What's all this talk about coffee

[Hagoth]

The Redditors are talking a lot about "if the prohibition on coffee gets lifted this weekend..."

Where is this rumor coming from?

Sounds like one of those things that might happen when hell becomes an iced frappuccino.

[wtfluff]

Sounds like one of those things that might happen when hell becomes an iced frappuccino.

MMMMMMMMMM... Iced Frappuccino!

(Drinking Iced Frapppucino's in hell won't kill me with diabetes right? I'll already be dead! )

[Hagoth]

But seriously, is there a reason people think that at this particular conference coffee will suddenly become ok?

If it does happen make sure you're not in the stampede zone (entrance to any Utah Starbucks) come Monday morning.

[RubinHighlander]

But seriously, is there a reason people think that at this particular conference coffee will suddenly become ok?

If it does happen make sure you're not in the stampede zone (entrance to any Utah Starbucks) come Monday morning.

Yeah, ya know, I think there are some things, as a NoMo, I'd rather the church keep the smack down on because I would not want increased traffic on coffee stores, liquor stores and non-Sunday activities. It's one of the few perks you get behind the Zion curtain to provide a little offset to all the other crap.

[Red Ryder]

The source of GC rumors are hard to track down.

I heard from my neighbor, whose father lives in Juab and served a mission with the brother of an Apostle who gets massaged at the Sacred Orchid Massage Parlor in Florida, that he was there for a real estate deal closing, and that he was practicing his GC talk about the subtle differences in a white and delightsome coffee beans compared to the dark roast beans of South America. He heard the Apostle say "Go Down... Then return and report" which made him think that he was traveling to South America to find coffee bean plantations to buy. He didn't realize that the reversal wasn't related to coffee or the word of wisdom but rather reversal of the oral sex ban.

Since he was frequenting an illicit establishment he couldn't honestly tell his story of bumping into Robert Kraft and thus embellished it to cover up his felacio fixation and the rumor of coffee and WoW reversal went viral.

General conference talks will be interesting and Robert Kraft will be the newest convert to The Church of Jesus Christ That Was An Amazing Blowjob by a Latter-Day Saint.

[Kishkumen]

Dammit, I actually am somewhat curious if they announce anything this weekend.

And when I follow up on Monday to see if anything was announced, I know I'll be disappointed. Nothing will change meaningfully.

[Mormon 8]

As hard as it might be to believe, there is substance to the rumor. I know a few fellows who have close ties to the COB and have spoken with one of them and can tell you with an assurety that allowing consumption of both coffee and green tea with an emphasis on moderation has been discussed at the highest levels of the church going back to last fall. RMN is a former physician and fully aware of the health benefits of coffee and green tea. The church also needs to strongly consider easing the restrictions if it wants an inroads into China since both, especially green tea, are a huge part of its culture. It will be interesting to see if they go for it or not this go round.

[wtfluff]

Rumors about evil beverages?

What rumors?

They rescinded the POX! Forget about any other rumors! (Or the beatings will continue...)

[Reuben]

I kind of hope it doesn't happen.

Not drinking coffee has been a cheap way to increase group cohesion. It's like wearing a football jersey. If it disappeared as an in-group marker, believers would feel the change and adjust for it. What would take its place? Genuine love and concern for all?

Nah. It would probably be following the prophet harder in one observable thing or another. Ministering! Home church! Quoting General Conference! Hanging pictures of the Q15! What can we do more to show our loyalty, comrades?

[Hagoth]

I kind of hope it doesn't happen

I agree. Part of me wishes the church would double-down and go hardcore cult; force people to make the tough decision, rather than just continuing to water itself down to keep butts in seats. I'm kinda tired of them running away from their core doctrines, like the nature of God and man, and redefining words like "translate" to gaslight members into thinking they don't believe what they think they believe.

[2bizE]

I have so much faith in Nelson and the rumors that I have a coffee maker sitting in my Amazon shopping cart ready to hit the purchase button.
Serious though, can you imagine if coffee were allowed? People would leave conference and go to Walmart or Costco to buy coffee makers. The big box stores would run out of makers and coffee.

[jfro18]

I kind of hope it doesn't happen

I agree. Part of me wishes the church would double-down and go hardcore cult; force people to make the tough decision, rather than just continuing to water itself down to keep butts in seats. I'm kinda tired of them running away from their core doctrines, like the nature of God and man, and redefining words like "translate" to gaslight members into thinking they don't believe what they think they believe.

I'm torn... every time they bow to public pressure I am proven right, but at the same time it gives members who see the problems an out.

I hope they double down and say not only no coffee and tea, but all meat must be handed over to your bishop.

Then I want them to clarify what they believe polygamy in the afterlife is followed by an announcement that it's time to gather again in Missouri.

HOW WAS I EVER A PART OF THIS TRAINWRECK?!

[Mormon 8]

The information age is forcing the church's hand in many regards and is a thorn in its side with respect to church history that can no longer be hidden or suppressed from the general membership. The truth wasn't available in the past and the church could hide it. Enter the world wide web. Now it is.

[GoodBoy]

No way they can permit coffee. One day it is keeping you out of the temple and therefore from salvation, and the next it's OK? It won't happen.

If they want to change that rule they need to first take the word of wisdom question out of the temple recommend questions, then after about 5-10 years they could allow it with less backlash.

[crossmyheart]

No way they can permit coffee. One day it is keeping you out of the temple and therefore from salvation, and the next it's OK? It won't happen.

If they want to change that rule they need to first take the word of wisdom question out of the temple recommend questions, then after about 5-10 years they could allow it with less backlash.

I also said there is no way the church will go from 3 hours down to 2 hours because they want to keep a firm grasp on controlling the members and was proven wrong.

Even my TBM family who ONLY read church approved Deseret News and LDS living have heard about it. I would be surprised if they don't make changes.

[crossmyheart]

As hard as it might be to believe, there is substance to the rumor. I know a few fellows who have close ties to the COB and have spoken with one of them and can tell you with an assurety that allowing consumption of both coffee and green tea with an emphasis on moderation has been discussed at the highest levels of the church going back to last fall. RMN is a former physician and fully aware of the health benefits of coffee and green tea. The church also needs to strongly consider easing the restrictions if it wants an inroads into China since both, especially green tea, are a huge part of its culture. It will be interesting to see if they go for it or not this go round.

It makes sense that a former physician would want to revise the WOW and then label it as "revelation".


And don't forget they told us to take our vitamins!

[slavereeno]

I'm kinda tired of them running away from their core doctrines, like the nature of God and man, and redefining words like "translate" to gaslight members into thinking they don't believe what they think they believe.

Yep. If they do this it will support DWs theory that the goal is to just go mainstream, so if we can just hold out a little longer everything will be ok.

[Culper Jr.]

I see a lot of upside to allowing tea and coffee as strange as it seems at first:

1. The church is trying to appeal to millennials to keep them in the church without alienating the older base that pays the tithing and fills the callings. Of the options that the church has to choose from to lighten up on things millennials would like, this seems to be less polarizing than most.

2. It would remove an obstacle to potential converts being baptized. No tobacco and illegal drugs are no brainers, and alcohol, well at least an argument can be made. But no tea and coffee is a mess.. you can't explain it any other way than "God said so." Also, inactives could potentially be more likely to come back and participate and maybe even pay tithing if one more obstacle is removed.

3. All of the world agrees on tea and coffee (Christians, Jews and Muslims, Asians and Europeans, North Americans and South Americans) EXCEPT the Mormons. It's a dumb thing that alienates us from the rest of the world.

4. It could be spun so easily. "Because of the tremendous double digit growth of the church, and the now worldwide reach of the gospel, we are no longer requiring abstinence from tea and coffee to be baptized or to have a temple recommend although we still do not encourage their use. This is to accommodate all of the many cultures that this worldwide church now presides over."

5. It would really seal RMN's legacy as a prophet that did things and changed stuff instead of just being a "placeholder" prophet.

6. Minimal cost to the church. Just change a few things in the handbooks and lesson manuals. Or not, the scriptures still refer to the wine in the sacrament.

7. I really don't see a lot of people getting too horribly upset over this unless they were denied a temple recommend over it. Otherwise, I just don't see it as being as polarizing as women having the priesthood, or accepting gay marriage or something like that.

Anyway, just my 2 cents. Kind of a hope I guess, as being a closet coffee drinker is incredibly inconvenient.

[Mormon 8]

4. It could be spun so easily. "Because of the tremendous double digit growth of the church, and the now worldwide reach of the gospel, we are no longer requiring abstinence from tea and coffee to be baptized or to have a temple recommend although we still do not encourage their use. This is to accommodate all of the many cultures that this worldwide church now presides over.

I think the spin would be more along the lines of 'thanks to new technologies and research, it has been proven that coffee has over 150 antioxidants and when taken in moderation can actually bring health benefits and that green tea has shown to be very useful for medicinal purposes and other health benefits as well' instead of playing the growth card when the church is actually losing more members than it is gaining. The church is looking for an inroads into China and removing coffee and tea from restriction would be a huge first step in that direction since both coffee and tea (especially tea) are a big part of their culture.

[mufflerman]

I'm hoping there is substance to this rumor. If so, I will be attending the next bishopric meeting with a cup of joe in hand....