My Bishop, The Mensch

Discussions about holding onto your faith and beliefs, whether by staying LDS or by exploring and participating in other churches or faiths. The belief in any higher power (including God, Christ, Buddha, or Jedi) is true in this forum. Be kind to others.
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Give It Time
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Joined: Tue Feb 07, 2017 4:52 pm

My Bishop, The Mensch

Post by Give It Time » Tue Jun 13, 2017 9:43 pm

Okay, a situation came up and I felt the need to tell my bishop some of my story.

He was awesome.

He told me he was sorry I had to carry that burden so long.

He's going to find out if he needs to report some of what I told him.

He apologized on behalf of the previous bishop.

I gotta confess. I'm feeling some reverse cog dis. Very few men in this church have treated me this well. I know what I've learned about abuse and how our church enables and groom's is true, but the bishop was a really good guy.

I know I consider the church spiritually primal for me. Even as an empty nester, I would probably attend the occasional lesson that looked uplifting. Even though I'm really quite enjoying Taoism and I took it with my into the meeting, tonight.

Right now, I think the balance that will be struck for me is I might find the occasional male who can teach me a little more about trust.
At 70 years-old, my older self would tell my younger self to use the words, "f*ck off" much more frequently. --Helen Mirren

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Mormorrisey
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Re: My Bishop, The Mensch

Post by Mormorrisey » Wed Jun 14, 2017 5:27 am

It's great to hear your story - I think we forget sometimes, at least I do, that there are good people who are simply trying their best to do what's right, and that sounds like your bishop. I have a good one too, generally speaking. The challenge is the system of leadership roulette, as you've noted in previous posts about crappy bishops that condoned abuse. Once we get to the place that the church is not the magic cure-all for everything that ails the world, I think you get people like your bishop. Hope this continues to be a good thing for you in your life.
"And I don't need you...or, your homespun philosophies."
"And when you try to break my spirit, it won't work, because there's nothing left to break."

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Give It Time
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Re: My Bishop, The Mensch

Post by Give It Time » Wed Jun 14, 2017 3:01 pm

Mormorrisey wrote:
Wed Jun 14, 2017 5:27 am
It's great to hear your story - I think we forget sometimes, at least I do, that there are good people who are simply trying their best to do what's right, and that sounds like your bishop. I have a good one too, generally speaking. The challenge is the system of leadership roulette, as you've noted in previous posts about crappy bishops that condoned abuse. Once we get to the place that the church is not the magic cure-all for everything that ails the world, I think you get people like your bishop. Hope this continues to be a good thing for you in your life.
Thank you. I do, too.

I've been thinking about this, today. I have shared some of my story IRL. Two friends I've shared it with are in the RSP in their wards, one was this bishop. The response was 100% empathy from all three. I'm beginning to wonder if I've stepped into the twilight zone. Complete honesty: other than NOM, in my entire life, I haven't known empathy from any Mormon community. Not from my family, not from wards. In those situations, it's always been "quit yer whining". I honestly haven't known what it's felt like to have someone treat with empathy and it feels good.

A few things, though.

1) If I go rushing back to church thinking I can trust, again. I will be even more hurt when that trust is violated and it will be violated, because we're all human. I'm taking this slow.

2) You know how people talk about how the ward changes personality with the bishop? I get that a leader can be a tremendous influence, but it seems to me, people shouldn't be that mercurial. They shouldn't have to have the Bishop's endorsement to treat somebody humanely.

3) I still maintain we simply should not tolerate the phrase "that's just some bishops". There's too much at stake and writing off (flipping off) a person's pain with that statement should never have been something that started. We've been saying it a long time, at least as long as I can remember and I'm not young.
At 70 years-old, my older self would tell my younger self to use the words, "f*ck off" much more frequently. --Helen Mirren

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