General Konference Predictions

[Mormon 8]

I am hoping they will announce they are refunding all the tithing I paid.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

This. The church' hierarchy know its foundational claims are fictitious and were started by a con man, yet, continue to not only expect 10% of each members' income in tithing, they knowingly and willingly disregard their own scripture in the D&C section 119 that only requires 10% of surplus in order to obtain more than they should. Isn't that theft by deception? Worse yet, there are different tithing requirements based on your status in the church - if you are a GA, you're exempt, if you're a mission president, you can deduct any expense under the sun before your cut but if you're a rank and file member, it's 10% of your income.

Given the MormonLeaks revelation last year that the church has over $32 billion tied up in the US stock market with 13 different holding companies, it is estimated that the church's net worth is north of $300 billion (most corporations will only have 10% of their net worth tied up in investments). Let's see... $300 billion divided by approx. 8 million tithepayers is $37,500. I know I've paid north of $98,000 in 28 years (not including fast offerings) and so even if the church were to give a refund, I'd be getting 38% back if there were ever a full dissolution of the church in any court proceeding if their net worth truly was over $300 billion and only 8 million members were tithe payers. It would really be interesting to see what would happen in a situation like that and who would get what.

[w2mz]

I’m surprised no one has mentioned the changes to the youth program. I predict that there will be no less than 5 talks where RMN is praised and lauded for having the prophetic wisdom and vision to implement this program to keep the youth on the covenant path. There will be ass-kissing galore of the one mighty and strong. At least 2 talks about how wonderful the new ministering program is and how it is like home/visiting teaching on steroids. Some pron is bad sprinkled in there, continue to pay tithing, and “Truth is Truth” so sayeth the king.

Other than that, sheer boredom and rehash of the same garbage.

[Anon70]

I predict that the only prayers given by women will be in the Women's session. I am going out on a limb that one woman will give a talk outside of the Women's session.

Elder Bednar will ask for the Holy Ghost to carry his words into the hearts of those who hear. President Eyring will cry, of course. He will also ask us to remember a generic event in our lives that may not have ever occurred. Elder Uchtdorf will use a flight analogy. President Nelson will invite us to repent and come back to the covenant path.

There will be a talk that begins, "I would like to address my remarks to the young people." There will be a talk that mentions blessings from using the correct name of the church. There will be three talks that directly reference someone leaving the church. In two of them, the person will repent and start attending again. There will be more than four talks that quote RMN. No talk will mention pornography; however, there will be one cautioning about information on the internet. There will be a talk that displays a picture of members in Africa. A different talk will show pictures of the grandchild of a GA, maybe great-grandchild.

Wow. This was spot on!!

[Mahonri Moriancumer]

I’m surprised no one has mentioned the changes to the youth program. I predict that there will be no less than 5 talks where RMN is praised and lauded for having the prophetic wisdom and vision to implement this program to keep the youth on the covenant path. There will be ass-kissing galore of the one mighty and strong. At least 2 talks about how wonderful the new ministering program is and how it is like home/visiting teaching on steroids. Some pron is bad sprinkled in there, continue to pay tithing, and “Truth is Truth” so sayeth the king.

Other than that, sheer boredom and rehash of the same garbage.

I also predict that many talks will refer to the new youth and children program and how inspired it is.
The phrase "covenant path" will be mentioned at least 5 times each session, followed closely by "home-centered, church-supported", "Come Follow Me", and "Ministering."
Eyring will get all choked up and emotional.
Oaks will reference the Proclamation on the Family and defend religious freedom.
Nelson's messages will be fear-based, feigned as love.
No references to the word, "Mormon," unless it is in the phrase "Book of Mormon."
Lots of faith-promoting stories.
No changes of substance, other than the new youth program.

[Spicy McHaggis]

Most of the talks will just be GAs quoting other GAs. A veritable GA circle-jerk.

[Apologeticsislying]

I predict a new book of scripture announced, due to the angel Jan-moor-exilint from ancient India bringing an ancient papyrus from India for RMN to translate vie looking into his napkin while it is in his suit pocket, which will show what words to say to his scribe Elder Holland, who will remain clueless as to how the translation works, but there will be 76 special chosen witnesses for the event. 5 more temples, 3 prophecies, 2 from RMN and 1 from Elder Bednar on what to do to prepare for the last days. A new General Authority of Lamanite extraction, A talk on the Pearl of Great Price facsimile 3 and a testimony to how powerful it is in bringing youth from the nation of India into the fold. Another talk on Facsimile 2 and how this shows Joseph Smith was so prophetic and accurate with the Egyptian language, which in turn will spur another story of how a non LDS Egptologist has now joined the church and is working with RMN on translating, using the seer stone, another facsimile of the Book of Abraham that has been found in the First Presidency Vault. And, Nephi's ancient temple he built in Mesoamerica will be discovered via the napkins revelation, giving the first solid archaeological demonstration of the Nephites. Other than that, not much of value will be heard.