The length some people go to

[alas]

To maintain their denial.

We have a situation in which my daughter is forced to deal with her in laws. Well, OK, I’ll get to the situation AFTER I tell the funny story about the parents of my daughter in law (lesbian) and her sibling. But yes, several things going on with the situation and it may be three separate posts. But funny story first.So, my daughter’s in laws did not see the lesbian relationship when it was obvious. They believed the story about why there was only one bed, oh we work opposite shifts and just can’t afford a second bed (they could afford a king, but not two twins?) and then after they were told, they had a hissy fit and would not allow my daughter anywhere near their family because they were doing as Oaks said. They took 15 years to accept my daughter and the marriage. Grandma accepted it and welcomed E (my daughter) as the wife of her favorite granddaughter. So 20 years after E and wife are a couple, the younger brother decides he is trans. The three of them move in together and the neighbors know them as “the LGBT girls”. S the younger sibling has transitioned, boobs and all, but is tall, with a jet black beard, shaved very close, broad shoulders and deep voice. Her hair is past her ears and curled 1920 style. But She won’t pass as cis. But is obviously not male. S knew her parents would have a hissy fit when they found out she is trans, because she saw what they put E through. S will lose any acceptance from her parents when they figure it out. Well, because of the situation, S can no longer avoid her parents seeing her and is positive they will figure it out. But no. The mom pulls E aside and confides that she thinks the carnivore diet S is on (to control the hormonal weight gain) is “bad for her because she has grown pretty big “man boobs”. E did not correct them that, “no, her boobs are quite on purpose” and she just let them stay in their denial. Just how determined not to accept the obvious can some people be? It would be hilarious if it wasn’t also tragic. I choose the hilarious.



Now the situation. My daughter in law is dying of a congenital liver malformation. Any thoughts and prayers to whatever God you worship would be appreciated. They are pagan, but feel that they will take blessing from any God willing to send blessings. She is already in hospice, so only a handful of days left.

They say one should never have to bury their children, but people should not have to bury their children’s spouses either. And just two months ago my oldest daughter had her husband cremated. Cirrhosis of the liver due to self medicating the PTSD and remaining pain from injuries from the gulf war.

So, double crap.

More Mormon denial. This is a story about how not to be Mormon. After being told that J (my daughter’s wife) had decided to stop treatment for her liver failure, and having E explain to them that she had days to maybe a week to live and if they want to see her one last time they needed to get their butts across their state now, they came, just as we had to get back to Utah. My son was with E, J, and S when they first got there. J asked for a father’s blessing. She has been pagan since before she met my daughter, but it is still my daughter’s fault and her parents have expressed that if JCould just get away from E she would stop being lesbian and stop being pagan and be the good daughter they want. J felt it would giver her father a chance to express love in a way he is comfortable with. So, in the blessing he blesses her that she will “make a full recovery” And “go back to church.”

My son was livid. Talk about telling God what impossible miracle you would like against the free agency of others. J no longer wants all the medical intervention that it takes to keep her half alive. She hates the Mormon church. (Wonder why with parents like that. I just can’t understand why such a sweet girl would have hard feelings against Mormonism [end sarcasm]) This wasn’t just denial after having it explained. This was an attempt to force what he wanted onto his daughter against what she wanted, knowing it is not what she wants. But E and J just said if that is how he needs to cope, then it is all right with them.

After we explained to our son how E &J feel about people praying to their God and how if it comforts them, it doesn’t hurt anyone and offers comfort, so they are not offended, then he was alright with it all.

Me, I think the most Christian in the bunch are the two pagans.

[Linked]

I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter in law! Thoughts and prayers sent. I hope you and yours can find solace in these difficult times.

What a tone deaf and cruel blessing from a jacka$$ father. Your daughter and daughter in law are taking a high road, but that guy is a thoughtless moron.

[moksha]

Alas, I wish all of you peace and serenity.

[Cnsl1]

Prayers to any and all gods and godesses, and if what I believe is correct and God is love then prayers that love will continue to abide in the hearts of your family and extended family, for the two pagans seem to be the most loving and godly amongst them all, and have become goddess as their love seems true and real and unbound by any bias.

What an incredible story. Thanks for sharing.

I hope you or someone continues to share their story to spread their love and goodness to the hearts of others, and to help remind us that this is how goddesses behave in the midst of hate and bigotry.

Those who truly love and worship that dude called Jesus would find his sisters in this story. WW E&J D? Love

[stuck]

Alas, sorry about your daughter in law. I have a niece who is lesbian and she and her wife have a baby boy. It seems to me to be just as valid and genuine a family as anyone has. Sending good thoughts and prayers.

[wtfluff]

My Goddess of the day today is: Sequana - The Roman-Gaulish River Goddess of Healing.

May healing in whatever form it takes make it's way to the family and friends of our Dearest Froggy Alas.

[deacon blues]

Sequana bless us- every one.

[alas]

Thank you everyone. You guys are still my people, even though I am not posting much or even here very often. Daughter in law is sleeping almost all the time now. She probably only has a few more days. It is so hard to bury your children and this one is my daughter more than the woman who gave birth to her. She liked to write zombie stories, and her zombie stories were so much fun because they never followed the set script of humans against zombies. The humans could be the bad guys. Zombies can’t really be the bad guys because they are not sentient, anymore than a hurricane. So her stories were people against other people and less about the violence of fighting zombies than fighting evil in people.

[Random]

That's really, really rough!

Sending prayers their way.

[MoPag]

Big hug and lots of prayers to the Goddess for you and your sweet family!!!

[Angel]

Big hugs!

Yes, similar thing here - should religious folks have to be told "my room-mate" rather than spouse - and all the LGBTQ folks be forced to pretend they are something other? (have to go by old name & pretend they just have a room-mate etc.). It is a religious grandmother who is close on my end - last hope for closure - or just accept they have already said their goodbyes - when grandmother refused to see her own kid, that grandmother was already as good as dead to them, they already said their goodbye.

My parents stopped saying "I love you" when I stopped being religious. They tell their religious friends how sad they feel for us and sad for our kids who have "no direction" - when our kids are doing the best in the family. We're dead to them. I should just let go, and see them as being dead to us as well.

[deacon blues]

I regret unkindness I have shown in my past life, and I feel grateful for kindness I have shown. I likely have been perceived as being malicious when I was just ignorant and stupid. Some people don't realize they are being unkind, although it is obvious to others around them that they are.
It is right to tell people when they are cruel that they are wrong, as long as we don't magnify their cruelty by our own.
Fortunately 99% (well, 90%) of the people I encounter have been and are kind. Even then we ruffle each others feathers at time.

[alas]

My daughter in law passed quietly May 3.

[wtfluff]

My daughter in law passed quietly May 3.

Condolences & Internet Hugs Alas.

[moksha]

My daughter in law passed quietly May 3.

How are you coping? Just know you have well wishes from everyone here.

[Red Ryder]

Sorry for your loss Alas.

I typically choose to find the humor in most of life’s difficult situations. The man boobs in your story made me chuckle.

May 3rd is an important anniversary date for me. I’ll celebrate the life of your lesbian daughter in law in my thoughts going forward along the way.

It’s good to see you here.

[Hagoth]

I know I'm late to the party, but all my best to you, Alas. Yikes, what a messy story. I'm sending waves out to the cosmos on your behalf.

[deacon blues]

Sorry for your loss, Alas. It just feels wrong when a child passes before their parent.
Your words have comforted and enlightened me many times. Thanks for your efforts.

[2bizE]

I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter-in-law. May you find peace and comfort in your loss and often remember the shared experiences.