Den of Sin

[Just This Guy]

Starbucks has announced they will open their first stand alone store in the Provo area, right across the street from the BYU campus. Scheduled to pen next year.

https://www.sltrib.com/news/2019/06/04/ ... rst-stand/

[RubinHighlander]

Now they just need to add ax throwing and beer.

Trouble, oh we got trouble,
Right here in Provo City!
With a capital "T"
That rhymes with "C"
And that stands for Coffee,
We've surely got trouble!
Right here in Provo City,
Right here!
Gotta figger out a way
To keep the young ones moral after school!
Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble...

Music Man HAROLD:
Mothers of Provo City!
Heed the warning before it's too late!
Watch for the tell-tale sign of corruption!
The moment your son leaves the house,
Does he rebuckle his knickerbockers below the knee?
Is there a nicotine stain on his index finger?
A dime novel hidden in the corn crib?
Is he starting to memorize jokes from Capt.
Billy's Whiz Bang?
Are certain words creeping into his conversation?
Words like 'swell?"
And 'so's your old man?"
Well, if so my friends,
Ya got trouble,
Right here in River city!
With a capital "T"
And that rhymes with "C"
And that stands for Coffee.
We've surely got trouble!
Right here in Provo City!

[jfro18]

I don't drink coffee because of the church... I don't really have a desire to because I know that it will make DW think I'm just one step away from losing my soul.

I'll never understand how the church decided to draw a line in the sand at coffee.

Joseph Smith wouldn't even recognize the church today. When he died he drank, smoked, and celestialized with a ton of women. Now Mormons can't drink alcohol, can't drink coffee, can't smoke, and at least for this life can only celestialize with one woman at a time. I wish the church would paint a more honest picture of Joseph... because he would look like the villain in an old Disney cartoon.

[græy]

Now they just need to add ax throwing and beer.

Trouble, oh we got trouble,
Right here in Provo City!
With a capital "T"
That rhymes with "C"
And that stands for Coffee,
We've surely got trouble!
Right here in Provo City,
Right here!
Gotta figger out a way
To keep the young ones moral after school!
Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble...

Music Man HAROLD:
Mothers of Provo City!
Heed the warning before it's too late!
Watch for the tell-tale sign of corruption!
The moment your son leaves the house,
Does he rebuckle his knickerbockers below the knee?
Is there a nicotine stain on his index finger?
A dime novel hidden in the corn crib?
Is he starting to memorize jokes from Capt.
Billy's Whiz Bang?
Are certain words creeping into his conversation?
Words like 'swell?"
And 'so's your old man?"
Well, if so my friends,
Ya got trouble,
Right here in River city!
With a capital "T"
And that rhymes with "C"
And that stands for Coffee.
We've surely got trouble!
Right here in Provo City!

[Red Ryder]

Hot water over beans will separate a man from the Kingdom of God faster than a burnt tongue from a bite of fiery funeral potatoes.

How much do we want to bet that the Starbucks is leasing the land and or building from the Church?

Will the Starbucks have a stack of brown paper bags the students and faculty can put over their heads before they walk in and order a cappuccino?

Is that you Brother Jones? You want your Venti Mocha Cappuccino hot or cold?

[MoPag]

Now they just need to add ax throwing and beer.

Trouble, oh we got trouble,
Right here in Provo City!
With a capital "T"
That rhymes with "C"
And that stands for Coffee,
We've surely got trouble!
Right here in Provo City,
Right here!
Gotta figger out a way
To keep the young ones moral after school!
Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble...

Music Man HAROLD:
Mothers of Provo City!
Heed the warning before it's too late!
Watch for the tell-tale sign of corruption!
The moment your son leaves the house,
Does he rebuckle his knickerbockers below the knee?
Is there a nicotine stain on his index finger?
A dime novel hidden in the corn crib?
Is he starting to memorize jokes from Capt.
Billy's Whiz Bang?
Are certain words creeping into his conversation?
Words like 'swell?"
And 'so's your old man?"
Well, if so my friends,
Ya got trouble,
Right here in River city!
With a capital "T"
And that rhymes with "C"
And that stands for Coffee.
We've surely got trouble!
Right here in Provo City!

Oh my gods...I almost spit my salted dark chocolate frappuccino all over my computer screen !!

[Hagoth]

If nothing else they'll be selling a whole lortab expensive hot chocolate. I bet it will become a cool status thing to flirt with evil by going in there to order cocoa.

[moksha]

This will mean an extra expense for the BYU Honors Code Office, to keep paid snitches outside the Starbucks store looking for coffee loving BYU students. Most likely they are already using facial recognition software in their espionage efforts, so the extra paid snitches will be the greatest expense.

Wait, a minute. It just occurred to me that perhaps Just a Guy was referring to Starbucks as the Den of Sin rather than the Honors Code Office. Wish someone could clarify that matter.

Anyway, in regards to RubinHighlander's mention of Trouble in Provo City, it would be nice if some of the women of the BYU faculty could follow that up with a rousing rendition of Pick a Little, Peck a Little, while the menfolk sang Hie to Kolob in counterpoint.

[MoPag]

This will mean an extra expense for the BYU Honors Code Office, to keep paid snitches outside the Starbucks store looking for coffee loving BYU students. Most likely they are already using facial recognition software in their espionage efforts, so the extra paid snitches will be the greatest expense.

Wait, a minute. It just occurred to me that perhaps Just a Guy was referring to Starbucks as the Den of Sin rather than the Honors Code Office. Wish someone could clarify that matter.

Anyway, in regards to RubinHighlander's mention of Trouble in Provo City, it would be nice if some of the women of the BYU faculty could follow that up with a rousing rendition of Pick a Little, Peck a Little, while the menfolk sang Hie to Kolob in counterpoint.

Or maybe the honor code office are the ones behind the new Starbucks. They thought it would be easier to separate the wheat from the tares.

[Red Ryder]

Ha ha ha!

It’s a trap! Don’t go in there!

You order a Granda Hot Carmel Machiatto, pay the cashier, get a receipt and an order number. When they call your number up you grab your cup and you're quietly escorted to a back room where you are handcuffed, stripped down to your garments, and held captive while a nurse draws your blood and runs it through a machine to check your tanic acid and caffeine levels. While the blood test is running, another nurse forces your mouth open to check for scar tissue and recent burns from prior tongue scaldings.

After you are processed and the blood tests come back, they spray you down with a luminal like substance that lights up when coming into close proximity with the neon lights of any Starbucks sign in Utah. Then they force you to get dressed in all 6 layers of clothing while blasting Trouble in Provo City sung by the Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square.

Stay away kids, stay away!

[Just This Guy]

"Den of Sin" refers to the proposed StarBucks. That came from one of the headlines I saw about this. Make any appropriate jokes you want.

[2bizE]

Sounds like a new meetup place.
I bet visiting football team fans will like the convenience. They will probably have BYU police (soon to be mall cops in September) stopping people at campus crosswalk preventing people from stepping on campus with a cup of coffee.
In a few years, we will find out through Mormon leaks that the church actually owns the franchise.

[wtfluff]

Does anyone know if there are any other Coffee shops that are in close proximity to the Only True And Living Campus™?

I'm not a fan of Starbucks, but I may just have to visit this particular location, just to show my (angry at LD$-Inc.) support.

[Just This Guy]

Even as a TBM in college, I was introduced to Starbucks and found a number of things that I could get there that were 100% WoW Approved. Smoothies, non-coffee frappe's, flavored cocoa, etc. I got rather fond of cocoa with various hots of syrups in them. Plenty of ways to fit in with the non mormon crowd and still live the WoW.

At one point, a TBM I knew got a Starbucks gift card for a work Christmas present. They went huge rant of how insensitive it was of them. When I explained all the non-coffee options that he could get including a bit of what the actual Italian meant in some of the menu items. He was rather embarrassed when he found out all that.

So will the StarBucks cocoa become the new way to NOM at BYU?

If I'm ever in the area, I'll get a large coffee and walk down BYU streets just to spite them. I'll also grow out my facial hair.

[moksha]

Even as a TBM in college, I was introduced to Starbucks and found a number of things that I could get there that were 100% WoW Approved.

WoW Approved items?!!! Sounds like BYU better get busy and append a written agreement to submit to random caffeine breathalyzer checks, by law enforcement officials in Utah County, to the "Honor Code" rights violation list. That way none of the young Saints will be tempted to have a shot of espresso added to their hot chocolate. Besides, it is never a good thing to be fully awake in Provo, Utah.