Linked wrote: ↑
Thu Jun 28, 2018 11:06 am
Your parents discussion with your children is totally inappropriate. They are tying your value to your church attendance and adherence and trying to get your kids to do the same. That's got to stop. I understand where they are coming from but they need to get their heads out of lala land and get with the real world on what their role is in your children's lives.
I don't know your parents, but I would guess they have mixed motives for seeking more contact. Most grandparents want to spend time with their kids and grand kids no matter what. But I'm sure they want to "save" their family too.
It's frustrating to have to hide your self, but it's the cost of not rocking the mormon relationship boat. It sucks.
100% agree. I just haven't figured out how to deal with it yet, other than not leaving the kids with them when we're not there. It'll be interesting to see how they react to things like my 17yo drinking coffee and not attending church with them next month when they're here.
Also interesting is how their priorities have changed. It's hard to determine their actual motives here, but I've felt for years like our kids were a second priority to my (exmo) brother's kids. When my brother lived 2 1/2 hours away from them, my parents would often go visit them for a weekend or for holidays. We never felt excluded, they just spent a lot more time over there. I assumed because it was an hour and a half closer. To be fair, we (historically) go to their house 6 or 7 times per year for a weekend. Now that my brother has moved across the country, they save money all year to go visit them at Christmas. Last year was the year we typically go to my parents' house for Christmas (every third year) but they flew to the east coast, so we did Christmas with two days early. I always felt like they spent additional time with my brother and his family because they were exmo/nevermo and my parents want to bring them back to the church.
His wife is 1st generation American of Chinese descent and has never participated in religion of any kind, so far as I know. As a result, she's been mildly interested in our family's belief system. I've talked to her and she has no intention of converting, but is truly just curious about what we all believe so she can better understand everyone. She's also just generally kind and sweet, so will never tell anyone that she's not interested in their religion. As a result, they still see her, and possibly the kids (his oldest, now six, has been to church with my parents a few times) as the best way to bring them all back to church.
Now that I'm on the outs with the church, there's a renewed interest in my family it seems. They ask us to bring the kids more frequently. They reached out for the first time in a long time to ask if they could come visit us.
I'll allow the possibility that I'm reading too much into this and they just try to balance time spent with everyone. I just know that's how it feels to me. I love my parents but damn if they aren't doing everything they can to keep all the kids in the boat.