Creative Mormon Mythology

[moksha]

Good news for preppers on Earth 1: The Yellowstone caldera is not due to erupt for another 90,000 years. That will give us time to build many new LDS temples.

Oh yeah, the good news... while it will wipe out life in North America, that does not mean the extinction of the human race. Let's hope they build a Tasmanian temple and a millennial bunker for the Brethren underground in Samoa.

[moksha]

Was it not Emma smith that had a part in the word of wisdom commandments?

Maybe she was sick of washing all the tea cups.

Emma and the girls grew tired of all the missed tobacco spittle (those spittoons were not huge), and the whiskey and beer bottles that surrounded the cracker barrel after a hard night of testifying during the School of the Prophets at the Newel Whitney store. They pleaded with Joseph to do something about it, and so he came up with his list of health suggestions.

Later in 1851, Brigham Young told the assembly of Mormons at the General Conference that they better follow the Word of Wisdom and go easy on the Valley Tan whiskey that he sold.

By 1870, Young ended the practice of chewing and spitting tobacco in the Salt Lake Tabernacle.

In 1921, LDS Church president Heber J. Grant finally made adherence to the Word of Wisdom a prerequisite for temple admission.

[moksha]

Isn't Joseph preserving us from the wrath of a vengeful Anubis who wants his snout back?!!!

[moksha]

The LDS Church has appointed this new lawyer, Corporate Dog from
Kirton McConkie, to preserve them from Anubis.

[moksha]

Salt Lake Temple Executive Bathroom

[moksha]

Do Malaysians come from Early-day Mormons?

Yes, it is thought they sailed from the Mississippi River in Missouri (near the sacred St. Louis) to the Gulf of Mexico and then onto the Yangtze River in China. From there the Early-day Mormons gradually made their way down to Thailand and the Malaysian Peninsula. Eventually, they boated to the Indonesian Islands and the Philippines using crafts of curious workmanship.

We should be proud of the ingenious travels of the Early-day Mormons. Honest.

[Hagoth]

The LDS church took advantage of the Days of 47 Parade to announce the newest member of the Godhead. Mentioned briefly in the Old Testament as The Destroyer, this eternal being was promoted into the top tier of celestial entities as a sign of the times to remind kids of the coming apocalyptic consequences of multiple piercings, green tea sipping, lackluster tithing payment, and ill speaking of the Lord's anointed.

[moksha]

[moksha]

[moksha]