NOM

...that there were many lamentations in the arid lands of the zone of the south west. For the small group of unbelievers had the misfortune of residing in the land of the believers. And so it came to pass that on the eve of the gathering of the believers, that Red Ryder, beetbox, Corsair and AZflyer did gather together in the land of North, to flee their ancestral home, that they might partake of the bitter drink which brought much frivolity and loud laugher. And as the four companions did journey into the North, they did witness many afflictions and death amongst their fellow travelers. But it did come to pass that they did press forward, eagerly seeking the bitter drink.

And after many weary minutes of traversing the long and winding trails of the land of the resurrected bird, they did arrive at the tavern of the white flower, with desires to imbibe the bitter drink. And the four travelers did sit, and were greeted. And it did come to pass that as they awaited the arrival of the bitter drinks, they watched a great battle; for in the tavern they witnessed the battle of the Devil himself, as he battled the brown bears of the foreign land. For the devil and his minions and travelled to the neighboring land of great iniquity to battle the bears. And the devil was victorious over the bear. And Red Ryder, beetbox, Corsaid and AZflyer did all rejoice in the devil's great victory.

And it did come to pass that after much waiting, the bitter drinks were delivered. And Red Ryder, beetbox and AZflyer did consume much of the bitter drink. But Corsair, being the wise companion, did refrain from imbibing, as he knew the journey back home to the land of the believers would require his alertness. And so it was, that his great sobriety did allow for his three companions to imbibe the bitter drink. And AZflyer did consume large quantities of the bitter drink. And he did revel greatly in the iniquity of the night.

And so it did come to pass, that after witnessing the devil conquer the bears, that the companions did leave the tavern of the white flower. And they did begin the long arduous journey back to the land of the believers. For the wise Corsair did carry the drunken companions in his chariot of the orient back to their families. And they were all delivered in safety to their families.

And so ended the great night of iniquity of the bitter drink on the eve of the gathering of the believers. And so it was in the 191st year in the reign of the church that Smith established.

So, Red Ryder, Beetbox, Corsair and I all headed up from the East Valley to a German brewery/restaurant in North Phoenix last night. Thank you to Corsair for being our DD. We got to watch ASU beat down on UCLA while drinking German beer on the eve of General Conference. Just three years ago on this very weekend, I was sitting in the conference center watching Priesthood Session. Oh how different my life is now.

I hope you all enjoy this little retelling of our night on the town with a little bit of scripture-ish twist.

And again, than you to Corsair for being our DD. It was a really fun time spending the night with friends.

It was a great evening. And, as nearly all NOM gatherings, way cheaper than regular therapy.

Translation unnecessary.

I'm just wondering if I might sometime join your imbibery and partaketh a pint, whilst cursing your devils, as I am from the land yet southward, where god hath delivered his treasured monsoonic precipitance in great abundance this season, yet cursed his cats to multiple seasons of drought and famine, for they have forsaken their founders and thrice climbed into the harlots den and chose unrighteous men to lead, which hath caused many soldiers to depart, and hath depleted their coffers as the wicked men have demanded continual payment even after their reign. And the tears of the people of the south have watered the cacti, and flooded the washes, and the people of the south have prayed and cried out, oh Lord please give us a leader that we might once again vanquish the devil, and find the roses which we for so long have prayed. And the people brought forth a leader from the water and asked the lord to make him holy and grant them victories in battle, but the lord did not hear their cries, as great was his wrath. And the lord opened their wounds with the small axe soldiers, so that they smote the cats with surprising ease, and mocked their cries, saying "yea, thou were as our elder brother, strong and boastful in thine power, yet through your wickedness god has taken thine strength such that we small men of the mountain have made thou lowly and we have smitten you with our axes and kicked you with our boots. Yea even the devils is the north do yet mock thee, and laughter from the lands eastward and westward do yet fill thine ears. "

And it came to pass that the cats were thus humbled and traveled to their fields to nurse their wounds and sharpen their swords, and yea they began to once again cry unto their God, saying forgive us and take away thine awful wrath, and renew us with thine power and strength, for the stench of the devil is great in the land. And thus they prayed through the night and into the day, asking the great God to deliver them, if not from the bears, the hounds, the Romans, the bison, and the wild natives of the cold north, then at least that god would grant them victory over the devils.

And it came to pass that after much tribulation in prayer that God spake unto the cats that he would consider it, since he never liked mustard and rust anyway.

And the traveler from the land southward rode his oriental chariot for the space of about two and a half hours, and met the men of the northern desert, yea even those who align their hearts with the devil. And the traveler, being a forgiving man, bought the men a bitter drink, so that he might sway their hearts and show them a path away from the devil, but the men, while kind, were stubborn, and reveled in their mustard, and rejoiced in their rust, and bought the traveler a bitter drink, and spake of a more wicked kingdom with coffers that reached like a tower towards heaven, yea even like unto the tower of babel, and notwithstanding their great riches this kingdom sought continual payment from its subjects yet refused their welfare such that the poor remained poor and the downtrodden remained without comfort.

And it came to pass that the men of the north desert and the traveler of the south desert shared more of the bitter drink and became merry and much was their merriment, and they thus forgave one another in their mustard, and in their rust, and in their red, and in their blue, and became as it were, brothers in amber, and brothers in blonde, and brothers in wheat, and brothers in dark, and thus they all needed to rent chariots home.

Brethren, Adios.

That was fantastic. I thoroughly enjoyed this line.

since he never liked mustard and rust anyway

Sending PM

1. And the Lord said, nice penmanship; but thou had forsaken verse numbers.

2. Now go and scribe all this on aluminum foil, and bury it in a small hill; so that a weee lad 200 years from now can find it and BBQ some form of animal protein!

3. And I the Lord was pleased and foresee a new gathering of like minded fools who doth laugh too much gathering for lunch soon.

4. And it came to pass that I’m writing this with the voice of Wanda Sikes echoing in my head with a twist of Monty Python reveling at the talents of my servant Joseph, Flyer, and Cnsl1, who are my prophets.

5. Thus I look forward to thee meeting

1. Behold! An interloper from the south hast attempted to spread the disease of his mind and that disease comes from his idolatrous worship of the feline.

2. But the men of the north, those holy men of the maroon and gold, yea those men of the devil himself, said Come, drink with us and we will show you the true ways of the improperly named game of the ball and the foot. For to take your place amongst these holy men, the man of the south need only embrace the holy number; 70-7.

And it came to pass that the two headed alien from the far away eastern shore wast in the land of the flaming bird. But lo, he was not known to the party seeking the bitter drink. He did not meet with them and was greatly saddened on the marrow when he doth learn of his loss.


Dang! I was in Phoenix Sept 13-15. I didn't know so many were in town. Maybe next time I'm in the area we can setup a meetup.

Just This Guy wrote: ↑

Mon Oct 04, 2021 10:39 am

And it came to pass that the two headed alien from the far away eastern shore wast in the land of the flaming bird. But lo, he was not known to the party seeking the bitter drink. He did not meet with them and was greatly saddened on the marrow when he doth learn of his loss.


Dang! I was in Phoenix Sept 13-15. I didn't know so many were in town. Maybe next time I'm in the area we can setup a meetup.

Next time you're out here let us know, and we'll see if we can get together.

Stig wrote: ↑

Mon Oct 04, 2021 9:21 am

1. ... idolatrous worship of the feline.

Don’t forget 9 out of 10 of us worship at the altar of the feline created in Eve’s image.

The other likes German sausage. Or so he says...

Red Ryder wrote: ↑

Mon Oct 04, 2021 11:55 am

Stig wrote: ↑

Mon Oct 04, 2021 9:21 am

1. ... idolatrous worship of the feline.

Don’t forget 9 out of 10 of us worship at the altar of the feline created in Eve’s image.

The other likes German sausage. Or so he says...

Wrong feline you swine! May the Devil smite you with his pitchfork of justice and leave you forever trapped in a world of garment porn!

Finally, scripture I can believe in.

Ramifications 6: 11-16

11. And it came to pass on the days upon which they uttereth, yea even the very days of which they spake of the great southern imbibement, or the imibibment of the northern regions of the southern lands, near the edge of the wilderness, yea upon those days, there was a righteous and hairy man whom the imbibers called Hagoth.

12. And Hagoth, being a man of fortitude and fineness, did bear record in those days, yea even the days of which he did read the words of the imbibers, and he did bear record that the things he read of the imbibers were true.

13. And all those who heard the words of Hagoth became believers also, for such was the greatness and fineness of Hagoth, that those who heard his words did also believe.

14. Yea and through this fineness he was given the power unto the convincing of men, and of women, and of children, and of swine, and of foul, and of tapir, and of the other beasts of the field.

15. Though his fineness was not of apparel, nor of linen, but of the word, which was given him by the lord, unto the convincing of the swine, and the foul, and the tapir and other beasts of the field, and children, and women, and men, for thus was he called to declare this truthfullness of imbibery.

16. And thus we see how the fine shall be made finer, how the tapir should be made horse, and the largely oblong rocks, chariots.

With skills like that you guys could start your own cult. I hear there's good money in it.

Wow I get the same headache reading those scriptures as I do from Mormon scriptures.

Must be a Spiritual witness and sign of truth.

So when is lunch?

Red Ryder wrote: ↑

Wed Oct 06, 2021 12:25 pm

Wow I get the same headache reading those scriptures as I do from Mormon scriptures.

I know, right? I have to read it super slow to make sure I catch everything. And if you think reading is slow, you should try writing it. lol

And yes, we should totes do lunch.

I was slightly surprised that i could write that scriptoral drivel pretty quickly, thanks to all those years reading joe's work and doing a lot of writing.

I will say it's easier in my 50's than it would have been in my 20's. Then again, all I've got is a baseball cap and a rock i found out in the backyard.