Greetings!

[Sheamus Moore]

I've lurked here regularly for the last four years or so. I'm not young. I've been a lifer and held all kinds of ward and stake callings. I'd consider myself a simple person, far from intellectual. Whether that's good or bad is probably a matter of perspective. So how on earth did it all come to this? It started with an over-zealous young bishop - a real nut-job who, from the first day on the job, began driving people out the door. He was a master at spiritual abuse and completely oblivious.

Guilt, low self-esteem, depression were only exacerbated. After 9 months or so I was cut loose from a leadership position (fine by be), most likely for not being a bobble-headed yes man. A lot of that was going on in our ward and stake. (Months later a much less demanding and low profile call came which allowed me to fade quietly into the woodwork). It was while coping mentally and emotionally with other issues that I discovered Dehlin's podcasts. They offered some needed comfort and at the same time proved eye-opening. I went to the library and checked out a copy of Rough Stone Rolling. That would be the start of my journey down the proverbial rabbit hole. Over time I explored the CES letter, MormonThink, the essays, 'No Man', NOM, etc. Compared to many users here I know I've really only scratched the surface while rooting around. And while I've not been able to reconcile anything yet, oddly, I don't feel compelled to.

Disenchanted. Tired. Somewhere in limbo - that's where I'm at these days. For the last year, and with a change in ward boundaries, I've mostly been left alone. I've missed a lot of meetings but been there just enough to keep people wondering. I'm sure my name is on a list: The subject of councils and finding that perfect 'calling' that will magically draw me back in to full participation. Been trying to stay under the radar but it's just a matter of time. I know how the game is played. I played it.

My wife has been awesome. She knows what I've been going through and has been loving and supportive all along. She's found the bits and pieces that I've learned and shared with her disturbing, yet I don't see her venturing down the hole any time soon - but we'll see.

[Ghost]

Thanks for sharing your intro. I've also been in a sort of limbo state for several years now. Rather than coming closer to some type of resolution, I think I've simply become increasingly accustomed to and comfortable with limbo (which I guess may be the very definition of NOM). Like you, I can't help but think that it's only a matter of time before I'm somehow forced into some sort of ultimatum. But as time goes on without any such event I kind of maintain the hope that I'll be able to continue on indefinitely on my own terms.

When you say that you haven't reconciled things yet and don't feel the need to, do you mean that you aren't in a hurry to work toward some sort of final conclusion that will lead to either shoring up or abandoning your faith?

[Sheamus Moore]

It’s difficult to articulate. Some seem to go to great lengths to salvage or shore up their old faith construct. My disillusionment was, perhaps, so sudden and abrupt it’s as if I was catapulted beyond any hope of that. I’m not ready to abandon what faith remains either so I guess that’s where the sense of being in limbo comes in. I just can’t imagine my faith paradigm ever being the same again so it really is a transition, not just a crisis.

While I haven’t rushed to a resolution and have been able to navigate this on my own terms, I fear that the more time passes the more complicated (and messy) things will become.

[moksha]

Sheamus, welcome to NOM.

Grab a pickax and you can mine your values along with the rest of us.

[Red Ryder]

It’s difficult to articulate. Some seem to go to great lengths to salvage or shore up their old faith construct. My disillusionment was, perhaps, so sudden and abrupt it’s as if I was catapulted beyond any hope of that. I’m not ready to abandon what faith remains either so I guess that’s where the sense of being in limbo comes in. I just can’t imagine my faith paradigm ever being the same again so it really is a transition, not just a crisis.

While I haven’t rushed to a resolution and have been able to navigate this on my own terms, I fear that the more time passes the more complicated (and messy) things will become.

This is articulated perfectly. You're right, your faith paradigm will never be the same.

They say time heals all wounds but within Mormonism time only exacerbates old wounds. Especially if you have kids who grow up within the church. You'll eventually have to navigate ordinations, tithing settlement, temple weddings, etc. Then add in a TBM spouse who can't understand why you suddenly hate church, Joseph Smith, and family home evenings. If your kids are already grown up having been raised in the church by you, they can't understand where you fell off the iron rod either.

Welcome to NOM! Love the name too.

[SeeNoEvil]

Welcome Sheamus! Glad you finally stepped out and introduced yourself. I look forward to hearing more of your thoughts and insights on this journey. Will Mrs. Sheamus be joining us too?

[Sheamus Moore]

They say time heals all wounds but within Mormonism time only exacerbates old wounds. Especially if you have kids who grow up within the church. You'll eventually have to navigate ordinations, tithing settlement, temple weddings, etc. Then add in a TBM spouse who can't understand why you suddenly hate church, Joseph Smith, and family home evenings. If your kids are already grown up having been raised in the church by you, they can't understand where you fell off the iron rod either.

Welcome to NOM! Love the name too.

Interestingly, my children are just 'grown' and each has chosen very different paths where the Church is concerned. I imagine both have their suspicions about me and my wife seems neutral. Some of my extended family, on the other hand, would be most perplexed.

(The name was a toss-up between Sheamus, Dr. Wayne Kerr, and Lou Stools. Avatars for the latter could have been a problem)

[Sheamus Moore]

Welcome Sheamus! Glad you finally stepped out and introduced yourself. I look forward to hearing more of your thoughts and insights on this journey. Will Mrs. Sheamus be joining us too?

Thanks, I appreciate the outstretched hands so far. While I would love to have Mrs. Sheamus join me here I think she's still milling about the deck. I feel very fortunate that she has my ultimate happiness at heart though.

[Guy]

Welcome. Really enjoyed reading your introduction. Look forward to hearing more from you and your journey!

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

For someone claiming intellectual simplicity, you articulate things masterfully.

[AllieOop]

My wife has been awesome. She knows what I've been going through and has been loving and supportive all along. She's found the bits and pieces that I've learned and shared with her disturbing, yet I don't see her venturing down the hole any time soon - but we'll see.

Welcome Sheamus! Sounds like you have a wonderful wife who is offering you great support....that's so important!

I look forward to hearing more from you and getting to know you better

[Rebel]

Welcome Welcome Welcome !!!

[MalcolmVillager]

Welcome. Great intro. So much rings familiar to me.

[Corsair]

Disenchanted. Tired. Somewhere in limbo - that's where I'm at these days. For the last year, and with a change in ward boundaries, I've mostly been left alone. I've missed a lot of meetings but been there just enough to keep people wondering. I'm sure my name is on a list: The subject of councils and finding that perfect 'calling' that will magically draw me back in to full participation. Been trying to stay under the radar but it's just a matter of time. I know how the game is played. I played it.

We are glad you found your way here. I hope you can find the support that you need on this board. In addition, I love your avatar.

[Hermey]

Welcome!

[Random]

I was reading a couple of comments you made in other threads and realized that your username sounds like "Shame us more." I like it.