plan to go after the ones that got away after they are dead.)

12 We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law. (Except where Lying For The Lord is deemed necessary).

13 We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, (the members that is, not the founding leaders) and in doing good to all men... (unless they are gay)
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

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Re: Unwritten Articles of Faith

Post by Reuben » Mon Aug 13, 2018 6:21 pm

Hagoth wrote:
Mon Aug 13, 2018 5:09 pm
7 We believe in the gift of tongues, prophecy, revelation, visions, healing, interpretation of tongues, and so forth. (This article is talking about glossolalia, NOT the MTC)

10 We believe in the literal gathering of Israel and in the restoration of the Ten Tribes... (No, we don't)
Sacred ambiguity! "Gift of tongues" and "interpretation of tongues" are intentionally ambiguous. How they were interpreted by Joseph Smith contained a kernel of truth that helped us find a more perfect truth, which is that missionaries learn to speak languages like, really fast. Also, it's a miracle that native speakers understand them at all, and that's the gift of interpretation of tongues.

Also, the meaning of "literal" has drifted so that now it's just used for emphasis. The Lord knew that would happen and inspired Joseph to use that word, to excite the Saints of his time and allow AoF 10 to grow in truth, much like we do as we mature in the gospel.

I feel a bit postmodern as I do this, which I think is a fruit of the Spirit.
Learn to doubt the stories you tell about yourselves and your adversaries.

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slavereeno
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Re: Unwritten Articles of Faith

Post by slavereeno » Tue Aug 14, 2018 6:08 am

Hagoth wrote:
Mon Aug 13, 2018 5:09 pm
Just as significant is that the Articles of Faith that are the foundation of our religion include things that we no longer believe in:
Good point Hagoth! there is lots of stuff in there that we recite as rote without actually believing, unless we redefine everything as Reuben suggests.
Reuben wrote:
Mon Aug 13, 2018 6:21 pm
I feel a bit postmodern as I do this, which I think is a fruit of the Spirit.
:lol:
There are many gifts of the spirit ... and to some the gift of healing and to others the gift of postmodernism...

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Just This Guy
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Re: Unwritten Articles of Faith

Post by Just This Guy » Tue Aug 14, 2018 8:04 am

We believe the bible to be the word of God as far as it is convenient. Anything that doesn't fit we will ignore. WE also believe the book of Mormon to be the word of God. Any proof to the contrariety or lack of proof is more proof of it being the word of god.
Last edited by Just This Guy on Mon Sep 03, 2018 10:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
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FiveFingerMnemonic
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Re: Unwritten Articles of Faith

Post by FiveFingerMnemonic » Tue Aug 14, 2018 8:17 am

We know we stole the first principles and ordinances and the plan of salvation from Campbellite minister Walter Scott's five finger exercise and Parley P Pratt listed them in the exact same order in the first version of the AoF which Joseph then used for the Wentworth letter. However they came from revelation because ours is the true version.

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Corsair
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Re: Unwritten Articles of Faith

Post by Corsair » Tue Aug 14, 2018 10:05 am

That's a great list, Reuben. They are all effectively true. While calling them Articles of Faith might annoy a believer, some of them would actually be safe to assert in Sunday School such as:
Reuben wrote:
Mon Aug 13, 2018 12:31 pm
We believe that the prophets, seers and revelators of the Church cannot lead the Church astray.
Most of the rest of them I think would be acknowledged as containing elements of truth in the Correlated Gospel, but are worded in an uncomfortable way. I won't be stating these in front of ward members, but they are pretty accurate.

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slavereeno
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Re: Unwritten Articles of Faith

Post by slavereeno » Tue Aug 14, 2018 10:12 am

Corsair wrote:
Tue Aug 14, 2018 10:05 am
Most of the rest of them I think would be acknowledged as containing elements of truth in the Correlated Gospel, but are worded in an uncomfortable way.
:lol: Yeah, the truth hurts.

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slavereeno
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Re: Unwritten Articles of Faith

Post by slavereeno » Tue Aug 14, 2018 10:32 am

FiveFingerMnemonic wrote:
Tue Aug 14, 2018 8:17 am
We know we stole the first principles and ordinances and the plan of salvation from Campbellite minister Walter Scott's five finger exercise and Parley P Pratt listed them in the exact same order in the first version of the AoF which Joseph then used for the Wentworth letter.
:o
Dammit, FFM! You just sent me down another rabbit hole and its blowing my mind again. I started googling Campbellite. There was already a "Restoration" of the gospel before JS ever came along? Its as if the early members of Mormonism thought they were just getting in on the ground floor with one of these restoration churches, with just a little special sauce on the side, then had it morph into a non-ecumenical polygamy thing.

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Re: Unwritten Articles of Faith

Post by dogbite » Tue Aug 14, 2018 10:52 am

We believe that white shirts increase holiness and are the uniform of the priesthood.

We believe in pharisaical legalism in regards to sacrament prayers and other set ordinances. Because God is always looking for an out to not be bound by promises and covenants.

We believe contariwise to the above in that an ordinance performed unworthily is still valid because God isn't legalist all the time. And unworthiness is not such a big deal if it makes us look bad if we were to try to be conisistent about it.

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Re: Unwritten Articles of Faith

Post by jfro18 » Tue Aug 14, 2018 12:06 pm

slavereeno wrote:
Tue Aug 14, 2018 10:32 am
FiveFingerMnemonic wrote:
Tue Aug 14, 2018 8:17 am
We know we stole the first principles and ordinances and the plan of salvation from Campbellite minister Walter Scott's five finger exercise and Parley P Pratt listed them in the exact same order in the first version of the AoF which Joseph then used for the Wentworth letter.
:o
Dammit, FFM! You just sent me down another rabbit hole and its blowing my mind again. I started googling Campbellite. There was already a "Restoration" of the gospel before JS ever came along? Its as if the early members of Mormonism thought they were just getting in on the ground floor with one of these restoration churches, with just a little special sauce on the side, then had it morph into a non-ecumenical polygamy thing.
It's really amazing how many things were stolen from the Campbellites... and that Sidney Rigdon was a Campbellite who just happened to show up before JS started introducing those ideas like the Melchizedek/Aaronic priesthoods.

It's now to the point where apologists will tell you that the Campbellites were 'inspired' people who received revelation but just didn't have the fullness that good old Joe did.

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