How to launder your G’s...

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Red Ryder
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How to launder your G’s...

Post by Red Ryder » Tue Nov 05, 2019 10:58 pm

Let’s hypothetically assume for a minute that a group of 15 men run a world wide organization. These men come from a variety of professional backgrounds with a diverse set of business skills. Doctors, lawyers, former car salesman, professional educators, and businessmen.

Let’s think of the best possible way to legally set up this corporation to control the assets, foster unity, and prevent any type of hostile takeover or corporate vote in order to maintain control. Let’s set up a Corporate Sole where the senior board member is in total control of the organization and serves in that position until he dies.

Now let’s assume in this hypothetical situation that these businessmen described above are able to convince millions of people to donate a significant portion of their earnings to this corporation.

How do the board members get paid? Give them a modest stipend, right? What if the organization was purposely set up to funnel the assets to the board members illegally to enrich themselves and their dynastic families?

How do you launder the G’s?

Here’s a few ways:

You bring in contractors and consultants that work for shadow companies set up by the directors of the organization and pay them lucrative fees to consult on matters such as how to keep your donors from leaving.

You set up small businesses that sale clothing such as wedding dresses, religious ritual clothing, and underwear factories that make products cheap and sale them for 9 times the cost.

You set up printing companies, food distribution, travel accommodations, cattle ranches, media, radio stations, and most importantly real estate!

Real estate holds value, whether it be farm land in Florida, downtown condos in Dallas, or retail locations in middle America. Real estate holds value. It can be bought and sold in the name of anyone willing to donate it back to the organization in order to show loyalty to the corporate sole. Many transactions tax free.

You purchase stocks and invest in credit default swaps, derivatives, and sexy underwear stores. You invest in bonds, to ride the lows and highs of an inflated stock market hoping to be ahead of the cycle. You buy more real estate, invests in mutual funds, lemonade stands, and fancy Hawaiian resorts where you can vacation on the company dime.

Finally you set up banks and insurance companies that provide high interest loans to the above described businesses who may eventually default or negotiate higher interest rate terms paid over 30 years. Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat.

When it’s time to be transparent and report the financial status of the organizations, you hire your own accounting firm to audit yourself and you stand in front of your donors and report that all is well.

You bleach, scrub, and re-wash the underwear until nobody notices the brown stains never seem to disappear but become part of the fabric of the organization.

That’s how you launder your G’s!
Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

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Stig
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Re: How to launder your G’s...

Post by Stig » Wed Nov 06, 2019 10:51 am

Dayummm.
“Some say he’s wanted by the CIA and that he sleeps upside down like a Bat. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

“Some say that he lives in a tree, and that his sweat can be used to clean precious metals. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

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Random
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Re: How to launder your G’s...

Post by Random » Fri Nov 08, 2019 6:17 pm

Impressive.
There are 2 Gods. One who created us. The other you created. The God you made up is just like you-thrives on flattery-makes you live in fear.

Believe in the God who created us. And the God you created should be abolished.
PK

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2bizE
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Re: How to launder your G’s...

Post by 2bizE » Fri Nov 08, 2019 7:58 pm

This is a fantastic business model.
Can I interest you in some essential oils?
~2bizE

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wtfluff
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Location: Worshiping Gravity / Pulling Taffy

Re: How to launder your G’s...

Post by wtfluff » Fri Nov 08, 2019 11:15 pm

You forgot:

You set up "Universities" where your over-seas "offices" can send lots of "G's" that can't legally be sent to the home office for the laundering.

Lots of "laundry" going on at those "schools" you know?
Last edited by wtfluff on Sat Nov 09, 2019 9:23 am, edited 1 time in total.
Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. -Frater Ravus

Keep the company of those who seek the truth - run from those who have found it -Václav Havel

Brilliant.

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2bizE
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Re: How to launder your G’s...

Post by 2bizE » Sat Nov 09, 2019 8:09 am

This feels so incredibly real, like this organization may exist already. Was this the plot of the bad guys in a James Bond film?
~2bizE

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Raylan Givens
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Re: How to launder your G’s...

Post by Raylan Givens » Mon Nov 11, 2019 8:58 pm

RR I think you hit this one out of the park.

The more I see the organization of the Church the more I am convinced it is setup to just protect the Church from ever being taken down. Lots and lots of walls. Just like the Church of Scientology in this regard.
"Ah, you know, I think you use the Bible to do whatever the hell you like" - Raylan Givens

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Corsair
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Re: How to launder your G’s...

Post by Corsair » Tue Nov 12, 2019 9:58 am

Red Ryder wrote:
Tue Nov 05, 2019 10:58 pm
When it’s time to be transparent and report the financial status of the organizations, you hire your own accounting firm to audit yourself and you stand in front of your donors and report that all is well.
I encourage you to only use your accounting powers for good and not evil. On the other hand, I'm pretty sure that Kirton-McConkie would appreciate your insight into the operation of the LDS church and might even invite you to join them as a highly paid accountant in the comptroller's office (minus 10%, of course).

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Red Ryder
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Re: How to launder your G’s...

Post by Red Ryder » Tue Nov 12, 2019 5:11 pm

Corsair wrote:
Tue Nov 12, 2019 9:58 am
I encourage you to only use your accounting powers for good and not evil. On the other hand, I'm pretty sure that Kirton-McConkie would appreciate your insight into the operation of the LDS church and might even invite you to join them as a highly paid accountant in the comptroller's office (minus 10%, of course).
I’d only accept the position if my title could be “Lord of The Panty Budget” and not question why we were always in the red! :lol:
2bizE wrote:
Sat Nov 09, 2019 8:09 am
This feels so incredibly real, like this organization may exist already. Was this the plot of the bad guys in a James Bond film?
Yes, yes it was. Like everything Mormon related, I stole, plagiarized, and called it my own doctrine!
Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

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StarbucksMom
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Re: How to launder your G’s...

Post by StarbucksMom » Wed Nov 13, 2019 8:46 am

This is an epic post RR. As mentioned by Corsair, I especially love the part about hiring your own firm to audit yourself and then report to your investors that all is well. How do they get away with this in 2019???? (And how are they still a tax exempt organization?)

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Corsair
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Re: How to launder your G’s...

Post by Corsair » Wed Nov 13, 2019 10:10 am

StarbucksMom wrote:
Wed Nov 13, 2019 8:46 am
This is an epic post RR. As mentioned by Corsair, I especially love the part about hiring your own firm to audit yourself and then report to your investors that all is well. How do they get away with this in 2019???? (And how are they still a tax exempt organization?)
The LDS church is a tax-exempt organization because they are a recognized religion under the rules of the Internal Revenue Service. The Church of Scientology worked very hard in the 1970s to also acquire this type of tax-exempt recognition. I suspect that Kirton McConkie pays very close attention to this status. If you are thinking that lots of potentially shady activities could be hidden behind such a classification, you are correct but it would be a problem that is much larger than the LDS church alone.
Red Ryder wrote:
Tue Nov 12, 2019 5:11 pm
I’d only accept the position if my title could be “Lord of The Panty Budget” and not question why we were always in the red! :lol:
Panty Budget? In the Red? This sounds like the opener of a joke about menstrual issues that I am not qualified to make.

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