Guns in Heaven!

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moksha
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Guns in Heaven!

Post by moksha » Mon Feb 11, 2019 7:00 pm

I imagine this issue of guns in heaven has been discussed repeatedly in the Elder's Quorum meetings of Central and Southern Utah.

If I may be permitted to channel some of their findings:

1. Firearms shall be kept in case there is an uprising from the Telestial Kingdom or Outer Darkness.

2. Planetary armaments are needed in case some of those New Order Gods try to institute a planetary tax system on the sovereign planets. In which case the battle cry shall be Sic Semper Mormanis!

Hope that helps.
Good faith does not require evidence, but it also does not turn a blind eye to that evidence. Otherwise, it becomes misplaced faith.
-- Moksha

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Hagoth
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Re: Guns in Heaven!

Post by Hagoth » Mon Feb 11, 2019 9:01 pm

moksha wrote:
Mon Feb 11, 2019 7:00 pm
1. Firearms shall be kept in case there is an uprising from the Telestial Kingdom or Outer Darkness.
And to protect the baby gods from getting into mischief.

p.s. Why did God send an angel with a sword to force Joseph to marry those girls instead of a Colt revolving rifle? Was celestial technology lagging behind 19th century industry?
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

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Corsair
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Re: Guns in Heaven!

Post by Corsair » Mon Feb 11, 2019 9:29 pm

I'm noticing a lack of discussion about what those "liberals" in the Terrestrial kingdom will be doing on this issue. I imagine they will protest the Celestial gun owners with signs like "Arms Are Made For Priesthood Blessings" and "Make New Worlds, Not New Wars". They will also insist on some kind of trigger lock that only comes off through fasting as prayer.

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Palerider
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Re: Guns in Heaven!

Post by Palerider » Mon Feb 11, 2019 10:13 pm

Hagoth wrote:
Mon Feb 11, 2019 9:01 pm
moksha wrote:
Mon Feb 11, 2019 7:00 pm
1. Firearms shall be kept in case there is an uprising from the Telestial Kingdom or Outer Darkness.
And to protect the baby gods from getting into mischief.

p.s. Why did God send an angel with a sword to force Joseph to marry those girls instead of a Colt revolving rifle? Was celestial technology lagging behind 19th century industry?

I'm almost embarrassed to say this because I have a brother-in-law who is so pedantic it makes my skin crawl sometimes.... :roll:

Colt patented his first revolving pistol in 1836. Henry manufactured the first repeating rifle in 1860 which was the forerunner of the famed Winchester 1876.

Joseph Smith first invented visions of angels with flaming swords around 1841 according to Don Bradley and Brian Hales, quoting Richard Van Wagoner:

“The difficulties [of] the Fanny Alger situation… seriously hampered Joseph Smith’s apparent enthusiasm for plural marriage.” Bruised by the repercussions, he continued a monogamous path but not for long. It appears that by 1841 the angelic visitor would visit him, heralding specific directives that the Prophet could not easily refuse."

Knowing the deadly effectiveness and fine handling qualities of the Colt revolver, the Angel heavily lobbied for the opportunity to threaten the virtuous and reluctant Joseph with the ideal weapon of the time. However recognizing the strength of the imagined visual effects of a flaming sword conjured up by the female psyche, word came down to proceed with the exceedingly fiery instrument instead.

Hope this helps.... :shock:

;)
"There is but one straight course, and that is to seek truth and pursue it steadily."

"Truth will ultimately prevail where there is pains to bring it to light."

George Washington

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Hagoth
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Re: Guns in Heaven!

Post by Hagoth » Tue Feb 12, 2019 7:33 am

Joseph could have killed two birds with one stone. It would have been an opportunity to prophesy a weapon that hadn't even been invented yet, that later generations would all recognize, like a flamethrower. Or what if the angel had wielded something that we would have eventually recognized as the BFG 9000. No doubt they have those in the CK. I bet those tween and teen gods are putting together some pretty amazing videogames; covering planets with pre-made zombies and weapon caches; massive starship battles. I'm sure they're not just sitting around on thrones for eternity listening to hymns like the old-dude gods.

OK, another tangent coming on... One of the main jobs of Mormon gods is procreating, right? Billions of times. Baby gods?
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

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Not Buying It
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Re: Guns in Heaven!

Post by Not Buying It » Tue Feb 12, 2019 10:41 am

Yeah, INXS prophesied of this back in 1987:

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q ... NVxoBSh7oc
"The truth is elegantly simple. The lie needs complex apologia. 4 simple words: Joe made it up. It answers everything with the perfect simplicity of Occam's Razor. Every convoluted excuse withers." - Some guy on Reddit called disposazelph

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moksha
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Re: Guns in Heaven!

Post by moksha » Wed Feb 13, 2019 6:50 am

Hagoth wrote:
Tue Feb 12, 2019 7:33 am
Or what if the angel had wielded something that we would have eventually recognized as the BFG 9000.
Mentioning the NRA's favorite weapon of choice, the BFG 9000, would have been an incredible prophecy. That weapon is certainly one which will be deployed by the sovereign planetary rulers of the Celestial Kingdom!
Good faith does not require evidence, but it also does not turn a blind eye to that evidence. Otherwise, it becomes misplaced faith.
-- Moksha

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Palerider
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Re: Guns in Heaven!

Post by Palerider » Wed Feb 13, 2019 1:53 pm

Hagoth wrote:
Tue Feb 12, 2019 7:33 am
Joseph could have killed two birds with one stone. It would have been an opportunity to prophesy a weapon that hadn't even been invented yet.....
I think the Angel's second choice was to go with the Tazer. It's ability to be reapplied over and over would have helped Joseph in his decision to give polygamy a try while keeping him bodily intact. Next best thing to a cattle prod but more accurate over distances.

This idea was also nixed in favor of the sword aflame for reasons stated above. 8-)
"There is but one straight course, and that is to seek truth and pursue it steadily."

"Truth will ultimately prevail where there is pains to bring it to light."

George Washington

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moksha
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Re: Guns in Heaven!

Post by moksha » Thu Feb 14, 2019 6:14 pm

Palerider wrote:
Wed Feb 13, 2019 1:53 pm
Next best thing to a cattle prod ...
Thankfully, a heavenly polygamy prod was not used on women unwilling to accept The Principle such as Nancy Rigdon and others.
Good faith does not require evidence, but it also does not turn a blind eye to that evidence. Otherwise, it becomes misplaced faith.
-- Moksha

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Mad Jax
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Re: Guns in Heaven!

Post by Mad Jax » Thu Feb 14, 2019 7:22 pm

I wish Moksha had written the Pearl of Great Price. That would make a stellar space opera film.
Free will is a golden thread flowing through the matrix of fixed events.

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Phil Lurkerman
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Re: Guns in Heaven!

Post by Phil Lurkerman » Mon Feb 18, 2019 11:45 am

Palerider wrote:
Mon Feb 11, 2019 10:13 pm
Hagoth wrote:
Mon Feb 11, 2019 9:01 pm
moksha wrote:
Mon Feb 11, 2019 7:00 pm
1. Firearms shall be kept in case there is an uprising from the Telestial Kingdom or Outer Darkness.
And to protect the baby gods from getting into mischief.

p.s. Why did God send an angel with a sword to force Joseph to marry those girls instead of a Colt revolving rifle? Was celestial technology lagging behind 19th century industry?

I'm almost embarrassed to say this because I have a brother-in-law who is so pedantic it makes my skin crawl sometimes.... :roll:

Colt patented his first revolving pistol in 1836. Henry manufactured the first repeating rifle in 1860 which was the forerunner of the famed Winchester 1876.

Joseph Smith first invented visions of angels with flaming swords around 1841 according to Don Bradley and Brian Hales, quoting Richard Van Wagoner:

“The difficulties [of] the Fanny Alger situation… seriously hampered Joseph Smith’s apparent enthusiasm for plural marriage.” Bruised by the repercussions, he continued a monogamous path but not for long. It appears that by 1841 the angelic visitor would visit him, heralding specific directives that the Prophet could not easily refuse."

Knowing the deadly effectiveness and fine handling qualities of the Colt revolver, the Angel heavily lobbied for the opportunity to threaten the virtuous and reluctant Joseph with the ideal weapon of the time. However recognizing the strength of the imagined visual effects of a flaming sword conjured up by the female psyche, word came down to proceed with the exceedingly fiery instrument instead.

Hope this helps.... :shock:

;)
It seems clear that the weapon in question was in fact a light saber. Viewed through the eyes of a 19th century farmer/mystic, the the use of "flaming sword" as a description is quite understandable.

Perhaps this is all the result of rogue time travelling Jedi with a polygamous bent.
I was once a cafeteria Mormon on a hunger strike. Have since found a buffet elsewhere.

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