General Konference Predictions

[2bizE]

Friends,
General Konference is right around the corner.
Any predictions on what will happen. Surely, there will be a grandiose , groundbreaking, super banal announcement that only Mormons will care about.
There is a continuing trend to make women feel more important in the church. My speculation is that there will be something more for the young women to do, perhaps even help with the sacrament....
What say ye?

[Reuben]

5 new temples will be announced, including one on the moon.

10 new GAs will be sustained, 3 of which are first cousins once removed of an apostle. There will be 2 who seem to have darkish skin if you squint hard enough.

President Oaks will yet again publicly lick the church's wounds over having lost the fight against marriage equality. A lot of older members especially will enjoy it. Mmmmm.

2/3 of the speakers will lick President Nelson's a$$. He'll especially enjoy being referenced more than the scriptures.

2 speakers will make oblique or direct warnings about losing religious freedoms, but won't directly say it's because of the godless communists behind BLM and the machinations of the deep state. They will also encourage us to vote.

They will all be very careful to not offend or challenge either black people or white people, and by so doing be completely useless at offering guidance about racial tensions.

Attendance, in terms of the number of members who tune in, will reach a record low.

That one BoM verse about a post-war "regulation" being made in the church will be used in a talk that hints about another Mormon Reformation.

Members will be blamed and guilt-tripped for Covid-induced slippage of key performance indicators such as attendance and tithing.

Nothing interesting will happen.

I will listen to as little of it as I can.

[Hagoth]

I predict a general fog of boredom.

Some people will shout "NO!" during the sustainings, but no one will know since they'll be sitting in their own living rooms in their underwear and fuzzy slippers. In other words it will make exactly as much difference as if they were doing it in the conference center.

I will do my best to avoid it while Mrs. Hagoth tries her best to make her self watch it, but will end up stringing it out over several months of tolerable bite-size chunks.

[w2mz]

I’m guessing about every speaker will also kiss RMN’s a$$ about how inspired he was to institute home based CFM and how ministering has been a rousing success in place of home teaching. How blessed they all have been just basking in the greatness of the one and only capital T True prophet in our wicked wicked ready for jebus to come back to kick butt world.

[wtfluff]

Porn is worse than COVID-19.

Oh wait, one of the crazy, out-of-touch old kooks already said that.

Never-mind...

[hmb]

10 new GAs will be sustained, 3 of which are first cousins once removed of an apostle. There will be 2 who seem to have darkish skin if you squint hard enough.

Hey, I'm a the first cuz, once removed, of a now deceased apostle. That makes me qualified. Well except for the fact that I'm a girl, and no longer attends church. But I'm still more qualified than the white, nobody guy, with no connection to any of the big cheeses!!

[1smartdodog]

I remember the days of hoping for some big revelation coming out at conference. It was the last days and all. Surely the prophet would have some vital proclamation to make.

Now I predict he will say nothing of any real value to mankind other than confirming to live a christ like life. Which does not require you to be a prophet.


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[Corsair]

I predict an undercurrent of "yearning" for the fellowship of members attending in a ward building each week. Several talks will have a personal story about a family that grew closer together from studying CFM during home church. There may be some announcements about starting to return to regular meetings. We will again see a sparsely attended broadcast featuring social distancing among the First Presidency and the speakers.

[Yobispo]

I remember the days of hoping for some big revelation coming out at conference. It was the last days and all. Surely the prophet would have some vital proclamation to make.

Now I predict he will say nothing of any real value to mankind other than confirming to live a christ like life. Which does not require you to be a prophet.


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or a Mormon

[Mackman]

I predict they will announce the building of another Temple in Utah !!!!!! Tithing should be paid before anything else in one's household . Membership numbers are through the roof including people getting baptized with a growth rate of 20% or more to Wow the older 2/3 of the church. Oaks will be telling us what a sin it is to be gay. Another words nothing at all new !!!!

[2bizE]

I predict the background floral arrangement will be a harvest blend featuring turnips, pumpkins, and cauliflower. That will be the “talk” on Twitter and social media.

[Red Ryder]

I predict the background floral arrangement will be a harvest blend featuring turnips, pumpkins, and cauliflower. That will be the “talk” on Twitter and social media.

+1

I predict Mopag will preside over the best Nomference yet!

[jfro18]

The cynical part of me is expecting that this GenCon will be a lot of fire and brimstone talk about how members need to hold on even tighter and make sure they are still attending meetings and paying tithing as these events are part of the 'winding up scene.'

It will be about reaching out to family and friends that haven't stayed active in the church during the pandemic, and of course a lot of talk about how the church was so well prepared for this event because of the beautiful prophetic calling of Nelson.

And of course, the obligatory temple announcements and some nods to all of the money the church has donated during the pandemic that probably doesn't even amount to a few days of the average gains of their investment funds.

(I did say upfront I was cynical!)

[2bizE]

I don’t think Jfro18 is being very cynical, but more realistic. I think there is going to be a “you better go back to church ASAP” speech because the church is feeling, since Covid, the inability to control and manipulate members. Members are finding out life, and especially Sundays, can be rewarding without the church...

I anticipate a few talks on religious freedom and how it has been taken away from us...

Porn use has gone up likely, but porn confession has gone down...this obviously is the true pandemic...likely a speech on that...

And probably a speech on how gay marriage has immensely affected each of us...to which everyone will think “really, I haven’t even thought about gay marriage for 8 months since church leaders became silent during the pandemic”.

[Linked]

I think we will get a bump in 2nd coming talks due to the extreme events going on right now, a la Oaks April 2004 speech. This is something that it seems church leaders have de-emphasized recently, but they need a big stick to whack people back to church.

[alas]

I think we will get a bump in 2nd coming talks due to the extreme events going on right now, a la Oaks April 2004 speech. This is something that it seems church leaders have de-emphasized recently, but they need a big stick to whack people back to church.

Hmmmm, I was thinking kind of the opposite, that the church will remain silent on any hint of second coming as to not encourage the right wing to run out and buy more guns and store more ammo. The days of having food storage that you plan on sharing with neighbors are over. Now the preppers are planning to shoot their neighbors, more than share stored food. Preppers have decided it will be more effective to store a little food, then protect it by shooting everyone who comes near. And besides, there are all those deer in the canyons that can be hunted with guns and then you don’t need to store that nasty texturized vegetable protein. And the neighbors will carry the latest pandemic anyway, so save yourself by storing guns and ammo instead of wheat. They have seen the nut cases who start to think they *Personally* ARE the second coming after being raised on “end times” kind of talk. They have seen the “marry your daughter to have perfect genes” so the Savior can be reborn and usher in the second coming. When second coming talk soaks for several generations in small town Idaho or Southern Utah, the crazies crawl out of the muck and murder children, or marry children, or whatever their flavor of crazy is.

I mean, now is the perfect time to start imagining all those Biblical predictions about wars and rumors of wars and earthquakes and hurricanes and the moon turning red from forest fire smoke are actually starting to happen. But I don’t think the church WANTS to stir up the crazies anymore than they already are.

This should be interesting to see which way this goes.

[Mormorrisey]

Over the last few years, I've been interested in deconstructing conference so I've listened carefully. This year, I don't know if it's general pandemic malaise, but I'm just not up for it. But since my expectations were squashed so effectively last conference, the bar is pretty low for anything of significance. So, I'm just blah about it this year.

I'm hoping that President Mopag will have a few tricks up her sleeve for NOMference to make it a little more lively. Nelson set the bar pretty low the last conference, Mopag, as did the pulpit designers, so I'm thinking you can step over it.

[Red Ryder]

I'm hoping that President Mopag will have a few tricks up her sleeve for NOMference to make it a little more lively. Nelson set the bar pretty low the last conference, Mopag, as did the pulpit designers, so I'm thinking you can step over it.

I sustain this post and President Mopag!

[Linked]

I think we will get a bump in 2nd coming talks due to the extreme events going on right now, a la Oaks April 2004 speech. This is something that it seems church leaders have de-emphasized recently, but they need a big stick to whack people back to church.

Hmmmm, I was thinking kind of the opposite, that the church will remain silent on any hint of second coming as to not encourage the right wing to run out and buy more guns and store more ammo. The days of having food storage that you plan on sharing with neighbors are over. Now the preppers are planning to shoot their neighbors, more than share stored food. Preppers have decided it will be more effective to store a little food, then protect it by shooting everyone who comes near. And besides, there are all those deer in the canyons that can be hunted with guns and then you don’t need to store that nasty texturized vegetable protein. And the neighbors will carry the latest pandemic anyway, so save yourself by storing guns and ammo instead of wheat. They have seen the nut cases who start to think they *Personally* ARE the second coming after being raised on “end times” kind of talk. They have seen the “marry your daughter to have perfect genes” so the Savior can be reborn and usher in the second coming. When second coming talk soaks for several generations in small town Idaho or Southern Utah, the crazies crawl out of the muck and murder children, or marry children, or whatever their flavor of crazy is.

I mean, now is the perfect time to start imagining all those Biblical predictions about wars and rumors of wars and earthquakes and hurricanes and the moon turning red from forest fire smoke are actually starting to happen. But I don’t think the church WANTS to stir up the crazies anymore than they already are.

This should be interesting to see which way this goes.

That's a good point. My dad has been sending more end-of-days links than usual lately, he and his ilk don't need more fuel. But I was thinking more of the people likely to become jack-mormons after getting 6 months off of church. People that still believe but need some extra motivation to get their butts back in the pews and their dollars back in their tithing envelopes. I guess we'll see in a couple weeks!

[alas]

I think we will get a bump in 2nd coming talks due to the extreme events going on right now, a la Oaks April 2004 speech. This is something that it seems church leaders have de-emphasized recently, but they need a big stick to whack people back to church.

Hmmmm, I was thinking kind of the opposite, that the church will remain silent on any hint of second coming as to not encourage the right wing to run out and buy more guns and store more ammo. The days of having food storage that you plan on sharing with neighbors are over. Now the preppers are planning to shoot their neighbors, more than share stored food. Preppers have decided it will be more effective to store a little food, then protect it by shooting everyone who comes near. And besides, there are all those deer in the canyons that can be hunted with guns and then you don’t need to store that nasty texturized vegetable protein. And the neighbors will carry the latest pandemic anyway, so save yourself by storing guns and ammo instead of wheat. They have seen the nut cases who start to think they *Personally* ARE the second coming after being raised on “end times” kind of talk. They have seen the “marry your daughter to have perfect genes” so the Savior can be reborn and usher in the second coming. When second coming talk soaks for several generations in small town Idaho or Southern Utah, the crazies crawl out of the muck and murder children, or marry children, or whatever their flavor of crazy is.

I mean, now is the perfect time to start imagining all those Biblical predictions about wars and rumors of wars and earthquakes and hurricanes and the moon turning red from forest fire smoke are actually starting to happen. But I don’t think the church WANTS to stir up the crazies anymore than they already are.

This should be interesting to see which way this goes.

That's a good point. My dad has been sending more end-of-days links than usual lately, he and his ilk don't need more fuel. But I was thinking more of the people likely to become jack-mormons after getting 6 months off of church. People that still believe but need some extra motivation to get their butts back in the pews and their dollars back in their tithing envelopes. I guess we'll see in a couple weeks!

And maybe my thinking is “please, please, please don’t give the nut cases anymore reason to act crazy.” And has nothing to do with what the church is going to do, only my own wishful thinking.

There was a lot of crazy going on at Y2K, and the church encouraged the last minute getting your food storage in and return to church, because you are right they probably care more about butts in the pews and money in the envelopes than they do about preppers, and gun hoarding, and the nut cases that worry me.