The Purge

[RubinHighlander]

As part of our exit from TSCC, we have been purging all the religious material from our home. All that money spent at Desert Book over the years...I sure wish it was in my small retirement account. It's amazing how much stuff you can accumulate over 40+ years in a family.

The other day I came across my mission journals. Although I enjoyed the experience of my mission overall, sans the sappy religious experiences, I don't have any desire to keep the daily writings of the knocking on doors and the sappy heightened emotional experiences. Nor do I care to share them with anyone. Really they have no value now to me or kids, expect to remind me how much I was drinking and preaching the koolaid. I have plenty of pictures of the fun times from my mission that I will keep.

I will hang on to the set of LDS scriptures my grandpa gave me when I went on my mission, because I have sentimental attachment to him. I also have a small KJV of the bible I bought in a bookstore in England, and a couple of 18th century bibles.

The past testimony of false things, just feels a lot like past speeding tickets or other legal messy things like my divorce; I think the statue of limitations has been reached and it can be expunged from my record, purged from my filing cabinet.

Does anyone else feel this way about journals and other religious materials?

[Rob4Hope]

I got a sh!t load of crap, and most of it hit the can about 5 years ago. Besides,...kindle has most of the books now anyway.

I wish I could get back the emotional turmoil and struggle my mission caused, and the health it damaged.

I remember seeing at least 5 different missionaries be destroyed emotionally on their missions. They were "Slackards!"...and damn them to hell for wasting the Lord's time. Oh...but wait? Isn't that how a cult handles it?

[Yobispo]

I got a sh!t load of crap, and most of it hit the can about 5 years ago. Besides,...kindle has most of the books now anyway.

I wish I could get back the emotional turmoil and struggle my mission caused, and the health it damaged.

I remember seeing at least 5 different missionaries be destroyed emotionally on their missions. They were "Slackards!"...and damn them to hell for wasting the Lord's time. Oh...but wait? Isn't that how a cult handles it?

I am only now starting to see how my mission damaged me because I've always thought of it so fondly - even while wandering down the rabbit hole. You mentioned health. I have severely flat feet and one leg is a touch longer, and now in my 40's have the corresponding bad ankles, knees and back. As a healthy 19-21 year old (with crappy feet) I tracted for 2 years in Canada. I remember coming come at night feeling like someone had paddled my feet. Sometimes in the morning they would still be sore to the touch. I also got frostbite in an ear, which still hurts any time I'm out in the cold. Not a big deal, more of an annoyance.

Emotionally? I thrived on a mission, but mostly as leadership-guy. I was good at it, enjoyed it, found ego-stokes galore and that carried right into adulthood. I was so caught up in the emotional manipulation that is Mormonism that I never dove deep enough to even think we had issues, but man was I fervent in my belief in the content of the 6 discussions. SMH That 2-year fervor locked me in until age 44, with an 8 year sojourn in the spiritual wilderness which led me through the Valley of Nom to the beautiful but harsh beaches of a freed mind. But the journey knocked the **** out of me and it still does some days.

[slavereeno]

I dumped about 3 years of "spiritual pornography" (Ensign, New Era and Friend) a few months ago, felt great. But we still subscribe so its building up again, although most of them are still untouched, encased in their plastic mailing sleeves.

[RubinHighlander]

I remember coming come at night feeling like someone had paddled my feet. Sometimes in the morning they would still be sore to the touch. I also got frostbite in an ear, which still hurts any time I'm out in the cold. Not a big deal, more of an annoyance.

Damn dude! That sucks. Have you tried CDB for your aches and pains? DW has been using it for several months now and I can't believe what a different it's made for her mood and bad hips.

I'm glad my mission was more balanced that most. I wasn't a complete zealot all the time but not enough of a rebel to get into trouble. I made it to senior ZL but was never AP material.

[Rob4Hope]

In my mission, we were told by the traveling GAs that we were, at that time, the strictest mission in the world. We only had 2 meals a day, couldn't leave our flat without wearing our whites, no music except MoTab,...and we got in trouble if we didn't tract at least 40 hours a week. Most missionaries got over 70.

I saw at least 5 missionaries who cracked under the strain of getting spit on, doors slammed, and harrased and chased over and over, day in and day out. Then there were the "APs" and other leaders who lauded the glory and absolute privilege of being "persecuted for the Lord's sake."

All these years later, I can't help but wonder why in the LDS church it was "manly" to destroy fellow workers who were human and didn't have endless emotional reserves. It all made sense to me years ago when I realized we are not talking about a church of Christ,...we are talking about a cult.

The LDS church fosters bullies. As far as men go, it fosters 4 of the 5 criteria for "Manliness" in North America: Physical Prowess, Political Power, Financial Affluence, Mental Achievement. The last one (sexual conquest) went out with polygamy and the likes of SWK and BRM who killed anything sexual.

My mission president was a bully. The APs and Zone Leaders were bullies. And, its sad how people were hurt in the slow grinding tide of teaching maybe 2 lessons a week (if you are lucky) and tracking 70+ hours a week, just to come home early and find Zone Leaders waiting at your flat to make sure you were really out, and turning you in as slackers if you came home early.

The LDS church cares about one thing only: OBEDIENCE AT ALL COSTS.

[moksha]

Not sure how future historians in your family will feel about you tossing your journals, but it was your decision to make.

[Raylan Givens]

Most of my materials "disappeared" during our last move.

I did keep a few journals, but I don't like reading them. I regret a lot of my mission, it feels like two years lost when my family's business needed me the most...

Perhaps I made someone's day at Goodwill with my 1980's copy of Mormon Doctrine and Miracle of Forgiveness.

[Just This Guy]

Surprisingly we didn't have much in the way of church materiel that we wanted to get rid of. A lot of my mission stuff was destroyed in a basement flood before I meet DW so that gone to start with. DW didn't bring much over. Most of it was DVD's and CDs that my parents gave us. Some of the CD's we are keeping because it is good music. DVD, I tired to see if I could sell them to FYE and get anything for them. Most were still in shrink swap, but FYE didn't want them so off to Goodwill they went.

A lot of it was being a young family. We didn't have much extra money, so by the time we were getting on our feet and finances started to open up, our shelves were getting heavy and church participation diminished. So fortunately, we didn't waste a tone of money on that junk.

Biggest issue was wedding pictures. Most of the ones we had up had the temple prominently featured in them. They got replaced by others of just us. Many were taken inside the temple Visitor center. It was a couple weeks before Christmas, so we have a number of shots with trees that turned out well with no obvious LDS influence.

[RubinHighlander]

Biggest issue was wedding pictures. Most of the ones we had up had the temple prominently featured in them. They got replaced by others of just us. Many were taken inside the temple Visitor center. It was a couple weeks before Christmas, so we have a number of shots with trees that turned out well with no obvious LDS influence.

I was married for a dozen years then divorced, so there's a lot of those pictures and vids I've kept for my kids. It's strange to have like two different lives or eras in your life like that. Really it's like three different lives - the first marriage, all the drama with the X in the new marriage with the kids going back and forth and the now era of our kids all grown up with no more X involved. I will say I'm at the sweetest part of my life so far where there's no more church drudgery, our kids are all out and although we don't see them as often our relationship with them is the best it's ever been by a significant factor; same for our marriage. I wish we could have had more of these types of years, but I guess the tribulations of the past are what has made it sweeter now.

[Random]

It has been several years since I got rid of most (or all) of the Deseret Book type stuff. I typed up my journals about 20 years ago, and tossed the originals (including the missionary journal I think), but I kept the pictures. I may still have them in storage. (I hope I do.) I kept the scriptures I had.

I have new religious books, including new scriptures, and am collecting things like Dead Sea Scrolls, Nag Hammadi, Gospel of Mary, and so forth.

Sometimes, when I look back, I am amazed at how much I have changed. I thought about that last night when my daughter and I were in a state liquor store. My former Pharisaical self would have been mortified at what I am now - but if the truth be told, I'm a lot happier now. I still struggle with depression and anxiety attacks, but the depression is so much less. The freedom is so much more.

I think part of the purge was giving up the idea of false modesty. I have tank tops, and even shirts with strings instead of straps that go over the shoulder. I have three holes in one ear and two in the other (true confession: After I got my ears pierced at 17, one of my holes kept closing up. On my mission, I had my ears re-pierced and asked them to pierce the hole in that ear a little off center because I thought it had scar tissue in it. Years later, my experience showed me that my ears would close up when they wanted and reopen when they wanted, so I had three piercings. Last year, I added two more. It still makes me laugh that I got my third hole on my mission.)