Hopefully I can express this thought articulately so it's relevant to the conversation. I also had an interesting "awakening" about my responsibility in my relationship with my DW in conjunction with Angel's post. In my TBM days, I would say I was as attendant to my DW's needs as I *hope* I am now, but I had a backstop peace of mind that she would never leave me because of her duty as a woman of zion. In fact, I never really even gave any thought to the possibility of my DW being dissatisfied with our relationship that she might leave someday. That's taboo in Mormonism.DPRoberts wrote: ↑Fri Nov 30, 2018 9:46 amI had a similar reaction to the Angel post mentioned. Hell hath no fury.... and all that. I also made a point of snuggling up with my DW for a bit. But I want to thank Angel for posting that because the point she is trying to make is both informative and a warning to those of us still happily married.
For most of my adult life, being a male, I was okay with polygamy. It was only when I got the female perspective by reading Wife Number 19, reading posts by the women of NOM, and subsequent reading of Tell it All (another 19th century polygamy expose by woman who lived in and among it), that my male delusions about polygamy being acceptable were shattered. So I am grateful whenever I encounter information from the women's point of view. It's something I don't come by naturally
Now, I realize that my DW can up and leave if she wants because we both believe that individuals are totally entitled to do so if the relationship is not working, given our new theological perspectives. Currently, my DW stays home with our young children while I am in a tremendously demanding stage of my career. Although my job is hard, I really really enjoy it even though it can be exhausting. On the other hand, her job with the kids at home often as a "single parent" because of my work demands is exhausting and I concede is much harder than what I'm doing. My DW has sacrificed her own "non-domestic" opportunities to invest in our kids and my career. She's awesome for that. But now without the Mormon safety net of exerting significant psyche control over her to stay where she is, I feel even more responsible to make sure she's happy and I'm sharing more of the load at home. In other words, stepping away from the church has made me much more mindful of being involved at home and making sure my DW has a voice and I actually help facilitate the realization of her wants and needs. There's no more duty to just make things work because.
With the major duty construct now gone, I also feel more responsibility to be attractive to my DW, with respect to being a best friend as well as a romantic partner. All this is a result of leaving Mormonsim. Deconstructing the Mormon constructs of spousal roles in the home and waking up to the importance of individuality.
Thank you for your insight Angel.