Bad movie night: Assassin 33 A.D.

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Reuben
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Joined: Sat Oct 28, 2017 3:01 pm

Bad movie night: Assassin 33 A.D.

Post by Reuben » Wed Apr 22, 2020 2:24 pm

https://imdb.com/title/tt8064418

I can honestly say that I've never seen so many execution-style headshots and Christian conversions depicted in the same movie.

But wait, there's more!

I've also never seen Jesus and his disciples get mowed down by time-traveling Islamic terrorists in a movie, either.

This movie has shown me just how much I've been missing out on from the genre of faith-promoting sci-fi action pulp.

I've never seen a Jesus who looks like he's been on a really bad trip cock his head, wait a few seconds, and then reply to a speaker in English, as if he had to download a language pack from an update server first.

I've never seen a scientist figure out that someone has hacked his server by listening to it chirp.

I've never seen Jesus on the cross turn to a time-traveling assassin who was crucified with him and promise that he would be in paradise, with an implied in this timeline.

Here's what I have seen, though. I've seen Christians assume that the world would end up a broken hellscape without their religion, because it would be a world without forgiveness. I've seen movies in which everyone who wasn't a villain was converted to Christianity. I've seen movies that are xenophobic while taking pains to promise us that they aren't. I've seen bad acting. I've seen extreme preachiness. I've seen transparent pandering. I've seen so much.

But I've never seen anything like this.

It's on Amazon Prime in the UK. I hope it's available in your area, too.

Quality: 4.5/10

Stimulation: 8.4/10
You were born to trust, not fear. It is your birthright.

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Hagoth
Posts: 4465
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 1:13 pm

Re: Bad movie night: Assassin 33 A.D.

Post by Hagoth » Wed Apr 22, 2020 6:10 pm

Reuben wrote:
Wed Apr 22, 2020 2:24 pm
It's on Amazon Prime in the UK. I hope it's available in your area, too.
Dang. It is not.

The Amazon score is 3.5/5 but it seems like they seldom go much lower.
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

Reuben
Posts: 1234
Joined: Sat Oct 28, 2017 3:01 pm

Re: Bad movie night: Assassin 33 A.D.

Post by Reuben » Wed Apr 22, 2020 11:54 pm

Hagoth wrote:
Wed Apr 22, 2020 6:10 pm
Reuben wrote:
Wed Apr 22, 2020 2:24 pm
It's on Amazon Prime in the UK. I hope it's available in your area, too.
Dang. It is not.

The Amazon score is 3.5/5 but it seems like they seldom go much lower.
You are in luck, my friend, for there are many rips on YouTube. Here's one: https://youtube.com/watch?v=mp8cn086ae0

(An easy way to find these if they exist: do a video search for a movie title in Google, and use the search tools to look for videos > 20 minutes.)

Amazon's scores are crazy inflated in general.
You were born to trust, not fear. It is your birthright.

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Hagoth
Posts: 4465
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 1:13 pm

Re: Bad movie night: Assassin 33 A.D.

Post by Hagoth » Thu Apr 23, 2020 8:46 am

Reuben wrote:
Wed Apr 22, 2020 11:54 pm

You are in luck, my friend, for there are many rips on YouTube. Here's one: https://youtube.com/watch?v=mp8cn086ae0

(An easy way to find these if they exist: do a video search for a movie title in Google, and use the search tools to look for videos > 20 minutes.)

Amazon's scores are crazy inflated in general.
What a, I dunno... lucky? break.
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

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