The day it all sinks in

This is for encouragement, ideas, and support for people going through a faith transition no matter where you hope to end up. This is also the place to laugh, cry, and love together.
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Meilingkie
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Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 8:40 pm

The day it all sinks in

Post by Meilingkie » Mon May 13, 2019 11:09 am

Today it really sinks in.
Alone, all alone.

A few years back I was unhappily married, member of a Church that made me unhappy, financial problems that made me unhappy.
And all of these issues have been solved.
Divorced, finances under control, and left the Church. Slowly recovering my life.

Today's rough, and I can't really fathom it why.
Got home early from work, car got rejected at the annual governmentally required test. Bummer.
My old folks were gone to a concert, so it's only me and the dog.

Maybe it's that, maybe it's the realization it's all for real.
I am alone, all alone.
If I don't call the kids, they won't call.
They never have since last July. Not even a whats-app message except asking if I could pay alimony 2 days earlier.
LDS Friends have gone except 2 old friends who are also teetering on the edge.
I decided to stop attending any church recently so those contacts are gone as well.

My extended familyconnections are still being mended, though only partially and with only a handful.
To mention I have 115 relatives (descendants from my grandparents, they put LDS to shame how they all bred…..)

And I miss my chats with J. the lady I've grown quite attached to.
Time's an issue with 7 timezones, distance of over 5500 miles.
It's 2000 here, so 0300 there in the Far East.
And her workingday starts at 0500, ending at 2000.
She's tired all day every day, needs her spare time and sleep desperately.
When she gets here, her sister warned me she's asleep for 2 days straight upon arrival.
Poor lovely lady.
Yes we are going to Cologne for a few days.
Yes and maybe even a romantic getaway to Paris late August on my birthday.
A picknick on the Champs de Mars in front of the Eiffeltower is what I have in mind.
Still, at this moment I feel my eyes burn.

Maybe I'm simply tired of it all.
Of working away my debts, trying to save up a bit.
Got a new wardrobe and nice shoes, but nothing really worth noting.
Dated around with several people but nothing worked.

Last saturday we had a lovely night at J's sister who lives here.
Upon leaving I thought "I'm still very much mormony".
Sis of J. concurred and said: Maybe you should hang out with us more.

There are so many blocks in my mind, qualms about behaving "normally".
About drinking, sex, normal human interaction, making friends and much more.

Sorry, it's turning into a rant, but at the moment I really am at my wits end. :(
The Church is the "fount of vicarious shame" that keeps on giving

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Just This Guy
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Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 3:30 pm
Location: Almost Heaven

Re: The day it all sinks in

Post by Just This Guy » Mon May 13, 2019 11:51 am

My I suggest you find a hobby? Something that will enable you to interact with other people, but is in no way connected to religion. Preferable something that gets you outside and both physically and mentally active.

Some possibilities:
Join a football/soccer team
Join a cycling club
Get into amature radio
Volunteer at the local animal shelter
Volunteer at the local school/youth center
Join a maker/hobby tech builder group
Learn to ride horses

It's a wide, wonderful world out there. It is a bit intimidating at first. Tell yourself you don't have to do it all, only what you like. It take a bit to be able to rebuild your sense of community, but it is possible and worthwhile to build it on your own terms.
"The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." -- Douglas Adams

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Meilingkie
Posts: 359
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 8:40 pm

Re: The day it all sinks in

Post by Meilingkie » Mon May 13, 2019 12:04 pm

My regular day
Up 0500
Breakfast and shower till 0615
Leave for work 0615
At work 0715-1715
Gym 1730-1830
Train to home 1845
Home 1945
Eat and watch tv till 2130

Rinse and repeat
Wish I had time for a real hobby, gym is a necessary evik.
The Church is the "fount of vicarious shame" that keeps on giving

Wonderment
Posts: 262
Joined: Fri Jul 21, 2017 3:38 pm

Re: The day it all sinks in

Post by Wonderment » Mon May 13, 2019 4:55 pm

Meilingkie,

You are going through a lot of painful and stressful life changes all at once. You are trying to cope with all of it, plus you have a very busy work schedule.

Many of us have been through the same situations. It is exhausting, depressing, and very stressful. I've been in the same place, and sadness and despair can be ever-present. Please be assured that you are not alone and that most of us understand your situation, because we are going through it, or have been through it.

Do you have a summer vacation coming up where you can spend more time sleeping and relaxing ? You work all the time, so that affects the amount of sleep and relaxation you are getting -- probably not nearly enough sleep or relaxation. Plus, you went through a divorce, loss of family, loss of finances, loss of social community at church, loss of faith or faith transition --- that's a lot of stress to cope with.

You have lost a lot of weight -- good for you ! Could you change your exercise routine, so that you do not have to go to the gym every night, but you can get outside more in the nice springtime weather? Can you join a group for walking, jogging, or bicycling after work because there is more sunlight in the evenings?

Is there a bicycle club you could join one night a week instead of going to the gym? Maybe a tennis, racquetball, pickleball group one night a week for exercise, instead of the gym? The gym can get pretty lonely.

We are here for you !! Hoping that your situation will improve very soon ! So many of us have been where you are now. Best wishes to you, from Wndr.

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Meilingkie
Posts: 359
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 8:40 pm

Re: The day it all sinks in

Post by Meilingkie » Tue May 14, 2019 11:11 am

I'm into astronomy,in general a rather solitary pursuit to say the least.
Yes, I made new friends, however when talking about mormonism is a thing well....
There are a handful people, but a mere handful.
Twice did I date a lady, twice being former LDS turned out to be an issue.
The only one that understand an ex-LDS, is another ex-LDS.

71 days still to go till J. comes over for 6 weeks.
The Church is the "fount of vicarious shame" that keeps on giving

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Angel
Posts: 180
Joined: Thu May 31, 2018 8:26 am

Re: The day it all sinks in

Post by Angel » Tue May 14, 2019 2:52 pm

I've definitely had my good and bad days too.

Vitamins:
I am taking a ton of herbal supplements - anti-stress, hormone balancing, and just overall balancing herbs (I'm not a snake-oil sales person, you will have to do your own research on what herbal remedies can chase away the chemical-side of the blues).

Guided meditations:
Google "guided meditation" - I go to sleep by them. A little yoga (google "yoga to unwind and let go") is nice. Get some good books for a little 10 minute meditation and reflection period to replace scripture study and prayer. replace old rituals with new ones.

Food - you have to eat, so why not turn it into a hobbie? Cook something fun, healthy - doing good things for your body is great for lifting spirits. Visit a farmer's market, grow an herb garden - become a foodie - LOL - its good to be religious about something to give yourself purpose and definition - so become religious about what food you eat, or what you drink, or become religious about your workouts, become religious about your yoga or something.

:lol: watch comedies. :lol: force yourself to smile and laugh :lol: listen to audio books in the car on your commute. Learn another language, take a fun class from your local community college.

How about learning a musical instrument? Find a good coffee shop with live music.

Yes - I will agree with others, find a new community. Hopefully you enjoy your work and the people there, get to know the people you work with more. Hobbies make great communities, as does volunteer work. I guess I am lucky, my work is another community for me....

Best wishes - and really, take some vitamins!
“You have learned something...That always feels at first as if you have lost something.” George Bernard Shaw
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Meilingkie
Posts: 359
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 8:40 pm

Re: The day it all sinks in

Post by Meilingkie » Wed May 15, 2019 1:28 pm

Yesterday contacted my exmormon friend L.
About her stuff still in the States.
A whole lot of stuff, they had trouble getting it here. For months already.

A quick mail to several of our customers for help and quotes.
It helped lighten me up, got some stuff done.

And a good sitdown with them. It’s better now.
The Church is the "fount of vicarious shame" that keeps on giving

Wonderment
Posts: 262
Joined: Fri Jul 21, 2017 3:38 pm

Re: The day it all sinks in

Post by Wonderment » Wed May 15, 2019 1:52 pm

Good for you for helping other people with challenging problems like this ! A sense of accomplishment is a good feeling. :) Wndr.

Anon70
Posts: 588
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 11:56 pm

Re: The day it all sinks in

Post by Anon70 » Wed May 15, 2019 1:54 pm

Bad days are hard--and they can make you feel like that's all you have going on in your life.

I'm glad you're having a better day and I hope you can see the good stuff in your life and find ways to add more to your life that brings you peace and joy.

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MalcolmVillager
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Joined: Mon Oct 31, 2016 8:01 pm

Re: The day it all sinks in

Post by MalcolmVillager » Wed May 15, 2019 7:37 pm

Many studies have shown the benefits of community with religion. Especially with men. We are happier, have better marriages, live longer, are healthier.

That is frustrating for you M.

May this be a temporary blip on your continued journey to happiness.

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moksha
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Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 4:22 am

Re: The day it all sinks in

Post by moksha » Wed May 15, 2019 9:01 pm

I think having a good non-alcoholic Netherlands beer as a symbolic gesture might be a good thing, providing there are non-alcoholic Netherlands beers. No need to make yourself suffer by desiring happiness.
Good faith does not require evidence, but it also does not turn a blind eye to that evidence. Otherwise, it becomes misplaced faith.
-- Moksha

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redjay
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Joined: Sat Mar 11, 2017 12:20 pm

Re: The day it all sinks in

Post by redjay » Thu May 16, 2019 7:33 am

You had a dog for company. All is not lost. The idea of a dog and good book sounds utterly splendid. I aspire to it. No canine friends for me and DW right now as we both work full time.
At the halfway home. I'm a full-grown man. But I'm not afraid to cry.

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Meilingkie
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Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 8:40 pm

Re: The day it all sinks in

Post by Meilingkie » Thu May 16, 2019 12:13 pm

moksha wrote:
Wed May 15, 2019 9:01 pm
I think having a good non-alcoholic Netherlands beer as a symbolic gesture might be a good thing, providing there are non-alcoholic Netherlands beers. No need to make yourself suffer by desiring happiness.
Enough choice, just got from my friend L and R’s house.
Got the move nailed down now.
Now off to get something to drink. Weekend is around the corner.
The Church is the "fount of vicarious shame" that keeps on giving

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