General Konference Predictions

[2bizE]

It’s that time of year again. What say ye will happen at GC?
I’m predicting they will start using Stake centers as temples for youth baptisms.
Also, they had better hurry up with the coffee thing. My coffee maker has been in my Amazon cart now for about a year.

[SincereInquirer]

Eyring will cry.

Temples in foreign places will be announced that will never be built.

Many will audibly vote opposed but not be heard except in the conference center.

Several messages along the line of "stay in the boat" and vilifying doubt will be given.

Memes with flowery quotes from conference will be seen for the week after all over Facebook and Instagram, then never seen again.

Everyone will rave about how good conference was.

[Hagoth]

Nothing but the same ol' thing. It's getting to the point that General Conference could be generated by an app.

ETA: hey, that gives me an idea for a product to sell to those Mormons who just can't get enough of General Conference.

[1smartdodog]

I am hoping they will announce they are refunding all the tithing I paid.


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[Palerider]

ETA: hey, that gives me an idea for a product to sell to those Mormons who just can't get enough of General Conference.

But isn't conference kind of like going to one of those movies everyone feels socially obligated to but no one wants to see twice?

[moksha]

"Once the squid ink touchs the funeral potatoes the result will be most excellent!"

[jfro18]

Well clearly there will be no loosening of the word of wisdom since they just double down a month or so ago.

They've already rescinded the LGBT policy, so that's kind of done now.

I guess my prediction would be something that gives women a reason to feel just a little 'less than' in the church than they already are, because there is absolutely a focus from the church on trying to celebrate women while not giving them anything near equal status.

Maybe they'll put a lot of focus on the scout replacement program as well?

Otherwise I'm sure there will be some small changes, temples announced, etc... but I'd be surprised if they did too much more.

But I'm going to hold out hope that they drop garments... which is a control I am sure they will never give up, but I'm going to hope for it every 6 months nonetheless!

[Anon70]

I’ve heard a couple rumors about giving women more roles in witnessing but then they’ll give several talks reminding us not to overstep.

Bummed that the WOW probably won’t change after the recent updates.

I’m betting for lots of Nelson worship, lots of proclamation is scripture/revelation, and lots of pay your tithing.

[MoPag]

I bet they aren't going address the sexual abuse epidemic at all. They will just push forgiveness and "the leaders aren't perfect line."

I'm also going to predict there will be 2 female speakers. And at least one of them will give a cringey talk.

[Mormon 8]

General conference has been nothing but a glorified sacrament meeting without the sacrament for decades now and one giant bowl of pap! It's become a colossal waste of time.

[græy]

Whatever comes of it (I'm firmly in the nothing-but-bordeom camp) I'm counting on all of the NOMference reviews to help me pick the upcoming lessons for our ward's EQ lessons this year!

[Mormorrisey]

Whatever comes of it (I'm firmly in the nothing-but-bordeom" camp) I'm counting on all of the NOMference reviews to help me pick the upcoming lessons for our ward's EQ lessons this year!

NOMference rocks.

It's even better than the real thing - Bono.

[Not Buying It]

There will be some announcement they've had up their sleeves for a while so President Nelson can look like the mighty prophet who made so many changes to crucial, important things of global import like how long Church services are or what we call people from the Church who come and hassle you every month.

[jfro18]

It seems like there is so much less enthusiasm for this conference than any since Nelson took over... I haven't seen much here or the other groups, although I admit I have not spent a lot of time elsewhere lately.

I'm sure they'll make *some* changes, but I just can't see there being anything meaningful at this point which is why they'll probably do *something* to give the appearance of making women closer to equal with 12 year old boys.

We know the Word of Wisdom isn't changing.
They've made clear that where they are with LGBT from Nelson's talk last week.
They aren't going to change garments as much as I would celebrate that.
They've already changed the temple ceremony, and they aren't going to change it more

They are definitely going to cover the new youth program as that is going to be rolled out in the coming months with another youth "face to face" in November apparently.

But the biggest trick in Mormonism is that you don't have to actually change anything for members to believe that the church is evolving, changing, and getting constant revelation.

[moksha]

NOMference rocks.

It's even better than the real thing - Bono.

Those Support forum threads allow me to understand what I saw on TV. Love reading them.

[deacon blues]

The main priority is to keep young people in the Church. All of the recent policy adjustments have been made with that intent. They might wish they could lower the mission age again, but there would be big legal repercussions. I'm getting too old to have much insight in what attracts or repels young people. Hmmmmm. Maybe I'm not the only one.

I'd like to add that I enjoy the GC reviews. Keep them coming, people.

[blazerb]

I predict that the only prayers given by women will be in the Women's session. I am going out on a limb that one woman will give a talk outside of the Women's session.

Elder Bednar will ask for the Holy Ghost to carry his words into the hearts of those who hear. President Eyring will cry, of course. He will also ask us to remember a generic event in our lives that may not have ever occurred. Elder Uchtdorf will use a flight analogy. President Nelson will invite us to repent and come back to the covenant path.

There will be a talk that begins, "I would like to address my remarks to the young people." There will be a talk that mentions blessings from using the correct name of the church. There will be three talks that directly reference someone leaving the church. In two of them, the person will repent and start attending again. There will be more than four talks that quote RMN. No talk will mention pornography; however, there will be one cautioning about information on the internet. There will be a talk that displays a picture of members in Africa. A different talk will show pictures of the grandchild of a GA, maybe great-grandchild.

[MoPag]

I think Blazerb nailed it!

NOMference rocks.

It's even better than the real thing - Bono.

Aww!! I'm so glad you like NOMfrence! It's gonna be great this year!

I will also crown a Prophet, Seer and NOMerator based on the predictions from this thread! So keep them coming!

[Red Ryder]

Conference weekend no longer gives me church anxiety. It’s become a non event in my house. The wife turns it on in 2 different rooms and floats between while doing various projects.

I end up outside doing projects and the kids seem to disappear. After it’s over we end up at dinner with the extended family and they all pat each other on the back for surviving the whole weekend having “spiritually feasted” on the word of God and his one true prophet on the earth today. They don’t realize they are filling their spiritual bellies, hearts, and minds with empty calories and overly repeated platitudes. I smile and participate as if listening to my grandpa reminisce about the good old days when gasoline was 5 cents a gallon and a loaf of bread was fresh and cheap.

Time has changed societal expectations. Religion is no longer necessary to provide answers to mankind’s questions about where we came from and what happens after we die. Humans are too busy walking around ignorantly ignoring what’s going on around them, numbing and starving their minds with empty calories endlessly partaking of social media and product influencers, who specifically target ads to drive more consumer purchases and the need for more.

It’s a strange place to be caught between the real world we live in and the pretend dogma built around the plan of salvation and the idea that we can become gods, or like gods, living in a celestialized kingdom; or whatever version the unchanging gospel slowly morphs into over time.

It’s an interesting space to live in between reality where science and technology can create machines that see and diagnose ailments inside our bodies yet truly believe that a poor farm boy could find a rock and use a hat to translate the records of an ancient people that may have been among some other civilization.

Then every six months we watch as our friends, family, and loved ones all gather around to listen to themselves convince themselves that they themselves know that eternal truths are taught amongst themselves and that no other way exists to return to a heaven that in reality may not actually exist.

Then in real time, thousands of disaffected Mormons get online and repeat the ramblings of these octarian geriatrics and point out the silliness of the bi-annual tradition and echo the same complaints over and over and over again.

It’s a strange dynamic to be caught in a faithless quagmire of mind distortions and echo chambers surrounded by family that doesn’t understand and Internet strangers that do.

May your Konference weekend be as peaceful and frustrating as mine!

[wtfluff]

Old dudes in dark suits giving boring speeches. (With a woman or two who look fake and talk like 8-year-olds tossed in somewhere.)

As usual I'll do everything in my power to avoid it.