What Satan wants

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Hagoth
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What Satan wants

Post by Hagoth » Tue Sep 24, 2019 6:26 pm

Have you noticed that church leaders always know what Satan is up to and what he wants you to do? They seem to get it wrong about God a lot of the time (e.g. curse of Cain, policy change, Holland's Wrong Roads...) but they seem pretty certain about Satan. If I believed in the devil I think I would be tempted to wonder if maybe they have a more direct line to him.
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

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wtfluff
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Re: What Satan wants

Post by wtfluff » Tue Sep 24, 2019 11:15 pm

Santa just wants you to be good so he can bring you presents.

Oh, wait...

I seem to have misspelled the name of the mythical being who is the subject of this thread.
Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. -Frater Ravus

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moksha
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Re: What Satan wants

Post by moksha » Wed Sep 25, 2019 4:43 am

Hagoth wrote:
Tue Sep 24, 2019 6:26 pm
Have you noticed that church leaders always know what Satan is up to and what he wants you to do? ... they seem pretty certain about Satan.
More like they are engaging in low wattage storytelling where the moral of the story is to do what the church leader is telling you.
Good faith does not require evidence, but it also does not turn a blind eye to that evidence. Otherwise, it becomes misplaced faith.
-- Moksha

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Yobispo
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Re: What Satan wants

Post by Yobispo » Wed Sep 25, 2019 8:33 am

Hagoth wrote:
Tue Sep 24, 2019 6:26 pm
Have you noticed that church leaders always know what Satan is up to and what he wants you to do? They seem to get it wrong about God a lot of the time (e.g. curse of Cain, policy change, Holland's Wrong Roads...) but they seem pretty certain about Satan. If I believed in the devil I think I would be tempted to wonder if maybe they have a more direct line to him.
Well, he does have his own power and priesthoods. By the way, Satan has multiple priesthoods.

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Just This Guy
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Re: What Satan wants

Post by Just This Guy » Wed Sep 25, 2019 9:03 am

Yobispo wrote:
Wed Sep 25, 2019 8:33 am
Hagoth wrote:
Tue Sep 24, 2019 6:26 pm
Have you noticed that church leaders always know what Satan is up to and what he wants you to do? They seem to get it wrong about God a lot of the time (e.g. curse of Cain, policy change, Holland's Wrong Roads...) but they seem pretty certain about Satan. If I believed in the devil I think I would be tempted to wonder if maybe they have a more direct line to him.
Well, he does have his own power and priesthoods. By the way, Satan has multiple priesthoods.
But does he have multiple priesthood antennas?
"The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." -- Douglas Adams

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Hagoth
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Re: What Satan wants

Post by Hagoth » Wed Sep 25, 2019 10:19 am

Yobispo wrote:
Wed Sep 25, 2019 8:33 am
Well, he does have his own power and priesthoods. By the way, Satan has multiple priesthoods.
And an apron to prove it. My wife has several aprons, does that mean she has more priesthoods than Satan?
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

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Hagoth
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Re: What Satan wants

Post by Hagoth » Wed Sep 25, 2019 10:24 am

Just This Guy wrote:
Wed Sep 25, 2019 9:03 am
But does he have multiple priesthood antennas?
Yes, he does, and like so many other things you can prove it via Star Trek:
When I was a kid I read a book by some writers of the original Star Trek series (I forget the title and authors)

I learned:

1-The character of Spock was originally intended to look like our concept of the devil, with red skin and horns. Presumably Vulcans had visited earth in medeival times and left a bad impression.

2-Spock has a forked penis.

3-We learn in the temple that Satan has more than one priesthood.

4-Priesthood is not possible for anyone without a penis (aka antenna).

Conclusion: Satan must have a forked penis
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

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Yobispo
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Re: What Satan wants

Post by Yobispo » Wed Sep 25, 2019 11:40 am

Hagoth wrote:
Wed Sep 25, 2019 10:24 am
Just This Guy wrote:
Wed Sep 25, 2019 9:03 am
But does he have multiple priesthood antennas?
Yes, he does, and like so many other things you can prove it via Star Trek:
When I was a kid I read a book by some writers of the original Star Trek series (I forget the title and authors)

I learned:

1-The character of Spock was originally intended to look like our concept of the devil, with red skin and horns. Presumably Vulcans had visited earth in medeival times and left a bad impression.

2-Spock has a forked penis.

3-We learn in the temple that Satan has more than one priesthood.

4-Priesthood is not possible for anyone without a penis (aka antenna).

Conclusion: Satan must have a forked penis
Need more detail...

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Sheamus Moore
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Re: What Satan wants

Post by Sheamus Moore » Wed Sep 25, 2019 12:02 pm

Maybe Russell can get God to tell the HG to stop mumbling and speak up to the rest of us so Satan won't constantly and always get the upper hand... over virtually everything.

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2bizE
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Re: What Satan wants

Post by 2bizE » Wed Sep 25, 2019 12:17 pm

Yobispo wrote:
Wed Sep 25, 2019 8:33 am
Hagoth wrote:
Tue Sep 24, 2019 6:26 pm
Have you noticed that church leaders always know what Satan is up to and what he wants you to do? They seem to get it wrong about God a lot of the time (e.g. curse of Cain, policy change, Holland's Wrong Roads...) but they seem pretty certain about Satan. If I believed in the devil I think I would be tempted to wonder if maybe they have a more direct line to him.
Well, he does have his own power and priesthoods. By the way, Satan has multiple priesthoods.
And what are the names of his priesthoods?
~2bizE

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Red Ryder
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Re: What Satan wants

Post by Red Ryder » Wed Sep 25, 2019 1:49 pm

1. Sex
2. Money
3. Power
4. Prestige
5. Control

The church leadership sure seems to parallel a lot of the things Satan wants.
Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

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Hagoth
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Re: What Satan wants

Post by Hagoth » Wed Sep 25, 2019 2:11 pm

Red Ryder wrote:
Wed Sep 25, 2019 1:49 pm
1. Sex
2. Money
3. Power
4. Prestige
5. Control

The church leadership sure seems to parallel a lot of the things Satan wants.
Or maybe the two branches of masonry that George Oliver identified as priesthoods in his Antiquities of Freemasonry: the Spurious and Operative masonries. Masonry was originally taught as a "priesthood," he says, by God to Adam. If you are old enough to remember live endowments before 1990 you will remember that the apron that Satan reveals as an emblem of his priesthoods was once covered with masonic symbolism.
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

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foolmeonce
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Re: What Satan wants

Post by foolmeonce » Fri Sep 27, 2019 5:35 pm

One of the Pod Casts I'm into is "This American Life." It totally has nothing to do with Mormonism, and just tells different real stories about real American people. (Coincidentally, there was one episode a year or so ago that talked about Mormon women and worthiness interviews, but I digress).

ANYWAY, their episode 666 was ALL about Satan and Satanism and it is FASCINATING!!! In one part, they interview a bunch of Satanists to find out what it's all about, and it's basically the same as any other religion, only there's a different name of the dude at the top.

If you have time to kill, try it out.

https://www.thisamericanlife.org/666/th ... t-be-named
Neo: What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets?
Morpheus: No, Neo. I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't have to.

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Hagoth
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Re: What Satan wants

Post by Hagoth » Fri Sep 27, 2019 8:58 pm

foolmeonce wrote:
Fri Sep 27, 2019 5:35 pm
One of the Pod Casts I'm into is "This American Life." It totally has nothing to do with Mormonism, and just tells different real stories about real American people. (Coincidentally, there was one episode a year or so ago that talked about Mormon women and worthiness interviews, but I digress).

ANYWAY, their episode 666 was ALL about Satan and Satanism and it is FASCINATING!!! In one part, they interview a bunch of Satanists to find out what it's all about, and it's basically the same as any other religion, only there's a different name of the dude at the top.

If you have time to kill, try it out.

https://www.thisamericanlife.org/666/th ... t-be-named
Yeah, that was a good one, but I've forgotten a lot of it. I'll have to give it another listen.

I remember a good Satan story from This American Life, but I think it was another episode. It was a guy talking about an experience when he was a kid at Bible Camp. They were trying to terrify the kids with stories of Satan's power to scare them into repenting and accepting Jesus. The guy telling the story said he had doubts so he prayed to Satan for a sign. That night another kid was struck by lightening and killed. He said he felt terrible and confessed it to the overseeing minister who tried to comfort him by reassuring him that all that scary devil stuff isn't real. If I remember correctly, seeing how quickly they backed down when the rubber hit the road made it clear to him that everything they were telling him was probably fairy tales, so Jesus didn't have the kind of power they claimed either.
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

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2bizE
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Re: What Satan wants

Post by 2bizE » Fri Sep 27, 2019 9:10 pm

This is true and funny...church leaders seem to have Satan all figured out, but god works in mysterious ways.
Satan seems to be the most consistent and reliable of the bunch. You can pray for anything, and god may or may not answer ...according to HIS will they say, but Satan on the other hand can always be found in the right places and always follows through if you do any number of things. Why do we have ward swimming parties if Satan owns the waters?
~2bizE

Apologeticsislying
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Re: What Satan wants

Post by Apologeticsislying » Sat Sep 28, 2019 7:05 am

You do know why Satan is so much easier to read minds with and grasp what he is doing don't you? Because he doesn't have to test our faith at all, he just throws the bowling ball at you and if ya don't duck....well, sucks to be you!

The supernatural ideas and views are so skee wompus anymore, even though they have always been. I can't tell you how disappointed I was after being told for years watching every General Conference at home as a kid, that, after all, Jesus wasn't really coming to the upper rooms in the Salt Lake Temple for tea and cookies with the Brethren, hashing out campaign strategies for the spread of the Gospel in the world.

That was a staple diet of my upbringing for the brightening of testimony. My parents loved that I actually sat and watched those old guys with them. I didn't understand it all the time, but they were there to help me! Which one of the ding-a-lings was it who said we are a special witness to the NAME of Jesus? Boyd K. Packer? That was one of the final breaking of shelf moments for me, because part of the childhood awe, the reverence and the just plain wow in my little brain that these are the guys who KNOW Jesus! There are the guys who talk with him daily. I remember asking my dad something along the lines of why didn't he go down to Salt Lake and join those guys (He and mom were always going to the temple here, so I figured they could there also). And he always laughed, and demurred, etc. Now I get why, but then it sort of bothered me that dad didn't want to also go and see and talk with Jesus.

So I chalk it up to a little boys education that got expanded through time as I go through the vicissitudes of life.
The same energy that emerges from the fountain of eternity into time, is the Holy Grail at the center of the universe of the inexhaustible vitality in each of our hearts. The Holy Grail, like the Kingdom of God, is within. -Joseph Campbell-

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FiveFingerMnemonic
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Re: What Satan wants

Post by FiveFingerMnemonic » Sat Sep 28, 2019 10:04 am


Apologeticsislying wrote: Which one of the ding-a-lings was it who said we are a special witness to the NAME of Jesus? Boyd K. Packer?
Oaks in the Boise rescue fireside a few years ago in order to counter the criticism coming from the Denver Snufferites in their midst.


Apologeticsislying
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Re: What Satan wants

Post by Apologeticsislying » Sat Sep 28, 2019 11:48 am

Oh hey thank you. Hey did anything ever come of those rescue missions? Was anyone at all rescued? And what were they rescued from anyway? I was too busy rolling my eyes over the very idea to pay much attention to it at all.
The same energy that emerges from the fountain of eternity into time, is the Holy Grail at the center of the universe of the inexhaustible vitality in each of our hearts. The Holy Grail, like the Kingdom of God, is within. -Joseph Campbell-

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FiveFingerMnemonic
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Re: What Satan wants

Post by FiveFingerMnemonic » Sat Sep 28, 2019 12:01 pm

Apologeticsislying wrote:Oh hey thank you. Hey did anything ever come of those rescue missions? Was anyone at all rescued? And what were they rescued from anyway? I was too busy rolling my eyes over the very idea to pay much attention to it at all.
I doubt it made any appreciable difference to those who already accepted Denver Snuffer's teachings, but maybe it shored up the currently faithful in that area. It was quite a strange program. I thought Richard Turley was a bit too proud of himself and his books in that meeting.

Apologeticsislying
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Re: What Satan wants

Post by Apologeticsislying » Sat Sep 28, 2019 12:20 pm

Ah well, the good ole ego is hard to suppress when one sets oneself up as hero to many thousands of youth who need their help...... it almost makes one feel giddy with excitement doesn't it?
The same energy that emerges from the fountain of eternity into time, is the Holy Grail at the center of the universe of the inexhaustible vitality in each of our hearts. The Holy Grail, like the Kingdom of God, is within. -Joseph Campbell-

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