Bad movie night: Yoga Hosers

[Reuben]

https://imdb.com/title/tt3838992/

I usually avoid bad comedies because they almost always hurt with no payoff. They tend to commit filmmaking's only moral sin: being boring.

But this bad comedy is special.

This one starts in the back room of a convenience store named Eh-2-Zed, which has a Canadian flag in the window and sells artisanal maple syrup, where two spoiled white girls 1) try to lay down a beat and fail comedically, 2) fail to actually make that funny, and 3) fail to convince us that they're Canadian by saying "sorey aboot that" in a West Coast accent. Oh, and at the end of their song, the drummer does a terrible 60-second solo and rips off his shirt, so the girls take pictures of his nipples and post them on Instagram.

The opening scenes make you want to gnaw off your foot to escape, but I recommend getting through them because the movie gets a lot worse.

See, the girls - who are total hosers and totally into Dark Yoga - mistreat a customer. So he leaves the store, and then while he's walking home, something tiny and evil that repeatedly says "wunderbar" tears through his pants, crawls into his butt, and kills him.

That's the kind of comedy this is.

I won't give much more plot because I don't want to deprive anyone who watches this disasterpiece of any of the 10 remaining sublime omg-wtf moments. But I will say that you'll see the Sixth Sense kid stumping for Canadian Nazis, Johnny Depp playing a raggedy French inspector whose moles move around between scenes, and the weirdest and smallest CGI army of darkness ever.

Quality: 3.5/10

Stimulation: 8/10

[Hagoth]

Oh boy. Where do I find this masterpiece?

[RubinHighlander]

I think the trailer was enough...I'm going to fire up Reuben and Ed. Soary bout that!

[Corsair]

This looks like a movie made because Kevin Smith and Johnny Depp lost a bet to their daughters. The two "stars" are Lily-Rose Depp (daughter of Johnny Depp) and Harley Quinn Smith (daughter of Kevin Smith). It's worth remembering that every great actor out their has been involved in a couple of terrible movies sometime during their career.

[Reuben]

Oh boy. Where do I find this masterpiece?

It's on Amazon in the UK. Not sure about the US.

[Reuben]

This looks like a movie made because Kevin Smith and Johnny Depp lost a bet to their daughters. The two "stars" are Lily-Rose Depp (daughter of Johnny Depp) and Harley Quinn Smith (daughter of Kevin Smith). It's worth remembering that every great actor out their has been involved in a couple of terrible movies sometime during their career.

Absolutely. I'm impressed by the number of awful movies Christopher Lloyd has been in.

FWIW, Johnny Depp is quite good in this. If the rest of them could have kept up with him - as well as the script and production values - it could have been great, and also a completely different movie.

[Hagoth]

Oh boy. Where do I find this masterpiece?

It's on Amazon in the UK. Not sure about the US.

There is a page for it but it says, "This title is currently unavailable."

[Reuben]

Oh boy. Where do I find this masterpiece?

It's on Amazon in the UK. Not sure about the US.

There is a page for it but it says, "This title is currently unavailable."

Aww.

Do they have Bingo (1991)? We just watched that tonight and it's a gem - if you like to howl with laughter/pain. It's a buddy dog family film where the dog gets at least 50 guns pointed at it, the kid pees all over the place, and the bad guy gets dragged across a long carpet of bubble wrap by his nuts.

[Hagoth]

Do they have Bingo (1991)? We just watched that tonight and it's a gem - if you like to howl with laughter/pain. It's a buddy dog family film where the dog gets at least 50 guns pointed at it, the kid pees all over the place, and the bad guy gets dragged across a long carpet of bubble wrap by his nuts.

Looks like you can rent it for $3.99. Maybe after I catch up on all of the other stuff I have queued up.