Anxiety and Depression

This is for encouragement, ideas, and support for people going through a faith transition no matter where you hope to end up. This is also the place to laugh, cry, and love together.
stuck
Posts: 196
Joined: Mon Aug 12, 2019 2:48 pm

Anxiety and Depression

Post by stuck » Thu May 12, 2022 12:46 pm

I am sure that many if not all of us on here have gone through a faith transition. Has anyone experienced anxiety and/or depression because of this? For example, it is triggering sometimes when I have to endure my wife's tbm beliefs and her orthodox ways with the kids; also it is sad for me to think about friends or family relations that have suffered because of this. Has anyone had any success with taking anti-depressants and/or anti-anxiety medication for this?

Thanks

AtlanticMike1
Posts: 10
Joined: Wed Jun 16, 2021 4:51 am

Re: Anxiety and Depression

Post by AtlanticMike1 » Thu May 12, 2022 2:07 pm

stuck wrote:
Thu May 12, 2022 12:46 pm
I am sure that many if not all of us on here have gone through a faith transition. Has anyone experienced anxiety and/or depression because of this? For example, it is triggering sometimes when I have to endure my wife's tbm beliefs and her orthodox ways with the kids; also it is sad for me to think about friends or family relations that have suffered because of this. Has anyone had any success with taking anti-depressants and/or anti-anxiety medication for this?

Thanks
Yes, there's great medications that can help you with your depression and/or anxiety. Find a Dr. That's not scared to write a prescription for Xanax, see if that helps your anxiety. Some of the newer anti depressants are really good but watch out for side effects.

I spent a good portion of my life on medications for depression but nothing worked for me, that doesn't mean it wouldn't for you. I had to go the more natural drug free route.

stuck
Posts: 196
Joined: Mon Aug 12, 2019 2:48 pm

Re: Anxiety and Depression

Post by stuck » Thu May 12, 2022 2:38 pm


Yes, there's great medications that can help you with your depression and/or anxiety. Find a Dr. That's not scared to write a prescription for Xanax, see if that helps your anxiety. Some of the newer anti depressants are really good but watch out for side effects.

I spent a good portion of my life on medications for depression but nothing worked for me, that doesn't mean it wouldn't for you. I had to go the more natural drug free route.
Thanks Atlantic Mike! By the way, what have you done for your anxiety and depression without medication?

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Red Ryder
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Re: Anxiety and Depression

Post by Red Ryder » Thu May 12, 2022 2:52 pm

I’ll put in the plug for exercise, sleep, and trying to eat healthy. Talking to your doctor is also a perfect solution.

Taking a break from Mormonism is highly recommended too. Both chapel and internet Mormonism.

Take care of yourself first.
“I switched baristas” —Lady Gaga

Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

stuck
Posts: 196
Joined: Mon Aug 12, 2019 2:48 pm

Re: Anxiety and Depression

Post by stuck » Thu May 12, 2022 3:06 pm

Red Ryder wrote:
Thu May 12, 2022 2:52 pm
I’ll put in the plug for exercise, sleep, and trying to eat healthy. Talking to your doctor is also a perfect solution.

Taking a break from Mormonism is highly recommended too. Both chapel and internet Mormonism.

Take care of yourself first.
I like the break from mormonism. I'll have to see if my Dr. will agree then I can tell my wife "Doctor's orders" :lol:

AtlanticMike1
Posts: 10
Joined: Wed Jun 16, 2021 4:51 am

Re: Anxiety and Depression

Post by AtlanticMike1 » Thu May 12, 2022 4:12 pm

stuck wrote:
Thu May 12, 2022 2:38 pm

Yes, there's great medications that can help you with your depression and/or anxiety. Find a Dr. That's not scared to write a prescription for Xanax, see if that helps your anxiety. Some of the newer anti depressants are really good but watch out for side effects.

I spent a good portion of my life on medications for depression but nothing worked for me, that doesn't mean it wouldn't for you. I had to go the more natural drug free route.
Thanks Atlantic Mike! By the way, what have you done for your anxiety and depression without medication?
Everything Red Ryder said is dead on. I also use music and meditation. When I start feeling anxiety entering my brain I immediately start listening to a certain genre of music that I feel helps slow my anxiety and I concentrate on breathing. Sometimes I'll just lay on the bed cranking the music as loud as I can and concentrate on my breathing. I even have a blood pressure cuff to monitor my blood pressure and I also monitor my beats per minute. If you've never tried it, just lay there and make up your own little world, escape for an hour or so. Become whatever you need to become for that hour and eventually if you can actually learn how to escape your own mind, you'll start feeling some relief. In my opinion, combating anxiety is all about replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Also, just my opinion again, the sooner you embrace the fact mormonism isn't going anywhere anytime soon, the sooner you can concentrate on living with it. There's 1000s of problems in the world. Mormonism really isn't one of them if you really think about it.

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alas
Posts: 1985
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 2:10 pm

Re: Anxiety and Depression

Post by alas » Thu May 12, 2022 7:30 pm

stuck wrote:
Thu May 12, 2022 3:06 pm
Red Ryder wrote:
Thu May 12, 2022 2:52 pm
I’ll put in the plug for exercise, sleep, and trying to eat healthy. Talking to your doctor is also a perfect solution.

Taking a break from Mormonism is highly recommended too. Both chapel and internet Mormonism.

Take care of yourself first.
I like the break from mormonism. I'll have to see if my Dr. will agree then I can tell my wife "Doctor's orders" :lol:
With your doctor, just say that attending church is one of your big stressors, and he should tell you to just stop going even if it upsets the wife. It really is simple once you get over trying to make everybody happy. Your health is important and your wife is responsible for her own happiness.

Wonderment
Posts: 397
Joined: Fri Jul 21, 2017 3:38 pm

Re: Anxiety and Depression

Post by Wonderment » Thu May 12, 2022 8:37 pm

Xanax or other medication can help calm the symptoms for awhile, and you should do whatever your doctor directs you to do. If the Dr. has you on prescription meds, then follow the Dr.'s orders about that.

But medications sometimes don't get to the heart of the anxiety and depression, which is the crushing pressure that the church exerts on its members to behave in ways that meet church approval, or to believe in truth claims that you know are patently false. The unrelenting, very cruel stress that the church applies to people, the expectations to be flawless, the expectations of all the duties you are required to fulfill, brings on very fierce stress.

While it's true that Mormonism isn't going away soon, the issue is how the church treats you by imposing its standards and beliefs on you. If you can take a break from that for awhile, it might be a great relief to have the stress lifted. If you can talk to your doctor and explain the burden of stress placed on you, then the doctor could be your ally in advising that you avoid that stress. Then you could candidly explain to your wife that "doctors orders" allow you to take a break for awhile. After all, your health and well-being comes first. If your wife wants to know what to say when the busybodies at church ask where you are, simply advise her to say "He's taking a break due to health reasons. He's on medical leave." You can say the same thing if someone from church contacts you personally.

Once you start practicing setting boundaries, it gets easier to do so. Very best wishes to you, and please keep us posted. -- Wndr.
Last edited by Wonderment on Thu May 12, 2022 8:54 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Wonderment
Posts: 397
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Re: Anxiety and Depression

Post by Wonderment » Thu May 12, 2022 8:48 pm

To add: I would like to suggest a good book, which is a true story about learning to set boundaries while living with TBM's. It's titled "Educated" by Tara Westover, who grew up in a rigidly strict Mormon family in rural Idaho. Her family was so strict, that they would not send her to school, but instead haphazardly home schooled her, until her father insisted that she go to work for him in his scrap metal junkyard when she was 9 or 10 years old. Because they did not believe in medical treatment or even basic safety measures in their junkyard, the family suffered a large number of illnesses and injuries. If this sounds too depressing to read while suffering from depression, then read the end of the book, where she is able to set some boundaries for her TBM relatives. No matter how TBM your wife is, she cannot be worse than Tara's parents.

This book can probably be downloaded for free in audio version from your local library. It's a bestseller.

But Amazon or other online sellers have it also. -- Wndr.

https://www.amazon.com/Educated-Memoir- ... 143&sr=1-1

AtlanticMike1
Posts: 10
Joined: Wed Jun 16, 2021 4:51 am

Re: Anxiety and Depression

Post by AtlanticMike1 » Fri May 13, 2022 4:04 am

alas wrote:
Thu May 12, 2022 7:30 pm
stuck wrote:
Thu May 12, 2022 3:06 pm
Red Ryder wrote:
Thu May 12, 2022 2:52 pm
I’ll put in the plug for exercise, sleep, and trying to eat healthy. Talking to your doctor is also a perfect solution.

Taking a break from Mormonism is highly recommended too. Both chapel and internet Mormonism.

Take care of yourself first.
I like the break from mormonism. I'll have to see if my Dr. will agree then I can tell my wife "Doctor's orders" :lol:
With your doctor, just say that attending church is one of your big stressors, and he should tell you to just stop going even if it upsets the wife. It really is simple once you get over trying to make everybody happy. Your health is important and your wife is responsible for her own happiness.
Your suggestion might work, but it could also backfire, big time. Here's one thing I've learned about my anxiety. Usually when I start feeling anxious it's because I FEEL, again, I FEEL like there's limited options. Sometimes I FEEL like there's only one options and that option is usually a bad option so my brain goes into hyper mode and I FEEL as if my brain is spinning like a top because doom and gloom is just around the corner. I've worked through major anxiety episodes and so far doom and gloom were never around the corner. In fact, it has been just the opposite. One of my worst episodes was dealing with the IRS. I had never dealt with them and while I was being audited I thought I was going to end up penniless and end up in jail while my wife and kids we're living on the street. That's what my brain was telling me because I let my anxiety control everything, I didn't fight back against my anxiety. In the end the IRS deposited a large sum of money in my account, I had over paid. I remember thinking, crap, I spent months and months worrying and in the end, none of the worry helped relieve any of my pain.

All I'm saying is, sometimes when you find yourself in a situation where you find yourself on the outside of a belief system you grew up in, how you handle the situation is key to how you feel mentally, and more importantly how you react to the situation determines what relationships you will have left once the most important people in your life find out you don't believe like they do anymore. In my opinion, using the church and its teachings to your advantage is the key to living a peaceful life if your goal is to exit the church with your family intact. If you find yourself in a situation where you're always blaming the church for what you perceive is a sucky situation, guess what, you've allowed the church to have control over your life. It doesn't have to be that wsy and it shouldn't be that way if you have a lot of anxiety. You need to convince your brain you're in control. And that can be done rather quickly if a person is willing to accept situation their in.

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alas
Posts: 1985
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 2:10 pm

Re: Anxiety and Depression

Post by alas » Fri May 13, 2022 8:12 am

AtlanticMike1 wrote:
Fri May 13, 2022 4:04 am
alas wrote:
Thu May 12, 2022 7:30 pm
stuck wrote:
Thu May 12, 2022 3:06 pm


I like the break from mormonism. I'll have to see if my Dr. will agree then I can tell my wife "Doctor's orders" :lol:
With your doctor, just say that attending church is one of your big stressors, and he should tell you to just stop going even if it upsets the wife. It really is simple once you get over trying to make everybody happy. Your health is important and your wife is responsible for her own happiness.
Your suggestion might work, but it could also backfire, big time. Here's one thing I've learned about my anxiety. Usually when I start feeling anxious it's because I FEEL, again, I FEEL like there's limited options. Sometimes I FEEL like there's only one options and that option is usually a bad option so my brain goes into hyper mode and I FEEL as if my brain is spinning like a top because doom and gloom is just around the corner. I've worked through major anxiety episodes and so far doom and gloom were never around the corner. In fact, it has been just the opposite. One of my worst episodes was dealing with the IRS. I had never dealt with them and while I was being audited I thought I was going to end up penniless and end up in jail while my wife and kids we're living on the street. That's what my brain was telling me because I let my anxiety control everything, I didn't fight back against my anxiety. In the end the IRS deposited a large sum of money in my account, I had over paid. I remember thinking, crap, I spent months and months worrying and in the end, none of the worry helped relieve any of my pain.

All I'm saying is, sometimes when you find yourself in a situation where you find yourself on the outside of a belief system you grew up in, how you handle the situation is key to how you feel mentally, and more importantly how you react to the situation determines what relationships you will have left once the most important people in your life find out you don't believe like they do anymore. In my opinion, using the church and its teachings to your advantage is the key to living a peaceful life if your goal is to exit the church with your family intact. If you find yourself in a situation where you're always blaming the church for what you perceive is a sucky situation, guess what, you've allowed the church to have control over your life. It doesn't have to be that wsy and it shouldn't be that way if you have a lot of anxiety. You need to convince your brain you're in control. And that can be done rather quickly if a person is willing to accept situation their in.
I once counseled battered women, and so this line of thinking of “accept your situation and make the best of it” sets off my alarm bells. Just so everyone knows what my prejudices are.

Sure, the church is less abusive than some husbands, it doesn’t beat you up physically, only emotionally. The church can be very emotionally abusive. Things like no matter what happens, it can’t be the church is wrong, or a leader made a mistake, or the church is sexist. Nope, the problem is ALWAYS the member is not being righteous enough. Don’t have a testimony, you are not praying hard enough or not praying correctly or sinning. Even when it is not the church, it is always the member’s fault. Like a guy comes to the bishop and he lost his job. First question out of the bishop’s mouth is, “Were you paying your tithing?” Because prosperity gospel says you get blessed for paying tithing and losing your job isn’t being blessed so you must not have been paying. Things like the teaching that if you bare your testimony, even when you don’t know, but say you do in your testimony and pretty soon you will know it is true. That is promoting self lying. Not only lie to your community, but if you say it enough you start to believe the lie. The way the church “inspires” people to do better, by loading on guilt and shame. Too much guilt and shame are emotionally abusive, especially when it is inappropriate guilt and shame.

So, the church can be emotionally abusive, between horrible (my brother was brain injured in a hunting accident on a Sunday, so it was all his fault for hunting on Sunday. A friend was orphaned as a kid when both parents were killed in a motorcycle accident, on Sunday, yeah it was all their fault for riding a motorcycle on Sunday) and mildly abusive. And depending on your own life experiences, sometimes you can shrug off the emotional abuse and sometimes it gets you and can be very damaging.

Me, I am sensitive to emotional abuse. I got too much as a kid, and I crumble under the constant “you are not good enough” the church dishes out. I HAD to get out.

So, sometimes it is best to stay active to keep family intact and happy and sometimes a person has to get out.

I would recommend counseling to work out if attending church is really adding to the stress, what the trade offs are, better ways to cope if one stays, how to regulate the self talk. But, yeah expensive unless your insurance covers it.

stuck
Posts: 196
Joined: Mon Aug 12, 2019 2:48 pm

Re: Anxiety and Depression

Post by stuck » Fri May 13, 2022 8:55 am

AtlanticMike1 wrote:
Thu May 12, 2022 4:12 pm
stuck wrote:
Thu May 12, 2022 2:38 pm

Yes, there's great medications that can help you with your depression and/or anxiety. Find a Dr. That's not scared to write a prescription for Xanax, see if that helps your anxiety. Some of the newer anti depressants are really good but watch out for side effects.

I spent a good portion of my life on medications for depression but nothing worked for me, that doesn't mean it wouldn't for you. I had to go the more natural drug free route.
Thanks Atlantic Mike! By the way, what have you done for your anxiety and depression without medication?
Everything Red Ryder said is dead on. I also use music and meditation. When I start feeling anxiety entering my brain I immediately start listening to a certain genre of music that I feel helps slow my anxiety and I concentrate on breathing. Sometimes I'll just lay on the bed cranking the music as loud as I can and concentrate on my breathing. I even have a blood pressure cuff to monitor my blood pressure and I also monitor my beats per minute. If you've never tried it, just lay there and make up your own little world, escape for an hour or so. Become whatever you need to become for that hour and eventually if you can actually learn how to escape your own mind, you'll start feeling some relief. In my opinion, combating anxiety is all about replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Also, just my opinion again, the sooner you embrace the fact mormonism isn't going anywhere anytime soon, the sooner you can concentrate on living with it. There's 1000s of problems in the world. Mormonism really isn't one of them if you really think about it.
That's good advice Atlantic Mike but I feel like I should push back a bit on your opinion of Mormonism. I do agree that there are many problems in the world like the war in Ukraine and maybe can't do much about them. However in my view the church is a big problem because it affects me personally every day. Because my wife is orthodox, she wants to do everything perfect like daily scripture reading and prayer night and morning. She insists on doing come follow me weekly and gets mad when she has to do it all the time. On Sundays, she expects me to go to church and keep the "Sabbath holy". This means she even wants us to attend church even when we go on vacation. I probably need to set some boundaries with her on this but she feels pressure from her orthodox parents to "teach" the kids. So this makes it difficult for her to compromise. She is seeing a counselor for her anxiety which is I think separate from the church. Her counselor tells her about setting boundaries. Maybe I could talk her into both seeing her counselor to see if we could set boundaries with the church in our marriage. So yeah the church is a pain in my a$$.

stuck
Posts: 196
Joined: Mon Aug 12, 2019 2:48 pm

Re: Anxiety and Depression

Post by stuck » Fri May 13, 2022 9:48 am

Wonderment wrote:
Thu May 12, 2022 8:37 pm
Xanax or other medication can help calm the symptoms for awhile, and you should do whatever your doctor directs you to do. If the Dr. has you on prescription meds, then follow the Dr.'s orders about that.

But medications sometimes don't get to the heart of the anxiety and depression, which is the crushing pressure that the church exerts on its members to behave in ways that meet church approval, or to believe in truth claims that you know are patently false. The unrelenting, very cruel stress that the church applies to people, the expectations to be flawless, the expectations of all the duties you are required to fulfill, brings on very fierce stress.

While it's true that Mormonism isn't going away soon, the issue is how the church treats you by imposing its standards and beliefs on you. If you can take a break from that for awhile, it might be a great relief to have the stress lifted. If you can talk to your doctor and explain the burden of stress placed on you, then the doctor could be your ally in advising that you avoid that stress. Then you could candidly explain to your wife that "doctors orders" allow you to take a break for awhile. After all, your health and well-being comes first. If your wife wants to know what to say when the busybodies at church ask where you are, simply advise her to say "He's taking a break due to health reasons. He's on medical leave." You can say the same thing if someone from church contacts you personally.

Once you start practicing setting boundaries, it gets easier to do so. Very best wishes to you, and please keep us posted. -- Wndr.
Thanks for your comments Wonderment. Ironically my wife has read Educated. I haven't read it myselft but heard the Mormon Stories episode with the author which was interesting. It would be nice if we could make some kind of happy compromise in our marriage related to the church.

stuck
Posts: 196
Joined: Mon Aug 12, 2019 2:48 pm

Re: Anxiety and Depression

Post by stuck » Fri May 13, 2022 9:49 am

alas wrote:
Fri May 13, 2022 8:12 am
AtlanticMike1 wrote:
Fri May 13, 2022 4:04 am
alas wrote:
Thu May 12, 2022 7:30 pm


With your doctor, just say that attending church is one of your big stressors, and he should tell you to just stop going even if it upsets the wife. It really is simple once you get over trying to make everybody happy. Your health is important and your wife is responsible for her own happiness.
Your suggestion might work, but it could also backfire, big time. Here's one thing I've learned about my anxiety. Usually when I start feeling anxious it's because I FEEL, again, I FEEL like there's limited options. Sometimes I FEEL like there's only one options and that option is usually a bad option so my brain goes into hyper mode and I FEEL as if my brain is spinning like a top because doom and gloom is just around the corner. I've worked through major anxiety episodes and so far doom and gloom were never around the corner. In fact, it has been just the opposite. One of my worst episodes was dealing with the IRS. I had never dealt with them and while I was being audited I thought I was going to end up penniless and end up in jail while my wife and kids we're living on the street. That's what my brain was telling me because I let my anxiety control everything, I didn't fight back against my anxiety. In the end the IRS deposited a large sum of money in my account, I had over paid. I remember thinking, crap, I spent months and months worrying and in the end, none of the worry helped relieve any of my pain.

All I'm saying is, sometimes when you find yourself in a situation where you find yourself on the outside of a belief system you grew up in, how you handle the situation is key to how you feel mentally, and more importantly how you react to the situation determines what relationships you will have left once the most important people in your life find out you don't believe like they do anymore. In my opinion, using the church and its teachings to your advantage is the key to living a peaceful life if your goal is to exit the church with your family intact. If you find yourself in a situation where you're always blaming the church for what you perceive is a sucky situation, guess what, you've allowed the church to have control over your life. It doesn't have to be that wsy and it shouldn't be that way if you have a lot of anxiety. You need to convince your brain you're in control. And that can be done rather quickly if a person is willing to accept situation their in.
I once counseled battered women, and so this line of thinking of “accept your situation and make the best of it” sets off my alarm bells. Just so everyone knows what my prejudices are.

Sure, the church is less abusive than some husbands, it doesn’t beat you up physically, only emotionally. The church can be very emotionally abusive. Things like no matter what happens, it can’t be the church is wrong, or a leader made a mistake, or the church is sexist. Nope, the problem is ALWAYS the member is not being righteous enough. Don’t have a testimony, you are not praying hard enough or not praying correctly or sinning. Even when it is not the church, it is always the member’s fault. Like a guy comes to the bishop and he lost his job. First question out of the bishop’s mouth is, “Were you paying your tithing?” Because prosperity gospel says you get blessed for paying tithing and losing your job isn’t being blessed so you must not have been paying. Things like the teaching that if you bare your testimony, even when you don’t know, but say you do in your testimony and pretty soon you will know it is true. That is promoting self lying. Not only lie to your community, but if you say it enough you start to believe the lie. The way the church “inspires” people to do better, by loading on guilt and shame. Too much guilt and shame are emotionally abusive, especially when it is inappropriate guilt and shame.

So, the church can be emotionally abusive, between horrible (my brother was brain injured in a hunting accident on a Sunday, so it was all his fault for hunting on Sunday. A friend was orphaned as a kid when both parents were killed in a motorcycle accident, on Sunday, yeah it was all their fault for riding a motorcycle on Sunday) and mildly abusive. And depending on your own life experiences, sometimes you can shrug off the emotional abuse and sometimes it gets you and can be very damaging.

Me, I am sensitive to emotional abuse. I got too much as a kid, and I crumble under the constant “you are not good enough” the church dishes out. I HAD to get out.

So, sometimes it is best to stay active to keep family intact and happy and sometimes a person has to get out.

I would recommend counseling to work out if attending church is really adding to the stress, what the trade offs are, better ways to cope if one stays, how to regulate the self talk. But, yeah expensive unless your insurance covers it.
Thanks for your comments Alas, I appreciate it.

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hallew
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Re: Anxiety and Depression

Post by hallew » Fri May 13, 2022 10:09 am

I have good days and bad days, but a lot more good days since distancing myself from attending church (automatic trigger). I still have anxiety and have accepted that I will always have it. I am better at recognizing triggers and setting boundaries to help keep it at bay. I did struggle with depression in waves after I broke spiritually about two years ago. While it was difficult and sucked, I didn’t think it was bad enough for me to take any medications—in hindsight maybe I should have taken something. I have been seeing a therapist for about a year now, but I think I have found my footing and ready to stop seeing her.

I have a friend who has really bad anxiety about everything--not related to religion. I believe she was taking Xanax, but switched over to either Prozac or Zoloft. Her original prescription was to take whenever she felt anxiety coming on, but the new one was take daily and it would work long term to keep anxiety at bay. While it took a couple of weeks for the new meds to kick in she has been more pleased with the results.

After seeing your last comment:
Thinking about setting boundaries and how to implement them is stressful, but once you do this things will be better in the long run. I strongly encourage you and your wife to see a marriage counselor. It will help set healthy boundaries for both of you. Hopefully, it will help relieve anxiety for you and her.

stuck
Posts: 196
Joined: Mon Aug 12, 2019 2:48 pm

Re: Anxiety and Depression

Post by stuck » Fri May 13, 2022 11:23 am

hallew wrote:
Fri May 13, 2022 10:09 am
I have good days and bad days, but a lot more good days since distancing myself from attending church (automatic trigger). I still have anxiety and have accepted that I will always have it. I am better at recognizing triggers and setting boundaries to help keep it at bay. I did struggle with depression in waves after I broke spiritually about two years ago. While it was difficult and sucked, I didn’t think it was bad enough for me to take any medications—in hindsight maybe I should have taken something. I have been seeing a therapist for about a year now, but I think I have found my footing and ready to stop seeing her.

I have a friend who has really bad anxiety about everything--not related to religion. I believe she was taking Xanax, but switched over to either Prozac or Zoloft. Her original prescription was to take whenever she felt anxiety coming on, but the new one was take daily and it would work long term to keep anxiety at bay. While it took a couple of weeks for the new meds to kick in she has been more pleased with the results.

After seeing your last comment:
Thinking about setting boundaries and how to implement them is stressful, but once you do this things will be better in the long run. I strongly encourage you and your wife to see a marriage counselor. It will help set healthy boundaries for both of you. Hopefully, it will help relieve anxiety for you and her.
Thanks for the info Hallew. Did you and your husband go through marriage therapy to help set boundaries?

Wonderment
Posts: 397
Joined: Fri Jul 21, 2017 3:38 pm

Re: Anxiety and Depression

Post by Wonderment » Fri May 13, 2022 12:44 pm

Maybe I could talk her into both seeing her counselor to see if we could set boundaries with the church in our marriage. So yeah the church is a pain in my a$$.
Stuck -- This is an excellent idea.If she likes and trusts the counselor, she'll then be open to listening and considering feedback. For example, you have every right to have your feelings and needs taken into consideration; and asking for that to happen is part of setting boundaries.
I think you're definitely on the right track here. Best wishes, and please let us know what happens. -- Wndr.

stuck
Posts: 196
Joined: Mon Aug 12, 2019 2:48 pm

Re: Anxiety and Depression

Post by stuck » Fri May 13, 2022 2:50 pm

Wonderment wrote:
Fri May 13, 2022 12:44 pm
Maybe I could talk her into both seeing her counselor to see if we could set boundaries with the church in our marriage. So yeah the church is a pain in my a$$.
Stuck -- This is an excellent idea.If she likes and trusts the counselor, she'll then be open to listening and considering feedback. For example, you have every right to have your feelings and needs taken into consideration; and asking for that to happen is part of setting boundaries.
I think you're definitely on the right track here. Best wishes, and please let us know what happens. -- Wndr.
Thanks Wndr--I just need to get the guts to talk with her about it. I don't like confrontation and I don't think she does either, so that is probably one thing that keeps us from making significant changes. Getting ready to go on vacation, so will check in with you guys in about a week!

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Hagoth
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Re: Anxiety and Depression

Post by Hagoth » Fri May 13, 2022 4:09 pm

Read Michael Pollan's How to Change Your Mind.
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

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Red Ryder
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Re: Anxiety and Depression

Post by Red Ryder » Fri May 13, 2022 11:21 pm

Go to therapy with your wife.

Sister Ryder and I did 15 weeks and came out better able to communicate. We don’t always agree but we’ve learned to communicate and set our boundaries.

At the beginning of this faith transition mess, I was afraid we’d be divorced. Had little kids.

Now I’m afraid we won’t get divorced. Kids are nearly grown up.

You just have to like each other more that the church.

And follow 2 simple rules:

1. Never talk about church or any conflict after 9:00 PM
2. Never talk about church or any conflict while on vacation.

3. (Bonus). after 9:00 PM and while on vacation should be reserved for mending relationships if you know what I mean wink wink. Sans garments is best. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
“I switched baristas” —Lady Gaga

Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

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